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La’an wandered into the relaxation area at the end of her shift. It was relatively crowded, and she wasn’t certain she wanted to stay.
She headed toward a shadowed area to her left and stopped at the small table where James Kirk sat alone.
“I’m trying to decide if you’re dramatically brooding or just don’t want company,” she said.
He gave a half smile and said, “Dramatically brooding, of course. Would you care to join me?”
“Just let me get something to drink. Can I bring something back for you?”
“An apricot swizzle.”
La’an came back with two of the drinks. “I didn’t know we had apricot syrup in the ship’s stores.”
Kirk glanced at the three armed bartender and said, “She apparently makes her own. Right now, she doesn’t have much left, but when we get to the space station next month she has a large order of Earth fruits waiting.”
“I wonder if that includes lychee? I haven’t tasted that in… far too long.” She took a sip and sighed. “So good. Also, why the brooding.”
Kirk bit his lip, thinking. “Professional first,” he finally said. “I was planning on seeing you during your shift tomorrow.”
“You have a security concern?”
“In a way. When I go back to the Farragut, the captain has requested that I bring recommendations. The ship’s crew is rotating after repairs. Captain V’Rel sent me a list of the officer positions which will need to be filled.”
La’an said, “I assume this is mostly an exercise to see how you evaluate your crew.”
“Probably. The Captain may decide to use some of my choices, but I won’t expect it.”
La’an nodded. “I’m not certain how I can help you. You can look at the current list of officers awaiting assignment or requesting transfers.”
“Yes, but it occurs to me, especially after shadowing Commander Chin-Riley, that part of what the captain wants is networking, for lack of a better term.”
“So…?”
Kirk said, “So, I asked M’Benga today who he might recommend as a chief medical officer, since that’s one of the slots the Farragut needs to fill. I also talked to Pelia about Ensign Scott and asked for further recommendations, if she had any.”
“You asked about Scott specifically?”
“No, I asked about anyone, especially anyone from the recent Starfleet Academy classes. She knows that Scotty and I are becoming friends, so she said two things.”
He took a sip and said, “I’m going to get a shot of Saurian Brandy in my next one? Would you like another – with or without alcohol?”
“Early shift tomorrow. Sans alcohol tonight. Tomorrow night begins my ‘weekend’ though.”
“I’ll remember that.” He left to get the next round and came back quickly.
“Romulan Ale? As a mixer?” La’an looked puzzled.
“No, she recommended the earth drink Curaçao instead. She only had the blue kind.”
La’an just gave a wide nod. “Two things,” she prompted.
“One was that friendship was both necessary and dangerous for people who aspire to command. Necessary because all the myths about the loneliness of command have their roots in truth. Captain Pike has very close friends on other ships, mostly his rank or above. But here he has Una and, to a lesser extent, every officer on the primary bridge shift, including you.”
La’an nodded. “I was briefly on a ship where the captain and first officer cordially hated each other. It was interesting. Their working relationship was excellent. Neither would hear a word spoken against the other from a subordinate. Yet, somehow, it was known by everyone onboard that as soon as the first officer had served three months over the bare minimum required in the position, she would request a transfer. I later found out, she was serving as the logistics officer on a major space station at an equivalent rank to her previous position and was already being considered for base commander.”
“And the captain?”
La’an said, “Had a normal career right up to his retirement. Neither of them were bad people. Both of them worked hard to keep their – lack of sympathy – with the other apart from their duty to the ship and its crew.”
Kirk frowned. “And morale?”
“I’ve been on ships with poor morale – just in transit, not serving long term – and that ship’s morale wasn’t bad. It just felt… neutral. I don’t think anyone on board had a close friend among their crewmates, though.”
Kirk nodded thoughtfully.
La’an repeated, “Two things.”
“The other was the potential for favoritism. She recommended Scotty but thought he needed another six months or so on Enterprise – or with someone she thought could mentor him if he transferred – before he could become the brilliant engineer he promises to be.”
“Seasoning.”
“A bit. But I think it was more that he needed to learn how to fight for his ideas and his department. Pelia doesn’t think he’ll do that with someone he considers a friend. And right now, he doesn’t push back against an unreasonable timeframe, but he also lets himself… panic’s not the right word…”
“Lose focus?”
Kirk said, “Yes, that’s closer to it. You, from what I’ve seen, tend to focus more and more tightly as pressure is applied. I’m a little more big picture, but I feel like my mind works faster under pressure.”
“Maybe Lieutenant Scott is just someone who can’t focus under pressure. There are science ships, cultural exploration ships, starbases…”
“Pelia thinks he has an uncanny understanding of engines. He’s told me that he wants to see the galaxy and learn more about engineering from other cultures. I think he may just be terrified of Pelia. He’s certainly come up with some interesting solutions in his time on the Enterprise.”
La’an took a sip of her drink. “So, you want to pick my brain for recommendations?”
“Yes, especially if you know anyone who is due for a promotion. There are two relatively senior security positions available on Farragut. Also, M’Benga said you might have some ideas for medical, more of an emergency medical practice.”
“Yes. Although, if she’s amenable, Christine has more emergency medical experience than most people, possibly more than M’Benga has.”
Kirk said, “I think Captain Pike might have my head if I tried to take anyone off this crew.”
“Take them, no. But they can make requests if they’re interested. Farragut does more preliminary exploration than the Enterprise. There might be prestige in being on a Constitution class ship, but for the people with real wanderlust a Bellerophon class ship goes farther and has more opportunities for advancement and commendations because it’s a smaller crew.”
“That’s a point. I still wouldn’t want to approach anyone, not without clearing it with Captain V’Rel first.”
“I was thinking more along the lines of… you’ve spoken to the department heads. We know that there are positions open and can let it be known if anyone is either ready for promotion or wants more excitement that they can apply to transfer. You said that there are many positions.”
“Yes. About a third of the lower decks are either due for a year long home leave, transferring to other locations or other positions on the Farragut, or are retiring. And two are entering officer candidate school at the Academy.”
La’an said, “I’ll keep that in mind. And for officers you’ve said two spots in security, it sounds like at least one spot in medical…”
Kirk interrupted, “Two in medical. The senior doctor is retiring and the other doctor… She’s applied to work on the same starbase that her husband recently transferred to. I think they want to start a family which just can’t happen on a starship. Though Captain V’Rel has indicated that she will prioritize anyone with emergency medical experience, even if they aren’t a doctor.”
“Anyone else?”
“A junior science officer and both a junior logistics officer and a junior bridge officer who will probably take over the helm after I provide the training.”
La’an said, “That’s a large turnover.”
“The Farragut has been out for a long time.”
“I’ll have some suggestions for you when you come to my department tomorrow.”
Kirk smiled. “Thank you.”
“When I sat down, you said, ‘professional first.’ Is there something else you wanted to discuss?”
There was a long pause. “Not tonight, but perhaps tomorrow or on your weekend. I just need someone I can talk to.”
La’an nodded thoughtfully. “I can listen.”
***
They met in the botanical garden’s park toward the center of the ship. The main sections were strictly limited to the botany and cooking departments. Every once in a while there would be a note sent to the entire ship that tomatoes or peaches or some other fresh fruit or vegetable was available – first come, first served, one to a customer (unless there were exigent circumstances) – and there would be a line to get it. The plums were her favorite, but it would be at least two more months before the stone fruit notifications could be sent.
Kirk was waiting on a bench near the door. “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” La’an replied.
“I haven’t seen anyone else here.”
La’an nodded. “Most people who come here regularly either attend a class or come after the day shift. The light is most interesting at that time of day. Although, a few times a year, they open this public section when the lights are on a nighttime luminescence schedule. It becomes very popular for dates, then.”
Kirk nodded. “I wonder if this is something that we can do on the Farragut? The ‘ship’s lungs’ are much smaller on a Bellerophon class, but most species respond well to growing things around them.”
“Perhaps speak to Chapel or M’Benga about it. They would know if there are any species which wouldn’t find it pleasant.”
“With what we know about biophilia, I’m somewhat surprised that a certain amount of time a week isn’t required for personnel.”
La’an said, “I think they tried that in the early days of the Federation. It wasn’t helpful. People, even those who love nature, resented being ordered to do something specific on their down time. Usage of the public parts of the gardens actually increased once it was no longer required.”
“Humans are stubborn about holding onto their rights.”
“Starfleet demands a lot, including working when it’s not our shift in emergencies. Down time should be free time. I don’t think I’ve had more than one person in the security section who actually did nothing on their down time. Everyone takes classes or plays music or joins a book club within six months of assignment to the ship. We don’t like boredom.”
“What about that one?” Kirk asked.
“Aaah. It turns out their idea of ‘doing nothing’ was working on analysis of anomalies that Starfleet reported. They’d been using their downtime writing articles for publication in scientific journals.”
“So no boredom, just no group participation.”
“Exactly.”
They walked for a little while through one of the few areas with strictly flowering plants.
“I spoke with Carol recently.”
La’an stopped and looked at him.
Kirk gave a half shrug. “You’re the only person on the ship that I told about her… us.”
“I accept that I’m the logical person for you to continue the discussion with.”
“I’m not certain that I do. But I didn’t want to discuss this as part of my mental health review with M’Benga or Chapel.”
La’an nodded quietly. “There’s another bench just around the bend, if this would be simpler sitting down.”
“No. If we’re walking side by side…”
“Better self-protection. I understand.”
They continued walking, looking at the tiny muscari that were scenting the air.
Finally, Kirk said, “Carol has asked me not to be involved with our child in any way. She wanted me to leave Starfleet and accept a civilian position at the science institute she has decided to work with. There would be a position available – one which used my strengths, no matter what they consider my strengths – because they want Carol and her work so much.”
“Why not? It wouldn’t have to be forever. Your career would take a hit, of course, but Starfleet has allowed five to ten year sabbaticals from service for childrearing before now.”
“I know. I seriously considered it for several days, and, to her credit, Carol didn’t press me for a faster decision. But, ultimately, this is the career I’ve always dreamed of. Sam would be fine with staying on a colony or station once he’s served his minimum, but his dreams were never of command.”
“There are places where civilians need to command. The underwater colonies on Cygnus V have been recruiting heavily from Starfleet.”
Kirk said, “So has the preliminary project on Earth. I understand that’s had a great many challenges. But neither of those would be long-term places for Carol’s work. That’s what it comes down to: neither of us wants to give up the work that’s precious to us. Because ultimately, that’s what taking a long sabbatical from Starfleet would mean for me: giving up high command.”
They continued to walk. “That doesn’t explain why you can’t still be part of your child’s life, does it?” La’an’s question was very quiet.
“No. There are ways to have a family and still be command track in Starfleet. I could never command a Constitution class ship, but there are intra-solar system command possibilities near Earth and even some around new planetary colonies.”
“So?” La’an asked.
“Carol said that if we tried something like that the ‘siren song of major command’ – her words – would beckon me back into galactic space. The choices she gave me were to give up Starfleet and know our child or a complete break from them both: either never know anything, or be a part of his or her life.”
La’an said, “You might have recourse in law.”
“I know. But that would just make everything more acrimonious. I’m not certain the child would see me as a father fighting for his rights or a villain who is hurting their mother. I feel that I must respect the choices Carol offered me, but I can’t make the choice she wants me to.”
“I am sorry, Jim.”
“La’an, would you be…”
“Don’t say anything today, please, Jim. You’re hurting, and I need to treat you like you’re slightly tipsy for that reason.” She looked around them. “Let’s meet here after your shift tomorrow. There might be more people around, but we’ll both have a chance to think.”
Kirk huffed a wry laugh. “Frankly, I’m not sure I want more time to think. But I’ll accept your premise of tipsy from emotion. Tomorrow after my shift will be fine. Thank you for listening.”
“Any time, Jim. Any time.”
***
One of the musical groups, a jazz trio, was giving a concert. La’an sent a message to Jim asking if he would be interested in attending it with her. They met just outside the small theater space the Enterprise kept for conferences and found seats together about midway in the audience.
The group was good. They played a mix of Earth jazz, Trill music, and even one Vulcan mathematical piece that sounded very similar to the be-bop they’d opened with.
Once the concert was over, La’an and Jim wandered to the recreation lounge. They hadn’t asked, their feet seemed to make the decision for them.
Kelzing greeted them and said, “Lieutenant Noonien-Singh, I found some preserved lychee. It’s not as good as making a syrup from the fresh fruit, but I could make you a swizzle with a lychee rose syrup that I made today.”
La’an smiled widely. “That would be wonderful. Thank you for finding it.”
Jim said, “I’ll try one.”
“Two lychee-rose swizzles coming up.”
They were served, and they took their drinks back to the quiet corner where they’d met up a few days earlier.
La’an waited for Jim to drink. “Your thoughts?”
“I like it. I think I’d like it better mixed with a tarter syrup, maybe a bit of citrus or that apricot in the blend, but this is pretty good. You?”
She took a long sip. “I think using the fresh fruit would give you that hint of tartness. But at this moment, it’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted.”
“Then finish mine, and I’ll go get a different one for me.”
When he came back to the table with two different fruit swizzles in tow, they just smiled at each other for a bit.
La’an finally said, “What kind did you get?”
“Kelzing was out of apricot, but she has golden plum syrup and a kumquat syrup. I couldn’t make up my mind.”
“So you got both.”
Jim said, “That pull that I said I felt between us? It’s still there, you know.”
La’an looked at her drink and said, “For me, too.”
“I’m only here for another six weeks at most. Probably less than a month, it just depends on how long the current survey lasts. Everything says we shouldn’t start anything.”
“No, not everything,” she said with an impish look, “Just good sense.”
He laughed and took a sip of his drink. “All right, I definitely like kumquat the best.” He offered her a sip.
“It is nice.” There was a short pause before she continued. “I am usually on the poster for good sense, but not right now. Maybe we won’t be good together and we’ll just be friends. But I have a feeling we could be something special in each other’s lives. Probably not permanent. But I’d rather have taken a risk on six good weeks than not take a risk with you.”
“There are too many people here for me to kiss you. Let’s take our drinks back to your cabin.”
“Yes, let’s.”
***
They lay together in La’an’s bed, warm, sated and happy. Jim kissed her, and she gave a deep contented sigh.
After a moment, she opened her eyes to find him staring at her intently.
She raised her eyebrows in amusement. “Are you going to give me a performance review?”
Jim chuckled and shook his head. “Not at all. But I find myself wondering about whatever happened that we shouldn’t discuss. It’s before we met from my point of view, but…”
La’an let the pause go on for a moment before prompting him, “But…”
“It was our first time together, but I don’t think it was for you. I want to know everything that happened, but if it’s time related, it’s so classified that it’s dangerous even to think about it.” Jim kissed her forehead. “You knew exactly how I like to be touched.”
La’an said, “I can’t fully explain it, but I’m willing to answer your questions. I’ll tell you if you ask something I have been forbidden to answer.”
Jim lay back and pulled her to his shoulder. “I shouldn’t ask anything.”
“There’s that ‘but’ again,” La’an said.
He nodded. After another moment he smiled. “What do you know about me that I might be surprised to learn?”
“You’re a chess master, maybe even a grand master, though I think I might have heard of you if you’d hit those heights.”
“I don’t think I’ve played chess with anyone since I’ve been on board.”
“I’d play you, but I’d need a handicap. If you’re interested in a chess partner, try Spock. That is if you play three dimensional chess.”
“I do. I don’t know that I’m up to playing a Vulcan at three-D chess, though. Do you think he plays the traditional Earth game at all?”
“He might. I’m not part of the ship’s chess group.”
Jim asked, “How did you come to know that about me?”
“We needed money. You played speed chess and only lost twice.”
Jim nodded. “I’d love to know who I lost against, see if they’re people whose games were recorded.”
“It’s doubtful. This was in a public park.”
Jim smiled to himself. “What do you wish I knew about you?”
“You’ve never made a single comment about my surname,” La’an said.
“I know that there are several tech companies with Nooniens on the board or even in charge of the whole shebang.”
La’an smiled. “That’s not a word you hear much.”
“It’s a perfectly good one.”
“I agree,” she said. “But my entire surname?”
“Khan.” Jim shook his head. “In some ways, I would have loved to have met him, talked to him, found out how he could have used his intellect to decide to split up Earth into regions for him and his fellow augments to rule.”
“Behind prison bars, perhaps you would have survived the encounter.”
Jim rubbed her shoulder. “Which of us do you see behind the bars?”
“Him. Unless you’d done something extraordinary to intrigue him, I can’t imagine him keeping you in a prison.”
“Rather than killing me outright?”
La’an said, a bit tentatively, “Yes. And please, I mean that as a compliment. He never killed anyone he thought he could either convert to his cause or enslave. I can’t see either happening with you.”
Jim simply said, “Thank you. From the way you're talking, I assume the name isn’t just some cosmic coincidence?”
“No. I’m a descendent. I have a few augment traits, but I’m not treated as an augment because my traits are inherited, genetic. I’ve never completely understood the reasoning, but, obviously, I’m not above taking advantage of it.”
Jim said, “It never made sense to me. If an augment wants to join Starfleet, shouldn’t we be ecstatic to have their abilities.”
“Perhaps. I think it’s two fold, though. There’s a worry that genetic modification might become normal, especially among those who are still comparatively wealthy, which would give the wealthy the ability to choose for their children. And keep those without the advantage of wealth out of competition for things like Starfleet Academy. ”
“And the other fold?”
“Humans already feel that they can’t compare favorably with many of our allies. We don’t have the strength, stamina, or advanced mental abilities of a Vulcan, for instance.”
Jim said, “So regular humans are so afraid of being inadequate that they have to forbid augments?”
“At least partially, yes.”
“Would it be rude of me to ask what effects of your ancestor’s augmentation you have?”
La’an gave a half smile. “A little, but I like you. What’s your Esper rating?”
“Slightly higher than average.”
“Mine is a full two points higher than average, which puts me lower than a Vulcan and far below an Aenar, but well above most of Starfleet. Getting flashes of intent from the people around me has been very helpful in working as a security officer.”
Jim said, “So you can’t read my mind, even if I think very hard at you, but if I were about to turn violent, you could … what?”
“I’d probably feel it a split second before it happened. It’s difficult to become terribly violent while we’re both lying here, but in other situations I’ve moved to block a shot at someone else or to evade a shot at me before the person shooting realized it.”
“A useful skill.”
La’an shook her head against his chest. “Not a skill, an ability. I’ve tried to work with it, bring it forward to the point where I have enough control that it could be counted as a skill, but it isn’t. I can train my body for speed which serves me better than strength does at my height, but I can’t train my mind to command a moment of augenblick. It either happens or it doesn’t.”
“But if you’re an augment, aren’t you by definition strong? Or at least can train your strength to a greater extent than a non-augmented human?”
“I’m approximately twenty centimeters shorter than you are. As a woman, my lower body is naturally stronger – all other things being equal – just as your upper body is stronger. So, if I train for speed, and maintain at least some element of surprise, I can probably use leverage, and, yes, a certain level of augmented ability, to take you down to the mat. If I’m smart, I stun you there or have others around who can keep you pinned and get you to the brig.”
“I wonder what I’ve done to be sent to the brig.”
“Insubordination, I’m sure,” La’an said drily.
Jim laughed. “That’s not impossible, actually.”
“But I am twenty centimeters shorter. Without speed, I can’t compete with your reach. If I run, your height might allow you to catch up with me, unless I’m trained to be faster. So, while I have some extra augment abilities – and might have had more if I were augmented in every generation on both sides – I’m physically not that much ahead of a normal, trained, human female. But my slightly higher Esper ability lets me have an extra few seconds head start.”
Jim said, “I thought we all trained the same way to the same level?”
“In boot camp, certainly. But once the drill sergeants have evaluated us, then, well, weren’t you offered individual training? Moves that play to your strengths?”
“I was, but I hadn’t thought about why.”
“And of course, if you select the security track rather than command track, there’s even more of it, like learning to counteract different martial arts disciplines that exist within the Federation.”
Jim said, “I will say that I think command track is likely to be much stronger. We have to carry more books.”
La’an rolled onto her back because she was laughing so hard. “I’ll accept that.”
Jim grinned and pulled her close again.
She melted into a smiling kiss.
***
Five weeks later, Lieutenant James T. Kirk was transferred back to the Farragut. He had a padd filled with suggestions on how to evaluate potential new crew, a few names, and three requests for transfer. He hoped Captain V’Rel would be happy.
Captain Pike had said his farewell on the bridge, asking Number One and Lieutenant Noonien-Singh to escort him to the transporter bay.
Commander Chin-Riley said, “What lessons are you taking with you, Kirk?”
“Connect to my crew, connect to my truth, and don’t be afraid to ask for recommendations when filling gaps on the crew.”
She brushed an imaginary speck of dust off his shoulder. “Then you should be ship-shape and Bristol fashion as they used to say. Don’t be a stranger. I’m here to answer questions about being an XO.”
“Thank you, Number One. I’ve learned a lot.” They shook hands beaming at each other. Una looked at the transporter chief and said, “I believe Lieutenant Noonien-Singh is current with her certifications on the transporter. We can trust her to make the transfer.”
The man looked at the Commander and then saw how the other two were staring at each other. “Yes, Lieutenant Noonien-Singh is more than qualified to do the transport. I’ll just stop by the galley for a cup of coffee and be back in ten minutes.”
“Excellent,” Una said. She turned to Jim and La’an and said, “Ten minutes.”
“Thank you, Commander,” Jim said. La’an echoed him.
“Do you wish we’d listened to our good sense?”
La’an gave him a smile. “I think good sense is overrated.”
“Good,” he said and pulled her to him in a last passionate kiss. “I hope we meet again.”
“As do I. But whether we do or not, I have no regrets about the past few weeks.”
“About us? Neither do I.”
La’an said, “Carol.”
“It’s not something I can or want to change. But I can still regret that there weren’t other choices.”
“Of course, you can.” La’an kissed him quickly and stepped to the other side of the transporter. “The Commander was right, you don’t have to be a stranger. I know there are fewer opportunities when the communications aren’t professional…”
“But it’s far from impossible.” Jim stepped onto the transporter pad with his two pieces of luggage. “Thank you, La’an.”
“Thank you, Jim,” she said as the transporter started the shimmering transfer. When it was just a handful of sparkles, she added, “I love you.”