Chapter Text
The Sohinki Fic
Chapter 1: Revelation
“You’re gay.” Mari shrugged absentmindedly, as she shoved a chip into her mouth. Her thin form, sprawled across the couch, didn’t show many signs of confusion or surprise. “No, no Mari- I’m not…gay.” Matt stuttered out, denial and laughter in his voice, as if Mari had made a bad joke. “I’ve dated girls before, you know that. I’ve had meaningful relationships with plenty of women!” Mari turned to face Matt, her brow furrowing a bit. “Okay…then you’re bi. Or pan, or poly, or tons of other things. You don’t have to stick to one Sohin. You know that right?” She sensed Matt’s muffled distress, and lowered the volume on her re-watch of Attack on Titan.
“Of course I know that.” Matt muttered with a twinge of irritation. “It’s just that I’m not it, alright? I’ve always dated girls. The way I feel towards…guys, it’s not the same. It’s not the same thing.” Mari gave a sympathetic look to Matt before patting her right hand on the couch beside her. “Sit dude.” “You’re the boss…” Matt said with exhausted resignation. He paced slowly to the couch before plopping down inches away from Mari. Mari barely shifted at his sudden presence, given that he was fairly small and very thin. Even Matt understood why his friends around the office compared him to Steve Buschemi constantly; he and Steve were hilariously similar, even down to the large, sunken eyes. “Sohin…” Mari seemed to be searching for the words she felt were proper. “Have you ever thought that maybe you’re attracted to men and women in different ways?” Her hands switched back and forth nervously as she held onto her train of thought.
“You could like both, but in completely different ways. Hey, it may even be that you’re only interested in the sexy times with women, and just wanna like…” She cocked her head, displaying an overdramatic thinking face. “Hold a dude’s hand or something? Maybe smooch a bit?” “UGHHHH….” Matt released a rather loud groan of disapproval, before burying his face in his boney hands. “I dunno…maybe? Fuck this is difficult…” Mari’s face was downcast, something not often seen by any of the Smosh Games team, or Mari’s other friends for that matter. “Matt…” She rubbed her hand, bedecked with sparkling manicured nails, on Matt’s shoulder. “Just keep an open mind, okay dude? You don’t have to accept anything about your situation just yet…try thinking about if you would ever see dating men as a possibility, and under what circumstances. That could help right?”
Her head hovered closer to Matt’s, who had revealed his visage ever so slightly. “I’ve got you, okay?” The door behind the two opened suddenly, and Anthony strolled into the room. “Hey! You guys…ready?” Anthony’s voice trailed off in confusion at the scene in front of him. Hidden from his line of sight, Matt’s expression had been paralyzed with fear, and he was shaking at the prospect of being caught with tears in his eyes. Mari could feel his intense shivers from under her hand, and thought of her best on-the-spot lie as she locked eyes with Anthony. “Sohin thinks he might’ve eaten some bad fish or something, feels like he’s gonna puke.” “Oh shit man, you alright?” Anthony questioned, his eyes wide. He walked briskly over to Matt, and then gently seated himself on the couch. “You want us to postpone? It’s alright if you’re not feeling up to it man.”
Matt was incredibly grateful that Mari had left her hand to massage his shoulder. He was barely keeping calm knowing that Anthony had walked in on such a private discussion. The pair of friends had definitely thought that the others would be away longer for lunch. “No, no- don’t postpone.” Matt muttered, making a vague gesture of dismissal with his hand. “Just have Wes fill in for me and go ahead with the Game Bang, I’ll just chill out here for now.” Anthony’s eyebrows raised, and he placed a fairly rough hand on Matt’s other shoulder. “You sure dude? You were really excited for the Cards Against Humanity rematch…I don’t want to just throw you out like that.” Matt shook his head. “Wes will be just as excited as I was. I really just need to rest Anthony, but thanks. I’ll play with you guys some other time.”
Matt was feeling a terrifying mix of panic and comfort wafting over him, half of him desperately hiding tears from Anthony and the other half greatly appreciating Anthony’s concern. Even though Anthony and Ian were often busy and rarely able to meet up with the crew outside of work, they were genuinely compassionate and caring individuals. Anthony nodded. “Well, if you’re sure.” He looked across Matt’s shoulder to make eye contact with Mari. “Come on Mari, let’s get set up.” “Just give me a second and I’ll be right in.” Mari responded, her gentle fingers still tracing over Matt’s shoulder blades. “Feel better dude.” Anthony said, thumping Matt lightly on the shoulder. As he excited the room, Matt felt the presence of Mari’s arm around him.
“You want me to make up an excuse? I usually wouldn’t, but if you really need me-“ “Mari.” Their eyes met. “I’ll be alright. You’ve helped a lot, I’m just gonna go clean up now.” Mari smiled at him sympathetically, giving one last squeeze before rising from the couch. “Good luck Sohin.” She whispered. “Let’s get this show on the road!” Mari yelled with feigned enthusiasm and ran towards the designated Game Bang filming room. Matt made his way to the nearest bathroom, where he holed up until filming had finished. It was a mix of crying, almost vomiting, washing off his face and crying yet again. He felt like an utterly useless mess. His confusing process of mourning and sickness was interrupted by a light knock on the door. “Hey man, you okay? Anthony told me what was up- still feeling sick? Joven and David are pretty worried out here.
This was fairly confusing, Matt thought as he rose to his feet. He understood his friends being concerned for his well-being, but all of this was a bit excessive. He suddenly understood after pondering for a moment- he was rarely ever sick, and even when he was, he usually insisted on filming despite his illness. If there was one good thing he could say about himself, it was that he was dedicated to his job. This situation was entirely out of the ordinary, like Mari being angry or David being particularly serious- and experiencing either of those circumstances had always made him concerned. Matt unlocked the door and pushed it open with one hand, praying that his fellow employees/employers wouldn’t notice his puffy face and bloodshot eyes. There was no point in trying to hide in the bathroom- that would merely make his friends more suspicious, not to mention make them worry that something was seriously wrong. Although, maybe something was seriously wrong with him. Matt stepped out of the bathroom, his eyes resting on six of his fellow Smosh Gamers. Flitz was currently out of town.
“Hey man, you alright?” David questioned, his already large eyes somehow wider than normal. His brunette eyebrows were raised, contrasting against his bring orange hair. Massaging his forehead absentmindedly, Matt nodded. “Mhm. I’m fine, I think it’s mostly passed” He lied. Matt’s eyes rested on Wes for a second, who looked like a lost puppy. He was rarely ever sad and it was honestly quite disconcerting. “Really guys, I’ll be fine- I’ll just chill out on the couch for a bit.” Ian nodded slowly in understanding. “Okay, but if you need anything, you know where to find us.” “Just know you can take a sick day if you ever need to.” Anthony added to the end of Ian’s statement. Matt barely nodded, still reeling from this episode of self-realization, and pushed his way through his friends to the couch. Sure this was a reaction to being terrified of his future, or rather discovering what his future could be, but it was something more than that.
Having strictly religious parents had never been easy on him. Sure he loved them, very much so actually, but they weren’t the most accepting on some issues. In fact, they kept the traditional notion that people who deviated from what was acceptable in their eyes had a one-way ticket to hell. Matt definitely didn’t want to hear that- especially not from people that he so trusted. Everyone filed out of the room slowly. Even though Matt didn’t make eye-contact with him, he could feel them debating whether to leave him or not- as some paused, while others shuffled slowly. Finally, he heard Mari’s light footsteps trail away, and then silence. He let out a low sigh with a tinge of a groan, before flipping onto his back and crossing his arms. First, to start with some deep breaths. If he didn’t do at least that much, he’d soon be found out when his friends inevitably returned. One breath in, one breath- “Hey, you!”
“Ahh!” Matt shouted out fearfully, flailing a bit and crashing to the ground in surprise. “Woah, woah sorry!!!” A hand reached out to help him up, and Matt’s eyes observed pitch black hair facing skywards, glasses, a guilty smirk. It was Joven. “God Joven you scared me half to death!!! Jesus…” Matt trailed off, allowing Joven to somewhat weakly pull him to his feet. “You’re gonna have to put at least five bucks in the creepachu for that one dude- were you just standing there all quiet after everyone else left?” He questioned Joven, irritated, but not angry. After all, it was Joven. This wasn’t really unheard of for him- considering his immense level of social awkwardness. “I don’t even have five dollars on me, Sohinki.” He chuckled, his eyes crinkling. He quickly pushed up his glasses from the middle with his pointer finger.
“I wanted to say something to- ya know, make you feel better. But I waited behind, cause I couldn’t think of anything- and well…I just kept waiting.” Matt sighed. “I appreciate your concern Joven, I really do. But I don’t think anything you say will just ease a case of food poisoning.” “Don’t even give me that shit, okay?” Joven smiled weakly. “I don’t know about the others, but I know you well enough to say that this is something in your head, not your body.” “You’re being oddly serious.” Matt muttered, brushing off his pants with both hands. He met Joven’s eyes. “Well so are you for that matter!” Joven retaliated jokingly. “Here.” He said, fumbling in his pocket for an overly long time before extracting a slip of paper. Once he passed it over, Matt recognized it as a coupon to a local arcade- all you can play games for 20$. “Why don’t we hang out tonight? You love this kinda stuff, right? And you definitely look like you could use some fun.” Matt smiled, but it was a weak smile. He was conflicted. He wasn’t ready to tell Joven about everything that had happened to him today. Would Joven ask? Was he even feeling well enough to go out and play games? Though not many things would detract him from a gaming sesh.
“And if you’re worried about inconveniencing me- don’t even think about that for a second! Hey, my schedule is as open as always.” He mimed opening some sort of book with his hands. “No social life, no plans.” He smiled sympathetically. Matt shook his head. “Joven- I’m not ready to talk about-“ “That’s fine!!!” Joven quickly dismissed Matt’s thoughts with a big smile. “Seriously, you don’t have to talk about it with me ever if you don’t want to! I just wanna be here for my pal, you know?” “Your pal?” Matt smiled widely and giggled, in the raspy way that he did. “Yes, my pal! We’re friends- have been for a long time, so I’m calling you pal, pal.” Joven was beaming, as he reached out a hand and lightly shook Matt. “Come on, it’ll be fun!” Matt looked up, and with an amused sigh- reluctantly agreed. “Yeah, okay sure.” “Yes! Okay, what time do you want to meet up?” Joven went back to fumbling through his pockets, probably looking for a scrap of paper to jot down a time. “Now?” Matt suggested. “Now?” Joven looked up from searching through his pocket. He was slightly shocked by Matt’s suddenness, considering he was a man of careful planning. “Okay, now.” Joven smiled widely, proud to win over his friend. “Let’s take my car.”