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Resting on the floor next to the locked bathroom door, there isn’t much he can do to help the poor man on the other side. All he can do is listen to the quiet sobs that keep coming from behind the door, wishing he could help.
“Matt…”
He says in his softest voice. The years of yelling on the battlefield has really made its mark on his vocal cords.
“Please, talk to me”
…
The silence itself brings him close to tears, as he struggles to keep himself together.
He desperately wants to break down the door separating the two men, to hold his delicate body, to tell him that ‘everything will be alright’, to kiss away the tears on his face, to never let go of him again.
The urge to act out on his impulsive thoughts are strong, but he knows better than to give in. What he wants is exactly what the other man fears, it’s the reason why they are separated.
-
For the first time in decades, the thought of being seen by Tom -who had always been the one he wanted to be seen by- now filled him with horror he never knew was possible.
He would rather stay inside this bathroom until his rotten body was nothing but soil for another life to grow on before ever unlocking the door to the outside.
But it would be selfish to go without Tom, to leave him all alone in this world.
“Matt…”
Tom says in a soft, soothing tone. His voice makes his heart flutter, even now he can’t help but slightly smile to himself, as he hears his name being called so gently by the man he loves. He could never leave Tom behind, never.
“Please, talk to me”
His voice is wonderful.
-
“If I take off my visor, would you please unlock the door”
“I won’t look at you until you’re ready, but I can not let you stay in there by yourself”
Another moment of silence follows, as Tom waits for an answer. Matt’s old talkative self has like most things nowadays been lost to time, the only evidence of it ever existing is within old memories, but even they have started to fade.
“Please, Matt…”
After what felt like an eternity of waiting, the door finally unlocks with a click. The door doesn’t move, but Tom understands the unspoken agreement.
Carefully, he takes off the metal piece covering his eyes, detaching it from all the connectors to his brain. The visor is covered in blood on the inside, but he won’t bother to clean it this time. Matt usually does it for him, since the lack of vision makes cleaning rather difficult for him - besides, all the work will be gone as soon as he puts it on again anyway.
“Alright, it’s off, I’m coming in now”
-
The visor is a miracle, no doubt, but he can’t help but feel a slight unease whenever Tom wears it - especially when it’s on.
The Tom who wears the active visor isn’t Tom anymore, he’s nothing but another body in the war, nothing but another soldier in the eye of his leader - and he will do anything for his leader.
Matt didn’t like talking with that version of Tom, not that he made great conversation anyway - the man barely felt human to be around, lacking any resemblance of someone with a real identity.
Although Matt cherished every second they spent together without the visor, he knew it wasn’t as easy for Tom, so the sudden offer he made of removing it felt too good to be true. Would Tom really turn to blindness just for him?
Matt didn’t want to take advantage of the more vulnerable side of him, that would be beyond selfish -cruel even- but Tom was the one to propose the idea, wasn’t he?
Matt got up from the bathroom floor and shakily unlocked the door between them, waiting for Tom to come inside without the visor.
The door cracked open, exposing his face to the blind man. A rush of sadness filled him once more as he bit down on his lip to stop any noise from escaping him.
His attempts were futile.
Tom sat down next to him on the floor, taking a deep breath before speaking. “I will always love you, Matt… you know that” He said, resting his head on the taller man’s shoulder.
“I- I love you too, Tom…” Matt took a deep breath of his own. “Always”
“Then there’s nothing to worry about, my dear”
The right side of his face felt numb, as tears ran down his cheek. Was this really a part of him now? It didn’t feel like him, his face wasn’t supposed to be so hard and cold, it was soft and freckled!
“Tom…?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think you will recognise me?”
-
Tom couldn’t help but theorise over Matt’s new face. All he knew of was the loss of his right eye and injury of his jawbone - it seems the prosthetic look had become a popular trend in their old group.
“I can barely recognise my own face… What if you can’t either?”
“Oh Matt, it doesn’t matter what you look like, your face will always be the one I love”
“But- but what if it’s ugly! You wouldn’t love an ugly face, would you?”
“Ha, no I guess I wouldn’t - it’s a good thing yours is the prettiest one I’ve seen”
“Oh, stop it Tom, you haven’t even seen my new face”
Tom knew very well that a face covered in metal was not a very pleasant look in the eye of most people. “Luckily” for him, the unpleasant stares were nothing new, having spent his whole life surrounded by them, so his new gear didn’t bother him much.
Matt however, had probably never gotten a single dirty look in his entire life. The man was gorgeous in every sense of the word! His facial features were sharp and defined, but unlike others he still managed a soft and warm look, with his freckled cheeks and emerald green eyes. His soft orange hair always lit up in golden streaks under the sunlight, making him glow like an angel.
His body was beautiful too, covered in freckles and moles, with a heart-shaped birthmark on his butt, which he wasn’t even aware of until Tom had pointed it out to him.
But time is everyone’s master, including him, and it will do to our bodies as it pleases. Wrinkles of worn out skin, gray strands of hair, pressure on every part of the body - it’s all natural.
What isn’t natural to the human body is metal.
“You’re right, I haven’t… But if anyone were to keep their beauty as a futuristic cyborg, It’d be you”
-
Oh, Tom. He always knew what cheesy-nothings to say to put a smile on Matt’s face.
“You’re so cheesy, it’s hard to be upset”
Before Tom can add another corny compliment to the pile, his lips are hushed by Matt’s. They stay connected for a good moment, Matt’s hand on Tom’s cheek, Tom’s hand on Matt’s waist. It’s like they were young again.
They were supposed to buy their own house. Just them, maybe a cat or two, growing old together. Their friends would come over for tea; sit on the porch and reminisce over old times til the sunset arrived. They would sleep comfortably in their shared bed, enjoying the warmth of the other's body. The melody of their synchronised breathing lulling them to sleep.
When did it all go wrong?
-
Caught in the trans of the kiss, Tom didn’t notice his hand moving until it met with a cold, hard surface. He pulled back, looking with surprise in his broken eyes.
Matt’s hand rested on top of Tom’s, guiding his fingers around his metallic prosthetic.
Tom’s hand wandered over every detail on Matt’s new face plate. It was smooth, unlike his own visor which was covered in scratches from the battlefield.
“It’s perfect”
He said, putting his other hand on Matt’s left side. His cheek was covered in tears and he could feel more pouring down onto his hand.
With a soft caress of his thumb, he wiped them away before reconnecting their lips.
“You’re beautiful”