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“Love is care, without control.”
It was something that Shiro had said to him once, as an offhand comment. Keith hadn't known what he was getting at, then, only that Shiro knew Keith’s nature, knew his need for control. He was just trying to remind him that there were good things to be had, outside of that.
But Keith already knew that much.
There were definitely good things that were very much out of control. Good things that laughed loudly and joked too often, and radiated fiery blue energy, like the hottest of flames. Some good things were too much for anyone to control, and he'd never really tried. Coming back to the castle from yet another mission though, he was glad his lion could find its way home mostly of its own accord; he wasn't focused on flying.
He couldn't get his mind off of those uncontrollable things, nor could he stop wondering just how long he'd be able to keep his fondness for them a secret from the rest of his teammates.
It was hard, when his tired body ached to be embraced by someone whose arms no one else even knew he’d been held by. It pained him, knowing that when they got back into the castle, those arms would be right there, and Keith would be able to do nothing but steal glances at the person they belonged to, hoping no one noticed just how much hunger lay behind those sideways looks. It was nearly impossible, keeping himself collected, when all he wanted was to be as close as humanly possible to Lance - preferably with not another living soul there to witness it.
He didn't know why it was suddenly all he could think about. His thoughts were spiraling, out of control.
It didn't make sense. After all, they did this all the time. Meeting back up after missions was a ritual; it didn't seem right, peeling off their battle gear and heading off to do their own thing, without reconvening just to decompress a bit. It certainly hadn't been an easy day, but on the scale of one-to-worst battle they'd ever survived, it wasn't even on the radar. Nothing needed to be out of the ordinary, so Keith wasn't sure why he was so hyper-focused on getting back to see the others, that day.
To see Lance.
Usually, his rendezvous with Lance fell into two staunchly different and strictly sorted categories. There was the type of exchange they had in front of the rest of the team, when Keith kept tight control of his expressions and his affection, and worked hard to maintain the bickering brothers dynamic that everyone knew the two of them for. And then there was the second sort, the kind of interaction that was kept completely out of sight, something only he and Lance knew about. It was warm hands and soft lips and the sweet taste of someone he adored, but was far too worried about somehow hurting to ever let anyone else know about.
Keith wasn't ready to admit to anyone that he was in love with Lance, even though he was fairly certain Lance wouldn't mind sharing that information, himself. Lance was careless, chaotic, and sometimes clueless. Keith loved him for the way that he brought out the part of him that loved life, but was far too cautious to let anyone else see that zeal.
He had to be in control. Letting others form opinions and have a say in things and complicate matters for the two of them was beyond that. That day though, something in his chest twisted and twinged, promising to uncoil only when he finally saw Lance’s face again. And, as if the universe somehow knew, Lance was the first of the other Paladins into the room when Keith finally made it back.
This time, he didn't hesitate. With Lance holding his arms out wide in what was usually a playful taunt, Keith turned on his heel and all but charged toward him, leaping on his last step and throwing his arms around Lance’s neck. To his surprise, Lance didn't miss a beat, didn't freeze up in the panic Keith half expected. A grin burst across his features. He laughed.
He was so damned beautiful.
Any semblance of control that Keith had been clinging to was lost.
Finally, he understood. With Lance’s arms around his waist, Keith let himself be lifted, his feet off the ground and his head in the clouds as he looked down into eyes that reflected his own joy. The moment he'd laid eyes on him that afternoon, all hopes of keeping things a secret any longer were lost, but letting go had never been easier. His fingers found their way into the softness of Lance’s hair just as their lips met, and Keith could hardly kiss him properly, smiling as much as he was.
Somewhere in the distance, Hunk cat-called and Pidge whooped and shouted, the two of them exchanging high fives that they'd likely been waiting far too long for. Keith largely ignored them for a moment, too lost in the feeling of Lance’s embrace, tight and warm and entirely public. Never had he cared less that people were watching him.
“Not too bad for once today, red.” Lance whispered, his lips still dragging warmly along Keith’s as he spoke. Keith chuckled against his mouth, trying to remind himself that they could do more of this later. Anytime they wanted. They wouldn’t have to hide, anymore.
“For once, huh? I'll remember that.” He nipped playfully at the pout Lance gave him, kissing him one last time before finally, finally coming back down, in every sense.
Back on his feet, Keith’s hands couldn't seem to help lingering on the hem of Lance’s sleeve. It was small, and probably stupid, but just holding onto him in some little way let him savor the moment that much longer; when Lance took hold of his hand, Keith leaned into his side, even more satisfied.
“This is probably the second best thing I've seen all day,” Shiro smiled, approaching the two of them. When his hand landed on Keith’s shoulder, it was with a soft squeeze, a reassurance that everything really was ok - that he could have his happiness, and his found family, too.
“First, for me,” Keith laughed, quietly. “But I'm a little bit biased.”
“Maybe a little.” Shiro conceded, giving Lance the same shoulder squeezing treatment. “Proud of you boys.”
“For making out in front of everybody?” Lance snorted. Shiro shook his head, turning to look only at Keith, for a moment.
“For finding your joy. For taking hold of some things, and letting go of others.”
Keith breathed in the moment, as deeply as his tightening chest would allow, and smiled back at Shiro, a nod his only, wordless expression of thanks. Clinging to the hand in his, he tugged Lance after him to join the others, dealing with their good-natured teasing, in turn. It didn't bother him. For once, Keith couldn't stop smiling.
There was something magnetic, about Lance’s fingers laced with his. An electricity that held him at his side and bolstered him to be braver with every passing moment, no longer concerned about keeping himself or his actions inside some kind of imagined guidelines. He was in love with Lance, and now, everyone knew it. Just the thought set his heart to buzzing in his chest, a wild and reckless feeling that he'd never welcomed so fully, before.
In a matter of minutes, he'd finally freed himself - freed both of them - to care, without control.