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Girlfriend looked around the home for a bit. Father and Mother were on their honeymoon, and they wouldn’t be back for a week and a half, but it was best to play it safe. This was the perfect time for their ‘anniversary’.
This wasn’t the day they first met exactly, but it was one of the days where they could properly celebrate it alone, and do it at her own house, instead of boyfriend’s three room apartment.
Not long after, Boyfriend showed up, in his finest formal wear for the occasion (the same damn stained T-shirt he wore everywhere, some lightwashed jeans, and his trademark hat, now worn forwards, so you know stuff is important.) They were excited to spend all afternoon eating snacks, playing shit on Newgrounds and making out.
"Beef!" Girlfriend pulled him into a close hug, giving him a kiss on the cheek, as he stepped in, taking off his hat as soon as he got in. The place was as fancy looking as ever. BF tossed off his shoes, alongside his hat, as he stepped in, taking in the 'rich people's home' air.
"Damn girl, you live like this?"
Girlfriend burst out laughing, leaning against her love as he said that. That joke got funnier ever time he stepped foot in. She went from laughing to making out with him for a little bit. This is how they started pretty much every 'anniversary' they had. After a few minutes, Girlfriend broke away, sighed and asked, "Wanna get some food?"
"Hell yeah."
The two walked into the kitchen, which was, of course, very well stocked. It paid to have stupid rich parents after all. The two looked around, before GF smiled, "Want me to get our PB and J on?"
She asked that, since it was the only thing she actually knew how to make. Everything else usually resulted in a mess at best, and a housfire at worse.
"Nah nah nah, hold on." Boyfriend stopped her, "How long have we been together again?"
Girlfriend counted on her fingers for a moment before frowning, "Man, don't make me do math."
"Exactly!" He pointed out, "I say we make something special...maybe a cake?"
Girlfriend hm'ed at that. It did sound good, but there was a problem.
"I have no fuckin idea how to make cake." She reminded him, "and I'm kinda hungry for PB&J..."
"Well, what if it was...uh, a PB&J cake." Boyfriend suggested.
PB&J Cake...was that really a thing? Well, if it involved PB&J, she already knew how to make...half of it, right? Yeah, that made sense to her!
"Okay, second problem." Girlfriend pointed to the oven in the corner of the room, which sported a massive padlock, "My folks don't let me use the oven. Not since the incident."
"Which incident?" BF asked.
"All of them!"
"Ohh..."
Well, thankfully, Boyfriend had a solution. He picked up the gun he 'borrowed' from his ex, and fired three rounds in it's direction. One put a hole in the glass of the door, the second damaged the wall above the oven, and the third broke the padlock.
"Damn..you're a genius." Girlfriend giggled, "Alright, I'm game. Let's do this!"
Truth be told, Boyfriend didn't have much clue how to make a cake either but, much like everyone who didn't know, he got a box of cake mix, and looked over the back. He didn't read it, of course, he didn't have time for that shit, and it already had pictures, so that should work fine.
"Okay, I got the biggest bowl here." Girlfriend said, setting down one that was at least a three feet wide. She still had no fucking idea why her dad even owned this bowl, but that wasn't her concern, "What do we do first?"
"Alright, we pour this shit in..." Boyfriend dumped the box's contents, splashing a bunch of the mix out of the bowl onto the counter, "Now, if this is supposed to be a PB&J cake, we should probably add the PB&J now."
"Right!" Girlfriend nodded, moving to the bread box, "How much bread should we use?"
"If it's gonna be big enough for the both of us?" Boyfriend asked, "A whole loaf would work...wait, two loaves. One for each of us!"
"Oooh, that's smart."
Thankfully, the bowl was big enough for the two piles of bread, but just enough. Girlfriend took a big metal spoon and began stirring it in, covering the bread in the mix.
Next step, was the jelly, which Boyfriend pulled from the fridge. Thankfully, it was fresh stocked, so BF mangaed to shake an entire jar in with a very unpleasant sounding splat noise. Now they just needed the peanut butter.
"Ooh, I got this one." Girlfriend assured, reaching for the biggest jar of peanut butter, floating it to them from the highest shelf with her telekinesis. Once it was in her hand, she reached her hand in, took out a large fistful of peanut butter...and shoved it right in her mouth, enjoying the taste.
"Damn girl, save some for the cake." BF laughed at that.
"Oh yeah," Girlfrined, without even washing her hand off, shoved her hand inside the jar again and let a large glob of peanut butter fall in. She was really thankful for these 'family sized' jars, meaning it was a lot harder to get her hand stuck in them. She emptied out about two jars worth of peanut butter and mixed them in. There was barely any mix visible now between broken up pieces of bread, running jelly and peanut butter.
"Okay, we should probably add more, like, cake stuff." Boyfriend thought, looking back at (the pictures on) the box, "Okay, we need eggs."
Girlfriend nodded, pulling them out of the carton, "How many we need?"
"Uh...just use all of them." Boyfriend shrugged, really not wanting to read just to make a cake, "Just to be safe."
GF, seeing nothing wrong with that plan, dropped the carton directly into the bowl with a plop. Boyfriend looked at that, and raised an eyebrow.
"Uh, aren't you supposed to like, break eggs first?'
"Huh...oh, I'm stupid!" Girlfriend laughed, lifting up the carton again...
which she proceeded to snap the whole thing in half, letting some eggs fall out into the bowl, before she dropped both halves in.
"Perfect!" Boyfriend nodded, "Now we need water..."
"Ugh...water sucks."
"Yeah, it does." Boyfriend paused, before an he had an epiphany.
"This has water in it anyways, right?" He asked, while dumping an entire bottle of whiskey into the bowl, causing some of the eggs to float upward as a result, the ones that didn't shatter anyways.
"Exactly!" Girlfriend smiled, before thinking, "Hm..when do we add the sugar?"
"Eh..." Boyfriend looked back and...wait a minute..."There's no sugar in this recipe? What kinda shitty healthy cake recipe is this?"
"I'm not eating it if it doesn't have sugar." Girlfriend said firmly, picking up a large bag from under the counter, "Let's fix that."
Boyfriend rubbed his hands together, already anticipating how good this was going to taste, while Girlfriend poured the entire thing in, the bowl nearly reaching the top as around eight pounds of sugar were added in. This also caused the added whiskey to bubble.
"Oooh, it's almost ready, right?" Girlfrined asked, dipping her finger into the concoction to taste it...hm, probably needed a bit more sugar, but for now, it worked.
"Now all we need before we bake is, uh, oil?" Boyfriend asked, blinking a bit, "Why add oil to cake?"
"IDK." Girlfriend shrugged, "Don't worry, I know where to get oil."
Girlfriend left the kitchen for a moment, leaving her boyfriend confused, before she came back, dragging a large metal cylinder behind her.
"My dad had this kerosene heater for the longest time." She explained, "I don't know why, though. Whenever it gets too cold, we just vacation in Hell..."
"Oh who cares?" Boyfriend shrugged, "Help me lift this thing up."
After a few grunts and heaves, the two managed to lift the kerosene heater over their head, where they were free to pour the oil into the bowl, where it finally overflowed and began spilling onto the counter. A few of the eggs also floated off, where they broke open on the floor. Girlfriend gave it one last mix for good measure, getting even more of it everywhere.
"Okay, now we just put it in the oven, right?" Girlfriend asked.
"I think so..." Boyfriend shrugged, "I think we gotta pour it in a pan or some shit but eh, it'll just be a round cake." Boyfriend shrugged.
The two carefully slid their abomination in the oven, with Boyfriend setting the temperature for as high as it'd go, (which, given that this was a family of demons, was pretty fucking high.)
"Alright, now we wait." Girlfriend said, with a firm smile, stepping away to let it cook.
"Hey, wanna make out while we wait?" Boyfriend asked.
"Hell yeah."
The two moved to the living room couch, ready to enjoy their 'anniversary' some more. They didn't know how long cakes usually were supposed to bake, but they figured it'd be done in about...
KABOOOOOOOOM!
right now!
Both of them looked back at the kitchen, seeing a massive hole where the oven used to be, and fire all over where the kitchen used to be. The kerosene didn't seem to react well to be put inside an oven, and the fire was already spreading to the living room...which probably spread to everything else soon.
"Aw shit...what a waste of good peanut butter!" Girlfriend called out, upset.
Boyfriend looked at the ensuing inferno...hm, maybe they used too much bread? Oh well, he wasn't exactly a cook, and that recipe probably sucked ass anyways.
"Wanna get Mcdonalds instead?" He suggested.
"Yes please." Girlfriend seemed eager at that, completely forgetting the fact she just set her folk's home on fire.
"I love you, babe." Girlfriend smiled, resting against his chest, a handful of fries hanging out her mouth.
"I know you do." Boyfriend pulled her super close, in the small booth the two were sitting at. The staff knew them, of course, and they knew damn well not to refuse them, which is how they got so much food for free. He stuffed another nugget in his mouth and kissed her forehead, before the two began making out again. Girlfriend pulled against him back, squeaking him some as they kissed, while rubbing his back. She could make out with him all day, even if that meant her milkshake melting...
Her parents wouldn't be happy about their house being burnt down, but Girlfriend had already forgotten about it...and heck, it wouldn't even be the first time!
So might as well enjoy the Boyfriend time while she could.