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her icarus, my sun

Summary:

“Not even in his wildest dreams, Minjeongie.”

The answer made Minjeong’s heart soar, up to the clouds and maybe even higher.

Was this what Icarus felt when he got his wings? Flying towards the light with no care for repercussions, no care for himself, only moving upwards, higher and closer to the sun.

“Really?” she couldn’t help but ask because the glue on her own wings were starting to melt and she feared the heights in which she would fall from.

But Minjeong’s sun held her close, kissing her temple and nipping at the tip of her ear. So gentle with her touches as if she wanted Minjeong to know that she wasn’t going to let her fall. Jimin whispered, “I promise.”

Notes:

haven't been here in a hot minute. here's another lil sad (with happy ending!!) piece that i've been working on since nov 2024... it's just been marinating so i just threw it on the grill and hoped it still made sense.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Minjeong had a best friend that she met from her high school friend, another roommate added in the roster to keep the bills low. She’d never talked to her before, only knew of her name and the fact that she lived far away—like her.

 

When they met the first time, Minjeong was awkward with her pathetic attempts to instigate conversations. She didn’t really know what she wanted to talk about, just knew that she liked her roommate’s voice and that she seemed like a genuinely fun person. She was boisterous and lively, always with a joke ready in hand to throw at any opportune moment.

 

Apparently Minjeong was the only one who had yet to meet her, her friend/roommate Chaehyun already having a budding friendship that lightly made Minjeong jealous. Minjeong wanted to befriend the 5th roommate (her friend’s sister and her own best friend were also in the unit, shoving kids in a tiny room of an apartment to keep rent cheap) and her charismatic energy and carefree attitude. Minjeong liked people like that, and thought she was more so the same after getting comfortable.

 

But why was she having so much trouble? Was it because it has been a while since she met someone new? Starting university in the big city, coming from a smaller one where your classmates were the same people for years, seeing the same faces every day, 5 days a week, where you really can’t just not be friends at that point, then moving a good 5 hours away, and suddenly Minjeong’s social anxiety flared up like never before. She’s never had to befriend someone in a while, couldn’t really absorb them in her big friend group because now Minjeong was alone and Chaehyun was there, sure, a remnant of her old high school life, but even if Chaehyun was shy, it did not stop her from befriending the taller girl across from Minjeong.

 

Was she overthinking? Some would say just walk up to someone and talk to them and then you can start a friendship, but Minjeong forgot how to use her words sometimes because god, her roommate was absolutely gorgeous.

 

Yeah, yeah, poor little Kim Minjeong and her poor little gay heart, whatever, but she did truly want to be friends with the girl. After all, they were living together now and suddenly it’s the same face every day, 7 days a week, and she’s so fun to be around with that Minjeong hoped she wouldn’t dampen any of her childish antics because Minjeong absolutely adored it.

 

“Minjeongie, let’s go to the mall!”

 

As soon as her roommate invited her, Minjeong began getting ready to go outside. One thing she learned about her roommate was that she liked spontaneity and liked to go out. She used to go out often before, alone, a note or a text left to tell the others where she went, but when Minjeong and her began to bond more, Minjeong realized that her new friend now preferred to go outside with her.

 

“I’m ready! What are we doing there?” 

 

Yu Jimin stood at the front door with a toothy grin and a starry look on her face. She looked like she was ready to take on the world with the way her eyes sparkled, mischief on her lips. “Just want to hang out with you.”

 

Minjeong ignored the thump in her chest, a feeling blooming from within her, “Should we invite—”

 

“No,” Jimin cut her off, a bashful reddening of her cheeks and oh, she’s so adorable. “Um, is it okay if it’s just us two?”

 

Minjeong looped their arms together, tugging down the taller girl’s cap until it covered her face because Minjeong also liked to annoy her. “Of course, silly. Anything for you.”

 

They walked to the mall, a good 40 minute trek that Minjeong used to find daunting and tiring but grew to adore because of good company. Jimin liked to talk, rambling about everything she could connect to with anything she could see. Minjeong never found herself bored around the girl.

 

It was endearing. It made Minjeong feel soft and mushy and she decided then that she really wanted Jimin’s friendship for keeps.

 

At the mall, Jimin confessed that Minjeong was her absolute favorite roommate because she was chill and fun and their other roommates were too brooding. Even Chaehyun usually had a stick up her ass for no reason. Minjeong was absolutely flattered, to the point where she paid for their dinner and even got Jimin a cute little keychain of Shinchan.

 

“Tell me how fun I am to be around with again.” 

 

Jimin shot her a look before guffawing, “You really like it when I tell you you’re my favorite roommate.”

 

“It’s an ego boost,” Minjeong pouted slightly. “Besides, I’m glad you think I’m fun. I was worried I would seem uptight sometimes and since I was the last person to meet you, I was also worried that you preferred the others already.”

 

“What!” Jimin stopped in place, jaw hanging. “Oh god no,” she began laughing again, “no, not even close.”

 

The shorter girl eyed her, suspicious and disbelieving. “Really?”

 

“Really! Promise. They don’t even come close to you.”

 

Minjeong was grinning for the rest of the night until her cheeks hurt the next day.

 

//

 

Jimin had a routine at night. Minjeong knew of it, the other three knew of it. She was transparent about it even during the first night all five of them finally slept together in the unit.

 

“I call my boyfriend every night since he stayed back home. Is that okay?”

 

Minjeong was immediately nodding, not wanting to deny the girl and her partner. “Of course!”

 

Jimin looked to the other people in the room and let out the heaviest sigh of relief when the rest nodded as well. “Thank you!”

 

So every 10PM, unit 9202 was more quiet, any conversation hushed and low.

 

Minjeong liked to do her schoolwork then because that’s when it’s the most peaceful in their unit and there were less distractions. She wrote her essays, did her drawings, and took down notes. Sometimes the others would start getting ready for bed, sometimes by the time Jimin hangs up it would just be her and Minjeong left awake. Like that night.

 

Jimin sighed quietly. Minjeong heard it. Not because she was actively listening, but because Jimin occupied the lower level of the bunk bed they shared and it was hard not to get curious when it came to Jimin.

 

The brunette put away her school supplies and laptop, tucked to the end of her bed and strapped tightly to not fall during the night. She knocked on the wood of their beds, humming.

 

“Still awake, Minjeongie?”

 

Minjeong smiled in success. “I’m almost always awake at this time, Jiminie.”

 

She heard a chuckle, but Minjeong frowned at the way it sounded tired. She thought hard about whether she should go down her ladder and sit next to Jimin and comfort her, but she didn’t want the girl to feel uncomfortable. Didn’t want to pry.

 

“Hey, wanna go out?”

 

It was almost midnight and they both had an early class tomorrow, but Minjeong found herself throwing on a light jacket and clambering down the steps. She decided to give Jimin privacy, heading straight to the door and tucking in a tote bag under her arm without looking back, only sighing in content once she heard the familiar rustle of her friend getting ready. 

 

“Anything for you,” because Minjeong meant it.

 

///

 

Jimin shared how she was feeling less and less enthusiastic when it was 10PM.

 

Minjeong blinked at her, hands deep in her pockets because the breeze was stronger than she thought. It was so chilly for no reason. “Boyfriend problems?”

 

The raven nodded mutely, a serene smile on her lips that tethered on melancholic.

 

What made her smile like that? Minjeong didn’t like it because Jimin was sunshine personified and her smiles should always be bright and blinding. 

 

Sometimes she thought of herself as too curious, too hung up on things people casually say and brush off. Some would even call her nosy.

 

(She brought up something Chaehyun had mentioned briefly once, something in passing. A little quip in the conversation. A throwaway sentence. But Minjeong remembered, and when she brought it up one time to start a conversation with Chaehyun, she was met with a very weird look from the other girl. Her friend laughed lightly then, joking about Minjeong being nosy, but that stuck to her and Minjeong never brought it up again.)

 

She didn’t want Jimin to think she was nosy, so instead she nodded and stayed quiet beside her. She wanted to know what the guy did and if Minjeong should book the first bus to Jimin’s hometown just to sucker punch him. Instead, she focused on how their steps were rhythmic, like a little dance between the two of them that Minjeong treasured. One, two, one, two.

 

Ugh, she really, really liked hanging out with Jimin. Just the presence from the taller girl was enough for Minjeong to feel content; she didn’t need to talk, but it was still endearing if she did.

 

(Jimin didn’t need to speak. Minjeong’s adoration was enough to fill in the words in between.)

 

They saw the familiar light of the 24/7 convenience store down the road, still bustling with customers despite the late night. Minjeong cocked her head to its direction, turning to meet Jimin’s eyes. “Let’s get ice cream. My treat.”

 

Jimin’s eyes were glassy with unshed tears, looking at Minjeong with disbelief as if the offer was unfounded. 

 

Silly Jimin. 

 

“Really?”

 

“Any flavor you want.”

 

“Really?” Jimin grabbed her arm, the tears still at bay but there was a spark of life in her brown eyes. Minjeong was glad she managed to bring the light back in Jimin’s face, even if it meant less pocket money for her and more energy drinks than actual meals.

 

Silly, silly Jimin. “Of course,” Minjeong rolled her eyes at her affectionately before flicking at the other girl’s forehead. “Anything for you.”

 

They left the convenience store with a big pack of cookie dough ice cream, Jimin already chowing down on it during the walk back to their building.

 

Minjeong’s heart felt light (so was her wallet) and she bumped her shoulder with the other girl playfully. 

 

And there it was: the bright and blinding smile on the other girl’s face, and Minjeong was satisfied knowing that she made Jimin smile after an apparent rough night.

 

Her fondness for the girl made her chest swell inside her and Minjeong laughed to herself because yes, she was easy to get attached, but she also knew that she saw Jimin as a dear friend much like her friends in her hometown, and Minjeong did everything for them.

 

Jimin might have thought her signature phrase was a bluff, a simple politeness from a roommate, but that was how Minjeong liked to show her care and love. When Minjeong said anything, she truly meant it.

 

“Thank you, Minjeongie. You really helped me bounce back from that.” Jimin flashed her a cheeky grin, a spare hand squeezing one of her cheeks.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Minjeong swatted her arm away, feigning indifference. “You’re welcome,” she added softly, shy all of a sudden.

 

They finished the pint as they watched some k-dramas, shoulder to shoulder and Jimin’s favorite dinosaur blanket on both of them.

 

Finishing the episode, the two of them bid each other goodnight and went to bed. Minjeong dreamt of cookie dough that night.

 

//

 

The first fight Jimin had with her boyfriend, Minjeong was the only other person in their unit because the other three had gone home.

 

“No, fuck you, Mark. I have a life here and I can’t have this one revolve around you too.”

 

Minjeong wrestled her headphones off her head, sitting up and blinking widely at the taller girl pacing in the middle of the room. Jimin threw more curses at her phone before hanging up and slamming it to the ground.

 

Her friend let out a frustrated groan before covering her face with her hands.

 

Shit, was she crying?

 

Minjeong felt her heart drop to her stomach at the mere idea of Jimin with tears streaming down her face.

 

“Jimin?”

 

The girl flinched and whipped towards her, looking at Minjeong as if it was the first time she’s ever seen her. “Minjeong,” Jimin sounded like it was the first time she’s ever said her name too. “Fuck, I forgot you were here.”

 

Smiling sheepishly, she moved to the opening that led to her ladder, feet dangling at the edge of the bed leisurely. “Yeah, sorry, I was too into my audiobook and I was lying down so you probably didn’t notice me.”

 

“Minjeong…” 

 

She raised her head to look at the other girl below her and tensed when she realized there were indeed tears on Jimin’s face. “Oh no, Jiminie—”

 

Jimin threw herself onto Minjeong’s legs and Minjeong could feel her shaking. The brunette clenched at the railing, knuckles white and god, she felt helpless. Maybe she could book that bus ride in secret… maybe her Taekwondo skills can finally be useful.

 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Jimin whimpered in a low voice. Her shoulders were trembling up and down.

 

Minjeong began running her fingers through long black hair in an attempt to soothe her friend. “I’m glad I’m here too. Do you want to get ice cream and some potato chips? My treat.”

 

It seemed like the proposition only caused the taller girl to wail more. Minjeong was almost at a loss of what to do. Should she ask? NO, she didn’t want to pry— What else could she say? What else can she offer to comfort Jimin?

 

“C-can you,” Jimin hiccuped, looking up towards Minjeong with her red nose and shaking lips and watery eyes and oh, before she knew it, Minjeong was already cooing under her breath, “can you come d-down to my bed?”

 

Once again, Minjeong found her silly Jimin adorable. So silly, acting like Minjeong was ever going to say no. “Of course, Jiminie. Anything for you.”

 

They laid beside each other, on their backs, staring at the bottom of Minjeong’s top bunk. A lot of trinkets were hanging from the wooden support, photos of Jimin in her hometown and on her birthday and other events that seemed to bring a sharp pang in her own chest. Minjeong remembered helping put them up but she didn’t scrutinize the photos she began attaching to the clips. 

 

(Didn’t want to pry. Didn’t want to ask questions. She didn’t want to risk ever upsetting her Jiminie.)

 

Jimin remained a sniffling mess beside her, occasionally letting up a wet hiccup. Minjeong kept mum, glancing at the other girl at times to check if she was still okay. 

 

There was silence between them, neither talking or acknowledging the issue with The Boyfriend. Maybe Jimin will tell her one day, rant about this asshole and her feelings and whatever stupid thing he did. And Minjeong will still be there, listening and nodding and offering her comfort and warmth because… because she’d do anything for Jimin. Anything she’d ask.

 

Gathering courage, she rolled to face Jimin and poked at her wet cheek. The raven turned her head questioningly, wonder on her lips as to what Minjeong was going to offer now.

 

Anything.

 

“Hug?” was all Minjeong could squeak out, praying her face was covered by the shadows. How was she going to explain the flushness of her cheeks? Her Jiminie might get weirded out—

 

But instead of rebutting with discomfort or a polite objection, Jimin took a deep breath and tossed her a shaky smile. Her voice was so soft it felt like Minjeong was on clouds, “Please hug me, Minjeong.”

 

Once more Minjeong let out a giggle because Jimin still thought she would ever say no even if she was the one who offered, as if she wasn’t the one who laid the cards in front of Jimin with a singular goal of comforting her. 

 

Minjeong scooted closer, diving deeper into Jimin’s side to wrap her arms around her, snuggling Jimin’s head close to her chest, hoping the taller girl found comfort in the warmth she radiated. Fingers found their way to the scalp beneath dark hair, massaging and detangling and Jimin sighed in relief, so Minjeong did too.

 

She cradled the other girl close, hoped she could ease her pain by absorbing it off of her, hoped she could take away the tears and despair and transfer it into her own chest because Jimin didn’t deserve that. 

 

Jimin was sunshine. The world was wrong to ever dampen her brightness and god knows how hard Minjeong was willing to fight it back for her.

 

Minjeong gently kissed the crown of Jimin’s head, cooing at her friend. “It’s going to be okay,” she promised, whispering so close to Jimin that she was almost afraid the words would etch themselves onto pale skin. “If you feel down or just want a hug, come to me, okay? I officially give you an unlimited hug-a-Minjeong coupon exclusively for you.” 

 

There was an unflattering snort that came as a response. Minjeong laughed at the sound. Silly Jimin. Skeptical but equally entertained, Jimin stuck her tongue out, “No take backs! Unlimited hugs from Minjeongie!”

 

Just like clockwork, Minjeong breathed in deep and sighed out, eager to relay her sincerity, “Anything for Jiminie.”

 

//

 

Jimin got into the dance club with barely any effort. 

 

Minjeong was so proud she had to stop herself from boasting about it to anyone with an ear.

 

After the auditions concluded, they hung back in the school’s auditorium to mingle with the other members. Jimin was immediately popular, swarmed by fellow freshmen and complimented by the teacher handling the tryouts. Minjeong stood back, arms crossed in front of her and mostly mute. No one was talking to her anyway; she was a stranger in a room filled with people developing a budding companionship in the club. 

 

She didn’t mind. This day was for Jiminie only, and Minjeong was just glad to be there. There were times when her limbs would twitch, following the beat, but an inwardly scold was enough to have her settle down. 

 

This was for Jimin only. Her very talented dancing machine roommate.

 

After a while, she saw her roommate walk backwards from the crowd, waving goodbye.

 

It hadn’t been long, really. Minjeong was almost tempted to scold her for her immediate retreat.

 

When she found the girl in front of her, Jimin stuck to her like a stubborn rash. It was honestly adorable. However, the deep pout on her face also meant she was upset about something, and of course Minjeong was already in the works of getting rid of the problem.

 

“What’s wrong?” Minjeong inquired, gentle in her tone. Who was she going to fight in this room for upsetting her roommate?

 

The taller girl aimed her pout towards Minjeong, whose brows rose high after seeing the full-on puppy eyes that Jimin was sporting.

 

Of course, blasted by Jimin’s puppy eyes for the first time, Minjeong was already on her own agenda of curb stomping whoever made Jimin upset. She doubted there’d be a lack of spots to hide a dead body within the immediate vicinity.

 

They wouldn’t see it coming.

 

Jimin began tugging at Minjeong’s sleeve, demanding her attention and once again, silly Jimin, because her attention was never on anything else. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Minjeong asked again, turning completely towards Jimin, now even more attentive. “Your pout is going to stay if you don’t tell me anything, Jiminie.”

 

A mumble, incomprehensible and quiet.

 

“Hm?”

 

The tips of the taller girl’s ears reddened in an instant, gaze suddenly to the floor. “I… I heard from Chaehyun that you are also a dancer. Why didn’t you join the auditions?”

 

Minjeong was nearly taken aback. It was almost like she completely forgot about her highschool friend that was also existing in their orbit in the city.

 

(She did.) 

 

When was the last time she had exchanged more than just a few words with Chaehyun? They lived together, part of the roster of the same faces seen most days of the week and yet only Jimin remained to have her interest.

 

“Right,” Minjeong babbled instead, suddenly not knowing what to say. Jimin looked expectant, waiting to maybe learn more.

 

But what was Minjeong going to say? The truth? The pathetic reality of why she didn’t join the auditions despite loving dancing?

 

Oh, she might never hear the end of it, knowing Jimin’s tendencies to tease.

 

Alas, she could never say no to her friend, who amped up the puppy eyes to a degree that Minjeong was seeing the droopy ears and the slow wagging tail like a stubborn hallucination. “Promise not to laugh,” she glared at Jimin, who nodded enthusiastically and even crossed her heart.

 

With a grunt, Minjeong readied herself from the neverending assault of teasing because she knew the other girl like the back of her hand. 

 

“I’m… I’m shy. I got scared to join because I felt like I was awful and my ego would be bruised if I didn’t get in.”

 

Jimin widened her eyes incredulously. Was the idea that inconceivable? Her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of their sockets. Jimin’s face reddened in offense, as if she was the one with the insecurities and self doubt instead of Minjeong, “Bullshit. You didn’t suck. I saw the videos!”

 

Oh my god.

 

In the back of Minjeong’s mind, she had already jumped on her high school friend, teeth bared and nails clawing. 

 

“What videos?” Maybe she could feign innocence, pretend like she wasn’t the one with dancing videos with the rest of her high school troupe that spanned for over 3 years. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she tried again.

 

Suddenly Jimin was shuffling in place, rummaging for her phone. Minjeong’s eye twitched, thoughts clashing between outrightly admitting it or continuing to act as if there wasn’t any proof on the internet for Jimin or anyone else to see. She mostly didn’t expect Jimin of all people finding out about it from someone else and not from Minjeong.

 

Deciding with a furious squeeze of her eyes, she gritted her teeth for what she was going to do.

 

Minjeong smirked, raising her brows as smugly as she could. “Were you asking Chaehyun about me?”

 

In an instant Jimin halted, hands still in her pockets. It was comical how the blush began spreading, starting from the cheeks and ears before traveling quickly to the rest of her face. Minjeong almost felt bad for flustering her, but the question remained and she was curious about it.

 

(It wasn’t even like she was going to have an appropriate and healthy reaction if Jimin ever said yes.)

 

When Jimin remained silent and unmoving, Minjeong took a step forward to close the gap between them. “Jimin, answer me. Were you asking Chaehyun about me?”

 

It was a sight to see—Jimin stumbling over her words and sputtering like a fool. It was usually Minjeong at the receiving end, the one with the outlandish reactions and red ears. “N-no! No! What! You came up in–in the conversation while we were preparing for the auditions.” She seemed to convince herself more than Minjeong as she continued nodding. “Yeah!”

 

Minjeong had internally planned to stop by then, just a little teasing jab at the girl to get her flustered. But the reaction she witnessed made her feel warm inside and there was a sudden urge to just keep teasing. “You didn’t bring me up yourself?”

 

Jimin’s eyes were about to pop out of their sockets once more. “N-no!”

 

“I see,” she trailed off with a pout, facing the other way. She was a tad bit saddened by it. Jimin wasn’t that interested in her past, she guessed.

 

“But, I mean, I guess I did kind of… veer the conversation… to you.” Jimin’s voice was getting smaller by each word, now just fumbling with her fingers to distract herself.

 

The smile that bloomed on Minjeong’s face was picturesque. “Silly. You could have just asked me, you know.”

 

Jimin raised her gaze to meet Minjeong’s, a weird look on her face. “You wouldn’t have been honest.”

 

“Says who?” Says Chaehyun?? Minjeong tried to wrap her head around it, even if they would be correct.

 

“Says me!” Jimin squared her shoulders, almost flaunting them in front of Minjeong’s face. It wasn’t necessary, though she can suppose that it was just one of her roommate’s quirks. “Don’t even deny it, Minjeongie. You would have kept it a secret.”

 

The brunette stayed quiet, unable to retort because Jimin was right. She would have needed a gun to her head to even contemplate on answering truthfully. But what stunned her to silence was how her friend knew her. 

 

The habits, her penchant for self-preservation even if the occasion doesn’t call for it, her need for chocolate milk every morning that Jimin made her personal mission to give. Not taking offense if Minjeong doesn’t answer questions about her past straightforwardly.

 

Minjeong appreciated being recognized in the big city. Chaehyun was a friend, sure, but she wasn’t really close to her as Minjeong was to her inner circle of friends. Honestly speaking, Chaehyun was closer to a friend-acquaintance than a friend-friend. She was in the friend group and joined in hangouts, but most interactions were limited because she was in a different block. Minjeong only grew slightly more comfortable after she found out that both of them were entering the same school and was suddenly invited to room with her.

 

Minjeong’s mother was delighted to know that someone from their hometown was able to take care of Minjeong in the city and was immediately on board with having her daughter be under their ward.

 

(“There’s less for us to worry about, Minjeong-ah. We just have to provide some furniture and some electronics and your auntie says she will handle the rest.”

 

Minjeong felt like it was too good to be true, but she had to disregard her anxieties of intruding on Chaehyun’s family to ease her mother’s worries.

 

“Okay, mom.”)

 

It may have just been a passing thought to Jimin, who had spent the most time with her, but Minjeong still felt giddy in knowing that Jimin just gets her. Such a simple thing, really, but Minjeong would like to stress that even Chaehyun had yet to understand her and her personality. It had been a strike of loneliness and aching for Minjeong because she had to leave her tight-knit group of friends from her hometown, but the worries and uneasiness melted away because of Jimin. 

 

(And Jimin only. The other three girls just seemed to function on a completely different wavelength than them. Minjeong found it hard to explain how she just knew, but her gut liked to emphasize that difference with a slight drop every time she had to interact with them.)

 

Minjeong settled with an impish smile, pinching at Jimin’s side. Fueled by the sheer desire to prove the other girl wrong, she finally replied. “I wouldn’t have kept it a secret from you. Everyone else can fuck off.”

 

She looked up to meet Jimin’s eyes and there was a strange glint to it that Minjeong couldn’t quite place.

 

What are you thinking? She found herself asking more often than she’d like, but how was Minjeong supposed to help it? Jimin had that enigmatic energy that made her ask more questions, made her willing to wait forever to get answers. Made her willing to do anything…

 

The taller girl’s voice was soft and low, “Minjeong—”

 

“Let’s go home together guys!” Chaehyun popped up out of nowhere, wrapping her arms around one of Jimin and Minjeong’s. “That was a tiring audition, I honestly don’t know how I passed.”

 

Minjeong had to hold back her tongue from saying something that could easily be misunderstood. She and Jimin shared a confused look because they both thought the routine was simple and easy. Minjeong got the choreo down 5 minutes in from just watching them across from her. She knew she couldn’t say that out loud because she sounded so cocky in her head already, even to the point that she wanted to smack herself in retaliation.

 

Sorry, Chaehyun, she apologized mentally instead. Her friend didn’t deserve that, even though Minjeong was sure Chaehyun used the exact same phrase to other people earlier just to start a conversation. 

 

The three of them walked home together, Jimin’s interrupted response long forgotten.

 

//

 

She wasn’t sure when it started, but Minjeong began to dread coming back to their apartment. She didn’t want to deal with the other girls, their fake smiles and backhanded compliments.

 

She felt bad because Jimin, who had nothing to do with it, got caught in the crossfire.

 

“Are you guys… together?” 

 

Minjeong stopped shading her drawing as she looked up.

 

Jihyo stared right back at her, the question still in the air. Minjeong wasn’t sure if it was directed to her, but realizing that it was just her and the older girl in the room, she grew uncomfortable with the weird inquiry.

 

“Huh? Who?” She asked, blinking at her.

 

Jihyo glanced at Jimin’s lower bunk bed before slowly looking back at Minjeong. 

 

She didn’t need to say the name, insinuating enough that it was Jimin she was referring to. The younger girl had a sense of protectiveness all of a sudden. “Why are you asking?”

 

The older girl huffed a breath and shrugged naturally. The lack of a proper response was starting to irk Minjeong’s mood. 

 

Minjeong hadn’t interacted with Jihyo much as the girl opted to go home every weekend, and being a senior in university meant clashing schedules with the freshman Minjeong. She thought Jihyo was nice, definitely the nicest one of the three other girls in the room with her and Jimin. Hayoung, Chaehyun’s sister, had the least interactions with Minjeong. She liked to keep to herself, but when it was time to cook dinner, she was polite with handing over food to Minjeong. That was mostly it, so Minjeong wasn’t sure why Jihyo was suddenly interacting with her when they were alone.

 

“I dunno, you guys are cute.” Jihyo blushed as soon as the words left her mouth.

 

Minjeong’s jaw dropped, heartbeat suddenly going erratic. “What?”

 

The way the older girl sighed made it seem like she had been wanting to bring this conversation up before. She sagged on the chair across from Minjeong, a dreamy look in her eyes. “You and Jimin are so cute. I ship you guys.”

 

Her pencil clattered on the table, a furious warmth finding its home on Minjeong’s face. She was so confused on what warranted this conversation, or even the fact that their own roommate was shipping her with Jimin. And be so outright with it. “U-unnie, what– haha– what?”

 

It seemed like the girl had more thoughts she wanted to air out. “When Jimin feeds you food– oh, the cutest. When you hug Jimin because she’s cold, oh!” Jihyo swooned across from Minjeong, a hand on her forehead.

 

Minjeong wasn’t sure how to take the comments; she was stuck between feeling uncomfortable and feeling giddy. It was shameful how her thoughts were also swimming at the idea that other people see her and Jimin together and think they were dating, like a sick part of her wanted others to misunderstand.

 

(They were nearing the end of the first semester, their individual blocks already friends with one another. However, with the friendships also come infatuation. Jimin was undeniably gorgeous, talented, smart, ideal—there were many of her classmates that liked her. Minjeong noticed it immediately, but she doesn’t think the taller girl did.)

 

Minjeong cleared her throat, “Well, uh, no, we aren’t dating. Just really close friends.”

 

Jihyo covered her mouth and squealed. “Oh, I’m sure!”

 

The younger girl presented a shaky smile and grabbed her pencil. She tried to continue her homework, but the conversation kept buzzing in her head.

 

Was that really how they looked like to other people?

 

Hmm…

 

Was it weird that Minjeong liked that that was how they looked like?



//

 

Jimin and Minjeong had to move out of their shoebox apartment because management found out that there were 5 people inside the room meant to only house 3 people max. So obviously it was the two of them that got the short end of the stick.

 

The stress of moving out and finding a new place ASAP was horrendous, both their grades and attendance dipping to uncomfortable numbers just to look for a place to live. It was the worst Minjeong found herself in until Jimin found a place 30 minutes from their school that had immediate availability. They checked out the building and the area, signing the lease as soon as they were able to because it was the best option out of all the other places they had seen.

 

Now Minjeong and Jimin soloed a bachelor pad and they were so capricious, having a place to themselves, no longer worried about heavy stares and wiggling eyes every time they interacted.

 

Minjeong and Chaehyun had a very rocky relationship after a couple weeks of living together. Their personalities didn’t match, adding to how Chaehyun used Minjeong’s name to sneak out every time and got the brunette in so much trouble for being a “bad influence”. It ticked Minjeong off so much that she finally confronted the other girl about it, asking why she was damaging her reputation with Chaehyun’s mother for the sake of sneaking out to who knows where.

 

She wouldn’t have minded if she got a heads up in any shape, way, or form. If Chaehyun wanted to sneak out and needed Minjeong to make up an excuse, she would have done it. But Minjeong was blindsided every time, receiving a lengthy scolding from Chaehyun’s mother through the phone while cooing at her daughter.

 

It wasn’t fair! 

 

After the confrontation, management mysteriously got a tip of room 9202 having too many residents inside. Minjeong didn’t want to assume her former friend told them about it, but her anger was revolving and the scouring for a roof over their heads was enough to put her foot down in demanding Chaehyun to never talk to her again.

 

The first night they stayed in their new apartment, Jimin brought some booze. Nothing but spirits and hard liquor. The sight of the bottles were enough for Minjeong to gulp in concern.

 

She didn’t know how to handle alcohol, too inexperienced to know how much she could drink before she forgot everything. She didn’t like the taste of spirits, almost always opting for the mixed drinks or the pre-made seltzers, but Jimin had a huge smile on her flushed face and Minjeong couldn’t bring it from within herself to say no.

 

(Not like she could have said no in any other circumstance.)

 

Jimin raised a mug of vodka, grinning at Minjeong as if she had uncovered the truths hidden in the world. “A toast to freedom, Kim Minjeong.”

 

Minjeong giggled at another one of her best friend’s antics, grabbing her own mug and pouring the clear liquid into it. She clinked their glasses together and took a deep breath. “Cheers, Jiminie.”

 

Her friend sent her a wink, another billion-dollar smile on her beautiful face. “Cheers.” Jimin downed the contents of her mug, swerving to grab another glass of soda to chase away the burn.

 

The brunette didn’t do as well, gagging mid gulp and jumping in place as she waited for her roommate to finish with her turn of the chaser. “Ew, ew, ew!” She grabbed at Jimin’s arm, almost begging, “Chaser, please, please.”

 

The relief finally came when she swallowed the carbonated drink, finally washing away the bitter taste of alcohol on her tongue. Minjeong couldn’t help but make a face as she reeled from the shot.

 

“Good job,” Jimin petted her head gently, sending a swarm of butterflies into Minjeong’s stomach. “I’ll let you have the chaser first next time.”

 

She was already buzzed by the time they took their third shot, the world wobbling and unsteady. The room felt hot and suffocating, the lack of breeze almost offensive. Everything was warm—her palms felt like personal heaters, her chest was on fire, and her ears burned at the tips.

 

After even more shots, Minjeong was gone. Jimin, to be expected, was still fine, a droopy smirk on her pretty lips. She swayed in place but was sober enough to know her limits. Minjeong, on the other hand, felt like she was filled with resurfaced energy and soon enough she was gliding across the room while humming a tune.

 

She knew Jimin was looking at her, following her movements and taking more shots, but for the first time since they met, Minjeong didn’t mind the attention. She used to get flustered so easily whenever the taller girl held her gaze too long, but the alcohol was enough to blur the nervousness. 

 

“Hmmm, hm, show me your flowers, flowers,” Minjeong continued, hands hovering in front of her, an invisible partner dancing alongside her. “One, two, three…”

 

She blinked when her hands were suddenly on another equally feverish body, a fully corporeal dancing partner out of nowhere, wearing that playful smile she has grown to absolutely love. “I love hearing you sing.”

 

The blush on her face was furious, but the dazed smile on Minjeong’s face was just as intense. “You flatter me,” she laughed joyously, hitting her friend’s shoulder. But her limbs remained rested on Jimin’s, comfortable and warm against her skin as they swayed together. 

 

There were still some boxes left to sort out, and aside from the mugs they’ve used, there wasn’t much of the other utensils available. Their beds were filled with hastily unpacked mountains of clothes, none having a sole owner. They also decided to just push the two beds together because Minjeong made a point that it might as well had equaled to a double bed and now they had more space.

 

(What was Minjeong’s was Jimin’s as well anyway. They didn’t need to have separate parts of the apartment and Minjeong was fine with that.)

 

“Thank you for being the best roommate ever,” Minjeong wrapped her arms around the other girl and nuzzled her neck. She hummed the tune in thought, wondering if Jimin could still hear the same song as her. Wondering if Jimin was basking in the tension in the air the same way she was. “Like, really,” she giggled.

 

“I fear it’s going to take a lot more than near homelessness to keep me away from you, Minjeong.”

 

Minjeong let the words wash over her, coddling and warm. She wondered when Jimin had slotted herself so deeply in her soul, as if she was always there. The undeniable comfort she has brought to Minjeong was nothing she ever thought she would have in the big city filled with strangers and curt greetings, so far from her hometown that it always made Minjeong feel like she needed to be at her utmost best all the time. But Jimin, unbearing and carefree, shredded those thoughts and introduced her to the best way to live: freely.

 

And so Minjeong lived freely, Jimin holding her hand the entire time.

 

Maybe that mantra was what led to even more shots shared together, until the bottles were empty and Minjeong couldn’t stay upright, Jimin dragging her down to their bed. She was so warm to the touch that if Minjeong was more sober, she would have asked if the other girl was okay. 

 

But Minjeong was not sober, and neither was Jimin, and their breaths smelled like strong vodka, the kind that seeped into their skins. They reeked, to put it lightly, but Minjeong found herself laughing non-stop anyway.

 

She didn’t even stop laughing when Jimin leaned closer, pupils blown and a lazy smile. When Jimin kissed her, it felt like everything was right, even if the alcohol on their tongues tasted bitter because Jimin herself tasted sweet. Delicate. Yet, Minjeong giggled against her lips, thin arms over the taller girl’s neck, and pulled her in closer, more, because Minjeong liked how Jimin was kissing her like her life depended on it. Like she had been thinking about this for as long as Minjeong had.

 

They fell asleep tangled together as they always had. Minjeong felt her heart in her ears and silently wished Jimin felt the same.

 

//

 

They never spoke of what had transpired the night before. When they woke up, their visions blurry and half-conscious, they took turns in the bathroom and just went to school.

 

Minjeong didn’t mind; knowing Jimin, she probably needed more time to process what had happened. But for Minjeong? She kept the memory tucked near her chest, because even if the rest of the world acted like it never happened, Minjeong would only need to unfurl her heart and the taste of Jimin would swarm her and yeah, that happened.

 

Nothing changed in the way they acted around each other, still so full of affection and lingering touches. Still attached by the hip and everything else in between. There was nothing to worry about, because again, Minjeong was satisfied with not acknowledging it. She was willing to keep that kiss a secret, if need be.

 

But then it happened again, just a couple of days later, and this time in front of the rest of their friends, on a cold Friday night when they decided to have another celebration just for the fun of it. 

 

The room went silent when Jimin reached up for her face, her cheeks as flushed as it was the other night, and pressed her lips against Minjeong’s in a tender peck. 

 

Their friends erupted with whistles and aggressive reactions and yet Minjeong was only thinking of Jimin, of her lips, and of whatever that kiss now meant. Because if it was supposed to be a secret, then why would she do it in front of their friends? In front of anyone.

 

The confusion swam in her stomach but Jimin’s lips were still on hers and—oh… the kiss was like that. The rest of the room caved away as she finally opened her mouth, welcoming Jimin’s tongue with a soft whine.

 

They shouldn’t be doing this in front of their friends but god, Jimin was so good to her and it was getting harder and harder to keep the fog out of her mind. Jimin kissed like she was sucking the life out of Minjeong, like the seconds of pause to catch their breaths were but a suggestion and a neverending obstacle for her to overcome. Jimin kissed her like she wanted her, and Minjeong’s stomach flipped at the idea.

 

(How could beautiful, enigmatic, and perfect Jimin want a mere Minjeong?)

 

When she tried to breathe in between the rare moments Jimin was willing to let her go, Jimin would chase after her to some degree. She hadn’t noticed that the taller girl had her hands on Minjeong’s nape until she felt deft fingers scratching and pulling, tingling the very insides of Minjeong’s body.

 

“Alright, break it up! Oi!”

 

Minjeong could hear someone attempt to separate her and Jimin, and she swore she tried to as well, but Jimin had other plans and that did not involve letting her go.

 

They were forcibly torn apart by another scolding voice—Yunjin looked unimpressed by their suddenly overwhelming showcase of PDA. Minjeong’s head still swam in a puddle of thoughts about Jimin. “Should we just leave?” Yunjin raised her brows at them.

 

Fueled by both her shame and the alcohol she downed, Minjeong’s face broke into a blush that had her thinking she just invented a whole new shade of red. There wasn’t an answer that would stop the heat from settling on her face.

 

And again, Jimin simply had other plans. “I mean…” she trailed off, smiling so shyly as if she didn’t just inhale most of Minjeong’s air for their friends to see. 

 

Their friends collectively groaned, someone even yelling out ’party pooper’, but were obedient enough to do it. 

 

Minjeong hugged them goodbye and raised a middle finger to those that sent teasing looks her way. She didn’t want to think about what they were thinking when Jimin just started making out with her. She might just faint; but that’s a problem for Monday Minjeong.

 

For now, this Friday evening was for Minjeong and Jimin alone.

 

When the door closed, the air was immediately charged with tension. So thick that Minjeong could just grab one of the knives on the counter and try to cut it, but she knew it wouldn’t even leave a dent. 

 

“Minjeong…”

 

Heart beating faster, Minjeong turned to see Jimin on the bed, hair more tousled than normal and lips so red and swollen. Her eyes followed each and every single one of Minjeong’s movements.

 

A shiver went up her spine because she did that.

 

Jimin looked like that because of her. The thrill of it all made her take a tentative step forward, to the other girl in the room that just seemed to beckon her closer. She didn’t realize they were breathing so heavily until it was all she could hear.

 

What are we? she wanted to ask because roommates don’t do this, best friends don’t do this, and yet they were doing it like it was the most natural thing. What am I to you, Jimin?

 

Minjeong knelt on the bed, suddenly so cautious and conscious about herself. There was a bit of distance between her and Jimin. She cracked a grin to mask her nervousness, “Hi…”

 

“Hi,” Jimin stared at her. Why was she looking at Minjeong like that? So… full of emotion—turmoil? Did she not want Minjeong anymore? “I’ve… I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about someone.”

 

Minjeong held her breath. She wasn’t expecting the conversation to veer in this direction. She thought Jimin would just pounce on her the moment she was within reach. Her throat was dry when she responded, “Like what?”

 

It took a while before the girl answered, only going up closer to Minjeong, who only waited with bated breath. Jimin’s hand curled on Minjeong’s jaw, so soft with her touch, treating her like she was fragile. She moved even closer, lips just barely grazing Minjeong’s and it took all her willpower to keep still. 

 

“Like this,” Jimin finally replied, closing the millimeter of gap between them and instantaneously Minjeong understood that this was a different kiss than the other ones. This one was slow, deliberate, a generous leisure granted between two individuals who finally could. Their lips molded into each other, their pace unhurried but the hunger beneath was making Minjeong shake.

 

When Jimin pulled away, Minjeong felt lightheaded. Her fingers grabbed onto the taller girl’s arm, squeezing and burning because she didn’t know if everything was real. If this was just another dream or something, just another reflection of the subconscious that she rarely entertained. 

 

Yu Jimin, are you real? Is any of this real?

 

Minjeong felt a twist in her stomach, tongue already forming the words before she could stop herself, “Not even with Mark?”

 

Jimin paused, bewilderment in those pretty brown eyes that Minjeong adored since day one. She raised a brow, gauging out Minjeong for something—she didn’t know for what—before lifting one side of her mouth in a quirky smile. Minjeong’s favorite dimple peeked out of Jimin’s cheek. 

 

“Not even in his wildest dreams, Minjeongie.”

 

The answer made Minjeong’s heart soar, up to the clouds and maybe even higher. 

 

Was this what Icarus felt when he got his wings? Flying towards the light with no care for repercussions, no care for himself, only moving upwards, higher and closer to the sun. 

 

“Really?” she couldn’t help but ask because the glue on her own wings were starting to melt and she feared the heights in which she would fall from.

 

But Minjeong’s sun held her close, kissing her temple and nipping at the tip of her ear. So gentle with her touches as if she wanted Minjeong to know that she wasn’t going to let her fall. Jimin whispered, “I promise.”

 

Minjeong caved in, watery eyes already looking up towards Jimin and her brilliant radiance. “Prove it.”

 

“How? What can I do to prove it to you?”

 

Mustering the smallest smile in existence, Minjeong sighed, “Anything.”

 

///

 

Minjeong was already cooking breakfast by the time Jimin woke up.

 

“G’morning,” Jimin yawned, dragging her feet to wrap her arms around Minjeong’s waist. “You’re warm,” she said as she cuddled herself closer to her roommate.

 

Minjeong reached up to pat her friend’s head, “That’s because I have clothes on, silly.”

 

“But you’re comfy,” the taller girl whined, her pouty lips on the brunette’s shoulder, featherlight and ticklish.

 

“I’m almost done, Jiminie. Go put some clothes on and set up the table please.”

 

There were mumbled protests but her Jiminie still headed towards the closet. Minjeong took a little peek at the marks that littered on the other girl’s skin, from her collarbone, to her sides, to her thighs—the reminders of last night reddened her face. She only managed to snap out of it when the fabrics finally covered them, and Jimin’s meaningful smirk made her look away.

 

“Like what you see?”

 

Minjeong grumbled as she set the plates of food down, rolling her eyes at the comical look on the other girl’s face. “Shut up and eat.”

 

Their meal was unusually quiet, but the comfort that was prominent in the air allowed for Minjeong’s thoughts to gather. What did it mean now? Was this a situationship? Was she Jimin’s rebound(?) if she was right about her status right now? And most of all, the question that imprinted itself in her mind, did that mean anything?

 

Once the both of them were done eating, Jimin grabbed the dishes and put them in the sink. She gave one glance at Minjeong before abandoning her task and wrapping her arms around the brunette instead.

 

Minjeong tried to push her off, “Jiminie, it’s your turn to do the dishes!” 

 

“Just let me stay here.”

 

There it was, that strong pull that had Minjeong wrapping Jimin’s finger around herself willingly. How could she ever say no to her roommate?

 

A sigh, but her fingers were already playing with strands of black hair, “Fine.”

 

Jimin lounged with her body splayed over Minjeong with the sort of comfort that felt almost intimate. Minjeong did not know what to think about it, the burning question still in her mind like it was branded onto it.

 

If I asked you now, would everything change?

 

Their bodies were marked from each other’s lips, skins grazed by familiar hands, moans fished out from each other’s throats, but Minjeong couldn’t help but wonder if those fleeting moments were only accompanied by the sun setting and the stars twinkling.

 

She couldn’t help but wonder if there was a time in the day that she was supposed to pretend it never happened, hiding away the overwhelming feeling until it was dark out, and then maybe she could let it out to a reciprocating Jimin. The confusion of their current situation scratched at her chest, the lines so blurred between them and yet Minjeong was willing to settle for whatever Jimin would decide.

 

Roommates, best friends, maybe something more, maybe something less.

 

There was a throbbing pain that accompanied Minjeong’s breathing, a settled sting that just kept repeating. A new sense of apprehension crawled up; if she said the wrong thing, she could lose everything. She could lose Jimin—her sun, her only comfort in the city so far away from home. The only other person who knew Minjeong and her intricacies aside from herself.

 

She could not bear to imagine the risks, so instead Minjeong clenched her jaw and shoved all the questions deep, where they could never see the light of day, and hoped it wasn’t too late.

 

//

 

Jimin’s eyes were hesitant as she kept the front door open just a tiny bit, enough to see who just knocked.

 

Minjeong did not think much about the shifting looks, opting to keep her gaze focused on the book she was reading, even if she had been repeating the same sentence over and over.

 

“I just want to talk,” came a deep voice from the other side of the door and Minjeong’s blood ran cold. “Jimin, please.”

 

“There’s not– we are over, Mark. I don’t appreciate you showing up on my doorstep like this on a random weekend. We are done.”

 

Don’t look up, don’t look up, don’t look up.

 

Minjeong looked up just in time to see Mark’s hand coil around Jimin’s wrist and how the taller girl just let him. Her breath got caught in her throat at the action and Minjeong looked away. It felt too personal for her to just keep watching.

 

With bravery—or cowardice, you can decide—she packed her book and grabbed her phone and wallet. She threw on a hoodie and slung her tote bag over her shoulder. “I’ll head out to give you guys some privacy. Let me know when I can come back,” Minjeong announced, refusing to look at either of the other people she was about to leave.

 

She squeezed herself in retreat, avoiding any contact with either Jimin or Mark, because she wasn’t sure how she would feel if she did. Minjeong thought she heard Jimin call out for her  but she needed to leave and she had to do it quickly.

 

The tears were already gathering by the time she reached the elevators. She jammed her finger to the ground floor button and kept her eyes trained to her shoes.

 

Minjeong couldn’t bear to look up and see the two of them together, side-by-side. Her imaginations already hurt; she didn’t need to feed her mind more concrete images.

 

///

 

The sun was about to set and Minjeong entertained herself by hanging out in the school’s library. She might as well read in advance. The brunette was just thankful her books were still in the bag and there was an easy choice on how she was going to pass the time. There were several moments when she would gaze away from the letters and instead settle on the screen of her phone. Perhaps she was waiting for something—anything, really.

 

Minjeong waited with a thin sheen of patience. There was no use in rushing Jimin and her… ex? Even she wasn’t sure what the label was.

 

(Some months ago, right before they moved, Jimin skipped the whole day and kept her phone on DND. Minjeong was worried sick, almost tempted to start spamming Jimin’s mother, who had given her number for Minjeong to contact if there was anything that would happen.

 

I’m heading off to Daegu for the day. Be back tonight. Don’t stay up too late! - Jimin

 

A yellow sticky note was all Minjeong had from Jimin. The paper stayed inside her pocket the entire day until she got home from school, cried herself to sleep, and hated herself for feeling so needy for Jimin’s presence.

 

She never even knew what Jimin did in her hometown.

 

When Minjeong woke up to blueberry pancakes and freshly brewed tea, there was a dubious raise of a brow.

 

“Don’t worry, Minjeongie. Everything’s okay now,” Jimin simply replied and Minjeong never brought it up again.)

 

There may have been moments, quips in passing that made Minjeong think that Jimin and Mark had broken up, but never outright admitted. They did have a bit of a break from speaking every night at 10PM, but nothing else outside of that gave any indication of their status. There were moments Minjeong asked from sheer politeness, and every time since Jimin came back from Daegu, it was always the same response: Everything’s okay now.

 

Minjeong didn’t pry—can’t be too nosy for Jiminie, of course—even if the thoughts clouded her brain and gave an ache between her ribs. Who was she to ask about her relationships? She was just Jimin’s roommate and friend. There was no guarantee that Jimin would share everything with her; her privacy was her business. But god did Minjeong ask.

 

From the stars, to the darkness, to the city beneath them that she could overlook—the same question making rounds in her head, shackling the dread and hope to her ankles, wrapping the words at the tip of her tongue that she always fought back to swallow.

 

What are we? What am I to you, Jimin?

 

There were nights when she awoke in cold sweat, Jimin’s arm over her stomach the only lifeline that pulled her back to reality. In those moments, with the taller girl sleeping soundly next to her, Minjeong would ask. No words would come out but she’d mouth them anyway.

 

What do you really think of me?

 

With only the moon as an audience, her heart on her sleeve and inching towards Jimin’s hands, can she ever think of such questions. In the silence of the night can Minjeong ever entertain the pulsing need to ask.

 

Bzzzt!

 

Her phone lit up and Jimin’s text popped up.

 

[Come home please]

 

In another time, Minjeong might laugh at herself and how she acted then. But at the moment, her mind just focused on one thought—to go home to Jimin.

 

Minjeong made quick work of her space, everything on the table thrown carelessly into the tote bag. Everything was a whirl, really. First she was in the library, then she left the school, a blink and she just passed the convenience store she and Jimin frequent in. How did she end up in the elevators? The lights swirled in her vision, the pounding in her ears her only method of measure as 20 pumps later, she’s already standing in front of the door.

 

A shaky fist found refuge two inches from the wooden door, never pulling back but never moving forward either. Minjeong thought the dilemma was exactly how she found herself in with Jimin. A step forward and there’s a possibility of ruining their relationship—Jimin’s adoration of her might vanish in front of her eyes. A step backward and there’s a possibility of Minjeong withering from the inside—yearning for someone who may never really look her way.

 

But Jimin had kissed Minjeong. In front of their friends. Surely that counted for something… right? A glance at Minjeong's way. A sliver of an opportunity, hope in the way Jimin holds her gaze and warms her heart.

 

But Mark was just there. Her boyfriend—or ex, fuck, Minjeong didn’t know. Maybe that was the catch with Jimin. You circle her orbit and she’s your sun but you don’t know what you are to her. You don’t know what lines you’re crossing because she never dictates them.

 

Lines never mattered when it came to Yu Jimin because she would pull you to her anyway.

 

Roommates, best friends, maybe something more, maybe something less.

 

Minjeong felt like her thoughts were swimming around her head. Just knock on the door, Minjeong. You live here too. Just knock. Knock.

 

She continued to go back and forth mentally, wishing there was a way she could just know what she was to Jimin. What all she could be for the girl.

 

“Is my hug-a-Minjeong coupon still valid?”

 

The brunette hadn’t even realized that the door opened and her roommate was there, attractive despite the red eyes and flushed cheeks. She looked like she had been crying.

 

She probably was.

 

Her arms were already wrapping around the taller girl’s neck, Minjeong’s face settling on the crevice where it meets the girl’s shoulder. Jimin’s hands were around her waist, cheek on the side of Minjeong’s head. 

 

What happened?

 

Minjeong couldn’t stomach the idea of Jimin being so discomposed. She had never seen the girl act this way. Even if Minjeong had troubles with their romantic(?) relationship, she was still Jimin’s friend first. She hated Mark and his entire existence, wished he never found where they moved, and hoped he got it worse than Jimin did.

 

Jimin was breathing heavily, standing at the edge of the cliff with the way each inhale rattled her frame, so scared to fall but no ledge to hold on to. Minjeong wondered if Jimin would let her be a footfall just so she wouldn’t be so terrified.

 

Maybe something more, maybe something less.

 

Maybe… Maybe it didn’t matter because at the end of the day, Minjeong had Jimin, and she was okay with that.

 

She wasn’t sure whose heart was beating so loudly. She thought it was herself but Jimin was shaking as hard as she was and it got hard to tell. Minjeong mustered a small laugh and hugged the girl tighter.

 

“Of course, dummy. Anything for Jiminie.”

 

//

 

Deja vu. Something kept probing at the back of Minjeong’s head and she couldn’t quite put her finger to it. A sense of deja vu made her clutch at her temple. The sound of the shower running made her sit up, almost feeling disoriented and out of place. Jimin’s favorite bracelet was circled around Minjeong’s wrist, but the girl doesn’t remember how it got to her possession. 

 

Raising her arm to inspect the bracelet more closely, Minjeong paused at the sight of the charms on the accessory. Jimin had some hearts attached to it—Minjeong liked to tease her about it, saying it looked a bit childish and didn’t match the aloof aura the taller girl had sometimes.

 

But then Jimin bought letters, two Js and an M, and Minjeong wanted to pull her hair off her skull because she knew what they meant. Knew it was for her and Jimin, whose initials were just each other’s but in reverse. 

 

The silver glistened under the bright sunlight. It felt like it was burning a hole through Minjeong’s skin.

 

“Shower’s free, Minjeongie!” Jimin had a towel in her hands as she dried her long dark hair. Her robe was loose over her frame and Minjeong looked away.

 

Fresh marks from last night peeked past the white fabric. Something about the sight of them made Minjeong uncomfortable but she didn’t speak of it.

 

Minjeong nodded mutely and rushed to the bathroom, ignoring the questioning look that chased after her until she closed the door. She faced the mirror and pulled down the collar of her—Jimin’s—shirt. Yup. Red and purple go across the length of her chest.

 

She prayed the shower was loud enough to hide her sobs. Despite her incessant need to receive a label to whatever she had with Jimin, Minjeong was still but a melted puddle of gay. The moment a pretty girl—see: Jimin—locked lips with her, she was undone.

 

Maybe she needed to work on her self-respect, but Jimin’s lips and hands tie around Minjeong like a pretty little bow and Minjeong falls for it every time.

 

How could Jimin just act all natural as if she hadn’t turned Minjeong’s world upside down the moment she kissed her? It would have been fine if they talked about it the next morning, settling on an agreement that “it was just the alcohol” and moving on, but Jimin never brought it up. Minjeong was ready to settle it as a one-time thing, ready to settle that it was just a little mistake that had minimal repercussions so they can just pretend it never happened. She was ready for it. She thought about it the entire day. But Jimin had to kiss her again, 2 days ago, and they ended up in bed.

 

In bed!

 

Then her ex, or boyfriend, something! came over and shook Jimin to the core. To the point they ended up in bed again, despite the stubborn knocking in Minjeong’s head to never let it happen again. How was Minjeong supposed to just—

 

“We’re gonna be late, Minjeongie!”

 

The warning from the girl plaguing her thoughts made her pause. Minjeong didn’t even notice that she had cleaned herself already, just standing under the flowing water in silence. Soap suds melted by her feet, her dilemma following it down the drain. A certain numbness settled in her body, a darkness that just blended into her soul.

 

Once again, Minjeong blanked.

 

When she came back to her senses, she was already in their classroom. Yunjin had a narrowed look directed towards her.

 

Her seatmate looked unimpressed again, just like how she did when Jimin kissed her and kicked the rest of their friends out of their apartment. All to keep Minjeong to herself.

 

“What are you thinking about?” Despite her frown, Yunjin was gentle with her inquiry.

 

Minjeong had to think about what to answer but came up blank. 

 

Yeah, there it was again. Just blank. It’s like there was a force that made her forget how to exist—how to even think. If there was a thought that managed to float down to her head, it’ll disappear like a pop of a bubble. 

 

What the hell is wrong with me?

 

The answer came through the classroom doors with a cheery smile, eyes turning to crescents as she looked at Minjeong. Jimin looked like she was glowing. 

 

As if her own light was coming from her chest, a sun’s core instead of the beating organ.

 

Minjeong was scared that her wings were starting to fail her. Jimin’s existence, so warm and scorching—Minjeong was stuck with it, staying beside her even if it’s burning her.

 

Jimin was her sun and that meant there would be heat. There would be light. She was an existence that just made sense to Minjeong.

 

But the smaller girl didn’t have real wings to stay in the skies with the raven. She wasn’t like Jimin with her own personal gravitational pull.

 

Maybe sooner than later, Minjeong was meant to simply stay on the ground while Jimin was soaring above.

 

Something more, something less. Maybe even nothing at all.

 

“I feel sick.”

 

Yunjin sat up in alarm. “Huh?”

 

With no answer, the girl stood up briskly. She took a risky glance at Jimin and sagged her shoulders when she saw the taller one was preoccupied with talking to her peers. Minjeong wouldn’t know what to do if Jimin were to talk to her right now. 

 

Instead, she retreated to the washrooms, heaving by the sink enough for other students to look at her funny. She was sure the sight of her was odd and startling but Minjeong couldn’t give two fucks about what they thought.

 

There was a disgusting ball of emotions that churned in her stomach, too many for her to count or even identify. It didn’t feel good.

 

A comforting hand rubbed her back and Minjeong flinched in place. She raised her eyes to the mirror and froze at the sight of Yunjin with an all-knowing smile. Pity, maybe. 

 

“Deep breaths, Minjeong,” she instructed slowly. “Have some water if you need to.” The blonde raised her hydro flask and gave it a little wiggle.

 

A sob got caught in Minjeong’s throat, something she didn’t expect she’d let out this early in the morning. Her fists turned white as she gripped at the edge of the sinks, her lips shaking as she attempted to soothe her inner turmoil through breathing exercises.

 

Something more—stop. Stop thinking about it.

 

Maybe something le—STOP.

 

Her knees gave away and she crumpled to the floor.

 

Minjeong couldn’t take it. The knowledge that she was stuck in a limbo because of Jimin, someone who she may never get to have, struck at herself so deeply. It hurt. For months she had tried to school herself to remember that Jimin was 1.) taken (until said otherwise), 2.) her best friend and support system, 3.) her roommate, 4.) straight (?). Nailed those four into the ripples of her brain, branded at the tip of her tongue as a constant reminder that it wasn’t about Minjeong and Jimin together.

 

But then Jimin kissed her like she meant it and the numbers fell down as Jimin licked the scars in her mouth.

 

She didn’t know where to place herself. Maybe Jimin only wanted physical love—the need to be desired and worshipped. Minjeong was satisfied to provide her that even if it came at the expense of chips at her heart and soul.

 

Anything for Jiminie.

 

So then why would she say those words?

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about someone.”

 

It’s been some days since that night when Minjeong bared her entirety to Jimin. Emotions poured through her fingertips, buzzing from her hips, the love she tried so hard to bury weaving through her teeth. Her heart might as well have jumped out of her body with the sheer purpose of wrapping itself around Jimin’s finger.

 

I love you, Jimin, she could have said, but Minjeong knew her body supplied the words instead. I love you but I don’t think you love me the same way.

 

Minjeong felt the warmth from Yunjin beside her, wrapping her arms around her in solace. She barked a shaky laugh. “Pathetic, isn’t it?”

 

“Not at all, Minjeong.”

 

“Is this what they call a backburner?”

 

A snarky giggle, “Is that what the kids are saying these days?”

 

Minjeong’s responding laugh was wet. “I think so.”

 

They kept quiet for a bit, Minjeong finally relaxing as she kept the sadness in her. Her cheeks warmed at the embarrassment of being seen so vulnerable. In the school bathroom, no less. Yunjin was a close friend, but it still stung how she had to witness Minjeong’s tipping point.

 

Yunjin wordlessly handed her her hydro flask, to which the brunette greedily drank from. God, she really was ready for Minjeong’s inevitable loss of body fluids.

 

“It’s Jimin, isn’t it?”

 

Minjeong had to scramble to not drop the pink bottle. “Huh?”

 

“You think you’re Jimin’s backburner?” The blonde looked serious, almost to the point of near somber. Minjeong couldn’t decipher what the other girl’s face conveyed. “It’s not hard to piece together, Minjeong.”

 

The girl looked down to the ground with a sigh. “I… you saw what she did.”

 

“Yeah… me and, like, half the friend group.”

 

The brunette couldn’t hold back a puff of laughter, “Yeah… we… slept with each other that night.”

 

“Oh, I’m sure.”

 

“Don’t roll your eyes!” Minjeong pleaded, a feeble attempt to discredit the storm brewing within her. “I wanted it to be the first and only time, you know? Until we sort out whatever the fuck we are to each other. Until I get answers.”

 

Yunjin gaped at her, almost comical with the way her mouth was ajar and her brows soaring up her forehead. “That was the first time?”

 

“I—yeah?” Minjeong blinked.

 

“I thought you guys have been sleeping with each other for a while now.”

 

Minjeong snapped her head towards the blonde, astonishment filling her eyes. “What? No! Not at all! We’re— roommates—”

 

“They were roommates,” Yunjin mockingly gasped, a hand on her chest. “That’s exactly why. Add the way you two are just sickeningly sweet together? No brainer.”

 

The words from Jihyo replayed in her mind. It seemed so long ago when they were still living in that shoebox apartment with 3 other girls. Who would have known that was just the start of it all?

 

“You guys are cute.”

 

“No,” Minjeong continued to deny, “We’re just—”

 

What are we?

 

Friends? Friends with benefits? Roommates with benefits?

 

She fought the urge to bite her bottom lip, opting to just look at Yunjin directly and hoped she didn’t look too pained. “We’re just friends. Nothing more, nothing less.”

 

Yunjin wasn’t buying it, Minjeong could tell, but she didn’t say anything. The blonde simply nodded, obviously unconvinced. “You like her,” she stated.

 

Minjeong bristled, pursed lips shaking. She’s kept her thoughts and feelings to herself for far too long, a personal mental quicksand that she never really gotten used to. Every day was clambering up the top to breathe, existing in the real world while her limbs sunk down within her subconscious. It’s nasty work, unfortunately.

 

“From afar. Even from up close, really. But I’ll never tell her. She doesn’t feel the same way about me, and I’d rather wallow in self-pity and despair than get outright rejected.” Minjeong argued that there was a difference between yearning for an impossible dream and knowing the said dream does not want you. A star you can look at, knowing you can never touch it, as opposed to the star burning you within close proximity and going away in a blink of an eye.

 

She couldn’t handle Jimin going away.  The idea was like a wrecking ball slamming to Minjeong’s side. A phantom pain throbbed in her chest.

 

Kim Minjeong will not bear it if Yu Jimin were ever to leave.

 

Yunjin was not letting her depress herself, “Listen, are you ever going to do anything about how you feel for her?”

 

There was something comedic in the way they were having a serious conversation on the washroom floor. Surprisingly, there had yet to be any student coming in.

 

“Probably not,” she admitted, a wistful look on her face.

 

Her friend sighed deeply, resigned to the fact Minjeong had her stubbornness up her sleeve. “Do you want to move on from her?”

 

To this Minjeong blinked owlishly at her. “Huh? I mean… I don’t know.”

 

“Throwing yourself to a person who can’t give you a straight answer isn’t healthy, Minjeong. You need to think about yourself too.”

 

She made a point. Minjeong had thought of that before, how unhealthy it was that she was wallowing in all these negative emotions for a girl who was so oblivious—but what else could she do? “I can’t just not be with her, Yunjin. We’re roommates. We literally live together.”

 

“I know.”

 

“So what are you thinking?”

 

There was a familiar grin on the blonde’s face, a view that almost led to a stutter of Minjeong’s pulse. “Try dating me.”

 

A choke of disbelief echoed in the room. The brunette was not sure if she heard that right. “I’m sorry, what?”

 

The blonde shrugged casually as if she hadn’t just recommended something crazy. Yunjin puffed her chest cockily, “Try dating me and see if you can move on from her. At the very least we could expect a reaction from her, don’t you think?”

 

This was flawed in every way possible. Yunjin couldn’t promise her that this agreement would lead to either Minjeong moving on from Jimin or Jimin speaking up about it. What was she even supposed to say?

 

“This is not going to work, Yunjin,” mumbled Minjeong, unsure at the enthusiasm her friend is exuding. “What would even happen?”

 

“Who knows? It’s not like we’re losing something by trying it out. Come on, Minjeongie. You can hang out with me more so there’s less sulking in your apartment.”

 

She had a point… There had been too many days when Minjeong would stay cooped up in the apartment, declining any offers of going out or any plans with the rest of the class. Jimin went out sometimes, and in those days Minjeong curled into a ball and bit her lip to stop herself from sobbing.

 

Maybe she had grown too attached—too clingy that any waking moment not being beside Jimin felt like an unrestrained grip in her chest. Maybe Minjeong did need more time with anyone except Jimin. She could regain her social battery and go out to places again, much like how she did in the earlier months.

 

Despite the hesitance, Yunjin and her beaming smile led to a soft chuckle from Minjeong’s mouth. “Let’s try it. Just platonic dating for two weeks. Maybe that’ll put me back in the market.”

 

Yunjin’s boisterous laughter made Minjeong giggle. “There we go! That’s what I’m talking about!” She pulled Minjeong to her feet, pinching her cheek affectionately before tilting her head. “Let’s go back to class. I’ll get you some energy drinks and snacks.”

 

It had been a while since Minjeong felt light-hearted. It was nice finally getting to air out how she felt for Jimin, said out loud to the cosmos to acknowledge it was real. Yunjin offered the comfort Minjeong so desperately needed from someone, and she found herself feeling greatly indebted towards the girl.

 

Maybe she can do her best in being her girlfriend for the next two weeks.

 

//

 

Minjeong hadn’t felt this free for a while. 

 

“We’re gonna miss the movie!” Yunjin pulled her and Minjeong had to join the taller girl and her stupid long legs in a sprint.

 

“You were the one that had to take all the photos!” she snapped, giggling between every three words. Their situation was so entertaining for Minjeong.

 

It felt so fun just hanging out, doing regular student things and just having fun with a good friend. Yunjin wanted to watch this rescreening of a movie the blonde loved when she was younger, dragging Minjeong in tow while saying it was a date.

 

She had to barge into her apartment, startling an asleep Minjeong, before Yunjin had her get ready for their date despite the short notice.

 

(“Why didn’t you tell me you had plans for us today, dummy?” Minjeong pouted as she rushed outside the shower to throw on any comfortable clothes.

 

Yunjin had a sheepish smile that seemed so misplaced on her usual bright face. “I forgot..”

 

There was a loud groan of sheer exasperation from Minjeong. “Can you help me put on this blouse?”

 

“Of course!”

 

The blouse was halfway down Minjeong’s torso when the door opened and a startled Jimin stood at the entrance. Yunjin hadn’t noticed, teasing the brunette with a light graze of her knuckles against the flesh of Minjeong’s ribs.

 

This little shit—

 

Of course, Minjeong jumped in place, swatting at Yunjin’s wandering hands with a silent reprimand in her look. She felt guilty for a moment, looking back at Jimin, who was still stuck at the door.

 

There was a weird look on her face, her lips a tight line.

 

“Are you two heading off somewhere again?” Jimin asked, her voice sounding strained.

 

The blonde finally looked up, finally pulling the white blouse down until it properly sat on Minjeong’s upper body. “Yep! We’re going on a movie date.”

 

There was a raised brow coming from the raven, “Minjeong and I were supposed to go to the park today.”

 

Ah shit, Minjeong winced internally. She forgot about her and Jimin’s plans today. She frowned, looking apologetically at the girl. “Sorry, Jiminie. Rain check today?”

 

Jimin’s face hardened but she said nothing. She just nodded, setting down the plastic bag she’d been holding the entire time. Minjeong could make out the contents a tiny bit—their favorite meals for binge watching.

 

Minjeong cursed herself again. She forgot they were going to binge watch some seasons of this new show Jimin had liked and suggested, right before they had a picnic at the park nearby.

 

“We have to go, Minjeongieee,” whined Yunjin, and though Minjeong felt bad for having to ditch Jimin, echoes of their conversation come back in her mind.

 

Maybe it’s for the best.

 

“We have to go. See you later, Jiminie. I’ll bring back some snacks, promise.”)

 

It was hectic when they reached the theaters, Yunjin shoving her phone at Minjeong for the tickets while she rushed off to buy them drinks and popcorn.

 

It’s been almost two weeks since they started ’dating’, and Minjeong would never say it to her face, but Yunjin was a good girlfriend. It was all platonic, obviously, but she can’t deny there were moments when she got butterflies from the blonde. Ever since they had the agreement, Minjeong was fetched from the apartment with pancakes in tow. She’s never had breakfast so consistently before; maybe that’s why she’s more energetic lately. Every night, after school work or just hanging out with her friends, Minjeong was dropped off at the apartment by Yunjin. It’d be silly sometimes, their banter natural and smooth, but Minjeong wasn’t sure if the cheek kisses before bidding goodbye was a bit over the top. 

 

Maybe she liked the attention. She liked being cared for and pampered and babied, something she never thought she’d have a preference for.

 

I’m a strong and independent girl! she always said. Funny how she was actually really dependent and clingy, though it’s nice to have it reciprocated.

 

Jimin had been staying in school much later, saying it was the training for the dance club’s performances, but she hadn’t heard the same from their other classmates. Or even the few people she knew were clubmates with the girl. 

 

Oh well, it seems like Jimin was just really getting her rehearsals in.

 

“Got the food!” Yunjin cheered, Minjeong giggling with affection. “Let’s head over to our seats.”

 

They got comfortable in the theater, Yunjin even whipping out a soft throw blanket from the bottom of her bag to drape onto the both of them while they watched. 

 

Minjeong was impressed, “How did you manage to sneak this in?”

 

The blonde responded with a cheeky grin, a mischievous wink in tow, “You can call me an expert in movie theater comfort.”

 

“Okay, dork,” mirth danced in her tone, settling with a shake of her head. Yunjin always had the randomest plots in her mind.

 

What Minjeong didn’t expect was a sad movie. She was sure most of the people with them shed a tear or two at the minimum.

 

Yunjin grabbed her hand near the end, sniffing loudly. Minjeong simply laughed and rubbed her knuckles with her thumb, offering comfort amidst soiled tissues and wailed proclamations of the pain of true love.

 

When the ending credits rolled and the lights brightened, Minjeong found herself cackling at the view of her friend in absolute shambles. The movie’s protagonists didn’t have a happy ending. If Minjeong wasn’t preoccupied in trying to shush Yunjin’s sobs of despair, maybe she’d be upset too.

 

She grabbed a tissue and pinched the blonde’s nose with it. “Blow, you little baby.”

 

Yunjin did so obediently, Minjeong feeling her chest swell at the action. It was great having another friend she can just enjoy skinship with at any random time. Yunjin was just a big puppy in her mind. She was sweet, energetic, bright—like the sun.

 

Her hand paused, still stuck in the motion of helping her crybaby friend with her snot. The lack of heart-thumping reaction at the revelation made her ponder. Yunjin would be a wonderful girlfriend, there was no doubt in that. Minjeong could even attest to it if they asked for proof. Her friend was a sun—something she never thought she could describe anyone but Jimin, yet this was how Minjeong found out that she could orbit other suns.

 

Other people with the same gravitational pull, the same brightness and warmth that can hold Minjeong in a tender hug, the same enigma that can rest in Minjeong’s thoughts, the same glow that made Minjeong fly with wax wings.

 

Yunjin can give her that. It makes sense she could. Once again, Minjeong gravitated toward someone that could give her the warmth she wanted.

 

Can I finally let go of you, Yu Jimin?

 

“What’re you thinking?”

 

Minjeong flinched at the sudden pipe of Yunjin’s voice. Her friend had her head tilted to the side, akin to how dogs do when they hear something that piques their interest. The brunette shook her head, “Nothing.”

 

Wiping off the last remnants of her breakdown, Yunjin propped her elbow against the armrest. A curiosity shone in her eyes, “Dummy Minjeong thinks I can’t see through her.”

 

“You’re silly,” Minjeong teased, “Come on, I wanna go home.”

 

They left the theater with their hands clasped together. Ever since two weeks ago, Yunjin was adamant on making sure she’s holding Minjeong. Whether it was an arm over her shoulder, a hand on the small of her back, a pinky looped around her belt hoops, Yunjin was constantly all over her. Minjeong thought she was really enthusiastic about this whole fake dating thing, playing a lightly possessive partner that was still so attentive.

 

“Thanks for the movie,” Minjeong hugged the taller, arms around her neck even if she had to tiptoe. “I didn’t think you were a softie for sad films.”

 

Yunjin waved it off with a faint blush on her face. “It was embarrassing! I didn’t think they’d make me cry so much.”

 

They stood staring at each other for a little bit, both with a satisfied smile on their lips. Minjeong’s arms continued to rest on Yunjin’s shoulders, the blonde’s hands comfortably idle on Minjeong’s hips.

 

“You should head out soon, I know the commute is gonna be pretty intense in the next hour,” Minjeong urged, having recalled the many times Yunjin and her were on a call together as the blonde commuted home. “I don’t want you to get stuck again.”

 

There was an adorable pout on the girl’s face. “That was a one-time thing!”

 

“You were stuck there for 5 hours, Yunjin.”

 

“I got home safe!”

 

“Yeah, after complaining to me the entire time. You almost pissed your pants because of how long it took, remember?”

 

Yunjin turned red immediately. She covered her face with both her hands, backing away from Minjeong. “Shhhh! I told you that in confidence.”

 

Minjeong found her clumsiness endearing. Maybe Yunjin can really be her sun. She hadn’t felt this much happiness until she agreed to date Yunjin, her mindset stuck on the hurt from loving Jimin while she was so near. It was all just so different the past few weeks, sometimes to the point that she felt like it wasn’t real.

 

(Because it wasn’t, Minjeong reminded herself.)

 

“I had fun today,” Minjeong admitted, oddly feeling shy.

 

“Me too,” Yunjin’s voice crack gave her relief that it wasn’t just her. “I’m glad you had a good time, Minjeong.”

 

“It’s been a wonderful two weeks for me, Yunjin. You really took care of me the entire time.”

 

“Of course! How did it feel? Did I sweep you off your feet?” 

 

A dorky smile rested on her lips, Minjeong sighing in response. 

 

“You did,” Minjeong responded, oblivious to the brightness on Yunjin’s face. “You are amazing.”

 

“How do you feel now? About Jimin.”

 

“I’m torn about it. I don’t… I’m not sure how to feel. We barely hung out because you’re always dragging me places, and even today I had to ditch her.”

 

Yunjin mumbled, “She deserves it.”

 

Minjeong swatted her arm, knowing her friend’s teasing nature. “Stop that! You’re her friend too, you know.”

 

“I know…”

 

“What?” The brunette doesn’t miss the hesitant look, the nervous tic of Yunjin nibbling on her lower lip. “What’s wrong?”

 

But the blonde simply shook her head, “Nothing. I just… I don’t know. I had a lot of fun, Minjeong. Like a lot.”

 

Minjeong beamed. “I know. Me too.”

 

“No… I mean… I—” An uncharacteristic blush formed on the taller girl’s face. “Can I kiss you, Minjeong? To end our fake relationship?”

 

Cheek kisses were always normal for them, so Minjeong giggled and nodded. She had least expected Yunjin’s sigh of relief before holding her face between her hands and leaning down. Minjeong’s eyes widened at the feeling of Yunjin’s lips on hers, the blonde’s eyes screwed shut, her face a burning red. 

It was brief, probably not even 5 seconds of their lips pressed together until Yunjin and Minjeong jumped away from each other at the door slamming shut.

 

Minjeong whipped around and stared at the door. What was that? Did Jimin see that? Was someone visiting and just had the awkward experience of seeing Minjeong and Yunjin, two people who were in a “relationship”, outside the door? All her thoughts sent her stomach spiraling to a never ending pit, her mouth drying at the idea of getting caught kissing Yunjin.

 

“What was that?” She turned to her friend and felt her heart drop at the guilty look on the blonde’s face. “Yunjin?”

 

With thick brows furrowed, pink lips quivering, and pupils shaking, her friend simply whispered, “I’m sorry.”

 

But what was she sorry about? The kiss? Minjeong would have been okay with brushing it off any other time (she wasn’t as perturbed about the kiss than the fact someone saw them) but the closed door beside her made her feel awful. Yunjin wouldn’t look like this if it wasn’t something more.

 

Opting to look into who was in her and Jimin’s room instead, Minjeong sighed and patted Yunjin’s shoulder lightly. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow. Get home safe, please.” She didn’t wait for a response, just flashing the taller girl a tight smile before shouldering her way into the apartment.

 

The room was dark. It’s never dark here. The both of them hated being in the dark because, funnily enough, they were both scared of it. This was how Minjeong knew there was something wrong. Their bachelor apartment had never felt so small, a tight space as opposed to its usual warmth and comfort.

 

She didn’t like it.

 

“Jimin?”

 

There was no answer. Minjeong put down her bag and reached for the lightswitch. Before she could flip it on, a cold hand wrapped around her wrist and she jumped in place.

 

“Jesus, Jimin! Why is it so dark?” 

 

Still no reply. The brunette waited patiently for any response. The darkness hid Jimin’s face, but Minjeong can just make out the silhouette of shaking lips. What was wrong? Was she still bummed that she couldn’t go to the park and binge watch with her? Minjeong felt bad, but that was a lack of proper planning on her part. She had already planned on figuring out how to make it up to Jimin.

 

A tentative hand reached out to hold Jimin’s iron grip. Minjeong frowned at the sting that came once the taller girl pulled away. Jimin was never forceful with her touches; she was always soft and almost tentative at times. It was endearing until it was simply full on skinship after the first couple of months. Never was there a time that Minjeong had to worry about getting physically hurt—intentionally or not. 

 

Yu Jimin was not that type of girl. Minjeong was only allowed to bring her walls down due to the kindness the taller girl had.

 

The kindness that suddenly felt so out of place in the darkness of the room.

 

Minjeong felt uneasy at the silence. “Jimin?” she asked again. At the continuous lack of an answer, the brunette scoffed. If Jimin was giving her the silent treatment, she’d rather just call it a day and throw herself onto the bed to recover from the busy date she had with Yunjin. She was already exhausted and the unwarranted silence was picking at her thin patience.

 

Heavy feet tried to head towards the bed at the end of the room, weary steps at the unnatural lack of interaction with her roommate. Minjeong had a lot of fun with Yunjin today, cut short at the slamming of the door at her friend’s erratic desire to press their lips together. She had to talk to her about that. What the fuck was that about?

 

With a mind working overtime trying to make sense of the current situation—with both Yunjin and Jimin—there were too many thoughts to process all of it.

 

Why did Yunjin kiss her? Why the fuck did Yunjin do it? 

 

Now that there was a moment of reprieve for Minjeong to process, and paired with Jimin’s unnatural silence, she felt like the world was crashing, tidal waves that swallow and pull and drown. Her breath got caught in her throat, heart thundering against her rib cage, feeling the beating organ shrink tight.

 

Finally catching a glimpse of the rest of the room, the realization sunk deep. There wasn’t anyone in the room. It’s just been Jimin here.

 

Jimin saw them kiss. If Minjeong’s back was facing away, there was not a moment for her to look up and see Jimin’s eyes witnessing them.

 

The drop in her stomach felt overpowering, crawling to the rest of her limbs until Minjeong felt like she was just freefalling. 

 

Jimin saw them.

 

Though a part of Minjeong promised she didn’t mind the kiss with Yunjin (platonic kisses, anyone?), a bigger part of her was stunned at the fact her friend had done it. Minjeong wouldn’t have normally minded, swear, but Jimin seeing it was an entirely different thing.

 

Minjeong turned around in panic, searching for Jimin under the darkness of their room. The taller girl already was staring at her, dark brown eyes peeking past the shadows, almost defiant.

 

“Jimin—” she immediately called out, the rest of the words stuck in her throat. 

 

Come to me, come here and let me explain. 

 

Stop looking at me like that, please.

 

Why do you look so hurt?

 

Whirlwinds of questions laid ruin in Minjeong’s head, recognizing the pain behind the watery eyes, feeling her heart by her feet because Jimin should never look so broken. The world can crash and burn itself from inside out but Yu Jimin had to be smiling no matter what.

 

Had Minjeong caused this? Was she the reason why the spark from Jimin’s eyes softened to a dull throb?

 

But did Jimin ever think of Minjeong as well? Did Jimin not recognize the same cracks in Minjeong’s person, the same fragility that thrummed beneath her skin from every touch that was given? Minjeong recognized the silence quickly—same night realizations, even. Had she been so obtuse, or had Minjeong been so much better at acting?

 

For the first time since Minjeong came home, Jimin’s lips parted, “How was the movie?” 

 

The brunette felt her knees shake. With a trembling wisp of a gasp, she whispered, “Is that really what you want to ask?”

 

The reply seemed to take some air from Jimin’s lungs.

 

“Be honest, Yu Jimin.”

 

The raven’s eyes watered.

 

But Minjeong was stern. “Be honest with me.”

 

With a hand still cold and clammy, Jimin reached for Minjeong’s hand. She looked down, avoiding the gaze of the shorter girl. Jimin shook her head, “W-what did you guys wa-watch?”

 

“Yu Jimin,” she repeated, a finger against the girl’s chin to tilt her face back up, “is that what you really want to know?”

 

The crumpled expression that bloomed on Jimin’s face was haunting, yet Minjeong couldn’t look away. From the furrow of her brows, to the quivering of her lower lip, the watering of her eyes, to the redness that flushed on her cheeks—Minjeong saw it all. Swallowed it deep into her conscience and sculpted to the image of the girl across from her.

 

You’re so beautiful. 

 

Jimin’s voice was soft, a tender kiss on her hand, even as a tear strayed from her eyes. “You guys are cute.”

 

An echo of a lifetime ago, said by a bystander to a different pairing Minjeong was in. Funny how life works, huh?

 

“You think so? Yunjin is a… very effective girlfriend.” 

 

“Effective? What a unique way to describe your girlfriend.”

 

“She is a very unique girl.”

 

Jimin audibly swallowed. “That she is, huh?” Her voice sounded distant—wistful, even. Like she was recollecting a memory from another lifetime. Maybe a memory of a different Jimin and a different Minjeong, but with the same desire for one another. “You two don’t shy away from PDA.”

 

There it was. The admission that she saw them. Minjeong’s heart stuttered. “It wasn’t what you think.”

 

A tear slid down a red cheek. Jimin had less restraint than earlier. The sun sputtered to a flaking fire, edges of heat licking and spitting against Minjeong’s skin. The heat blazed to singe the hair on her arms, scorching against her finger as she wiped the teardrop away.

 

Minjeong hardened her gaze, feeling her heart in her throat. “It wasn’t what you think,” she repeated, more sternly than before.

 

“What more could it have been, Minjeong?”

 

What more could it be? How could Jimin ask her that? Why was the explanation stuck on her tongue? Like an old tale she doesn’t remember how to tell, an old promise that tied itself around her neck and buried in her head but couldn’t let out.

 

The shorter girl choked on some spit, heart heavy and the explanation even heavier against her tongue. What a sad smile, she thought, staring at Jimin’s face as she waited for her reply. She never would have thought she would see such a smile on Jimin’s face—Jimin, her sun, her light.

 

“It didn’t mean anything,” was the best she could say. Most she could spill and offer. 

 

“It’s none of my business.”

 

“It is!” Minjeong exploded, pupils shaking and breath heavy. All the unspoken words bubbled from deep within, from the subconscious she had tried so hard to disregard, from the feelings she had tried so hard to minimize. “It is.”

 

Perhaps safe from Minjeong’s inner turmoil, Yu Jimin searched for an answer. “I…”

 

Flashes of touches blinded her mind, a word that so embodied how much Minjeong cared, kisses that surely meant something different—something more. 

 

“It’s always been Yu Jimin. No one else.”

 

The taller girl blinked. “What..?”

 

Minjeong laid ruin to the thoughts that had been plaguing her mind since those months ago. 

 

Are you prepared to lose her?

 

But what if I don’t?

 

What if I do?

 

Can I lose my sun?

 

She paused at the dilemma, a moment’s hesitation like a drop of blood in shark-infested waters. Like the beasts, the anxieties circled in her decision.

 

Nothing more, nothing less.

 

Now nothing at all?

 

Was Minjeong ready to risk it all? The possibility of losing Jimin seized her by the throat. If she continues and Jimin has no reciprocation, it’ll just make everything awkward and can change their relationship permanently. 

 

What if Jimin was disgusted? Maybe she never wanted it to escalate, only needing the physical aspect of it. Pass time. Relieve stress. 

 

What if it was never serious for Yu Jimin?

 

“It’s always been serious for me, Kim Minjeong,” Jimin whispered.

 

The air stilled. Minjeong refused to breathe because—shit, did she say that question out loud? Stupid, stupid, stupid!

 

She met Jimin’s eyes, still so watery and scared. Why was she scared? Was it because Minjeong started blabbering about her feelings? 

 

Is this the right decision?

 

Was… was Jimin scared of what Minjeong was insinuating?

 

Everything turned black and white for a split second and all Minjeong could feel was despair.

 

Pull back. 

 

“I– Sorry, I think– I might be too tired, Jiminie.” Minjeong wrestled with herself to detach from the other girl, suddenly feeling the heat. Too hot. Too scorching. 

 

Too painful.

 

Her retreat was like moving across a swamp pit, dragging her down with each step, wrapping its tendrils around her ankles to keep her in the water. “I’ll go to bed now, okay?”

 

Just as she turned, Jimin grabbed her wrist. An ironclad grip before she was pulled directly to Jimin’s chest.

 

“Don’t run away. Please.”

 

“No, J-Jimin–”

 

With the sun so blinding, Minjeong’s wax wings found its last moments. Unprotected and vulnerable, Minjeong was terrified of her situation. A hiss of a touch. A pitfall of a drop. A fall so tragic she doubted she would ever recover. 

 

Yet the sun kept her hands around her, even as her wings were but a mechanical skeleton. Even as the Earth below her was reduced to a pebble.

 

Kim Minjeong could not bear Yu Jimin to leave. But maybe she can bear leaving first. 

 

Fighting against stronger arms was a challenge she never thought she would have to deal with. Especially not Jimin’s arms. The same pair of arms that held her close even as the world crumbled around her.

 

“Minjeongie!”

 

“I have to go,” Minjeong struggled against the hold, struggling against this bright sun that might as well burn her body and heart. “Let me go!”

 

Jimin was adamant. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re not going anywhere too.”

 

“You have no right to just—”

 

“I do!” The raven’s voice cracked, a soft buzz against Minjeong’s heavy breathing. “I have the right.”

 

“On what grounds?”

 

“On my unlimited hug-a-Minjeong coupon.”

 

Shit.

 

“Minjeong, look at me.”

 

She shook her head. If she saw pity in Jimin’s eyes, she would want to throw herself off their balcony. 

 

“Minjeong!”

 

Soft palms against her cheek, squeezing just enough to still Minjeong in place. Lips against her own, honey and berries against her tongue.

 

Why was Jimin kissing her?

 

“Ever since I went home… it’s… it’s been you. Even before that, I think.” Jimin’s breath fanned against her swollen lips, close enough to feel each syllable, not enough to feel their movements. “I broke up with Mark then.”

 

Minjeong found herself mute at the admission. The final piece to the puzzle of what Jimin had done in her hometown. 

 

Always wondering to know but never asking for answers. Yet here Jimin was, presenting all of it on a platter for Minjeong to feast on.

 

“We both knew there was something wrong. Something lost as time passed by. We were arguing more, so much more than before. Our calls were just us fighting against each other over the dumbest things… I wasn’t happy anymore and I knew neither was he.” Jimin cupped the back of Minjeong’s head, pulling her closer to her once more. “But god, Minjeong. I was so happy with you and Mark noticed that. I decided to break up with him because I knew I didn’t love him anymore—not like I used to. Not anymore.”

 

“W-what are you saying?”

 

“I’ve been sorting out my feelings since I came back. I couldn’t decide with myself what I wanted from you. Friendship? Romance?”

 

Minjeong gulped at Jimin’s words, her heart pouring out different letters, all for Minjeong to hear.

 

“I didn’t know anything else aside from the fact that I just wanted you. But I know it wasn’t fair to reach out with such undecipherable feelings. You don’t deserve that. So I’ve been reflecting. Thinking. Weighing it out if I can take the leap too.”

 

“I-is that why you kissed me? To sort yourself out?”

 

Jimin let out a choked laugh. “God, no. I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you, you dumbass.”

 

The tears came up before Minjeong could blink. Was this real? Jimin… all this time since she came back from her trip… she’s liked Minjeong already?

 

The thorns that covered the path Minjeong had been anxious to take was cleared out by Jimin’s words, a flowery route blossomed with colors that spelt out Minjeong’s name instead.

 

“Really?” she couldn’t help but ask in disbelief. “You’re not lying to me?”

 

“I swear on the sun, Minjeong. On the moon and the stars. I swear.”

 

She could not hold back her sobs, so much relief in finally knowing what she is to Yu Jimin. No more wondering late at night. No more questioning early in the morning. The lines she tried so hard to understand were finally dictated with heavy markers and colorful borders.

 

Jimin hiccuped, “B-but I understand that you are dating Yunjin now, and I know this is probably a strain to your relationship. Probably to ours too, but I just… I just wanted to let you know how I feel. I–” The girl broke down in short cries, startling Minjeong. “I love you, Minjeong. But I will always wish for your happiness first, even if it’s with someone else.”

 

Minjeong mourned for the girl that really did date Yunjin, in a lifetime, or a universe perhaps a little bit different from this one. The one whose heart broke after the admission to a girl who had decided to move on after constant blurred lines. The Minjeong that had given up too early, shaking her wings off and willing to jump into the abyss below—too fearful to stay and grit her teeth at the burn of Jimin’s flames.

 

But not this one.

 

“Jimin, listen to me.” When the taller girl nodded in acknowledgement, Minjeong continued. “Yunjin and I aren’t really dating… I guess we were for the two weeks but that was all platonic.”

 

“Kissing each other on the lips isn’t platonic,” Jimin argued, crossing her arms with a tiny grumble. 

 

Minjeong argued back, “But you kissed me. Are you telling me that one wasn’t platonic?”

 

“We slept with each other, Minjeong. I don’t think there was ever a moment it was platonic. Definitely not on my end.”

 

Was that another answer? Another eye-opening epiphany of realizing that all those days ago, freshly moved out and nothing to their names aside from mismatched mugs and cutlery, Jimin already felt something. Those nights when the moon and the stars and the night had to comfort Minjeong’s thoughts and worries, crying about the girl sleeping soundly next to her. Crying because of the same girl that couldn’t give her a semblance of acknowledgement. Reassurance.

 

Something more.

 

Could Minjeong be this greedy? Wanting Jimin and her entirety, the other girl’s confessions rolling out from her tongue and Minjeong wanting nothing but to swallow them in her own mouth. 

 

…Right after getting kissed by her friend.

 

(Am I the problem?)

 

Without another word, Minjeong ran to the bathroom and shoved her toothbrush in her mouth. She yelped at a moment of pain when she accidentally hit her gums, but the determination made the sting ebb away. It might be more placebo than anything, but she’d take anything at this point.

 

“Minjeong?” Jimin’s voice was confused and curious. 

 

With a garbled response that definitely made no sense, Minjeong signalled a five with her hand. “Fa Moniths,” she spouted, hoping the idea came across.

 

After she was done brushing her teeth, Minjeong stomped outside and straight into Jimin’s personal space. 

 

“M-Minjeong?”

 

It was slightly endearing hearing Jimin stutter because of her proximity to her. Minjeong rested her hands lightly against Jimin’s hips, eyes never leaving the other’s. She waddled closer to the girl, even despite the angry blush that Minjeong could make out from Jimin’s ears.

 

“Um,” the raven swallowed audibly.

 

Minjeong found it adorable. She grabbed Jimin’s cheeks and leaned even closer. “I’m going to kiss you now, and it will not be platonic. Do you understand?”

 

The girl’s pupils were shaking, going between Minjeong’s eyes to her lips and back and then back again. She nodded silently, face flushing back to the comfortable red that had settled since she first confessed. Minjeong wished she could paint the look on Jimin’s face and keep it in her room to adore and worship.

 

With only a wisp of air between their lips, Jimin piped up. “I– I don’t want to betray Yunjin, Minjeong… but I don’t think I’ll be able to hold myself back.”

 

Brushing her hair back, Minjeong pouted, “We weren’t really girlfriends, Jiminie.”

 

“And I’m not really nervous right now,” Jimin responded by rolling her eyes.

 

Minjeong grew impatient at the delay, fingers pressed against Jimin’s cheeks. What other way was there to proclaim her love to her? In a way that was certain and solid. “It’s always been you.”

 

“But Yunjin–”

 

“Yunjin was the one who proposed the idea. I guess she saw how… attached I am to you.” With a flash of recognition in Jimin’s eyes, Minjeong shook her head. “It was really hard, Jimin. We were doing all sorts of things but what we were was never clear. It ate me from the inside. I was constantly worrying, stuck in a mental loop of pulling away just to be the first one to come back.”

 

The taller girl gasped softly, “I’m sorry, Minjeongie. I’m so sorry.”

 

Another shake of her head, perhaps another huff of disbelief. “I appreciate your honesty now, Jimin, but I really would have preferred it to be earlier.”

 

“I’m here now. I’ll make it up to you, Minjeong. Please believe me.”

 

Silly, silly Jimin. Minjeong thought there wasn’t really a lot of times she didn’t believe the other girl. How dense could she be? But with the heartache she has nursed between calloused hands and scarred skin, Minjeong found it hard to accept the reality they were in now.

 

Jimin was in love with her.

 

In a tornado of inner turmoil and a storm of skepticism, Minjeong felt her fingers grow cold. With the sun so close to her, how else can she tether herself to the celestial body with nothing but an incomplete form?

 

“Please don’t hurt me, Jimin,” her voice came out gravelly, begging for refuge in the trembling spaces of her heart. Being unclear and feeling abandoned was one thing, but the idea of being hurt by Yu Jimin after being chosen by her was nothing short of a shot to the head. “I will not be able to bear it. You said you love me so you will have to love me forever.”

 

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Minjeong. That has been my plan from the start.”

 

It was Jimin who finally surges forward, the last miniscule distance swept away with her lips as the taller girl’s hands finally settle on the small of her back.

 

Minjeong felt like she hadn’t breathed air until then. They kissed just moments before, sure, but a whole new star blossomed in Minjeong’s chest as Jimin unraveled her strings and reconstructed her to an entirely different being. 

 

She reciprocated with fervor, an intense thirst finally quenched like Jimin’s admission was water in barren land.

 

Yu Jimin was a sun, but Kim Minjeong didn’t mind being a star in her orbit.

 

//

 

Yunjin was chewing her lip harshly when they settled on one of the tables on the school’s rooftop. Minjeong was dazed, trying to process the many events that transpired even throughout the last 2 weeks.

 

Not only was her and Yunjin's fake relationship a success—Minjeong would even say it worked just as well as the blonde had thought—but Jimin confessed to her. The one good thing that happened through it all.

 

“So…” Minjeong piped up, feeling almost uncomfortable at the weird tension in the air. Weird because she's never had to feel cautious around Yunjin before, but some questions deserved answers and Minjeong wasn't sure how else to get them.

 

“So…” Yunjin parroted, returning back to abusing her lower lip as she refused to meet Minjeong's gaze. There was barely an acknowledgement regarding their meeting. It was awkward, uncomfortable, and Minjeong was at a loss for words because how do they even start to address The Kiss?

 

Minjeong fiddled with her fingers, gathering the courage to finally ask and get the answers she’s been needing. Nothing wrong with just asking outright— “Why did you kiss me?”

 

The blonde flinched. Minjeong felt some sort of pity at the reaction, almost willing to drop the entire thing… but that was before Jimin confessed. That was before Jimin and her decided to be together. Officially. That was before her world tilted on a different axis and the sun was brighter and warmer than before.

 

Sure they weren't together then, but Yunjin knew how Minjeong felt about Jimin—how she wasn't entirely available, but she wasn't unavailable either—and the intricacies of their relationship. A cheek kiss was all she had expected, but instead she was given a peck on the lips and a confusion that crawled its way to her limbs as she had to deal with an aloof Jimin.

 

Minjeong would be lying if she said she didn't feel even the slightest bit betrayed.

 

“Please be honest with me, Yunjin.” The brunette tried to catch the blonde's eyes, tried to urge her to just tell her what had been going on in her mind.

 

But Yunjun cracked a shaky smirk, “Did it work?”

 

“The what?”

 

“The whole fake dating thing. Jimin did do something about it, right?”

 

“How do you know?” Minjeong asked.

 

The other girl pointed at her neck, to which Minjeong instinctively covered with a flushed hand.

 

Shit. Was there a mark?

 

Minjeong caught a fraction of a shrug, Yunjin crossing her arms, “There's none, but the reaction was all I needed to confirm.”

 

She was starting to get frustrated—Minjeong asked a straightforward question and, at the very least, expected a straightforward answer.

 

“Yunjin…” she almost pleaded, “why did you do it?”

 

Clenched fists, so tightly Minjeong could see the bones almost poking out of her knuckles. “I like you, Minjeong.”

 

That was not what she expected.

 

Yunjin continued, “I like you, and I'm sorry for kissing you, but it felt like that was my last chance with you. You said I swept you away. I hoped kissing you would make you change your mind… and would make you choose me.”

 

“Feelings don't work like that, Yunjin…”

 

“I know. But at least I know I tried. It may have been for a few moments, but those two weeks were the best. I—” The taller girl took a deep breath and looked away. “I guess I got too greedy. I had you for those two weeks and I just started thinking if it was for longer… more permanent. More… real.”

 

Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth. A swirling typhoon of guilt raptured her insides as she remembered how she thought Yunjin could be her sun. Just yesterday, she was asking herself if Yunjin could. If this girl across from her could be the person Minjeong orbited, the sun she desired to bask in, Minjeong probably could have chosen her.

 

In another world, perhaps Minjeong did. It was the same thoughts she had yesterday.

 

A pit in her stomach for what could have been—she was just in the same trenches her friend was in. But the stick that Yunjin had to deal with was just different. Everything was different. Minjeong… Minjeong herself was different. This wasn’t the world where Minjeong ended up with Yunjin—her sun was Yu Jimin.

 

“I’m sorry, Yunjin.” Minjeong felt lame because all she could really do was apologize for not reciprocating the other girl’s feelings. “I like Jimin. A lot. And I do appreciate you for hanging out with me for the past two weeks and making me feel more sane, but we sorted it all out and now we're… dating?”

 

There wasn't much more to say between the two of them. Minjeong just couldn't reciprocate her feelings. Yunjin was an amazing person; she's energetic, funny, selfless, and undeniably pretty. It just sucked how she had to like someone like Minjeong—someone who just couldn't let go.

 

“You don't sound sure,” Yunjin pointed out, trying to make the conversation more light. Minjeong's not sure it was gonna work.

 

“Our feelings are mutual,” was what the brunette settled on. It wasn't wrong, per se. Her and Jimin would have to talk about that later. Nevertheless, Minjeong was sure that Jimin wanted to be exclusive.

 

With a label or not, Minjeong's already tied up with it. 

 

Yunjin tapped the table. “That's good. I'm happy, Minjeong.” She had a small smile on her face, but her lips weren't stretched out as they usually were.

 

“Thank you…” Minjeong tried to give back a brighter grin. “We're still friends, right?”

 

The girl’s voice cracked. “Absolutely,” Yunjin replied. 

 

It was all she could say.

 

//

 

They weren't allowed on the rooftop when it was late at night. One of the many rules they found out after exploring their building, which meant another one for Jimin to break. Minjeong didn't think they would ever hang out on the rooftop at 2AM, but here they were. Jimin even had a blanket set up on the floor, a battery powered lantern holding it down against the wind. A collection of snacks and biscuits on one corner of the plaid blanket, bottles of juice and pop on another.

 

“What are we doing here?” Minjeong couldn’t help but ask, huddling herself inwardly to make herself smaller. It was late, and that means they could get caught by one of the security guards and possibly have their lease terminated. What were they going to do after that? “Jimin?”

 

Her sun turned to her with a dazzling smile, almost quenching all of her fears. Almost.

 

Minjeong hugged herself tighter. “I don’t want us to get in trouble, Jimin. What if they kick us out?”

 

A careless wave of a hand and a charming raise of a brow. “Don’t worry, I have exclusive permission for tonight.”

 

She felt herself freeze. “What do you mean?”

 

“I talked to the guard on duty tonight and gave him some treats and some money just to look away. He didn’t ask many questions, just only requested we clean up after ourselves and to not be loud.”

 

Minjeong felt faint. “You bribed the guard in our building?”

 

“It was more like an agreement,” Jimin pouted.

 

She scoffed, “You paid him off!”

 

They both stared at each other for a breath and bursted out laughing at the same time.

 

Minjeong stifled her giggles long enough to answer, “You get away with the most ridiculous things.”

 

“I wanted tonight to be special for us, Minjeong,” Jimin said softly, still with a laugh on her smile. “Today’s an important day.”

 

“Is it?” Minjeong doesn’t recall anything on their fridge calendar, nor does she remember an alarm on her phone for the day. “What’s today?”

 

Jimin ushered her to the blanket and Minjeong sat down. Her girlfriend handed her a bottle of mango juice; recognizing her favorite brand got Minjeong feeling tingly. Jimin handed over a plate of cake and cookies, a plastic fork at the side for her to use. Minjeong indulged herself with the desserts happily. She wasn’t sure why Jimin didn’t even wait for her to swallow to finally answer Minjeong’s question.

 

“Today is an important day because it’s been a week since we became official.”

 

Kim Minjeong almost choked. She almost cursed at how easy she was to fluster, but she couldn’t blame anyone else but Jimin for catching her off guard.

 

What was she thinking!

 

“Are you okay? I’m sorry…” Jimin handed her a bottle of water before rubbing her back for help. The cute furrow of her brows that lead to an even cuter crease on her forehead. Minjeong has yet to bring up the way it’s shaped like a triangle, but then Jimin might feel too conscious and stop herself from doing it. She didn’t think she was ready to part ways with such an adorable habit from her.

 

“I’m okay, silly,” she replied after she was sure she could without getting killed. “I was just surprised, issall.”

 

The raven tilted her head, looking like a curious cat—Minjeong thought the idiom was well suited, especially to someone like Jimin. Minjeong had mentioned that one before—told Jimin she was “like a cat that’s always on zoomies”. She could still remember what she said. 

 

After she was done wiping her mouth, she turned to Jimin. “I still don’t get it.”

 

Jimin licked her lips, a little nervous tic she does when she doesn’t really know what to say. “It’s like… you know…”

 

“Like…?”

 

“Like… it’s been a week, and you haven’t changed your mind. It feels more permanent now… more serious.”

 

Minjeong squinted, “So it didn’t feel serious before?”

 

She only meant to tease, but Jimin jumped in place and flushed to such an adorable red. She started shaking her head and waving her hands to deny Minjeong’s words. “No! Absolutely not—Minjeong, that wasn’t what I meant—”

 

“Jimin, I’m just being annoying, really,” the brunette held down the other’s hands and gave Jimin a little smile. “Now that you say it that way, I guess it’s a pretty important day for me too.”

 

Minjeong actually thought it was really sweet. A little bit extra, but she guessed that Jimin just came into this world being extra. Extra loving, extra thoughtful, extra silly, extra beautiful—extraordinary in every sense of the word.

 

She held her hand more tightly. Perhaps the both of them thought their relationship felt more fleeting—roommates to more than that. They’ve gone through a lot of things just the past couple months alone that they shouldn’t have had to worry about in their young age. Petty betrayal, almost having no roof over their heads, the constant conflict of feeling too much for a person you can’t really have. There’s been emotional tolls, but Minjeong was just glad that she just had to deal with Yu Jimin and not someone who was more heinous.

 

“I love you, Yu Jimin,” Minjeong confessed, but it was more so just acknowledging something that had been fluttering in the air since who knows when.

 

With tears in her pretty, pretty eyes, Jimin’s lips shook. “I love you too, Minjeong. I think it’s always supposed to be you.”

 

“I will gladly let my wings burn if it means holding you closer to me.”

 

“Your wings?”

 

“Just like Icarus.”

 

“Then you think I’m—”

 

Minjeong giggled under her breath. “That’s right. You’re my sun.”

 

Tears on both their faces, but Jimin was the first to wipe them away. “Promise you won’t stop loving me,” the raven almost begged.

 

Silly, silly Jimin. She’s never had to worry about that since the moment Minjeong realized she liked her. “Of course, silly,” Minjeong replied, and she started to remember the many other times she told Jimin the same thing. 

 

The same three words that was Kim Minjeong’s attempt to wrap her feelings into letters to let Yu Jimin know.

 

“Anything for you.”

Notes:

let me know what you think :]

@wenfanyrina on twt

(character clarifications: minjeong and chaehyun are high school friends. hayoung is chaehyun's sister and is also jihyo's best friend. the roommates were minjeong, jimin, chaehyun, hayoung, and jihyo—so 5 people in total. idk if it was clear w the way i worded it sorry xoxo)