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When Arthur entered the main hall of the watch tower to report, he hadn’t expected to find the warzone that actually greeted his eyes. The way Diana was doing her best to subdue Superboy while a tied Wonder girl and a restrained Kid Flash struggled to reach him, matching maddened frowns on their faces.
Or the way Nightwing, who had always been such an obedient child, was snarling at Superman and Flash to force their brats to ‘confess’ what they had done and to reveal what they had done to HIS precious baby brother.
Speaking of, the current brother was having a death match with… Red-helmet-bucket-something as they both hurled accusations at one another.
It looked… Dangerous.
Opting to approach the one hero that always proved to be rational despite every situation hurled at them proved fruitless for the King of Atlantis as Batman seemed to be in the middle of a glare match against… was that the Demon’s Head? Really?
Arthur approached him - mentally checking the calendar and frowning when he realized that, no, no major crisis or apocalyptic showdown were scheduled for that particular week - and blinked when he realized his respected friend was not only glaring at the enemy - cowl removed, for dramatic emphasis? - But also he was typing and receiving communication from Oracle informing that there was no information in Arkham regarding the case and from Black Bat who succinctly told her mentor that no, Luthor had no idea either.
“Detective, I assure you that you will be the first I shall contact the moment I receive any information,” the Demon’s Head assured coldly, not of his usual mocking elegance in his face. “I do expect the same courtesy on your end should you acquire it first?”
Batman glared harder, his eyes narrowing to hateful blue slits.
“I don’t believe you, Ra’s,” he hissed. “Let him go, now.”
A woman huffed from behind Ra’s Al Ghul, her arms crossed over her ample chest as she tried to convince Bruce that no, neither her nor her father knew a thing and couldn’t her father hung up now? Hal of the League was moving in search already and, seriously, she was the mother of Bruce’s child and virtually invisible whenever that twice damned brat came into the picture.
Arthur backed away slowly, unsure he wanted to get close to such family squabble only to feel a small hand use his shoulder as leverage and Robin perform a somersault - sword at the ready - and continue his vicious battle against Red… Helmet?
“Confess!” the boy snarled. “Your venomous tongue and uncouth ways finally drove him away! You have broken him!”
“Look who’s talking, you viper brat!” Red Helmet replied with a growl, sending bullets flying in the air. “I bet you have him hidden away somewhere, perving puberty over him!”
The boy gasped, his cheeks coloring at the same time as his snarl widened.
“I would never act in such dishonor!” he shrieked, launching himself at his opponent’s neck.
“Let go, dude!” Superboy screamed as well, still struggling against Wonder Woman. “You guys all suck! We’re gonna save Rob and bring him back from Hell if needed because we care and you bats are the suckiest family in the world!”
“Dick, you know I would never…” Wally waved his hands in the air.
“You never what, West,” Nightwing hissed. “I’ve seen the way you looked at him, just because my baby brother is so cute doesn’t give you the right to…”
“Dick, you should calm down before you say something you might…”
“Oh, shut up Clark, you bloated alien pedo!”
“What?” Arthur asked, eyes wide as he stared at the beginning of a possible World War Three unfolding before his very eyes. Finally he decided to turn to his last bastion of reason, and just looked at J’onn in askance.
“Young Red Robin has disappeared for over three months and his family is worried,” the Martian replied calmly, and if Arthur didn’t know any better he would have thought J’onn was enjoying the carnage about to ensue.
“Red… Robin?” Aquaman asked, blinking. “But I know where he is.”
The hall fell into silence as every single pair of eyes landed viciously upon him.
“Arthur?” Diana asked, frowning.
Bruce stood from his seat before the computer, eyes piercing. Dick’s lips tightened and Robin and the Red Helmet turned to him in unison like in a horror movie.
“Where?” Batman asked in a hiss, hands clenching and unclenching as if he imagined Arthur’s neck between his fingers.
“Ummm,” Aquaman mussed, taking a moment to ponder before he looked at the door. “There?”
Just as he thought he would be murdered by hordes of apocalyptically worried superheroes and villains, Red Robin himself stepped into the hall, gently drying his hair with a towel as he smiled at the group shyly.
“What happened?” he asked when he noticed Diana’s arm around Kon’s neck and Cassie chewing on the lasso binding her hands together, the wide eyes that Damian, Dick and Jason were sporting and was that… “Is that Ra’s on the screen?”
“You have been very naughty, detective,” Ra’s said with a frown. “Perhaps you should be punished accordingly.”
“Grandfather!!” Damian roared, face red.
“Grandson?” Ra’s asked, raising an eyebrow.
Tim blinked, staring at Batman.
“I take it you didn’t see the note I left?” he asked, tilting his head.
Bruce shook his head.
“Huh, odd, I left it in the kitchen,” Tim mussed, landing his bag on the floor. “I just wanted to avoid Oracle’s eye for a while so I left a note.”
“Alfred?” Dick asked, eyeing the small window on the screen where the old Englishman looked confused.
“I found no note, Master Richard,” he said, frowning. “However Master Damian’s pet was under the kitchen table when I started dinner.”
All eyes turned to the boy.
“I will kill him,” he growled. “I will skin his sorry hide as he dies!”
“So, anything I missed?” Tim asked, smiling, only to be tackled to the ground by a babbling Nightwing who proceeded to cuddle him to submission, while Red Hood and Robin stood around awkwardly.
Arthur rolled his eyes, smiling fondly as the teen titans decided to bodily remove the former - and current - robin from the proximity of their leader and cuddle him themselves, prompting another fight among the youngsters.
“Where was he, really?” J’onn asked, raising a green brow.
Arthur shrugged.
“How should I know?” he replied. “Though it was a lucky save, was it?”