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It started innocent at first. It's the way he impressed Xuan Wangjun with his intelligence, the way he speaks so eloquently, the way he's so polite but still can't hide his endearing snarkiness. Xuan Wangjun remembered the way he had to hide his smile whenever he saw Hua swallow back his words. It was an amusing sight, Xuan Wangjun couldn't help but to chuckle to himself.
But all of sudden, Xuan Wangjun started to notice every little thing about him. The way his milky white skin peeks out of his modest clothing whenever he turns his head, the way he moves his slender long fingers to smoothen out the creases on his clothes, the way he bites into his meal with his red lips, and the way he pants after frolicking around with Ji Yuanqi.
Xuan Wangjun couldn't help it but admit, the prince of Hua is undoubtedly one of, if not, the most gorgeous man he ever laid his eyes on, which says a lot as he has been meeting diplomats from all around the world coming to visit Dajing since he was merely a youngster.
The prince will not lie, when the six of them headed out for Yuliang, he was delighted, thinking of how he could get closer to Hua, even more than the young master of the Ji family.
So when he saw Hua coming back to Bai Manor in a woman's clothing, or to say it more accurately, in a clothing akin to young lady Bai Rui'er, he was flabbergasted. Not only did it fit his slim figure exquisitely, the make up on his face enhanced his beauty even more delicately. Though, the thumping in his heart couldn't blind him from the way Chu Yu's eyes lingered on Hua, the way Ji Yuanqi cleared his throat before he comments on Hua's appearance, as though he never stumbled on his words.
Xuan Wangjun did not comment anything, instead he lets the thumping in his chest speak its volume. He has never been the one for secrecy, yet let this be his first secret, to never be unveiled.
˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽
“Your H- Senior Xuan, it's already dark outside, what are you doing out here?” comes that smooth voice. The voice that keeps echoing softly whenever he gets ready for bed.
Xuan Wangjun felt his fingers twitch, seemingly desperate to hold onto something, someone. Even so, he turned around gracefully, looking like nothing ever troubles him, and faced the very lovely trouble itself in front of him. Hua, dressed in light clothing, which is to be expected as it is already late into the night. It gave him a very vivid imagination and he almost had to grip onto the railing of the pond to keep himself from staggering. But he didn't. Instead, he opened his mouth.
“It is a lovely night outside, Hua. I came out for some fresh air.” a beat. “Would you like to join me?” he said it. The words he's been holding back ever since he saw the moon, shining so brightly, yet so gentle.
“Oh, are you sure? I wouldn't dare to disturb your nightly peace, Senior Xuan.” oh if only he knew that it wasn't peaceful at all. His mind has been fogged with this man, his smile, his scent, his voice.
He smiled, small but confident enough to hide the turbulence in his chest. “Not at all, Hua prince. In fact, I'm more than glad to have you accompany me here.”
Oh heavens be damned. Him and his honesty can drown themselves inside this pond.
Hua raised his eyebrows at the very suspicious remark, but commented nothing on it. He stepped next to Xuan Wangjun, and the wind softly blowing, carrying his very slight scent in the air. Xuan Wangjun couldn't help but sniffed the air, hoping Hua wouldn't notice him acting like a degenerate.
How fragrant he was.
Sweet milk candy, dripping in honey that he had to hold himself back from sniffing closely to the thin neck beside him.
“Um, Your Highness?”
The confused voice belatedly jolted him out of his stupor, and embarrassingly, his movement as well. Xuan Wangjun's face is dangerously close to this beau next to him, like a lonely man deprived of touch. He pulled back so fast he almost regretted it when he saw the pinkish hue on Hua's face.
Is it cold, or is it that Xuan Wangjun can be a little hopeful?
“Oh um, Your Highness, Your Highness is so good looking, im sure there's quite a long line of ladies reserved their hearts for you,” a pause. “You should do that to them, even my heart skipped a beat, I'm sure they'll feel the same.”
Xuan Wangjun felt his jaw drop. What is he implying behind those words?
˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁
Hua almost smashed his head on the railings in front of him. What was he thinking?
He only wanted to tease the Prince, and yet he dug out his own grave. Never in his life has he felt this humiliating, not even when Ji Yuanqi drove his donkey out in the crowd.
He felt his face get hotter, despite the cold wind. And finally he heard the voice of the Prince. In which, to his dread, sounded to be more in disbelief than he expected. His stomach sinks.
“...Hua prince, may I inquire of what are you implying behind those words?”
And there it goes. He had hoped to hide this tiny, growing feelings inside him. It started with awe, admiration and before he realised, it developed into something else without his permission. He admired many people, but never has he felt like this. Feeling his heart jump up with joy when the prince defended him when he was being falsely accused, checking his reaction when he wore Bai Rui'er's clothes, and when he did the honey trap. Being ultimately disappointed as he didn't get the reaction he hoped for, which was ridiculous since he was definitely kind of hideous in those clothes, judging from Ji Yuanqi's reaction.
Yet he didn't deny that he hoped for the slightest bit of reaction from the man beside him, as he was pretty confident of his looks.
He thought for sure, he can continue to bore this feelings, as long he kept it far inside his heart. It made sense after all, he's a prince and Hua is just a humble young master from a declining family. He had always bragged how he's going to revive the Hua family when in fact, he was terrified of carrying this burden on his shoulder alone. Especially after months of not receiving his gege's letter, he felt so alone even though there's many people around him.
That's why he thought maybe he can keep this feelings for a little bit, perhaps it can be his fuel to revive his family, and possibly stand next to this man proudly and not bring any shame to him.
“I, uh,” he felt his lips tremble. There's no way he can tell him the truth, that he admired him so much, felt grateful for everything he did for him, so much that he wanted to be next to him for years. The fact that he felt his heart drop when he imagined Xuan Wangjun with another person.
Another person that's not him.
“I-I'm sorry, Your Highness I was just saying that. There's nothing behind those words. I sincerely apologise if I offended you.” Hua took a step back, ready to dash out from there. His eyes locked on the wooden floor, not daring to see the reaction of the man in front of him
‘Not today,’ he thought. ‘I can't be rejected today,’
“Then, I'll go back to my room first, Your Highness. Please don't be out for too long, you will get a cold.” Not today, he hasn't even made any progress yet on his lifelong goal. How can he dare to continue?
Hua turned around, still not looking at Xuan Wangjun's face.
Then, he heard a voice. A voice so soft that he never expected to come out of the person behind him.
“Hua, am I allowed to hope that you bore the same feelings as me?”
Hua turned around, eyes wide and confused, like he couldn't believe the word Xuan Wangjun just uttered. The man himself, usually surrounded by such regal aura, looked almost relieved with his shoulder hunched down, hands slightly forward as if to grab on to something, to him.
Hua felt his heart thumping, from excitement or from something else, he didn't know. What he did know was he wanted to know if his feelings are not futile after all, if Xuan Wangjun also…
He did not dare to continue. But he's not stupid, he's the scholar who passed the Qianmen trial after all.
Xuan Wangjun took a step forward.
˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖
Xuan Wangjun thought he needed to keep this a secret forever. He didn't know why would he do that, when he's really not one for secrecy. But now, sitting on the bed, with the person that has occupied his mind since the day they first met, resisting every urge to cup his soft cheeks and stare into his eyes. And perhaps, do what he has been dreaming of every night before sleep.
“Hua, are you-” for the first time in his life, he didn't know what to say. All his words are jumbled in the mashed up brain of his. All because he saw the glitters in those eyes.
Hesitating, he slowly reached up towards Hua's cheek, softly caressing the smooth skin before he peered into his eyes. Hua lets him, slowly closing his eyes before leaning into his hands. Small hands grabbed his wrist, not to stop him, but as if to make sure their feelings collided. Somewhere in his heart, Xuan Wangjun feels himself, unbecoming as it is, tumbling as if he's a world winning acrobat.
Such small gesture, yet it managed to make him feel so fulfilled.
“Your Highness, we, we both,” the intelligent man in front of him stumbled on his words, frowned adorably before leaning forward, placing a chaste kiss on his lips. Xuan Wangjun stilled, before he saw the panic in the eyes of this man that he adores.
“I'm sorry, is that not- mmph-”
Xuan Wangjun pulled his face close to him before kissing Hua, not the chaste kiss like before, but one full with passion and desire. It's as if he was indeed that man deprived of touch.
It goes on for a while, with his hands circling Hua’s small but firm waist, result from his training that he witnessed every morning, which he could easily guess is a habit from way long before he came to the academy. Hua's hands, gripping on his clothes like a drowning, which he is, just not from water. He could feel both of their hearts thumping loudly, as if asking the other to synchronise with them. As if to show off how strong their feelings toward the other.
They don't need many words to express their feelings, all they needed was a few actions of affirmation.
Xuan Wangjun lets Hua's lips go, swollen so temptingly he almost dived for another kiss if not for the poor man heaving for air.
He stared at Hua for a few seconds before leaning their foreheads together.
“Hua prince,” a pause, golden eyes peering into teary brown eyes. “I like you.”
Those eyes shook.
“You have been inside my mind ever since we first met.” He said softly, watching as those eyes widened again, adorably so.
“Your Highness…” Xuan Wangjun smiled. He pulled Hua into his embrace, letting his head rest on his chest.
“I've never met anyone as fascinating as you.” a kiss on the crown of his head. “So let my heart tell you its story.”
“Your Highness, am I really allowed to be beside you? I'm just a mere young master with no fame to his name, how could I dare stand next to you?”
“What nonsense,” he cupped his cheeks before looking at him seriously. “Hua, listen to me. The academy has never met anyone as brilliant as you, and if anyone ever wastes your talent, I, for one, will never. You have been proving yourself immensely, I don't dare doubt you will succeed to revive your family.”
Overwhelmed with emotions, Hua sobbed. It's been so long since he heard words like that, not since his gege left home. He thought at this rate what he did will never get him to revive his family.
“Your Highness, I like you, Senior Xuan,” he whispered between his sobs as he fell into the warm embrace of the golden eyed man.
˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖˖᯽ ݁˖
“Huh? Where did Hua go? Why is he not in his room?” Ji Yuanqi, who was about to go scream in Hua's ears, found himself dumbfounded as he saw the empty bed. All the event yesterday got him confused so he was going to scream it all off to Hua. Yet he disappeared.
Bai Rui'er, smiled gently. “I'm sure he already woke up, maybe he's taking a walk?”
Cao Xiaoyue chirped in. “That's right! Knowing him, there's no way he's sleeping in.”
Chu Yu, leaning on the wall quietly, looked toward the room that was supposed to be Xuan Wangjun's. “The prince has also not gotten out of his room.”
As if he's being summoned, the black haired man stepped out of his room, looking as dignified as ever.
“Oh, there's His Highness! Good-”
If there's flies there, one of them will undoubtedly get in Ji Yuanqi's mouth because of how low his jaw dropped.
“HUH? Why is Hua coming out of the prince's room?”
Hua cleared his throat, saying nothing but good morning towards Bai Rui'er and Cao Xiaoyue. Bai Rui'er, smiled and laughed softly to herself. She looked at both the newcomers with knowing eyes.
All while Ji Yuanqi dies from curiosity and Chu Yu gets cursed into a statue.