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It took far too long for Sasuke to notice something was wrong he would be the first to admit that. But in his defense between constant travel and criminal activity seemingly around every corner he had simply thought the letters were normal updates. He had only noticed after a year of no letters from Sakura that Naruto’s letters had been the only letters he had seen in far too long. And now, his latest letter, nothing but a wedding invitation.
Sakura staying in Konoha had been the only option that made sense. Sarada, only a newborn wasn’t fit for travel. And the needs of a child only grew as they did. They had agreed on it. The first year passed with many letters sent, each of which Sasuke cherished. The photos of his infant daughter like a lifeline were safely tucked away in his breast pocket. The scribble of a rushed hand needed elsewhere but determined to write down all her thoughts. It was all dear to him. As time passed Sakura’s letters grew shorter. Shifting from long winded messages about their little family, to only one or two pages and sometimes a picture of his precious child sometimes not. The time it took for each one to find him growing longer and longer was all too easy to blame on his constant movement but it all seemed so clear now.
The change of ending was the turning point he realized.
‘All my love’ replaced by a simple ‘All the best’. He should have guessed back then something was changing when Naruto’s updates about Konoha and his own growing family shifted to include Sarada. Still he didn’t notice and when Sakura’s letters grew shorter and sparser Naruto’s grew in length and frequency. Pictures of both of their children included. Her last letter, sent over a year ago, should have been his wake up call but by then it was nothing out of the ordinary. A short one page letter he now held in his single remaining hand. It detailed Sarada’s growing interest in the Uchiha and particularly in Itachi and how she would tell her the truth of the man when she was older.
‘She’s so curious about everything and I don’t have the words give her. I hope one day you’ll come back and explain it all to her.’
That was last thing Sakura had ever sent him and now it seemed like so much more then just a desire for him to explain their complicated clan to his young daughter. It was her last plea. It had been his last chance. And now as his feet run ever faster he could only hope it wasn’t true.
The moon had just reached its peak in the night sky when Sasuke finally reached the Hokage tower. He watched the light rise of fall of his old Sensei’s chest from where the man had fallen asleep at his desk. He sighed and leaned against the wood wondering if he should wake the man or search through the files himself for the information he needed. He didn’t have to wonder long as Kakashi’s tired voice broke the stillness of the night. “I knew Naruto would send you an invitation.”
Sasuke felt his jaw clench. “Seems he’s the only one who had the guts.”
Kakashi let out a groan as he sat up in chair. “Did you really think a few sentences written every so often could keep a relationship alive? “
“I would’ve come if she told me-“
“Told you what hm? She missed you, loved you? Wanted your child to know you?”
Sasuke stayed silent upon hearing the bitter judgment in the older mans voice.
“She gave each one to me to send off since I was only one who could reach you and I’ll admit I snooped and your right, she didn’t ask. She begged. You didn’t care.” Kakashi’s voice dropped low as he gave Sasuke no room to argue.
“Where’s Naruto?”
Kakashi chuckled at his question and turned his head down and began to write something. “He won’t get you out of this one Sasuke.” He said as he quickly handed Sasuke the note, a simple address written.
Sasuke didn’t say another word as he left.
The house was perfectly ordinary on the outside. Not small but in no way did it seem fitting for a world renowned hero or a Byakugan princess. And yet it was perfect for them. A small garden wrapped around the side and front with colorful flowers and various fruit all mixed together. The white bench on the porch with frog shaped pillows to sit. Sasuke instantly felt so out of place. This house, so clearly a home with the sleeping family inside. It was almost enough to make him leave the village again. To pretend he didn’t know the truth and live in a forced delusion. He was frozen however when a light was turned on and the door opened.
“You gonna stare at the hydrangeas all night or do you wanna come in?” Naruto didn’t wait for a reply as he turned, leaving the door open and wondering further into the house. Sasuke stood there for a moment still contemplating just turning around and leaving but his feet carried him inside. His chest tightened at the sight of tiny shoes next to the door and the few toys remaining scattered on the living room floor as he followed the other into the kitchen. Fridge covered in colorful drawings hanging from magnets of various animals. That out place feeling only grew as he watched the blonde man preparing tea. Sasuke sat at the table as Naruto turned and sat both mugs down.
“Lee’s good to her you know.” Naruto said bluntly. That sent a punch to his gut. The all too familiar and bitter anger from his youth demanded he prove Naruto had no idea what he saying but he couldn’t deny the unsaid truth. ‘He won’t leave her alone’
“Why didn’t she tell me?”
Naruto paused at the question, mug halfway to his lips. “Why would she Sasuke? Nothing she said before had brought you back. She just wanted to find peace with it.”
It felt as if the weight of the world was crashing down on him. “Does she know you did?”
Naruto nodded “She couldn’t do it.” ‘So she asked him’ went unspoken.
There was a time Sasuke would have raged at the cowardice to force someone else to do her dirty work. But sitting here now in this home so far removed from him how could he have been so blind? They weren’t naive kids or hopeful teenagers. They were adults. Love couldn’t be kept alive by dreams alone. “How long?” Was all he could manage to force out.
The blond didn’t answer and instead Naruto leaned back into his chair and leveled Sasuke with a stare too knowing for the boy Sasuke once knew in his youth. So much had changed from what he knew, how could he have ever expected anything different. “You didn’t notice anything?”
“It’s difficult. I was preoccupied with-” Naruto barked out a humorless laugh cutting him off.
“It’s really not.” Naruto wouldn’t let him run from this. “You just didn’t care to notice.”
“I didn’t-“
“She watched us all for years. Each of us going on long missions, far from the village and still managed to write home. I never missed a letter to Hinata. Temari and Shikamaru wrote to one another daily before their wedding, and even Sai refused every mission that took him longer than a month to complete once Ino was in his life.”
Sasuke turned away no longer able to look Naruto in the eye. Not with those knowing eyes.
“You sent four letters. In five years.”
“Why?” Sasuke whispered desperate to know if it truly was too late why tell him now?
“Because to me even if you didn’t care you deserved to know.”
“I do care!” Sasuke snapped his head up and let familiar hatred fill his chest, desperate to drown out the guilt clawing at him.
“I know.” Was all Naruto said. His eyes softening as he slowly sipped from his mug. Naruto knew Sasuke cared but Naruto wasn’t blindly chasing bonds anymore. He wouldn’t make excuses for him anymore.
They had always been able to communicate without speaking and Sasuke knew Naruto wouldn’t only focus on him forever. Not with so many others relying on him. Not when he had promises to keep and friends watch over. Not when he was so much closer to Sakura than to him.
“How long?” Sasuke asked again. Marriage was a big step considering a child was involved.
“Technically only a few months. But they’ve lived together for four and half years now.”
Sasuke furrowed his brow in confusion. And Naruto sighed as if such things were trivial. As if he were not informing Sasuke of the moment his love was lost to him.
“It was just an easy childcare arrangement at the start, nothing even remotely romantic. She needed help with her nights at the hospital and he needed help during his patrol days. It just worked.” Naruto shrugged with little fan fair. Sasuke felt a humorless smile take over his face. How could he be so nonchalant about it all? “What ‘help’ could he have possibly needed her for?”
Naruto’s eyes grew distant and stormy, revisiting a time he had to watch his friends struggle. “Metel Lee.”
The name was spoken out like a secret. As if the name alone would reveal a terrible truth. Sasuke couldn’t help but wonder why. If That man, had a child where was the mother?
He must have seen the questions swirling because in an instant Sasuke watched with something akin to awe as Naruto’s expression shifted from an unpleasant yet far-off memory to something guarded and harsh and wholly present.
He would speak no more of a life not his to tell. It was then Sasuke let himself lean back and study the normally open man in front of him. Naruto had changed. Where once his eyes shone with nothing but eager honesty now they glowed with caution and acceptance. Hesitant, but no less sincere. This was no longer Konohas number one Knuckle-headed ninja this was The Village Hero. Had the world really changed so drastically? Once a airheaded teenager now an immovable force of a man. Sasuke couldn’t help but once again feel that ever familiar feeling. He had been left behind again. Even in coming into maturity.
Naruto let out a deep sigh and relaxed. His shoulders dropping and eyes lighting ever so slightly. “They love each other.” And Sasuke found he couldn’t even find it in himself to be upset. “He loves her deeply, for her strength and confidence and care. It’s not like how it was when we were kids. And I think she deserves to have someone who will love her without holding back.”
He had lost.
A numbness settled into Sasuke. Shame washed over him, cold and heavy. “What now?” He asked without any idea what he was even asking. He had come all this way and now he felt like an intruder. A robber in the night to come and steal away all happiness from those who never gave up on him in his youth.
“You still have a daughter.” Naruto said simply, as if that one sentence could mend the broken parts of his heart. Except maybe they could. If the only thing he could do now was to be a father he would give it his all. Sasuke stood, following the other as he walked out of the kitchen. Hinata was in the living room smoothing out a large unicorn comforter on to the couch a single blue pillow propped on one side. She looked up with a tired smile and hurriedly finished before rubbing at her eyes as she slowly made her way back up the stairs. Naruto dropped a hand onto his shoulder and without a word followed his wife back up the stairs. Sasuke was left in the silence that followed, staring at the makeshift bed. A choice to be made. Stay or go. No Naruto trying to convince him to do the right thing or a million beckoning hands ushering him into the wrong.
Sasuke didn’t let himself think too deeply as he made quick work of removing his outerwear, his body sagging down with a deep exhaustion. He ignored the intrusive thoughts as he buried himself into the pink fabric. They’llhateyoushedoesn’tneedyouhe’sherfathernowyoudontevenhaveapottopissin
He shut his eyes tight and let sleep take him. He might be too late to make up for his absence but he still had a daughter and he owes it to her to try.
~~~~
The scream that woke Sasuke had him up and reaching for his sword before his eyes even opened. Two hands larger than his own stopped him midway, one holding chest back and the other holding his wrist in a searing vice grip. Before his mind could catch up he felt his body being spun around in circles.
“Ring around the rosey and pockets full of posies!” Naruto’s voice rang out singing as they spun, loud and silly and breaking through the instinct. In an instant the fight left and Sasuke found himself limp letting the blond fling his body to and fro, until a misstep had the two of them tripping over each other’s feet and falling in a heap to the floor. Before Sasuke could even think of an unsavory word to use a chorus of giggles sounded and two small children flung themselves into their father’s arms. Mortified, Sasuke all to slowly realized the scream had been one of those children.
Sasuke had almost attacked a child.
His thoughts raced incomprehensibly.
Youalmostkilledakidyouweregoingtokillachildforbeingachildyouhavenoselfcontrolnoregulationnoimpulsecontrolkillerpsycofreakmurdererfailiurefaultallyourfault
A hard kick to his shin forced his eyes up. Horrified black met stoney blue. A clear message in that tight smile.
Don’t make that mistake again.
“Dad your crazy that man almost had a sword and you was just gonna dance?!” The boy giggled pointing to the blade now left haphazardly on the floor a few feet away.
Naruto laughed only a touch too loud, “What sword? I don’t see a sword! That’s just a really big toothpick!”
The two children began talking all at once with high pitched giggles and stuttering words. The ease that Naruto answered them both seemed like a superpower all its own. Naruto stood with both children dangling from him. The boy, Sasuke vaguely remembered named Boruto now hanging from his prosthetic arm, was so identical to his father it was as if he was a shadow clone of the man. The girl Himawari, was wrapped so tightly around his neck was a much better mix with her mother’s dark hair and her father’s blue eyes. His heart ached more once he managed to look away. What would it have been like to have that? To be so loved and cared for. What would it feel like for his own daughter wrap her arms around him so tightly? The tight knot in chest seized his throat and choked him. He wondered how big she was. In the few pictures Naruto had sent she was only a hair shorter than the blond boy. How heavy would she feel to pick up? Would she speak softly or loud? Was she shy like he was as a child or boisterous? There were so many things he wondered and even more he feared now he would never know. Perhaps he didn’t even deserve them.
“Sasuke,” Sasuke looked in front of him and Naruto now stood dressed in simple civilian clothes. “Hurry up and get dressed you can come with us to the park.” Sasuke only nodded unsure of why but his body felt tense. It was only after they had left the house, both children now pulling various pieces of their father’s clothing that Sasuke noticed,
“Hinata isn’t coming.” He said more of a fact than a question as he realized he hadn’t seen the woman all morning. “She left early this morning for a mission with her old team.” Naruto explained with a wave.
“You’re watching both of the children.” Naruto shot him a strange glance at that.
“Well obviously. They’re my kids.”
Even this, Naruto made seem like it was as easy as breathing. But then again it should be. So why did it feel like such a revelation to watch a father care for his children.
Sasuke didn’t have much time to ponder as once again the children screamed in delight and ran off ahead to jump on brightly colored slides and swings. The muscles in his legs tensed to run after them but Naruto’s relaxed presence at least comforted him that this was okay though it didn’t help the knot that had formed deep in his belly.
“Ya know the first time we ever took Boruto to the park Hinata was pregnant with Hima’ and I stood over him the whole time and couldn’t stop shaking. I was so afraid and in that moment I couldn’t even begin to imagine what two would feel like.” Naruto chuckled to himself.
“Seems like you’ve got it all under control now.” Sasuke mused and Naruto shook his head.
“Nah I still feel like that and it really did get worse with two, but they don’t need to know that.” He said with his eyes never once leaving his children. His arms crossed and feet planted. As Sasuke studied him more he realized the ease a calm demeanor wasn’t whole true. Did he ever truly relax? Sasuke mused. Did he truly even know the man standing next to him anymore?
The once carefree man now weighed down with worry made it seem as if even the weight of the world was not too much to carry.
They sat in comfortable silence for a while both battle sharpened eyes watching both children play and as each moment passed Sasuke felt himself leaning forward, ready to run at a moment’s notice. Himawari had found the most fun way to ride the swings was to stand on them and move her whole body with it.
It all happened in less than an instant. Her little foot slipped out from under her and before he could take a single step, before she ever felt fear another girl appeared and attempted to catch her only for them both to hit the ground in a huff. The two girls stared at each other for only a moment before they started giggling as just as quickly stood and ran off to where Boruto was now calling out for them. Sasuke felt his whole body freeze at the sight of the new little girl now running around with Naruto’s children. Her red glasses sat only slightly askew on her smiling face. Little white flower pins kept her thick black hair tucked away. The bright yellow sun dress she wore looked so innocent. He felt as if he couldn’t breathe. His throat tight and thick.
His little girl. His daughter.
Time seemed to slow down. The world narrowed until the only thing he could see was her smiling face.
“You didn’t have to come.” The sound of her voice broke his trance and once again he felt like a stranger intruding where he didn’t belong. He peeked from the corner of his eye and watched Naruto hurry over to where the children were playing; to where He was also standing.
“Naruto sent me an invitation.”
Sakura scoffed “Didn’t think you actually read anything we sent.”
“I read them all.” Sasuke felt his voice quake. he forced himself to look at her and it hurt just as much as he thought it would. Her light pink hair was long now and loosely tied back into a ponytail. She wore a simple red sundress that made his heart race. She was more beautiful than he remembered. He gazed into her eyes and saw pain. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.
Her brow furrowed down and her lip quivered. “Sorry isn’t good enough anymore.” Sakura whispered.
He wanted to scream. Wanted to rage at her for her betrayal. His heart felt as if she had ripped it from his chest and burned it. “I made a mistake.”
“A mistake is forgetting what time you are meant to be home for dinner. A mistake is giving your kids too much sugar before bedtime. A mistake is walking around with mud on your feet into a freshly mopped house. You didn’t just make a mistake Sasuke, you abandoned us. Sarada was a week old and you abandoned us. That’s not a mistake that’s cruelty.” Tears welled up in Sakura’s eyes but did not spill. He felt his own eyes burn with her.
“We made an agreement.” He reminded her.
“It was for the best.”
“It was never ment to be forever!”
“It wasn’t!”
“I never heard from you! I didn’t know if you were dead or alive and the exactly Four letters you did send wear so cold and emotionless it felt like you wanted to be.” Her words cut him like a knife. He tried his best. After everything they had been through she had to know,
“I did my best.”
Sakura sighed and just looked at him for a long moment before giving him a pitying smile. “I know.”
“I can make it up to you.” He spoke feeling pathetic.
“No. You can’t.”
He looked away feeling sick. “So that’s it then.”
She didn’t answer. Instead she took a step closer to him he yearned to reach out his hand for her but, just like all the years that came before, he didn’t. He lifted his eyes once more and watched the happy scene in the distance. Naruto must have started a game of tag as the three children screamed while they chased after him and ran as fast their feet could carry them. That man was jumping and cheering from the sidelines yelling out tips to help them ‘catch’ the blonde man as small boy giggled from his place hidden behind his father’s legs.
That should’ve been me.
Sasuke looked down and realized no matter how much in that instant just wanted to run away his feet would not move. There was no where left to go. His failures were more than just being a ninja or a friend. But as he watched the group laugh and cheer he knew he could not fail her. He had missed so much of her life. Time that would never come again. He looked back at Sakura with sorrow and hoped she could read him just as easily as she used to. He hoped she could see all the regret, the guilt, the fear, but most of he hoped she could believe in him one final time.
He had so many things he wanted to say in that in moment and even more questions. He looked back out and watched his daughter reach out for the hidden boy ‘Metal Lee’. She pulled him along with her to the swings. That man stayed low in the grass and waved the two along. “She’s happy.” Was all Sasuke could say. The truth of it hurt worse now as he watched the proof.
“She’s happy,” The feeling of Sakura’s gentle hand on his shoulder sent electricity through his veins. “But she still needs you.”
Tears filled his eye’s. Sasuke searched Sakura’s face for any sign of deceit and found none. She really believed it. If Sakura believed it then maybe it was true. He nodded unsure of his voice in that moment. He would believe it.
Sakura looked away from him, unshed tears of her own filling her eyes. She waved her hand and Naruto who, much to Sasuke’s irritation, must have been watching as he spoke quietly to the children. Sarada looked at him with wide trusting eyes and smiled and took his outstretched hand. Time slowed down as the two approached them only for Naruto to stop a few feet away and let go of Sarada’s hand. She looked back to Naruto slightly unsure.
“It’s okay honey. Come here.” Sakura smiled and held out her hand.
Sarada’s eyes never left his. She looked at him like he was a wild animal she had never seen before. Excitement and fear. She grabbed her mother’s hand.
Sasuke slowly crouched in front of Sarada and he felt the same way it had when she was born five years ago.
“Hello.” He managed to choke out.
Sarada tilted her head at him. “Do you know who I am?” She asked, her little voice clear and soft.
Sasuke nodded “I do. Do you know who I am?” He asked and Sarada giggled and hid part of her face behind her mother’s hand.
“Yea, Mama lets me keep a picture of you in my room. Your name is Sasuke and you’re my father.”
He nodded and looked down hiding his face.
The guilt eating away at his heart was all consuming. His precious daughter only knew him because of a photograph. “I’m sorry I was gone.”
“Are you gonna stay?” Sarada asked in that blunt way only children can and Sasuke felt like he couldn’t breathe. Would he? Could he? He looked back up and as he stared into the innocent eyes of his only child he felt he would move the sun if she asked.
He nodded, not trusting his voice. Sarada’s eyes lit up with joy and she smiled at him for the first time. She flung her little body into him and as wrapped his arm around her he really wished he had two. He smiled. What a silly thought to have.
“Welcome home Papa!” Sarada yelled out as she tightened her grip wrapped around his neck.
Home.
Sasuke wasn’t sure what he would do after this moment ended. Where would he sleep or eat? But he felt it didn’t matter. He could figure it all out as it came. All that mattered now was the little body hold onto him like a life line. The scent of the flowers and grass she had been playing in. Her little fingers twirling the hair at the base of his neck. He would move mountains for his little girl. Change his own stubborn ways. Confront everything he had ever ran from. He would do it all for her.
“I’m home.”