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My queen, my reason to live

Summary:

Celestia has fallen, the Fatui have succeeded. And yet... the price is one too steep for Brighella to pay.

Notes:

Ehe angst go brrrr!

Work Text:

Chunks of the false sky rained down like shooting stars from the heavens and amidst the wreckage of it all, The Daemonium, Brighella stood. Too still. Too tense. Gaze fixed at one particular spot.

Loki couldn't move. Part of him felt like he couldn't breathe any longer. He could still remember her chilly touch against his face, her warm smile, her words that were meant to soothe and console. He didn't know if it was for better or for worse that Pandemos hadn't left behind a body, only snowflakes that quickly melted under the rays of the true sun.

Loki tried to compose himself, taking his hat off and holding it to his chest. He gave her a deep bow, the last he ever would. A few tears slipped out. It was a respectful farewell, a goodbye from a loyal soldier to his Queen. Then, as the rays of the sun erased the last of the snowflakes, the facade of a soldier crumbled. The hound in him was gone, the assasin erased. He could not hide behind masks anymore for now he was just Loki.

A scream rang out, loud and broken and agonized. Loki barely registered his own voice. He fell to knees, the ground digging into his skin. The sobs tore violently from his throat. "Why did you leave me?! Why you too? You swore! You swore that i would never have to bury you too. Liar! Liar! liar! liar! liar! liar! liar!-" he let out another agonized scream. The tears were streaming down his face now. When he tried to control them they just burnt his throat.

He hit his hands against the ground, sobs growing louder. "Why? Why?! Why do you still insist I live?! You told me to make you my reason for living if I couldn't for myself- and I did. I swear to all the heavens I did! Then why do you insist i keep living even after you left?!"

"I shouldn't be here! We both know I shouldn't!" Loki gritted his teeth. He knew he was yelling at nothing but the wind but it was better than nothing "You knew this would happen. But you didn't say a word! We could have changed your fate! I could have taken your place- We both know i would have been more than happy to! You had a chance, Pandemos! You had people that needed you! I needed you!"

"You can't tell me to live after dying yourself! Its not fair, its not its not its not! You have no right!" Loki pushed himself up slightly, trying to swallow his tears again "I could do it" he murmured, almost to himself "I could end it now. Ronova cannot stop me. And we'd be together again, wouldn't we, dearest?" He let out a mirthless little chuckle as he approached the edge of the cliff. He sat himself on the edge.

His gaze drifted to his claw rings, turning them over within his grip, toying with them absently as he hummed lowly. His memories of the night he'd gotten them were vauge and bits were missing due to the alcohol but...

They'd been so giddy that night. Loki had laughed and dragged her along across the shops, they bought each other things they didn't need merely because it reminded them of each other. It was by pure coincidence that they had happened upon a set of matching claw rings.

His memory drew a blank when it came to how exactly they'd gotten themselves in that position but he could recall giggling as he signed his marriage vows to Pandemos on a napkin, swearing to be her eternal annoyance.

He recalled each kiss to his forehead, each time she'd wrapped her arms around him, each time she'd loved him with all she had because he couldn't bother to do it for himself, each time they'd laughed and cried and hugged and fussed over each other while destroying themselves.

It should have been easy. It should have been so, so easy to take that final step. To walk straight off this cliff. He'd dreamed of this moment for so long. The day he could throw himseld into death's embrace and stay there eternally. But he hesitated anyway. Perhaps it was because of what she'd said. Her final wish for his happiness, for him to travel the stars like he'd dreamt of doing when they were nothing but naive children without a clue about the truth of their inevitably tragic fate. To carry her memory on, to pass them along to his children.

Her final order- no, her final request. Her final wish. But it came down to this, didn't it? Part of his heart obeyed her even in her death but the other part had an even greater wish to join her. He sucked in a deep breath- steeling his resolve. He knew what he should do.