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You came back from the bathroom in pajamas. Your dorm didn’t have ensuites–everyone on your floor shared a grand total of two bathrooms, meaning you spent a not-insignificant time standing outside the door and waiting for the person before you to leave. It was a point of pride that you didn’t glare at him when he exited.
When you re-entered your room, Aogami was waiting on your bed, eyes trained on your copy of Paradise Lost. As you watched, he slowly, delicately turned the page, as if scared he’d tear it.
You let the door fall shut behind you and cleared your throat. He started, slamming the book shut. “Young man,” he said, visibly trying to compose himself. His eyes fell to your chest–stayed a moment too long–quickly righted themselves to your face as he frowned. “Surely you don’t sleep… like that.”
You raised your eyebrows. Like what? you asked.
Aogami gestured vaguely. “Defenseless.”
You were safe here, you told him. You’d be very surprised if a demon got in. What would it do? Climb in through the window?
His face told you that he very much thought that was a possibility. He stood and set the book down on your desk. “I’ll keep watch,” he said.
You told him that wasn’t necessary.
Another one of his frowns. “What if–"
You cut him off, firmly saying that he probably needed rest too. Recently awakened from a coma or not, he’d had just as long of a day as you did, and you were exhausted.
“I don’t need rest.”
You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. Aogami seemed terribly stuck on his own inhumanity, convinced he could not understand emotions, convinced he was above things like taking care of himself. All, of course, in the same breath as he swore to protect you at any cost–a distinctly human urge, in your opinion. It was endearing at first, but only two days into knowing him, you were already beginning to tire of this mentality.
You informed him that he needed rest, for his mental health if not his physical.
He blinked. “Mental health?”
Yes, you said. So he wouldn’t go insane from being wound up all the time.
“I’m not ‘wound up’.”
You pointed out that he just freaked himself out over pajamas. You could understand that urge in Da’at, maybe, but thinking like that all the time was bound to wear on him.
You were surprised to discover that Aogami could pout. “Young man, I know how to take care of myself.”
Clearly not, you thought. You crossed your arms. An idea slowly occurred to you; his eyebrows raised as you explained it.
“It would make you safer,” he said slowly. “Though I am not sure if we can sleep like that.”
You told him there was no harm in trying. If not, he could stand watch all night. Deal?
Aogami nodded. You blinked, concentrating, and then you were one person again, power coursing through your veins like magma. Immediately, tired as you were, you wanted to run, fight something, jump off a building. Simply being a Nahobino was exhilarating, addictive; some part of you wished you could stay like this forever.
You did not need to breathe like this, but you took a deep breath anyway, focusing on the feeling of your armor expanding and contracting around you. Armor–that would get in the way of sleeping. You asked Aogami if it came off.
“I thought the point of this was to keep you safe.”
You pointed out that it wasn’t the most comfortable thing. Besides, you were probably still more resilient like this than you were as a human, even without it.
There was a reluctant pause. “There should be a seam down the back.”
You reached behind your neck and fumbled for a moment before finding it. The armor, it turned out, was connected to a bodysuit that came off in one piece. You were left naked without it–did that imply Aogami went commando? You decided not to ask. Curiously, you ran your fingers over your body, admiring the unfamiliar musculature. Your frame was about the same as it was in your own body, save for being a bit taller, but this form was chiseled in a way you’d never been.
And you had a dick. That was novel. Maybe you’d experiment with it if you didn’t have Aogami watching from the back of your head.
You went to your wardrobe and dug until you found an extra set of pajamas. They were a little tight on you like this–the pants too short, the shirt small enough to reveal your stomach if you lifted your arms–but it would feel mildly awkward to be naked around Aogami. If being the same person counted as being around him.
See? you said. Much more comfortable.
Aogami grumbled. “It’s unsafe.”
You asked him what, exactly, he thought would happen.
“Anything,” he replied nebulously.
You shook your head, not without fondness. A strange emotion, that–you’d never expected to feel fond over a strange buff man. Then again, you’d hardly expected any of the things that had happened in the past two days, least of all fusing with another sentient being.
Admittedly, your feelings about the situation were still confused. Whatever practical wariness you’d once harbored for Aogami had long evaporated. You’d placed your life in his hands too many times to feel anything but trust for him, at least physically. Emotionally, you weren’t certain where the boundaries lay: what was acceptable to say to him, what was acceptable to do while fused with him, if he really meant it when he said he’d do anything for you. He seemed polite to a fault, the type of person who would simply let you walk over him without so much as saying please. Some part of you wanted to take advantage of that; the rest held you back, stubbornly clinging to the strange new status quo.
You got into bed. Being taller like this, you had to bend your legs to comfortably fit on the mattress, and you murmured a weak complaint to Aogami for his height.
Apologetic confusion leaked over your connection. “Sorry.”
You shook your head. You didn’t mean that, you said. You were just teasing.
“Teasing?”
You weren’t sure how to explain that one. You told him not to worry about it as you shut your eyes, letting your body relax into bed. It was strange not to have a heartbeat to count, so you instead focused on breathing. The rush of fusing was wearing off now, leaving you exhausted.
Aogami was tired too–you could feel it now that you were sharing a mind. Even more tired than you, a sort of exhaustion that gnawed all the way to the bone. Had he ever rested in his life? Or had his entire existence before you been fighting?
You couldn’t think clearly enough to continue that train of thought. Goodnight, you said, and let sleep take you before you could hear the answer.
In the morning, you were up before the sun. “Sorry,” Aogami said when you groaned about it. “I believe that may be my influence.”
You mumbled something about how fate shouldn’t have given you a morning person for a demon partner.
“Sorry,” he repeated, sounding like he meant it a bit too much.
You shook your head and told him that you didn’t mean that, either. It was admittedly a bit tiring how earnest he was.
Too awake to go back to sleep, you got up and headed out into the hallway. This early, no one else was up, so you went into the bathroom without incident. You paused in front of the mirror. Did you need to brush your teeth like this? Would cleaning your teeth in this form carry over to your own body, or would you have to do it again?
“I haven’t the faintest idea,” Aogami said.
You shrugged and set to brushing your teeth anyway. Then, the larger challenge: your hair. It had gotten hopelessly tangled in your sleep, a side effect of its sheer volume. The revelation that a demon’s hair could tangle was amusing: you tried to imagine the various sexy women of Da’at struggling with their hair in the morning.
You started from the bottom and continued upwards, flinching every time you ran into a tangle. You felt a prick of protectiveness from Aogami every time it hurt. You pointed out that this was your fault, actually, and there was no need to get up in arms about hair.
“I know. But–I don’t like seeing you in pain.”
It was barely pain, but you supposed you appreciated the sentiment. Once your hair was back to its usual sleek self, you exited the bathroom and–
Immediately came face-to-face with your neighbor. You’d never caught his name–something beginning with an M, maybe, but you weren’t certain. You froze, self-conscious of your strange state: almost everyone who’d seen you in both forms had recognized you, and you certainly didn’t want to explain things to this guy.
He looked at you blankly for a moment, eyes hooded with sleep, before his gaze fell to your chest. He stared for a beat.
Oh. Right. You tried to reach for excuses–you were your own cisgender twin? You had, for some unknowable reason, put a binder on under your pajamas? You’d finally gotten top surgery? No, then you’d never be able to leave your room without a binder again.
“Should we kill him?” Aogami asked. You wouldn’t be able to respond without looking absolutely insane, so you did not.
Your neighbor’s eyes finally went back up to your face. “Cool hair,” he said.
Thanks, you said awkwardly.
“See you.” He ducked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
Dazed, you remained in the hallway for a beat before returning to your room. When you touched your face, it was hot; you hadn’t even known you could blush like this.
“Should we report that to Bethel?” Aogami asked.
You shook your head. You were pretty sure he was more preoccupied with your lack of breasts than anything else, you explained.
“…Why do you have those? Should I be calling you… young lady?”
The question was enough to pull you out of your daze with an involuntary snort. You made your best effort to succinctly explain transgender people to him.
“Oh. I see.” There was a long pause. “To take on God’s role and recreate oneself… humans are truly incredible.”
It was a herculean task not to laugh. You covered your mouth as your shoulders shook, feeling terribly bad as Aogami’s confusion came over your connection. No, you weren’t laughing at him, you tried to say. He was being very sweet, actually.
“Sweet?”
You shook your head, straightening back up. Best that he didn’t worry about it.
Outside, the sky was grey with the promise of sunrise. You could feel Aogami perk up as he noticed. “This dormitory has an accessible roof, yes?”
You nodded.
“Could we…”
Watch the sunrise? You’d never been up early enough to do that here, but you were sure it would be nice. Okay, you said. But it might be a bit cold in just pajamas.
“Yes, get dressed.”
You stripped and, with some difficulty, put your armor back on. You’d expected it to be difficult to get used to again, but it felt good, natural, like a second skin. Maybe that was Aogami’s influence–you doubted he’d ever worn anything but rigid armor.
You crept down the hallway and to the stairs, then did your best to tread carefully as to not wake the entire building. The hard, narrow bottoms of your shoes were terribly loud on the metal walkway. You ended up walking slowly, resisting the urge to run at the breakneck pace at which you traversed Da’at, and it seemed to take an eternity to get up to the roof.
Strangely, though you could process that it was cold, the temperature outside didn’t bother you at all. Aogami had said something about this earlier–when fused, your body was better at handling extreme temperatures. On an impulse, you hopped over the railing to sit on the edge of the building, legs dangling over the drop. For once, Aogami didn’t feel a flicker of concern. You could easily survive a fall from this high.
Looking straight at the sun creeping over the horizon didn’t bother you, either. Maybe godlike eyes were simply made for brighter things than human ones were. The sky was turning pink and purple, a faint breeze lacing its fingers through your hair.
It was, you realized, Aogami’s first sunrise in a long time. You wondered if he ever stopped to enjoy the sunrise before. If he had the time. You doubted it, and you elected not to ask.
“Can we separate?” Aogami asked cautiously. “I’d like to…”
Feel the sun on his own face. You nodded, and then you were human again, smaller, shivering in the morning cold. Beside you, Aogami pitched his head up, eyes closed. Suddenly, the drop below you was dizzying; you wondered if it was his influence that kept you from fearing it before, or simply the knowledge that you’d be safe. You reached out to cling to Aogami’s arm.
He looked down at you. “I’ll catch you if you fall,” he said gently.
You flushed. It was embarrassing to be mortal next to Aogami. You’d never been so conscious of your own fragility: as a Nahobino, you could kill the average human without a thought. To go from that kind of raw power to just being you was…
Not to mention the way you felt complete with him. Like you’d been missing a limb for your entire life without noticing. It felt wrong to be unable to reach for him in your mind, to be alone in your own head. What a strange thought–you’d always been solitary. Once, you would have been frightened by the thought of sharing a body with a near-stranger. Now, you could hardly bear to be alone.
You leaned into Aogami. Without fusing again, the best you could do was try to be physically close. He chuckled, the rumble of it reverberating in your bones, and put his arm around you. “I’ll keep you safe, young man. I swear it.”
That wasn’t what you were worried about, but you didn’t correct him. It would be embarrassing to admit exactly how dependent you were on him were after only two days. He’d accept it, maybe: he seemed just as hung up on you. But you didn’t want to make him.
Later, you would regret not saying something. Later, you would regret that you didn’t make the most of the time you had together. It would take him dying to realize that you loved him more than you should love the other half of your soul, more than you should love the man who saved your life. Later, you would selfishly wish that you kissed him, showed him exactly how you felt, even if you did not yet know if he would reciprocate.
But for now, you leaned into Aogami, content, and watched the sky.