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How would Sisyphus feel if he finally got to roll his rock over the hill? Well, it depends. Would he finally get to see the open, ever expansive sky, or would an even bigger hill obscure the hill he was climbing?
I can’t answer that question, but I can answer this one: If there ever were people who felt themselves in a similar position, those would be a certain pair of Lydian Academy #2 attendees: Kirika Akatsuki and Shirabe Tsukuyomi, awaiting their final semester scores via reloading the school websites page over and over.
What's that, you say? The comparison doesn’t seem fair, Sisyphus committed several crimes and these are two high schoolers? Joke’s on you, they’re former terrorists. Moving on!
“It’s 4:00 pm already… Why do we have to show up early every morning but they can take their sweet time, dess? And on Saturday, no less…” mumbled the first girl, pacing around their room.
“Speaking of sweets… Don’t forget our reward, Kiri-chan,” comforted the second girl, on reloading duty. “If we score an 80 at least on every subject like we’re sure to do with all our studying, Maria and Yukine will take us to-”
“Sacchan’s Saccharine Emporium, for all the delicacies we can eat, dess!” shouted the first girl, her mood a 180-degree reversal from before as she jumped and twirled.
“Yes, all our sacrifices to overcome our trials will have been worth it. All those formulae, all those dates that no one cares about, and especially that dumb 1000 word essay from Language.”
“Oh, actually that final essay was easy for me, everything else was way worse…”
“What? No, I clearly recall you screaming against your pillow to complain, I was there.”
“Ah, but you were not there when I came up with my amazing solution, dess!”
Raw fear grasped Shirabe’s heart at those words, a foreboding feeling she hadn’t felt since they were getting decimated by Carol without their Ignite Modules. And, because destiny loved its one-two punches, in that very moment her eyes caught the slight change on the computer’s screen.
“Ah! Kiri-chan, our scores!” She summoned her girlfriend, who all but teleported to her side–cheeks pressed against each other, as all very close friends do–to stare very closely at the screen–this is not healthy, do not repeat at home. Two clicks later:
SHIRABE TSUKUYOMI: Mathematics 81 Science 84 English 93 Music 97 Social Studies 81 Language 82
KIRIKA AKATSUKI: Mathematics 89 Science 92 English 85 Music 97 Social Studies 88 Language 60
Thirty words on the screen. Two that carried such weight, that it rendered the other twenty eight meaningless. Two words that shall keep the one hundred and twenty six desserts on Sacchan’s Saccharine Emporium’s menu out of their reach. The guilty one grasps her head and screams a “DESS!!!” in denial, while the innocent feels the fear in her heart give way to cold calculations.
I have been checking both our scores all through the semester. We both somehow kept ourselves above average so far, she ponders. So whatever caused this catastrophic drop must have been from this final week, which means…
“Kiri-chan, you mind telling me what that amazing solution of yours entailed?”
“Emmm… it’s nothing, really. The school probably typed my score wrong, dess! They didn’t specify what-”
“Kiri-chan.”
“I plead the fifth.”
“Jiiiiiiii” and no one could ‘Jiiiiii’ quite like Shirabe.
“That’s cheating, Shirabeeeeee!” she cried.
—
An hour later, Maria Cadenzavna Eve did not add a second judgmental stare to Shirabe’s. She seemed calm, which was somehow scarier. Kirika couldn’t even tell if it was genuine calm or a “tranquil fury/so angry she looped right back to a zen state” kind of calm, and in her current position that was a very important distinction.
“So, as you realised you couldn’t think of enough words to fulfill the quota for your final assignment, you started adding the word ‘dess’ to every single sentence of your essay. In fact, going by the comments your teacher provided, ‘dess’ forms close to 10% of the contents of your essay, which makes it not acceptable to their standards and thus deserving of a falling grade. Am I correct?”
“...But 60 is a passing grade, I still passed the subject and semester as a whol-”
“Not the point, Kirika,” Maria sighed. She hadn’t raised her voice yet. Good, good, she could still survive! “Now… Most of your grades are excellent, and it wouldn’t be fair for Shirabe to miss the sweet emporium because of you. But bringing only one of you wouldn’t sit right with me either. So… I’ll bring you both next week, so long as Kirika follows a certain condition.”
The wielder of Igalima braced herself, willing to take whatever sanction she was assigned, to accept heaven’s judgment with her head held high. For a moment, she felt ready for anything.
“Sure. What is it, dess?”
“You are not allowed to say ‘dess’ for a week.”
The moment ended as soon as it came.
“EEEEEEEEHHHHH?????? B-but why!?”
“I am trying to nip the problem in the bud before it goes out of control. I do this out of love and worry for your future, Kirika.”
“Dee-”
“Starting now. Reign in that tic of yours until… 6 a.m. next Saturday, or there will be no Sacchan’s Saccharine Emporium.”
Kirika did not feel ready at all. But against Maria’s gaze, and Shirabe’s stare, her odds of victory were zero. So, the countdown began.
—
It was the dawn of the second day, and already life felt both dull and tense. Which, considering the recent events she and her friends had gone through, should have been illegal. There had been no threats since the Magical Girl Incident, and they all lived through it. And they just got through a school semester, which was worse than the Carol business! They’d reached that wonderful period of life known to mankind as “downtime”.
And yet, every now and then, during a conversation, she would feel the temptation to sprinkle some joy into it with a ‘dess’. At every temptation, she could feel the stare of Shirabe at her back, even when she wasn’t present. And thinking about Shirabe usually improved her mood, not the opposite!
Even so, it could be much worse. Even the worst Shirabe stare had a cute side to it, so all in all she could handle it. Hell, she had handled Dr Ver, she could handle whatever this week decided to throw at her!
Or so she told herself, thus jinxing herself. Cue montage!
Evening of the second day, at Tachibana Hibiki’s house. The universe’s current victim leaves the kitchen to return to the living room, where they’re putting on a new game.
“Ey, Kikatsup, you’re back just in time! We just loaded the new Kirby game, i saved the King Dedede slot for you”
“...thanks, but I’m not in the mood for videogames today. Sorry, Kuriyo!” she mutters before going back to the kitchen, thanking her gods that at least they’re not playing Smash Bros.
Evening of the fourth day, at Kirika, Shirabe and Chris’s apartment. In reality, only Kirika and Shirabe’s, but Chris hangs around so often she might as well have a share of the terrain. All of them are lounging on couches, Shirabe with a newspaper in her hands.
“Mmmmm… Six letters, keeping the truth hidden, especially to get an advantage. Any clues, Chris-senpai?”
“Oh, that’s an easy one, deceit!”
“Nnnnggg…”
“Right, sorry” muttered Shirabe, sending some compassion to the brooding girl next to her.
“Everything okay?” asked the out-of-the-loop shortstack.
“... ten letters, military punishment used in Ancient Rome”
Yukine knew “I don’t want to talk about it” vibes when she saw some, and so chose not to press the issue, instead returning to helping her junior with her crossword puzzle. Truly, a best senpai candidate.
“Getting tricky, aren’t we? That one would be decimation!”
Kirika grabbed the closest cushion, sank her face on it, and screamed. Yukine looked puzzled, and Shirabe didn’t feel like explaining.
—
At the start of the sixth day of Kirika’s punishment, Shirabe couldn’t help but believe she had been a bit too harsh on her partner. She’d spent most of Thursday on her own, either training at SONG facilities or with her headphones on. She had offered to go buy some stuff for breakfast to “break the monotony”, but odds were she would stumble upon a “discount on desserts” sign and get anxious again.
“Perhaps I should apologi–oh perfect timing, here she comes,” she muttered, as she heard panicked steps coming her way.
Very panicked steps, and a BLAM that could only be the door being shut with way more force than it should have. Kirika finally entered her field of vision, with a face full of anguish and her phone in hand, and stumbled to a halt right in front of her couch.
“Shirabe, it’s over! Now I'll get kicked out of the LGVT!”
…Oh, she had definitely overreacted last Saturday. Shirabe had to do some damage control, or else.
“Kiri-chan… What does the punishment have to do with your feelings towards women? Was it too severe? I am sorry, listen, I can try and nego-”
“Oh, no no no! I still love you lots, Shirabe!” Immense relief filled her from head to toes, and any other week, Shirabe would have fainted on the spot. “I meant LGVT, with a ‘V’!”
“Okay… what is that?” she asked, confusion helping her push back the immense blush that had taken over her face.
“The ‘League of Gals with Verbal Tics!”
“...huh?”
“Just read!” she screamed, before shoving her phone in her face. The screen was now displaying a chat log from a discord channel, ‘LGVT’ proudly displayed at the top.
MC (what else would i be? :p)
It has come to notice that the most recent member of the LGVT, by the name of Kirika Akatsuki, has not made use of her signature verbal tic in the last effective five days, a conduct in direct offense to the rules of the league, daze. Therefore, in my authority as current leader of the LGVT, I inform the guilty party to return to their normal speech pattern as soon as possible, or the council will have to take some actions, daze.
Sincerely,
Millarc Cranstoun.
MC (what else would i be? :p)
Bleh, writing formal sucks. This is why I leave all the leader stuff to big sis.
Frogger1981
Basically, this is unacceptable. What's up, newbie?
D.Zababie
Sorry i fcked around and found out :p please give me a week
MC (what else would i be? :p)
It’s been more than half a week, time’s running out, daze. Do your thing, or the kick is coming. Zzzzzzzzzztttt
Frogger1981
…what’s that supposed to mean?
MC (what else would i be? :p)
Like, sand in an hourglass spilling down. I’m not gonna use tic tac, I ain’t no basic bitch
Frogger1981
…basically, time to disconnect. Got a revolution to plan.
MC (what else would i be? :p)
I can see your status still active, shortie!
Shirabe stared at the screen. She’d gotten her answer and gotten like ten more questions along with it, better to cover them one at a time.
“So… Either you say dess and we kiss our sweets goodbye, or you don’t say dess and get kicked out this Discord server?”
“Worse! It’s not a ban kick what’s coming, but a rider kick! Or whatever weird super sentai combo MC has cooked, and she strikes when you least expect it, and I’m doomed, de- FUCK!!”
Great, now Shirabe had more questions. The only thing that she was sure of at the moment was that her dear Kirika was in a lot of distress. And, because love works in mysterious ways, so was she.
But fear not, dear audience! For when children are in distress, it is the duty of adults to step up. And so, with another unfair handling of the apartment’s door, standing as an imposing silhouette bathed by dawn’s sunlight-
“Fear not, Akatsuki, Tsukuyomi! For I am here!”
“Genjuro!”
Indeed! There stood no other than the main supportive pillar of S.O.N.G, the most trustable adult they knew (not a high bar, but that’s a can of worms for another day), a gentle soul with 194 centimeters of pure muscle and extensive movie knowledge to match: Genjuro Kazanari! As reassuring a view as ever, even if the bunch of bags on his back were an unusual ad.
“Couldn’t leave one of my protegees in such a peril, so I came up with a plan. Kirika, how do you feel about a one-day road trip? I have everything packed up”
Other people could have expressed some doubt at such a sudden request. Kirika, however, trusted every member of her newfound family with all her heart, and nodded, finding some amount of energy inside her still raring to go.
“Shirabe, do you mind?”
“It's okay, Kiri-chan. I have a feeling you might really need this. Whatever it is.”
“Then sure! Rev those engines up, sir!” she declared, following him through the door.
“In that case, I hope she won’t mind that I call Maria for a sleepover,” muttered Shirabe, who now found herself alone. Relieved, but alone, as she stood up to close the door with a smile on her face.
—
About an hour later, the duo found itself at the base of a mountain near the edges of the city.
“So, you’ve kept yourself unusually silent, what’s the plan here?”
“Maria told me of your small fumble, Kirika, and the ensuing ultimatum she gave you. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, just a part of being young. But young people have a lot of energy, and I’ve noticed yours dimmed out during the week. What you need, right here and now, is to let that energy spark free once again.”
He walked a couple steps forward and smacked the base of the mountain a couple times. If he’d actually managed to push it, Kirika wouldn’t have found it impossible, coming from him.
“So! What a better outlet for that energy than some traditional exercise! You and I will be climbing this mountain, from base to peak.”
She had glanced up before, but now she tilted her head up properly. That was reaaaaally tall, it would probably take almost an entire day. Probably way less if she just transf-
“Before you ask, you won’t be using your Symphogear. With these,” he pointed with his thumb at the backpacks on his back with one hand, tossing one to her with the other “We shall climb the old-fashioned way”.
“Oh! That means-? Do I get a training montage too, like my senpais?”
“Correctomundo!”
“With a song from old martial arts movies included too!?”
At ‘old’, an ethereal bullet stabbed right through Genjuro’s heart. He brushed it off, because a Kazanari would never go down to a bullet.
“Yes, indeed!”
—
An offscreen training/climbing montage later–blame copyright and pacing–the commander of S.O.N.G. and one of its youngest members stood at the top of the mountain right outside the city. They had gone through provisions, rope, bandages, and even camped and set a small campfire when it turned too cold (with marshmallows included, “is there something this guy can’t do?” she had wondered at the time).
“So,” she asked in between gasps of air, “What now, old man?”
“Glad you asked,” he replied, having barely broken a sweat during the whole ordeal. He checked his phone and showed it to her: 5:58 a.m. on the promised Saturday. “You might have noticed, there was one bag which we never got to use during our ascent,” he continued as he reached for the pack, unzipped it, and gave its contents to Kirika.
It was a singular piece of technology. A megaphone, with some hi-tech additions out of her expertise.
“It is meant to resonate with your phonic gain, to go above and beyond,” he explained. No further words were needed, no ‘you know what to do next’ or anything of the sort.
For a moment, there was a second, emerald sun at the peak of the mountain. The next moment, Kirika stood there in the robes and armor of Igalima. Immediately after, she grasped the megaphone, and took it to her mouth.
She glanced at Genjuro, who showed her his phone again: 5:59. Better start breathing in. She had been given a week of buildup, and she was going to get the most of it in the following seconds.
The screen displayed 6:00 a.m.
Calling forth strength from every fiber of her being, Kirika screamed a single word for the world to hear.
“DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!”
If an artist had wanted to convey happiness at that very moment, they could have found no better muse than in a certain mountain in the Land of the Rising Sun, on a Saturday morning, embodied in the ecstatic cry of one sixteen-year-old girl.
—
The next morning, a gift package full of chocolate from the LGVT was delivered to Kirika’s apartment, accompanied by a co-signed note congratulating her for “honoring the spirit of the league”. Truly, a happy ending–if you ignore the plenty of ruptured eardrums across the city, which you should.