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Steve knows Hopper will lose it when he hears about Will and Mike, so Steve asked and begged Will to tell him when he’ll be telling Hopper about his boyfriend being Wheeler. He lost it when he told him about Eddie being his boyfriend, and he wanted to find a reason to arrest the other boy, running him around the house and backyard. Steve laughed really hard that day, with Joyce almost peeing his pants, and Robin actually managed to pee her pants, having to wear one of Will’s newer pants. He gave Eddie the shovel talk and threatened to hide his body if he did Steve wrong, Wayne be damned. Steve then told Wayne that last part, and the man laughed gruffly, saying he would help Jim. It's safe to say Eddie was feeling indignant.
They all know that the moment he came back from Russia and had to be there for Steve, he saw the kid as his own. The same with Will, not only because he’s dating his mother, but because he sees El in him, the Wonder Twins, as everyone calls them. He’s been looking out for Steve since he was a little boy, and his parents left him alone for the first time for a weekend. The boy was so scared, he called 911, crying with a panic attack. Ever since, whenever the kid called, he would scoop him up and take him to the cabin with him. He would call Hopper every time he wanted people to leave his house, and Hopper never said no.
“How’s everything with the missus?” he asks Hopper, and the man looks at where Joyce is talking with the others and smiles full of adoration. He proposed to her recently, the honeymoon phase never ending with those two, it comes with the territory of surviving and escaping a Russian prison. They had a small ceremony in their backyard, with people close to them. A gaggle of teenagers, people bordering the twenties or in their early twenties, a Russian, and a crazy conspiracy guy. It was equal parts pretty and chaotic, and went as he thought it would go.
“She’s good. We’re good. How is that boy of yours treating you?” he asks and takes a swig of his beer . Steve blushes a deep pink, and Hopper smirks.
“He’s been a menace, but he’s not going anywhere,” he answers. Hopper gives a nod in acknowledgment.
Steve was going to ask him about dinner when he saw Will approaching them, looking nervous and frightened, with a more frightened Mike behind him. Steve was feeling giddy and was already giggling, Hopper giving him a curious look.
“Hop, I have to tell you something,” Will says. Everyone’s eyes are on them and Hopper. “So, you know I’m like Eddie and like boys.” Hopper nods, encouraging him to continue. “Well, um. Mike is my boyfriend.” Mike waves at Hopper, as if he needs clarification on who he is.
Hopper looks between the two of them, their intertwined hands between them. Steve can already see the vein on his forehead popping, and his hand, the one not holding the beer, closed into a tight fist. So tight, his knuckles are white. He breathes in and breathes out.
“Why do you have to date my kids?!” he screams at Mike. “I didn’t like you dating my daughter, and you had to go and date my son too?” His face was red. “Will, you can do so much better. What happened to Gareth? I thought the two of you were a couple.” he pinches the bridge of his nose.
Everyone was laughing, knowing the worst thing he could do was run the boy around the backyard, like he did with Eddie.
“I caught you drinking once; I can arrest you for drinking as a minor.”
“Hop, leave the kids alone. You’ll survive.” Joyce stands next to Hopper, putting a hand on his chest, all his fight draining out of him with one touch. Steve smiles fondly at that. “He’s just kidding, Mike,”
“I’m not,” Hopper says, getting the handcuffs out of the case from his belt. “C’mere, you little delinquent.” He walks to Mike, but the latter starts running.
Steve is laughing loudly with the rest of the kids and Eddie. Will is giggling too. Eddie makes his way to Steve, doubling on himself after he sees Mike trip over his own feet and fall.
“Oh, baby, I see why Robin and Joyce were laughing so much. This is so much fun.
Run, Wheeler. Run!” he cups his mouth while shouting. Mike flips at their general direction, and they laugh harder.
“Hopper! Leave my boyfriend alone!” Will says loudly, and Mike whips his head to look at Will with so much fondness, forgetting about the man following him with a pair of handcuffs.
When he looked back, Hopper was too close for him to run. The man grabs Mike’s arm and moves it behind his back, using his other hand to cuff Mike. Literally.
“My father-in-law is hot. Lucky you, Mama Byers.” Eddie says, winking at Joyce, and she blushes, hitting him softly on the arm.
“I heard that Munson. Don’t make me get the other handcuffs!”
“Don’t threaten me with a good time!” Steve is giggling, the others audibly gagging.
“Michael Wheeler, you’re under arrest for dating two of my kids.”
“He had a crush on Steve!” El says, laughing with Max. “Does that count for something?”
“Hey, that’s a lie!” Mike denies, but his blushing ears say otherwise.
“Really, Wheeler?” Will asks, amused. “Baffles me how you thought you were ever straight, it makes so much sense.” Will kisses Mike’s cheek, who’s still cuffed.
“Wheeler, I swear to god,” Hopper mumbled.
“Do not look at my princess, I’ll kill off your character in the next campaign,” Eddie says, wrapping his arm around Steve’s waist.
Yeah, he loves his family.