Chapter Text
Steve's life changed the day George and Winifred Barnes died. The couple had been old family friends with Tony Stark, (his husband), and after Steve and Tony's wedding, they'd became friends with him as well. They were older than them by almost twenty years, but their friendship had been a good and strong one from the start. George was one of Tony's partners at the company, and the two got along like a house on fire. Winifred was a true sweetheart with a heart of gold and a sharp mind. Her and Steve became good friends after bonding over old family recipes and homemade flu remedies. Hanging out together became a recurring event and more often than not they would all meet up and got together to celebrate. They didn't know what they were celebrating for, but they always found an excuse to pop open a bottle of good wine or champagne and have a good time.
George and Winnie had a son. A seventeen-year-old brunette with a strong jaw and shoulder length hair. He was a good kid. Top of the class and captain of the school football team with a bright future ahead of him. He was a good looking kid too, and always had a girl on his arms. In some rare cases, a boy. His parents were okay with the fact that he was bisexual, and Steve totally admire his bravery for coming out at such a young age and being confident about his sexuality. James or Bucky, like he preferred to be called, was also the live of the party. He barely joined the older people for dinner, but when he did, he always managed to capture the attention of everybody at the table and had them laughing until they were crying. Steve liked him a lot, and knew that if it weren't for the age difference, the two of them would have probably been good friends. He was everything Steve had ever wanted in a friend back when he was younger. But Bucky was weirdly shy around Steve when the two of them were alone. Which was strange, because when the boy was younger he hadn’t been that way. Now he would always blush or look down at his feet, and stammer his way through the conversation. It was endearing, but it made Steve feel bad. He didn't want Bucky to be intimidated by him, and that was the honest vibe he was getting from the brunette.
Tony told him not to worry, that the kid would warm up to him and that it was probably the muscles that got the kid weak in the knees. Steve always shook his head and laughed at that. There was no way a kid like Bucky would be interested in him and he didn't even entertain those thoughts. He had no need to. He decided to listen to Tony and just wait. He didn't even know why he cared so much about Bucky being friends with him, but he just did. George and Winnie always joked that maybe he wanted to have a kid just like Bucky, and Steve would laugh at that but agree with them because hey, maybe that's why?
When the tragedy struck, Steve and Tony had just finished having dinner. They were hanging out in their bed, watching Game of Thrones on their flat screen TV. Steve wasn't really paying attention, having already watched this episode, and was more interested in the book he was reading, getting lost in the pages in front of him. The ringing of his phone startled him, making him jump and almost dropped his book. Tony laughed beside him and called him jumpy, then went back to watching the show. Steve rolled his eyes and grab the ringing phone from where it sat at the bedside table. It was Bucky. He looked down at the phone for a good second, wondering why on earth this boy was calling him.
"You going to answer that?" Tony asked, not even looking away from the show.
"Oh, y-yeah, yes," he said before picking up the phone.
"S-s-teve!" Bucky's voice was wobbly and hoarse, and sounded as if he were crying. "S-steve I need you." He said, before a sob escaped his lips.
Steve's heart was hammering fast and hard against his chest, and he felt light headed all of a sudden. "Bucky? Hey, hey, what's wrong Bucky? What's going on?" He asked, trying to reel his panic away.
"T-t-they," Bucky whimpered before he started crying. It was loud and ugly and Steve wanted to teleport over to him and take away his pain.
"Hey, breath for me Bucky. Come on, take a deep breath," He said, putting his book down and getting up from bed.
"What's up?" Tony asked, pausing the show.
Steve shrugged and left the room. "S-steve," Bucky whined, his breathing was ragged and hard and it sounded like he was hyperventilating.
"Bucky please, what's wrong? Where are you right now? Do you need me to pick you up?" He was trying so fucking hard not to panic, but Bucky started crying again and he felt his heart drop to his stomach. He walked over to the living room, then walked to the glass doors that lead to the balcony. "Bucky?" He asked. The brunette had stopped talking, and only his ragged breaths were audible.
"Th-t-they're," He started, only to be stopped by a sob.
"Hey, what's going on?" Tony's voice came from behind him before he felt his hands hugging him from the back.
"I don't know," He whispered back, turning his attention back to the phone. "Bucky, what's happening? Is there someone there I can talk to?"
"N-n-no, I'm, I'm at t-the h-h-ospital," He managed to stammer out.
"W-what?" It was now Steve's turned to stammer. His mouth felt suddenly dry and all the panic he tried to drown out exploded all around him. "Why? What're you doing there? Bucky, what's going on?" He questioned.
"Give me the phone," Tony said, walking in front of him.
Steve ignored him. "Bucky?"
"The-they, a fucking. A car," Bucky let out before taking a deep breath. "A car Steve," he cried, "A car killed them."
A car crash had killed George and Winifred Barnes, leaving Bucky an orphan. They had given full custody of the boy to Tony Stark, and he would be living with them from now on. Bucky was beside himself when Tony and Steve entered the hospital. Of course he was. His face was red and blotchy and he looked withdrawn and distant. That lively smile that Steve had grown accustomed to was not there, and his rumpled look made his heart break. Bucky clung to Steve as if his life depended on it as soon as he’d seen the blonde man. He ignored everybody but Steve, and asked that he didn't want to be in anyone's presence but his. It took Steve by surprise, but also filled the blonde with an inexplicable fondness and giddiness. He sat with the brunette and held him tight when he began to break down again. He allowed the younger boy to cry on his shoulder, while hugging him tightly and whispering soothing words in his ear. He fell asleep like that, while Steve gently stroke his back and threaded his fingers through Bucky’s silky hair. He wished he could take Bucky’s pain away, wished that somehow he could go back in time and prevent Winnie and George from dying. He wished none of this would have happened because everything was a mess and it hurt. He was hurting, not only for Bucky, but also for himself. He had just lost two of his best friends. Two wonderful people who had brought joy to Steve’s life. He hurt for Tony, who had lost someone that was almost like a brother to him, and a woman who had been there for Tony during his darkest times. He found himself crying silently as he held Bucky. He didn’t want to wake him up, but he knew that they shouldn’t stay here at the hospital anymore. Tony had gone down to identify Winnie and George, and was dealing with the hospital as well as the police. It was already 4 a.m. and Bucky needed proper rest. It broke Steve heart to wake him up to take him home though, so instead, he decided to picked him up and carry him to his car. The brunette stirred a little, but didn’t wake up, and Steve gently placed him on the back seat of the car. He told Tony he was going to drive Bucky home and he agreed and told him that he’d take a cab back. Once he was home, Steve took Bucky to the room the brunette usually stayed in when he came over with his parents.
He woke up as Steve was laying him in bed, looking confused and scared. He looked up at Steve as the blonde finished putting him down and smiled weakly.
“Hey,” Steve whispered as he tried to move away.
Bucky didn’t like that though, and grabbed on to Steve’s shirt.
“Don’t,” he said, sounding small and scared.
Steve smiled at him and pushed a strand of hair away from Bucky’s face. “I’m not going anywhere Buck,” he said, sitting down next to him.
Bucky nodded and closed his eyes. Steve watched as the brunette took in a deep but shaky breath, and let it out. It was only a few seconds later that the brunette started crying again. Hard and ragged and ugly and it broke Steve’s heart all over again.
“Oh Bucky, I wish I could take this pain away,” he found himself saying as he laid down besides the younger boy and wrapped his arms around him. He pulled Bucky to his chest, and proceeded to do the same thing he’d been doing at the hospital. Bucky grabbed onto him, throwing his arms around Steve’s neck and burying his face on the blonde’s chest.
~*~
Bucky knew he shouldn’t be doing this. Shouldn’t be getting so close to Steve. But he simply couldn’t help it. No matter how hard he tried, it was as if an invisible force was pulling him closer to the blonde. He hated himself at first, for developing feelings for the older man, but as time went on he couldn’t control the erratic beating of his heart or the butterflies that took over his stomach whenever Steve was around. It started when he was 14. He came over Steve’s house with his parents and had dinner like usual, but then Tony and his parents had gone off somewhere to discuss business and Steve stayed behind. Bucky always thought that Steve was beautiful, and he always wished that when he grew up, he had a husband as gorgeous and kind as the blonde man. He liked him a lot, since Steve was funny and nice and played video games with him. The blonde always made him feel at ease, even when Bucky had been little. So it took him by surprise when he found himself wishing he could kiss Steve on the mouth. They were both lounging around in the playroom watching some action movie, but Bucky’s attention was only on the blonde.
He looked happy and relaxed, with his hair a bit disheveled from how often the blonde would run his fingers through it. Bucky found himself wishing he could do that for him, dying to know just how soft that blonde hair was. And then Steve turned to him and smiled, and his cerulean eyes looked magnificent, Bucky just wanted to reach up and kiss him. It shocked and scared him and he began to panic internally. He knew he liked guys, had known from the young age of 12, but he’d never been attracted to Steve before. He pushed it out of his mind and pretended like nothing had happened and went back to the movies. He thought that weird desire would go away, but it only kept growing stronger and stronger as time went by.
His attraction towards the other man became so bad, that Bucky could no longer speak properly to him. Every time the two of them were alone, Bucky found himself blushing furiously and stammering his way through trivial conversation. It bothered him so badly because despite his romantic feelings toward Steve, he also liked the man as a person. He wanted to be able to have funny conversations and watch dumb movies with him like he used to, but he fucking couldn’t! The blonde made him nervous as fuck and he didn’t know what to do. This went on for a couple of more years, and as much as he tried to put a stop to his feelings, he just couldn’t. Steve Rogers was an amazing, beautiful and talented man and he wanted him badly. He felt like a major asshole though, because he loved Tony like a father and he felt like he was disrespecting the other man with his unrequited feelings. He also knew that nothing would come out of them. No matter how hard he fantasised about the two of them together, or made up scenarios in which Steve would declare his undying love for Bucky, the brunette knew that it would never happen between the two. He knew Steve cared for him like a son. He had sadly overheard his mother talking to Steve about this. He also knew that Steve was head over heels in love with Tony, and that breaking up the couple would be an atrocity.
But losing his parents had caused his brain to completely ignore reason. He felt bitter and lonely and he wanted to be with Steve. He soaked up the blonde’s love and kindness like a sponge and felt at peace in his arms. He couldn’t let go of the blonde no matter how inappropriate it was for him to be laying on top of him like this. He felt so hollow inside and everything hurt. He wanted his parents back, wanted to be back home. But he knew that would never happen. So he wanted to absorb everything that Steve had to give him, even if he’d regretted later on in life. He knew it was stupid, but he had fallen in love with Steve despite knowing that nothing would ever come of his feelings. He was the only man Bucky wanted to be with and was the only person he thought of calling when he had gotten the news of his parents. Bucky knew he was crossing a line here, laying on his chest and hugging him tightly. But Steve wasn’t exactly pushing him away. The blonde was embracing him with all his might, running a strong hand soothingly down his back. He felt so nice and peaceful here, and he didn’t want to lose this too. He wanted to spend the rest of his life in Steve’s arms, everyone else be damned. He knew though, not to let his heart get the best of him and he tried not to see too much into the way Steve held him. He told himself that the blonde was only doing this because he cared for Bucky as a son and nothing else.