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Letting Nero handle shopping alone was never a wise idea. Kyrie knew this. His demonic heritage would always attract numerous monsters to his location which had unfortunate consequences for unsuspecting Walmarts. Included, but not limited to: flash frozen freezers, kitchen nightmares in “at home cooking”, and the “Living Spaces” looking far more like a warzone. Nevertheless, Nero was optimistic.
“C’mon, babe, I can handle it this time!” Nero flashed a confident smile at his girlfriend as he placed Red Queen on his back and Blue Rose on his hip.
“The fact that you’re taking your sword and gun shopping isn’t encouraging…” Kyrie sighed, pulling the pans out of the oven to make room for the lasagna which would soon be bubbling inside.
“I don’t leave home without ‘em.” Nero stepped towards the aproned redhead and gently took her hands. “I promise. I’ll be all right.”
“It’s not you I’m worried about. I just don’t want you to come home from a flaming Kroger again.” Kyrie tried to make her plea sound serious despite its ridiculousness.
“You don’t have to worry about that.” Nero pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek. “I’m going to Aldi this time.”
“Oh, for the love-”
Nero arrived at the Aldi just before noon, holding the partially crumpled list of items in his hand. He was determined to finally see a successful grocery store visit through successfully. Nero walked through the sliding electric doors into the air-conditioned grocery store. He knew exactly what he needed to gather: Milk, Eggs, Orange Juice, Salad Mix, Whole Wheat Bread, Pasta, Salted Triscuits, Unsalted Vegan Butter, Corn Chips, Salsa, and Frozen Vegetable Medley. Nero deposited his quarter into the shopping cart and pulled it free. Nero set off into the produce section where he was distracted by a significantly large bag of potatoes.
“Five pounds for three bucks?” Nero felt the weight of the bag in his hand before deciding to leave it where it rested originally. “The hell would we even do with five pounds of potatoes?”
Nero continued further into the store, his boots made a low click across the polished concrete floors as he strode down the aisles, eyes peeled for the highest quality or cheapest prices. He stopped by the breads, trying to remember which was the one Kyrie preferred. After enough thought, Nero’s blue spectral wing reached up to the top of the shelf to throw two loaves of the Arnold brand into the cart. Just a bit further down the aisle, the young demon found the Barilla Rigatoni that he liked. Just behind him on the opposite aisle, he tossed a box of plain salted Triscuits into the cart as well.
“Just need some chips, then it’s just the frozens left.” Nero pushed onward, pleased with himself that the trip was going so well. It wasn’t long before the young man located the Tostitos (scoops, naturally). Nero basketball shot the bag of chips into the cart before turning around to open up the refrigerator behind him. However, instead of a milk carton greeting him, it was the face of an Empusa hissing at him from inside the refrigerator.
“Ah, shit…” Nero sighed before slamming the demon’s ugly face into the open fridge door, marring the once clear class with a massive red stain. “You guys can’t let me have one easy grocery run, can you?” Nero’s wings sharpened as he turned to face the newly arrived demons. The chaos broke out almost instantly; demons were pushing over aisles and produce tables in a bid to attack the white-haired quarter-demon in front of them. The first demon was eliminated as Nero kicked his loaded shopping cart directly into its body with immense force, careening it back into a wall and sending Nero’s groceries flying.
The next moments were a blur to outsiders, but to Nero, the world had slowed to a halt. Three demons were lunging at him, all with claws outstretched. The one on his left was taken care of by Nero opening one of the refrigerator doors into its attack, the second earned a bullet to the skull, and the third was choke-slammed by Nero’s right wing into one of the overturned aisles, launching various pallets of soda into the air. As new demons were rising up from their portals from the demon world, they were all dispatched just as soon as they arrived by 12-packs of Pepsi pulverizing their pursuit, after Nero kicked the soda out of the air.
Nero leaped to the front of the store in an instant, stripping one of the plastic bags off of its hook and rebagging all of his gathered items before they hit the floor. As Nero knelt in front of the overturned shopping cart, items in hand, he felt another presence behind him. He rolled out of the way just in the nick of time as a Death Scissor snipped the cart clean in half, dislodging his quarter from the mechanism. Nero took aim at the flying currency and fired a shot, ricocheting the bullet off of the coin and the coin off of the wall both into the Death Scissor’s head.
More demons poured into the store, forcing Nero to abandon his grocery bag and vault over a demon to stand atop the display for the aforementioned bags of potatoes. Nero took a bag in each hand and pounded the purses of potatoes into every demon as they approached.
Even whilst mowing down demons with Smokin’ Sick Spuds, Nero remembered that he still needed the frozen items. He pulled Red Queen off his back and plunged it into the back of a lesser demon, revving it as he slid across the ground atop the corpse.
Nero rifled through the refrigerators, throwing the milk, orange juice, and salsa out of the fridge so that they fell directly into his grocery bag. As his hand took hold of the vegetable medley, he swung it back around to send another demon flying across the room before tossing a clean bag of lettuce into his bag.
The final item he needed was unsalted vegan butter, he grabbed the first one he could find, a box of “I am beyond baffled at the fact that this substance is not referred to as butter”. As Nero’s shopping list was completed, he knew it was time to wrap up the fight. Nero opened his inner channel of demonic energy, and let his Devil Trigger activate. He slashed across the demons with Red Queen, ensuring a perfect rev every time to maximize his Exceed and fired Blue Rose into all the demons he saw. His wings slashed all around him, sending demon blood and red orbs flying all around him. Finally, the dust settled, and Nero let his form return to normal, including dismissing his wings.
Looking around himself, the location was barely recognizable as a grocery store. Nero picked up his bag of groceries and walked to the exit. He saw a very shaken checkout clerk hiding under a checkout desk. Nero set two twenty-dollar bills on the counter and made eye-contact with the employee.
“Keep the change.” Nero said with confident finality to the worker as he walked out of the store, unaware that the amount he paid wasn’t even half enough.
Nero returned home where Kyrie was waiting. He rapped on the front door, grocery bag in his off hand. In a moment, Kyrie opened the door and saw her boyfriend sweaty and covered in demon blood. As handsome as always.
“Soooo… How’d it go?” Kyrie asked teasingly, stepping aside to let Nero inside.
“You know… the usual.” The demon half-shrugged with a smile, walking inside the warm, sunlit house. He then set the grocery bag down on the counter beside the stovetop. “Something’s smelling good, babe.” Nero tracked the scent to the oven.
“Oh! I think it’s ready to come out.” Kyrie knelt next to the oven, turning on the light to see the bubbling cheese in the casserole dish. She pulled open the door and was about to put her oven mitt on when Nero gently pulled her to the side and took the dish out of the oven with his bare hand.
“Show off…” Kyrie huffed affectionately as her boyfriend set the steaming dish on the stovetop and closed the oven door.
“I try my best.” Nero leaned down to peck Kyrie’s lips once his hands were freed. After their brief kiss, Kyrie wrapped her arms around Nero’s waist, pressing her cheek against his chest.
“Don’t ever change, Nero.” She mumbled softly, gently rubbing her hand in small circles on Nero’s back.
“I ain’t planning on it…” Nero rested his chin on the top of her head and gently carded his fingers through her hair.