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Kunigami couldn’t figure out why staring at the hair tie in his hand bothered him so much. Mostly like because it reminded him of Chigiri a bit. But he shouldn’t miss him, he’s above that. Above having ‘friends’. That’ll only slow him down. The emotion he’s feeling though. It does feel like one of sorrow.
He’s not used to it but it’s definitely there. It’s unusual. He doesn’t know what to do it exactly.
“Whatcha got there?” His focus is broken. Kunigami knows the voice, it’s Isagi. He’s been trying to be buddy buddy with him for the longest. Ridiculous.
Kunigami looked up at Isagi. He doesn’t show it on his face but the fact that he was interrupted made him a bit annoyed. He’s not much for being social, especially with Isagi.
He didn’t answer him. He just stared back blankly at him. He didn’t want to talk to anyone anyway. Especially not to him.
There’s no reason for him to socialize with Isagi. They aren’t playing a game. He speaks when he needs to, small talk isn’t important. Its stupid. Getting to know your teammates is useless off the field. It’s on the field that matters.
“Oh you’re not gonna talk? Again..” Isagi sighs and sets his tray down. Sitting across from Kunigami regarding the awkward silence.
Kunigami just rolled his eyes. He was getting tired of Isagi pestering him all the time. It didn’t matter how many times he ignored and brushed him off. Isagi would always try talking to him. Which was extremely annoying.
Kunigami didn’t have the patience for his persistence today. His head was already swimming with thoughts of Chigiri, which he didn’t understand why. That itself was bothering him more than Isagi at the moment.
The silence only continued to grow. It was only irritating one of the two. Kunigami doesn’t mind a silent bunch when he’s by himself, however, another person involved angers him. Isagi doesn’t know when to not speak. Their lunches together usually end up with Isagi talking and Kunigami sitting tuning out the noise.
“So, I saw Chigiri the other day,” he began to speak. This time Kunigami was actually interested, his face changed expressions ever so slightly.
Kunigami’s grip tightened around the hair tie.
He didn’t look up. But his breath caught just slightly. A flicker in his auburn eyes gave it away.
"...And?" he muttered, voice low, controlled. Like he didn’t care. Like the name meant nothing.
But the silence after that and? Heavy. Waiting.
Too sharp to be indifferent.
Isagi was taken aback, only slightly. Kunigami has spoken to him off the field before but the only words he said were ‘leave me alone’.
He figured it’d be possible to egg on a conversation. “Oh, you're speaking?”
"Tch."
Kunigami narrowed his eyes at Isagi. Was the bastard trying to rile him up or something? He was already in a sour mood this morning. And he was not in the mood to get more irritated over his idiotic questioning.
"Shut up." he muttered through gritted teeth. His patience running thin very fast.
A smirk formed at the blue eyed boy's face. Shaking his head slightly. He’s feeling a bit cocky. Though he doesn’t totally want to provoke Kunigami. If he does, Chigiri might be pissed at him as well.
“You two haven’t spoken, is it cause you’re ashamed or something?”
Kunigami's jaw ticked. He clenched his fists under the table, his breathing slow and steady. His cold stare fixed on Isagi who was sitting across from him. The smirk and the tone of the question pissed him off. He hated when people were being stupid.
"Ashamed? Me?" he bit back, his words sharp as a dagger.
His eyes were colder now. "Of what, exactly?"
Isagi examined the boy before speaking, choosing his words carefully. “I can tell you remember, I know you remember.” He calls Kunigami out.
Of course he remembers. He remembers everyone, everything. He just can’t express it. He will admit, he pushed Chigiri away. He didn’t want Chigiri to see him like this. As an unemotional, uncaring asshole. That’s worse to him than just never facing Chigiri again.
Kunigami looked away. He didn’t want to hear anymore. He wasn’t going to admit anything. Not now, not ever.
"Remembering is a waste," he said flatly, voice low. "The past doesn't win games."
But the way his thumb rubbed over the hair tie slowly, unconsciously betraying himself. He remembered. Too much. And that was the problem.
“You know, he would be ashamed of how much of a coward you are. You can go push yourself through all this intense training, but just facing Chigiri is too much for you? Ridiculous.” Isagi says final before getting up to leave.
Kunigami didn’t move. Not at first. His breath stilled. The word coward echoed sharp, unwelcome. For a second, the mask cracked. Just enough. Then he crushed the hair tie in his fist.
"...I'm not afraid," he said quietly, too quiet like the words were meant for someone else. Like Chigiri could hear them. But Isagi was already gone. And Kunigami? He stayed seated. Alone again. Winning meant everything. So why did it feel like he'd lost something instead?
Kunigami tossed and turned in his bed. Eventually he just laid on his side and stared at the wall. His mind echoing his thoughts in Chigiri’s voice. Chigiri doesn’t think he’s a coward..Kunigami hopes he wouldn’t. He’s supposed to be the princess's hero. He’s Chigiri’s savior, his prince.
He squeezed his eyes shut. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw him. The bright orange of hair. Those sharp, crimson eyes. The flush on pale, smooth skin.
Chigiri.
Chigiri.
Chigiri.
Chigiri.
He was everywhere. Always there, behind his eyelids. In his thoughts. In his dreams. It was driving him mad. This wasn't right. He was stronger now. He shouldn't be like this. He shouldn’t look in the mirror and feel more hate than he’s ever felt for an opponent.
He shouldn't feel like there was a cold, aching emptiness in his chest as if something was missing there.
He shouldn't have the urge to reach out. To hold on. To pull a certain red-haired man to his chest, breathe in his scent, bury his face in his neck…
"Ahhh... Damn it..." Kunigami closed his eyes again, clenching his jaw.
This was stupid.
He saw him, there he was just sitting alone. If those gods were punishing him. He understood very well why. The main problem was, what does he say to him? Does he start a conversation casually like he hadn’t already told him to piss off? Or should he be a bit more cautious?
Too many options, not a decision made. Kunigami hates being in this situation right now. But who could he be mad at besides himself?
Kunigami's gaze was fixed on Chigiri from across the room. His expression was stoic, almost uninterested. But the way he was watching Chigiri, the slight tightening of his jaw betrayed the fact that he was, in fact, not uninterested…at all.
He could walk up to him. Speak to him.
But what could he say? He had told Chigiri off before. Told him he didn't need him. Needed no one. Now, all that felt like utter bullshit.
He took a breath. He could already feel his own pride objecting to this already. This wasn't what winners did. They didn't wallow in guilt and regret over the past when they had a future to win.
But this feeling in his chest wasn't going away. It was getting stronger, more insistent. He needed to talk to him. Kunigami pushed off the wall, heading towards Chigiri's secluded spot. The word ‘coward’ echoed in his head in Isagi's voice. His jaw tightened.
He’s so caught up in his own thoughts, but what would Chigiri even think? Does he think that all hope is lost for Kunigami? That he’s given up on him and forgotten?
The thought made him quicken his steps. Made his hands clench. He didn't know how Chigiri felt, and that was the problem. He didn't even want to imagine what was going on in Chigiri's head after their last conversation.
When he was finally near Chigiri, he said in a low, firm voice, "Hey." It came out more like a command. He didn't mean for it to. But damn it, he was nervous.
When Chigiri looked up at him with those bright pink eyes, Kunigami felt immediate intimidation. His guard was telling him to back off. But he ignored it this time.
“Hello?” He says, sounding confused and agitated. Rightfully so, the last time they spoke it didn’t go well. Kunigami can’t be upset as those are the standards he set.
Kunigami stood there, hands clenched at his sides. He could feel the weight of Chigiri’s stare. like it was peeling back every lie he’d told himself.
"...I don’t expect you to forgive me," he started, voice low, rough around the edges. "Or even want to talk. But I’m not, I’m not done with you."
A beat. His pride screamed at him to walk away. To say nothing more and leave with dignity intact. But then, Chigiri breathed in sharply. Just once. Like he was holding back something too big to name. Kunigami stepped closer.
"One conversation doesn’t erase everything," he muttered, eyes narrowing. Not in anger, but something quieter. “You’re still my princess.”
Kunigami meant everything he said whether Chigiri believed him or not. It wasn’t noticeable but saying those words he was saying felt like they were strangling him to death.
“You tell me I’m not needed for you to succeed..then come back almost a week later saying this?” Chigiri said angrily, rightfully so.
Kunigami took another step closer. This time, he was right in front of Chigiri just a breath away. He could see every detail of his face; the way Chigiri's eyes were bright with a mix of anger and lingering hope...hope he refused to accept.
He knew he didn't deserve that hope. He didn't deserve any of the things he was about to ask for. But he wanted them. God help him, he wanted them so much it hurt.
He wanted Chigiri. Still.
“I’m disappointed you think you can put me down and pick me back up like nothing happened.” Chigiri spoke with such malice and held back anger. Kunigami could tell the gods were not in his favor.
Kunigami winced. The words were like a punch to the gut. He knew he'd hurt Chigiri but hearing it, feeling the anger behind it, it hurt.
He wanted to defend himself. To yell back, to shove the blame on Chigiri for trying to hold him back, for not understanding. But he couldn't. Not even he could twist the truth that much.
So he stood there, taking the harsh words. He deserved them.
“I know you’d never do that to me.” Chigiri then sighed and stood up from his seat. Wrapping his arms around the ginger carefully. “What did they do to my hero?“ he mumbled as he hugged Kunigami a bit tighter.
Kunigami froze. Chigiri...was hugging him. He wasn't shoving him away, or yelling, or walking off. He was close, so damn close. He could smell his scent, feel the heat from his skin. It was overwhelming.
It was everything he didn't realize he wanted. Chigiri's arms were around him, holding tightly. Like he was afraid that Kunigami would disappear or shove him off like he had before.
His eyes widened, his hands coming to grip the back of Chigiri's shirt. He didn't speak. Couldn't. Not yet.
The world seemed to fade away, reduced to just the two of them in that moment. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe. He could only feel. The heat of Chigiri's body against his own, the slight trembling in his hands as he held onto him like a lifeline.
Finally, he found his voice. Low, ragged, and barely above a whisper. "I don’t know."
It was the most sincere and raw thing he'd ever said. It wasn't just for the words he'd said before. It was for everything. For pushing him away. For hurting him. For not
Chigiri pulls back and looks at Kunigami’s face, rubbing his cheek. Kunigami looked like him, sounded like him, he just didn’t act like him. He didn’t act like the hero he was supposed to be. It wasn’t his fault, Chigiri doesn’t blame him.
Chigiri's touch on his face was sending sparks down his spine. He leaned into the touch instinctively, as if he couldn't help it. He felt raw, vulnerable, and exposed in a way he wasn't used to.
Finally, his eyes met Chigiri's. He held onto his hand, not letting go. He was selfish and he knew it. But right then, he couldn't care less. He needed this. Needed him.
He took a shuddering breath. His voice was soft, shaky. "I missed you."
Chigiri scoffed a bit. “I know you did.”
Kunigami’s eyes narrowed slightly at Chigiri’s scoff. He didn’t pull away. Didn’t let go.
Instead, he leaned in just a fraction until their foreheads almost touched.
"Tch," he breathed, voice low again. Back to his old self? Maybe. But softer now. "Still annoying… always knowing everything."
His thumb brushed over Chigiri’s knuckles.
"...Don't make it easy for me."
A moment of silence between the two before it was broken by someone else.
“Bro no PDA in the cafe!!” Bachira shouts from across the room. Echoing through the interior of the building.
Kunigami's eyes flicked up and shot a glare in Bachira's direction. His grip on Chigiri's finger tightened automatically.
"Piss off," he mumbled in response. He was not in the mood for disruptions.
“What was that Kunigami?!!” Bachira shouts again. Chigiri shakes his head at the boy. To which Bachira decides to stop testing the ginger's patience.
“I guess I accept your…somewhat of an apology.” Chigiri says being the first one to speak of the two again.
Kunigami let out a quiet huff. He didn’t need Bachira’s voice ruining the moment. It was already hard enough opening up to Chigiri as it was.
He turned his attention back to Chigiri, eyeing him carefully.
“Somewhat?” he repeated, voice flat, but there was a flicker of amusement beneath it. “You’re really gonna make me work for it.”
“Why wouldn’t I? If you truly like me it won’t be a problem.” The way Chigiri confidently spoke reminded Kunigami he didn’t give him the nickname just for his feminine looks.
Kunigami sighs, he has to redeem Chigiri’s trust. Though that didn’t bother him one bit. He’d never ask Chigiri to lower his standards. Kunigami will always try and meet them regardless.