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You woke up just as the sun was rising. It was strange, you being the first awake. It was usually Bucky. Always the early bird, but coming home late last night from a tough mission had him sleeping past his usual wake-up. You and Bucky had just moved in together and the apartment was still a mess of boxes. It hadn’t been easy getting to this point. You worked as a scientist with the Avengers and Bucky had just joined the team following his rehabilitation in Wakanda. You were both very hesitant about a new relationship: Bucky due to the past 70 plus years as a brainwashed assassin and you because of your ex-boyfriend.
You and your ex, Jeremy, had known each other since high school, but didn’t start dating until they both returned to their hometown from college. You were the nerdy, bespeckled science geek and Jeremy was the star athlete and never really crossed paths. You were going to graduate school nearby and Jeremy came back to work at a local marketing firm. At first, everything was a fairy tale. Romantic dinners, flowers just because, and constant compliments. Then, everything changed. It was subtle at first: a comment about your weight here, a complaint about you studying late there. Then, there came the study group.
You joined a study group with a few other classmates. When you got home from a late-night study session, Jeremy was up and starting questioning you about where you were and who you were with. You named the people in your study group: Maria, Keisha, Carly, and John. Upon hearing the male name, Jeremy became extremely angry and jealous. He accused you of flirting with other guys, no matter how much you told him that wasn’t true. You told him John was gay and had a boyfriend, but Jeremy didn’t listen. The slap came out of nowhere. You felt the sting across your cheek. Jeremy was breathing very heavily and wide-eyed. He quickly apologized and left. The next day, Jeremy came back and apologized on his knees. He said it would never happen again. Stupidly, you believed him.
After almost two years, you couldn’t take it anymore. The abuse got worse and soon, Jeremy ended up beating so bad that you broke two ribs and had a fractured wrist. You needed to get out. You couldn’t turn to your parents for help. They loved Jeremy and had already made it clear that the abuse was your fault. You were able to transfer to a school across the country and left without saying a word. You finished your PhD and got a job with the Avengers.
Most of your belongings were still in boxes, but as two coffee lovers, the coffee maker and coffee mugs were one of the first things that got unpacked. You got the coffee going, got a out of the cabinet, and milk from the fridge. You needed to get the sugar, which was up in the cabinet behind a jar of pasta sauce. As you reached to get the sugar, your hand knocked into the jar of sauce. The jar fell out of the cabinet and broke on the counters and floor. Immediately, your mind went back to an incident that happened a few years ago.
Jeremy expected dinner when he came home. This was the only night you got home early and he expected you to have dinner ready for him. You were making a lasagna and you reached for the pasta sauce for the sauce layer. You weren’t paying attention and knocked the sauce off the counter. The jar broke on the floor and you felt extreme fear. You knew you wouldn’t have enough time to run to the grocery store, get another jar, come home, and have dinner on the table before Jeremy came home. You cleaned up the broken jar as best you could and ran to the nearby corner store. Of course, they didn’t have the sauce Jeremy liked, but it would have to do. You raced back home only to find Jeremy’s car in the driveway. You knew. You knew before you even went in the door what awaited you.
Your mind came back to the present and you started panicking. Tears clouded your eyes and your hands started to shake. You didn’t want to make Bucky upset. You ran to find the rags to clean the pasta sauce and picked up the broken pieces of the jar. In your haste to clean up the jar, you cut your hand. You gasped and then the tears started to fall.
“Doll, everything okay?” Bucky asked rubbing sleep from his eyes.
You felt the panic attack coming. You started to hyperventilate and felt your chest was tightening. Bucky slowly approached and put a gentle hand on your back. You flinched and backed away.
“I’m sorry, Jeremy,” you said through tears.
Bucky looked confused. You told him about Jeremy, but not the abuse. You said he cheated on you and the relationship did not end well. Which wasn’t untrue, Jeremy would screw any living breathing female, but it wasn’t the whole truth.
Bucky saw you looking like a deer caught in the headlights. He saw the cut on your hand and slowly approached, “Sweetheart, you’re bleeding. Come with the me to the bathroom and we’ll find the first aid kit.”
You both went to the bathroom and found the first aid kit in the box labeled, “Bathroom”. Bucky helped you wash your hands with soap and water. He put on some antibacterial cream and wrapped a bandage around the cut. He guided to the bed and sat you down. “Just sit down here and I’ll clean up the kitchen,” Bucky said very quietly.
He went to the kitchen while you sat in the room. In the quiet, you realized your mistake and started to feel guilty. The last thing you wanted was for Bucky to learn the truth. You knew he would leave you. No one would want to be with a messed-up girl like you.
You were so wrapped up in your thoughts that didn’t notice Bucky come back. You probably wouldn’t have heard him anyway given his years of experience as a super-secret super soldier. He came into the room and sat next to you on the bed. You looked into his eyes and saw so much love and understanding that you ended up starting sobbing. Bucky wrapped his arms around you and this time, you didn’t flinch. You melted into his embrace and Bucky held you as your cried. He let you cry until you had you couldn’t cry anymore.
Bucky held you for a few more minutes until you pulled away. You took a deep breath and knew you would need to explain it. You didn’t want to make him angry. Deep down, you knew Bucky would never hurt you. He was the sweetest, gentlest man you ever met when he wasn’t fighting HYDRA or aliens.
You sighed, “Jeremy is my ex-boyfriend, but you already knew that.” He sat there patiently waiting for you to continue. “He……..ummm……was not a great boyfriend. He would…..ummmm……cheat on me. And……criticize me. Sometimes, when he got really angry, he would…..”You tried to continue, but the words couldn’t come out. They were stuck in your throat. You wanted to tell Bucky the truth, but you couldn’t.
“Oh my love,” Bucky said softly. He wrapped you back in his strong arms and it gave you strength to continue.
“I had to leave. I moved across the country and started over,” you explained, “I buried my life deep down and wouldn’t share that part of myself with anyone. Then, you came along. I wanted to tell you. I really did, but I just couldn’t. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to lie or hide this from you, but every time I tried to say something, I just couldn’t tell you.”
Bucky unwrapped you from his arms and gently put his hands on the side of your face so you could look him straight in the eyes. You saw so much love and understanding in those blue eyes. “I love every part of you,” Bucky started, “I am so sorry that happened to you. I want you to know that I would never, ever raise a hand to you. In my day, I saw too many women scared of their husbands and would walk around with black eyes and burnt hands. I swore to myself that when I found my girl, I would never do that to her. I wished you told me, but I understand why you didn’t.”
Your sweet Bucky, always so understanding and loving. You didn’t know why you were so scared to tell him. You leaned across the space and kissed him. It was a kiss of thanks, love, and promise.
When you pulled apart, Bucky took a breath and said, “I hope you know that if I ever run into this asshole, he’s dead.”
You rolled your eyes and leaned back in for another kiss.
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A few weeks later, you were out at a club with Bucky and some other Avengers. You were in the VIP section with your friends thanks to Tony's connections. Clubs weren’t really your thing, but Bucky loved to take you out dancing. He said he liked “showing off” his girl to everyone. In reality, you think he just liked to have an excuse to hold you close (not that he really needed one).
You felt yourself starting to get a little light headed and excused yourself to sneak outside to get some air. You told Bucky were fine by yourself, but he still shrugged off his suit jacket and draped it over your shoulders. “It’s cold,” he said as way of an explanation.
Stepping outside on the sidewalk, you took a deep breath. Not that the New York City air was very fresh, but it was more than the stuffy club.
“Y/N!” you heard. It was voice you never thought you would hear again. It was a voice you never wanted to hear again. Jeremy. He walked down the street and pulled in into a rough hug. It was clear he had been drinking. He let go and grabbed your head, “I was so worried. How could you leave like that? I’m so glad I finally found you. I’m here to take you home.”
“Home?” you asked confused.
“Yes, home, you dumb bitch,” he slurred. “You did a great job covering your tracks. There wasn’t a trace of you until I saw this.”
Jeremy pulled out his phone and showed you a picture from one of Tony’s latest parties. It was a fundraiser for injured veterans and their families. You and Bucky were not big on the parties, but this one was important to him. You didn’t mind: fancy party, good food, plenty of booze, great cause. You didn’t realize it was something that was newsworthy, but apparently, some website posted a picture of you with some other Avengers. Bucky was in the picture too with his hand on your knee.
Jeremy grabbed his phone back and pushed you to the ground. He started yelling, “You spread your legs for that murderer? Did he ever try to kill you while you were fucking?”
You struggled back to your feet. You saw Jeremy pull his fist back and you braced yourself for the punch, but it never came. You opened your eyes and saw Bucky standing in front of you. He had grabbed Jeremy’s fist with his metal arm and twisted. Jeremy cried out in pain. You heard a crack and saw Jeremy holding his broken wrist. Bucky landed a punch across Jeremy’s face and Jeremy fell to the ground. Blood was coming out of his nose and there were a few teeth on the ground.
“I know who you are, asshole. If you ever so much as look in her general direction, you will be sorry. Now, get out of my sight,” Bucky growled. You never heard him speak like that. It was not just a threat; it was a promise.
Jeremy ran away with his metaphorical tail between his legs. Once he turned the corner, Bucky’s eyes were back on you. He was checking you for any injuries. “Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go home,” you said. Bucky sent a quick text to Steve letting him know you both were leaving and hailed a cab. The cab took you both back to your apartment and you went upstairs.
You and Bucky quietly went in to the apartment and settled on the couch. You kicked your heels off and sighed.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Bucky asked with concern in his voice.
“Bucky, I’m okay. Yes, it was a little shocking to see Jeremy after all these years. He did push me to the ground,” you saw Bucky visibly tense, “But, I’m fine. I had my big, strong hero there to protect me.”
“And I always will be,” Bucky said.