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Dean.
That was all Seamus could think of.
All around him the Great Hall was erupting with cheers and cries as families reunited but it was all starting to blur together. The mourners lingered around the edges of the vast room, clinging to their surviving loved ones as the tears crept silently down their stunned faces.
Seamus felt lost in it all as his panic flared like a phoenix inside his hollow chest.
Dean. I need Dean.
He hadn’t seen him since they’d been reunited in the Room and it was eating Seamus alive almost, the sticky combination of love and anxiety twisting to choke the air from his lungs.
I can’t live without him. If he’s gone… I’m nothing without Dean.
So many lives had already been lost tonight - Fred, Lupin and Tonks, Lavender and Colin… It didn’t seem right that Dean might be among them, still lying broken somewhere beneath rubble or the bodies of one of the giants, undisturbed because nobody had stumbled across him yet.
A panicked sob clawed its way out of Seamus’ throat and, although Madam Pomfrey shot him a concerned look as she bustled past him to heal someone, Seamus felt utterly alone. The sun was blazing through the dusty glass, the beams illuminating the dust motes in the air.
It felt strange to stand in the Great Hall again now, without the Carrows sitting there cackling to themselves and the forced silence of the terrified students… without Snape sitting there with haunted eyes, like everything was spiralling out of his control.
That was how Seamus felt now.
He’d always felt almost explosive - just ask Professor McGonagall - with his anger and his fear and his love crackling out of him like fireworks. Dean was the gentle hand that kept Seamus’ magic beneath his skin, the warm touch that reassured him he was still fighting for a reason.
Seamus didn’t know who he was without Dean. He didn’t want to.
I need him to be here. I never told him… He never knew…
But that was a lie.
Dean had known how Seamus felt for a very long time. He could see the love blazing like wildfire in his best friend’s eyes and he’d never shied away from it; he’d kept it burning instead, with gentle brushing kisses in the darkness and shy fingers tangling together whenever they were alone.
The pain in Seamus’ heart felt tangible now, like a thousand killing curses… except those were supposed to be painless and Seamus was quite sure the agony of potentially losing Dean was worse than anything else in the world.
Everything they’d shared together roared through Seamus’ mind as he ran from the Great Hall.
Long summer evenings spent in each other’s arms by the lake, sharing laughter as they tossed bits of food into the water for the giant squid. Weekends spent sitting on one of the sofas in the common room, legs tangled between them as Seamus read his book and Dean sketched the intent look on his best friend’s face with loving strokes of his pencil. Dean’s laughter and how soft his curls felt when Seamus ran his fingers through them as he kissed the dark-skinned boy’s nose, wishing him luck before Quidditch. Stupid food fights in the Great Hall and Seamus’ ridiculous jokes that always made Dean laugh so hard he choked… and meeting on the Hogwarts Express on that very first day, taking in eyes that glittered like melting chocolate and a smile that made butterflies erupt in Seamus’ stomach.
Gone. All of it gone.
And, just when Seamus didn’t think he could stand the pain of it anymore, he hurtled out of the gaping doors and crashed straight into someone hurrying in the other direction.
Seamus lost his balance, half blind with tears as he started to fall backwards before a warm hand wrapped firmly around his wrist, steadying him.
Seamus opened his eyes and wiped the tears away, and the gasp that escaped him sounded like someone had punched him in the stomach because Dean, Dean, Dean.
His dark skin was streaked with soot and his lovely eyes were red with tears, and suddenly Seamus was crying, huge sobs tearing through him as he finally let himself feel again… vulnerable for the first time since Dean had come to say goodbye to him on the night he went into hiding.
Seamus didn’t know who moved first.
All he knew was that suddenly his cheek was pressed to Dean’s chest and the older boy’s arms were wrapped tightly around him, and Seamus was clinging to him and inhaling Dean’s familiar comforting smell beneath the smoke and blood, and Dean was still here, still solid and warm and real.
Dean pressed a gentle kiss to Seamus’ golden hair, his tears hot as they streaked down his dirty cheeks, his hold unbreakable as he embraced his best friend tightly.
“God, Dean, when I couldn’t find you…” Seamus’s voice was so choked up that he could hardly speak but it felt important to tell Dean how much his loss would have hurt. “I thought I’d lost you.”
“I’m here, Shay,” Dean said softly, his fingers carding through Seamus’ messy hair. “I’m right here.” Dean’s voice still sounded the same; all honey-smooth and lilting, like he was just about to break into song.
“Don’t you ever leave me again,” Seamus warned but the effect was ruined somewhat when he tilted his head back, stretching up on his tiptoes to kiss his best friend warm and safe in the doorway of the Great Hall, right there in front of everyone. Dean’s hands settled securely on the younger boy’s waist and Seamus sighed into it as he stroked the back of his best friend’s neck gently.
“Don’t you ever leave me,” Seamus repeated when he eventually drew back to breathe. Dean gave him a watery smile as he took in the tears clinging to Seamus’ spiky eyelashes, the blood warming his cheeks as his love blazed in his soft blue eyes.
“I don’t plan on it,” Dean promised. “I’m not leaving you for anything, Shay.”
Seamus smiled, relaxing in his best friend’s arms as his heart finally began to calm.
“Right answer,” he murmured, leaning up to capture the older boy’s lips again.
Dean smiled.