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“What are you thinking about?” Steve asked Sam as they laid in bed in a motel room side by side, their legs were tangled together under the sheets. Sam was reveling to himself in the afterglow of their night together, enjoying the slight stinging between his legs in the muscles that hadn’t been used in some time.
“Mmm, I was just thinking about us. What we’ll do once we’re home and people start to notice and talk,” Sam answered, rolling his head over to look at Steve.
“I already told you what I want. I want you. I don’t want this to be a casual thing.”
“I heard you. I want you too.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I guess I still can’t picture Captain America going for the black, tranny dude,” Sam said with self-deprecating amusement. Steve gave him a serious look at that statement.
“Don’t talk about yourself like that, like there’s something wrong with you because there isn’t.”
Sam looked at the intensity and seriousness on Steve’s face and began to feel contrite.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not the one you should apologize to, he is,” Steve replied pointing behind him. Sam looked back and saw himself staring back in the mirror.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered to his reflection before turning back to Steve who was smiling at him with satisfaction.
“Good. You might wanna be more careful, that’s the man I love you were talking about.”
Sam smiled at that. They hadn’t been using the L-word for long and it still brought a smile to his lips and a tingling in his chest when Steve said it. He pushed himself over and wrapped his arms around Steve’s broad shoulder before pressing a kiss to his lips.
“I love you too.”
Steve brushed their noses against each other before throwing his arm around Sam and relaxing into their embracing.
“Where’d that come from anyway,” Steve asked after a moment of silence. It took Sam a second to realize what he was talking about.
“I don’t know. I always thought I was one of the lucky ones. I had a great childhood, I loved being a girl. I collected Barbie dolls, I had tea parties with my sister every week, I swore I would be a princess when I grew up.”
“Is that why you never got the operation?”
“Partly. I wasn’t uncomfortable with myself or my body. I had top surgery but that was it. Plus, I wanna have kids one day so it made sense not to do it. It was only when puberty hit things got a little rocky for me and I started to feel differently. Even when I figured out what it was that was different, I didn’t want to stop being a girl, even though I was more comfortable as a boy. I still went back and forth in high school. Some days I was Samara, other days Samuel until I decided to start hormone therapy. I had it easier than a lot of other people did. My family, my friends, my neighborhood, even my church was supportive of me. Sure, there were some people who didn’t take kindly to me and the military sure as hell didn’t recognize me as a man, but I had my family and friends. I don’t really have a right to complain or—”
“Hey, you’re the one who told me that there’s no point in comparing traumas or trying to make myself feel like just because someone might have it worse than me, I shouldn’t feel the way I do. You can feel any way you need to. It doesn’t make you wrong.”
Sam hid his smile in Steve’s shoulder.
“I know. I just also know that some people have it worse and I ache for those people. If I didn’t have that support system I don’t know where I’d be. Definitely not in this bed with you.”
“But you are here and I’m here and we both deserve to be happy. We deserve every second together.”
Sam pulled his face out of Steve’s shoulder and looked up into his blue eyes.
“You’re right. We do. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be in a bug infested motel room with. Except maybe Thor.”
“Really?”
“Or Peggy Carter.”
“...understandable.”
“Or Denzel Washington.”
“Also understandable.”
“Or Beyoncé.”
“Understandable but this list is getting a little too long.”
“Okay, so there are a few people I could think of being here with other than you.”
Steve scoffed loudly.
“But you’re the only one I’m in love with, which is more than you can say so I think that balances it out,” Sam teased.
“I think you have a bigger crush on Peggy than I ever did.”
It was easy now for them to bring up Peggy and Bucky and Riley without it turning awkward. Those people were important pieces of them that wouldn’t just disappear if they were never mentioned, best not to avoid it.
“That is entirely possible. I know I would’ve gotten more than one kiss from her if it was me.”
Steve reared back and stared at him a moment before he began attacking his side with tickles. Sam knew his laughter was probably disturbing the neighbors, but Steve didn’t let up, not that Sam truly minded. He didn’t mind putting up with much when it came to Steve.