Archive of Our Own ^beta

Steve was getting a migraine; an honest to God migraine from all the arguing Tony and Bucky were doing. He rubbed his temples in attempt to soothe the pain that was threatening to erupt in his head. Tony was in Bucky's face, or maybe vice versa, screaming about something stupid. Steve knew it was due to the fact that the two dominant alpha males were just trying to prove dominance, but Steve had to do something. This shit was absolutely ridiculous.

"You're an asshole, Barnes! I can't believe you think that I'm only average sized!" Tony yelled.

"Well, you are. I'm bigger than you!" Bucky exclaimed, gesturing to his lower half.

"By, like, two centimeters! I'm eight inches of pure man! Ask Steve! It fills him up every-"

"Okay, that's enough! There is a child present, you two!" Steve yelled over the two brunettes.

"Sorry." The brunette heroes murmured.

"You're damn right you're sorry. Now, go do what I've asked you to do for two days straight. Someone needs to pick up the dry cleaning. And someone needs to pick up the replacement weights and treadmill. And it sure as hell isn't going to be me, because I do it every week, three to six times a week, and even though I love helping all of you out, I promised to take Peter to the park and do the grocery shopping and all I really want to do is spend time with Peter because all you two have been doing is fighting and I don't think it's too much to ask for you two to just do two simple things. Am I clear?" Steve stared at his two lovers.

"Yes." Bucky said.

"Hey, babe, why don't we do the shopping for you? It'll give you some alone time with Peter and you can just relax. Can't have our baby all tense, can we?" Tony asked, kissing Steve cheek.

"You think I trust you two to go grocery shopping when I can't even trust you to make waffles in the toaster?" Steve asked sarcastically.

"In our defense, those waffles were fucking delicious." Bucky said.

"You caught the toaster on fire without having anything but the waffles!"

"Okay, but we promise to be good. Please, Steve? Besides, you deserve a day off. Let us help. We'll bring Loki along to yell at us. Please, please, please?" Tony said, sticking out his lower lip.

"Fine, I'll let you do it. And don't bother Loki. But stick to the list and do not cheat. If it says strawberry Pop-Tarts, you get strawberry Pop-Tarts. If you screw up the Pop-Tarts, I'll let Thor kill you."

"Ooo, Steve's feisty today. Where's this when we're in bed?" Bucky asked.

"Children, Bucky!"

Steve blushed a deep red as Bucky smirked. Tony and Bucky both kissed Steve goodbye and gave Peter hugs before walking to the garage. Steve shook his head. Natasha walked in.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm letting the boys do the shopping. I think this just might be the worst mistake I've ever made." Steve said.

"It could be worse. They could have taken Clint with them."

"Oh, good God, don't jinx it."

*********

Natasha ended up coming with Steve and Peter to the park. She agreed that Steve needed the time away from the tower and from SHIELD. He was far too overworked, and the boys weren't very helpful most of the time. She watched Steve push Peter on the swings. Peter was laughing and shouting 'higher' as Steve pushed. She'd always admired the way Steve could control his strength. She knew what he was really capable of. She had seen him go completely ape-shit and really beat someone's ass. Steve even held back with Thor most of the time. The one time he didn't was the time Thor had been under one of Loki's mind control spells. Steve had beat the crap out of Thor, and while he felt bad about it later, Thor had praised him. Once Peter had enough of the swings, he scampered off to the jungle gym, where he climbed all over the place and hung off of things. Steve came and sat by Natasha, whose lips curled into a small smile.

"You're really good with him, you know." Natasha said.

"Hmm? Oh, uh, thank you." Steve said, blushing.

"I don't know how you do it."

"Do what, ma'am?"

"Keep yourself under so much control. Be so level-headed almost all the time."

"Lots of practice. Lots of mistakes. The same thing you do to master anything."

"But why?"

"I don't want to hurt anyone. That would make me the bully. I want to be able to help people and not leave destruction in my wake."

"You're a good man, Steve Rogers."

"Sometimes. Sometimes in can be a 'royal bitch,' in Tony's words."

"Nah. It's only when someone gets out of line or if you're really just fed up with something. Or if something annoys you. That's all."

Steve laughed. He liked Natasha. She was one of his best friends. Peter ran over to Steve and dragged him to the sandbox to play with him. Natasha continued to survey. Clint was definitely right. A little down time wasn't a bad thing.

*********

Bucky and Tony walked through the isles of the supermarket. Tony had no idea why Steve still went shopping when Tony could just have groceries delivered. Bucky was actually decent at sticking to the list.

Well, he was until he got bored.

"What the hell is almond milk?" Bucky asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I don't fucking know. The people that live in my tower are a bunch of freaks." Tony said.

"Hey, watch it. Okay, here it is. Almond milk. I'm just going to go with vanilla unsweetened. Next is milk. Uh, it says one percent and then a side note that says Horizons low-fat milk one half gallon chocolate, one gallon regular. What the hell?"

"Peter drinks a certain kind of milk because he has low calcium counts and needs extra calcium. And we drink a lot of milk. Well, I don't but the others do."

They walked to the dairy section and got two gallons of one percent and they got Peter's milk. They checked the list for any more dairy products. Tony groaned. Why was dairy so important? And not only was there a ton of dairy crap, every Avenger ate a certain type of something. It just made for a shopping trip that was that much longer. The list went a little like this, and since Steve was ever so organized, each dairy product was in its own sub-section:

Cheese-

American Cheddar

Gouda

Bleu

Swiss

Provolone

Mediterranean Cheddar

Mozzarella

Monterey Jack

Feta (crumbled)

Cottage Cheese

Cream Cheese (two blocks)

Butter-

European-Style Butter

Regular Butter

Low Cholesterol Butter

Yogurt- Large quantity-

Vanilla

Greek

Single Serving (four of each)-

Banana

Cherry

Lemon

Lime

Mixed Berry

Blackberry

Blueberry

Pina Coloda

Strawberry

Coffee

Danimals (for Peter)

Go-Gurt (also for Peter)

Ice Cream (Half-gallon each)-

Rocky Road

Vanilla

Peanut Butter

Banana Pudding

Bomb Pops

Pina Coloda Fruit Bars

Strawberry-Banana Greek Yogurt Bars

Ice Cream Sandwiches (original)

Chocolate Fudge Raspberry Frozen Yogurt

Eggs-

Egg Whites (two cartons)

Five Dozen Large Eggs

Two Dozen Organic, Free-Range Eggs

Steve was like a fucking food Nazi. Okay, maybe everyone else was too, but come on. All this crap just under the "Dairy and Dairy Isle" section of the list? The Avengers all had some weird ass food fetishes or something. Tony did realize that Thor ate anything and everything, as did Clint, so most of this would be gone in about a week and a half. But Tony swore to God, if he didn't get at least one bowl of his peanut butter ice cream this time, he'd stab someone. Shopping was torture.

"Jesus Christ! How does Steve do this every week and not kill someone? We've been here for two hours!" Bucky whined.

"Stop that. It turns me on when you whine. I wonder what Steve thinks when he makes the list. Everyone writes down what they want and need and then Steve takes the time to make this nice, organized, ten page list with sections and sub-sections. No wonder Steve's always so frazzled after he does the shopping." Tony said.

"I don't know. But I will never, ever, let you volunteer us to do the shopping again. I had to touch pads, tampons, pantie liners, and I had to that little walk of shame thing when I ran to get pregnancy tests. Never again, Anthony Stark."

"Aww, does someone want me to kiss them better?"

"Will you?"

Tony kissed Bucky as they finished up the shopping, (entirely, thank God,) and got in line at the check-out. They started to pile all of their items on the conveyor belt and they realized just how much stuff they had gotten. Tony and Bucky both recognized the things they had asked for and needed, like body wash and toothpaste and, of course, condoms, but they never realized the other inhabitants of the tower had different preferences on brands and things like that. Next time Steve went shopping, the brunettes would be sure to thank him. The cashier finished ringing up their items and the grand total was three thousand-seven hundred and forty seven dollars and fifteen cents. The boys pushed the carts outside and loaded up the groceries. A mischievous smile spread across Tony's face.

"Come on, Bucky. We need to do the other errands. I have a special errand we need to run. For Steve." Tony said devilishly.

The two got in the car and drove off to finish their errands.

*******

Peter, Steve , and Natasha had been home for a few hours before Steve decide to fix dinner. Peter found that it was the perfect time to ask his question to Natasha and Clint.

"Aunt Tasha, Unca Clint, I have a poblem." Peter said.

Clint and Natasha looked at each other. Three year old Peter had a problem? Why didn't he go to Steve?

"Now that Papa lives here and Daddy is here, I don't know what to call Stebe." Peter said sadly.

"You could call him Otets. That's father in Russian." Natasha said.

"No! Papa won't like that!"

"How about Pops?" Clint asked.

"No, that no sound like Stebe."

"Why don't you ask Uncle Bruce, Thor, and Loki for help?"

"O'tay!"

Peter ran to the elevator to go down to Bruce's lab. Bruce was really smart-he'd know exactly the right name for Steve. Peter ran into Bruce's lab and hopped up on Bruce's desk. Bruce startled before laughing and tussling Peter's brunette hair.

"Hello, Peter. What's up?" Bruce asked, putting down his pen to focus his attention on Peter.

"I have a poblem. I don't know what to call Stebe. 'Cause Bucky is Papa and Tony is Daddy, but Stebe doesn't have a name no more." Peter said.

"That sounds like a big problem. Hmmm, maybe you could call him pater, the Latin word for father? Or Vati, which means "Daddy" in German."

Peter's face scrunched up in displease at the complex and foreign names. He shook his head negatively.

"Those don't sound like Stebe at all, Unca Buce. Stebe not that sewious." Peter said.

"Maybe Uncle Thor can help. He knows lots of good names." Bruce said.

"I go see him, then."

"Okay, Pete. See you at dinner."

"Bye, Unca Buce!"

Peter set off to find Thor. He searched everywhere Thor usually was and couldn't find him. Peter thought maybe he was with Loki. He searched Loki's favorite places and eventually found the duo in the library talking. Peter ran to the and looked at them pleadingly. Thor smiled and Loki's lips twitched upwards in the slightest.

"Young Peter! What brings you to us this evening?" Thor asked.

"I need help. I don't know what to call Stebe. Bucky is Papa and Tony is Daddy, but Stebe have no name." Peter said.

"You could call him far! That means father in Asgard!"

"No. I no think Stebe would like that."

'You could call him babbo, which is Italian for dad, or maybe pai, which is dad in Portuguese." Loki said thoughtfully.

"No, no, no. Still not like Stebe. Stebe needs a cool name. A scecial name."

Peter sighed and went back to the living room.

Adults were absolutely no help sometimes.

*********

Later that night at dinner, Peter found the perfect name. He was sitting between Bucky and Tony and watching Clint get his food. When Steve slid a grilled cheese onto Clint's plate, Clint had smiled and said 'thanks, mom.' Peter's face lit up.

"That's what I call Stebe! Mommy!" Peter said, delighted.

"Whoa, buddy, Mommy's not really a name for a boy. It's more of a girl's name." Tony said.

"But it pefect, Daddy! It a good name for Stebe."

"I like it, Tony. I'm sure when he gets older, he'll grow out of it anyway. Peter, if you want to call me Mommy, you can." Steve said, sitting down.

"Thanks, Mommy! These sandichs are good!"

Steve smiled and kissed Peter's forehead before taking a bite of his sandwich. He had the world's best family.