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Niles hated the rare occasions when Leo sent him to play nice with the nobles, but the reward of seeing Windmire’s bandits damn near piss themselves when he caught them was almost worth it. And what a treat he’d found this time: a young girl with long, braided hair and an innocent cant to her thieving face, reaching out to snatch up the noble’s fine silverware. Making this sweet thing cry was going to be fun.
“Someone’s being naughty,” he sing-songed from behind the would-be bandit. Her sly fingers faltered before they could snatch up her prize, and she turned with just a pinch of horror marring those adorable eyes.
Niles laughed, rich and amused, “It seems I've caught a baby rat with her paw in the cookie jar. I wonder if you'll squeak when I pull your tail, hm?”
He grabbed one of her long braided pigtails for emphasis, causing his trapped prey to shriek a delightfully shrill tune.
“That’s the one! The little urchin that’s been stealing my wares,” a new voice hollered from behind Niles.
The retainer fought back a disparaging sneer. Of course the bumbling oaf of a noble he’d been asked to protect would come to spoil his fun.
“I haven’t stolen anythin’ from you!” the girl spat, finally finding her voice. Then she muttered quietly enough that only Niles, still holding onto her, could hear, “Not yet, anyway…”
“Liar!” the noble roared. Spittle flew from his mouth as he foamed with impotent rage. “You and your gang have been running through here for weeks, clearing out my stock. I’ve had enough of it. Execute that girl!”
“He doesn’t know what he’s talkin’ ‘bout,” the girl pleaded, glancing frantically between the two men. She searched for any drop of sympathy in Niles’ face, but found none. “You’ve got the wrong gal! Please, I haven’t even touched anythin’ yet.”
She was right about one thing - he technically hadn’t caught her stealing anything. Nohr didn’t care about those sort of details, of course, and breaking and entering was more than enough for Niles to cart her off and have her re-educated. Still, something about the noble’s instant judgement of this girl ruffled his feathers the wrong way. If she really was the culprit, he could catch her again easily enough.
“I suppose you’re right - it looks like I came too early. How shameful of me,” Niles purred, grinning at the way both the noble and the bandit’s face scrunched in disgust. He tossed the girl roughly to the ground. “Why don’t you scurry back to your hole, little rat? I’ll be sure to catch you in the act next time.”
“But she…!”
“Probably works with a gang,” Niles interrupted, watching as the young bandit scrambled to her feet and jumped out a nearby window as fast as her legs would take her. “If you execute her, you won’t even make a dent in the rodents picking your cellars clean. This way she’ll warn them to steer clear.”
“Hmph. If this doesn’t work, I’m holding you personally responsible!”
“Of course, milord,” Niles said with a bow. If his bored tone offended the waste of space jabbering at him, all the better.
Only a month later, Niles found himself face to face with the same little street rat. This time she’d started running with a full gang; he’d already executed the rest of the outlaws with a few well-placed arrows as they attempted to make their escape. Luckily for the girl, she’d yet again avoided taking anything herself, which meant Niles had no reason to kill her.
That didn’t mean he couldn’t give her a bit of a scare, though.
"How eager you are - caught in the same trap twice," Niles chortled. "If I knew you wanted to be with me this badly, I could have spared you all the effort, little rat."
This time, the girl didn't cower from him, even as he yanked on her cape hard enough to stifle her breathing. Courageous, this one. And stupid.
The little bandit yowled back at him defiantly, "Stop callin' me that. My name’s Nina."
Niles clicked his tongue in mock admonition. "What a indecent girl, lying to me. You think I didn't hear the rest of your gang crying out in agony for 'Eponine' to save them before I put a nice, thick shaft through their throats?"
"Only my friends can call me Eponine," she grumbled, the fire in her eyes fading at the news of her comrades' untimely demise. How sweet - she genuinely seemed to care about the other filth running this job with her.
"Friends, huh?" That comment sent Niles into a fit of disdainful laughter. "It's cute that you think those bastards give a damn about anything but their own necks."
"A lapdog for the royals like you wouldn't understand," Nina shot back with as much pride as she could muster. "None of us care how many lives we gotta give as long as we can keep the people you ignore from starvin'. We're a family. We got principles."
Her statement stirred something feral deep within Niles. It awoke a fragment of the hatred he could never seem to shake no matter how many worthless scum he killed or carefree bimbos he tortured. Those words taunted the rotten core that he shied away from as violently as he protected it.
"I may not know anything about 'principles', but I do know that the only thing your family will give you is an early grave," he hissed. Nile's playful demeanor vanished, and he tossed her to the floor in a fit of anger, effectively letting the girl run free. "Get out of here. Lofty ideals and dead bodies aren't going to keep anyone fed, and that's your only future with them."
Nina stood and brushed off skinned knees with a wince. "Listen to you, tryin' to tell me what to do like you're my dad. You don' know nothin’ 'bout me or my life."
The parting barb was almost enough to make Niles correct her with a choice bit of color, but apparently the brat's bravery had failed because she fled before he got the chance. He hoped that would be the last he saw of her.
Niles should have known better than to hope for anything. Fate had a wicked sense of humor where he was concerned.
Within a month, they met again, but this time there were no gang members nor empty hands to save her. Nina had snatched as many tomes from the castle as she could carry in her satchel, and when Niles plucked her from the windowsill before she could escape after her comrades, not one came back to answer her cries for help.
Normally, he wouldn’t have bothered chasing after her himself - the palace guards could clean up this rabble easily enough - but he was traveling with Leo today and didn’t wish to disappoint his master with his inattentiveness. Niles hummed to himself as he picked through her stack of tomes at his leisure, while Leo scowled at the delay behind him.
“Worthless crap, the lot of it,” Niles grumbled. There wasn’t one expensive tome in the bag. “Why bother earning yourself a death sentence if you’re not even going to swipe anything good?”
The girl refused to answer while she glanced nervously over his shoulder at the prince, letting Niles puzzle it out on his own. He almost choked when the answer hit him.
“You’re going after Brynhildr, but they didn’t tell you what it looks like, did they? Seems like I was right about them, little rat. How disappointing for you.”
Her furious, embarrassed glare was all the confirmation he needed. Niles tried to laugh at her plight, but memories of a boy her age who begged for death on these same stone floors murdered the mirth before it could leave his lips.
Niles closed his eye to shake the uncomfortable haze muddying his thoughts. He turned to address his liege, who watched on with an impatient glower, “Milord Leo, what would you like me to do with her?”
Niles expected a jail sentence. Perhaps a pardon if Leo was feeling generous. Maybe even a request for her last words - Leo had always been particularly protective of Bryhildr.
“Dispose of her,” Leo sneered and began to walk past without another glance.
Niles’ breathing stopped for a beat. Something crawled into his chest and twisted, squeezing at his mangled husk of a heart until subtly defiant words burst forth against his will.
“Are you certain?”
Leo wheeled on his retainer at the question, eyes blazing with agitation. But as he furiously searched Niles’ face for treachery, that rage gradually froze over to the calculated calm that best suited the young prince. Niles bowed in deference and missed the brief flicker of fond gratitude in Leo’s gaze.
“On second thought, I suppose a prison sentence might suffice for one so young. She could still be redeemed,” Leo allowed. “Take her away, and when you are done, I would like to have a talk with you, Niles. Meet me in my chambers.”
Stepping into Leo's room sent a rush of apprehension down Niles' spine. He anticipated a tongue-lashing as soon as he breached the threshold for his insubordination earlier, but Leo remained silent at his retainer's approach. Niles found him staring pensively out his window at the overcast sky.
Clearing his throat to announce his presence, Niles asked, “What troubles you, milord?”
Leo’s voice carried smooth yet pained from his post at the window, “There’s been a sickness spreading through my family since the war ended. I know you’ve seen it.”
Indeed, Niles had; it was an illness contracted through forced peace, backstabbing nobles, and a people on the brink of rebellion. Niles had seen their king, already a hard and distant man from the burdens he carried, build impenetrable walls between himself and his siblings to protect them from the worst of Nohr’s problems. It did little other than frustrate Leo and worry the others; shelter from the storm in Nohr was impossible. Camilla lost her temper more and more often these days, finding slights on the people she loved at every turn. Her fits had earned her a reputation as bloody as Peri’s, though no one dared speak that truth to her face. Even Elise seemed to dim with time, exhausted from the never-ending flood of countrymen injured and killed at eachother’s hands.
Leo alone had somehow remained unchanged, and Niles swore he would keep it that way, no matter how his family tried to pull him down into the darkness with them.
“Yes, I’ve noticed it,” he acknowledged, not trusting himself to say anything more without coming across as hostile.
Leo sighed and shook his head, turning to face his room again with tired eyes. “I wonder at times if it could have been avoided. If Laslow and Selena had stayed, would Xander and Camilla have changed so much?”
“I couldn’t say. Odin left and you’re fine,” Niles pointed out. “Then again, it’s unfair to compare the others to you.”
Leo snorted. “Always the flatterer. And I suppose there in lies the other thing that’s been on my mind. For all the years I’ve known you, you’ve been my right hand, an extension of my will. I’ve known I could trust you with my life and you would never disappoint me, despite what others might say.”
“I believe it is you who is the flatterer, milord.”
“And yet,” Leo carried on, ignoring Niles interruption. “I also know you’ve lied to me as much as you lie to everyone else. Don’t bother to deny it. I’ve heard those nightmares that you’ve claimed no longer exist, and I’ve seen how you curb your lewd language and sadistic proclivities around me. You shield me from yourself, but that is not what I’ve ever wanted from you. I want you to trust me enough to speak the truth.”
Niles bowed his head but shook it firmly. This was one matter he refused to budge on no matter how his lord pleaded.
“I apologize, but someone like you should not be exposed to trash like me more than you have to,” he said.
“You’re not the same man you were when we first met, and it bothers me that you don’t realize it yourself,” Leo sighed in return. “Today is a perfect example of that. For the first time, you challenged my judgement.”
“It won’t happen aga…”
“But you were right to do so. I was about to make the wrong decision and follow down the same path as my siblings.”
That much Niles couldn’t deny, as desperately as he wished to. Leo had always been cold but fair. The callous rage he spoke with in the hall, condemning a young girl to death without consideration, was nothing like the lord who had spared the outlaw’s life as a child.
Quietly, Leo continued, “I don’t want to lose my soul, Niles, and I can feel myself slipping. I need someone to keep me accountable. I’d like that person to be you.”
The intensity with which he whispered his desires made Niles swallow, a thrilled buzz thrumming through him.
“I don’t know if I can do that. I’m a wicked person, Lord Leo. You know that,” he murmured back.
“I disagree. If you thought everyone should suffer, regardless of their worth, you wouldn’t have hesitated to torture that girl for trying to steal Brynhildr. Tell me, why did you let her go?”
“I don’t know,” Niles answered truthfully. He typically didn’t try to analyze the itchy feelings that swarmed inside of him, guiding his actions with a will all their own. “I didn’t want to see her dead. It felt uncomfortable in a nagging, stabbing kind of way.”
There was a long pause while Leo pondered his retainer’s statement, his expression an inscrutable wall of ice.
“Would you like to understand why you felt that way?” he wondered.
Niles couldn't hold his master’s gaze. “I’m not sure.”
The unfamiliar emotions warring in his breast frightened Niles enough that he'd run from them forever, but he didn’t want to risk defying his liege a second time by remaining ignorant of what caused them. Thankfully, Leo didn’t press the matter further, instead choosing to pursue a different line of thought.
“Then let me ask you another question - how do you feel about me? Truthfully.”
With a confident smile Niles recited, “You know I would do anything to see you safe, Lord Leo.”
Leo shook his head and clarified, “Yes, but how do I make you feel .”
The question gave Niles pause. He didn’t think about his emotions regarding Leo often - he knew he owed the man his life, and that was enough. But if Leo wanted Niles to try reflecting, then he would do his best.
Uncharacteristically faltering in his words as he parsed through his feelings, Niles replied, “Being around you makes me warm and..and...calm inside. It used to be kind of unsettling, feeling such strange things. I endured it because I knew you owned my life and soul, so I had no choice but to stay by your side. But now…” Niles chanced a glance up at his liege. “I think I stay because I don’t want to lose that feeling.”
Listening intently to Niles’ answer, Leo smiled in that smug way he did when he knew something the person he was speaking to didn’t (not that Niles presumed to ever understand his lord’s genius mind).
“That explains it, then. It must be difficult to choose between the things you love,” the prince observed, never losing his smirk when Niles’ eye flew wide in disbelief.
Love was not a word in Niles repertoire; he had seen enough of the world to dismiss such romantic nonsense as lust wrapped up with a glittering bow to hide the filth beneath. Even love between friends was no more than an illusion easily ripped asunder by time or a pretty face. He knew better than to chase empty fantasies of a happiness he didn’t deserve. Niles did not love.
And yet, if Leo claimed he did, it must be true.
“If you’d like, I can help you understand those feelings better,” the prince offered as he took two firm steps forward, invading his retainer’s space.
A blush that was usually found on his victims’ faces rather than his own crept up Niles’ neck against his will. He wasn’t sure why he suddenly felt so flustered around his liege, but he replied as dutifully as he was able, “I would gladly take your instruction, milord.”
“I ask one thing in repayment,” Leo ordered, though his tone was gentle. “From now on, I want you to be honest with me. I need to trust that you will stop me before I go too far.”
Part of Niles wanted to lie, to give the firm yes or no he assumed Leo was hoping for. However, the thought of ignoring his liege’s wish for the truth made the retainer’s heart clench in funny ways that compelled him to instead say, “I will try.”
To his surprise, that seemed to be the answer Leo was looking for, because the prince smiled at him. It wasn’t the cocky smirk Niles knew best. It shone like the moon on a cloudless night, bright and disturbingly genuine.
He had only seen that smile a handful of times from his lord. It was reserved solely for family, and even then, usually behind their backs. Having it turned on him now filled the rogue’s body with a heat that flushed his face and slicked his palms with sweat.
“Then I suppose I can take on the responsibility of helping my retainer understand himself a bit better.”
Leo closed the gap between them suddenly, pressing a brief, firm kiss against Niles’ shocked lips. If he weren’t so tan, the prince might have said Niles turned pale enough to match his hair.
Niles would certainly get his revenge once he knew what to do with the confusing mess swirling inside him, but for now Leo reveled in catching his silver-tongued retainer flat-footed. Doling out novel experiences to Niles, a man whose childhood stood worlds apart from that of a young prince, was a favorite pastime of Leo’s. Satisfying his own hidden needs was just a bonus.
Perhaps once Leo shed light on Niles’ new feelings, the retainer might be able to share his more “worldly” experiences with the sheltered princeling in return.
"Now, why don't we start your lessons by fetching that bandit girl from the prison. I think there is much you could learn from her."