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Whatever this was, it was a new feeling for Will. Heartbreak wasn't it, no, that's not right. Heartbreak implies something else. Like he'd been intentionally hurt. Like he'd confessed and been rejected. Like he'd just broken up with his romantic boyfriend. But this wasn't that. This was something else. Similar maybe, but surely not the same.
And he felt like a fool, oh such a fool, for being this upset but he couldn't help it. Not really. The truth was he missed him, maybe more than he should. There was a hole in his heart like a puzzle missing a final piece right in the exact center. Sometimes it even physically hurt.
How could he even deal with it? He'd gone from talking to his best friend everyday to just once every few weeks if he was lucky. At first, he just blamed the slow mailing times. He couldn't even do that anymore. Not when El was constantly getting full page letters constantly and the few letters Mike did send Will were short and uninterested.
And the worst thing was Will felt like shit about it. He absolutely did. What was wrong with him? To be so jealous over his sister getting letters from her boyfriend?
And then he'd think about it more when those thoughts crossed his mind. He'd realize he had plenty of reasons for calling it unfair. Because he'd just found out yesterday from El that Mike had decided weeks ago to come visit for spring break in a couple days. You'd think he might know that. Be told that himself, get something, anything.
Instead, all he felt was that everything was ruined now and it was hard to even feel truly excited, because, hope as he might, he knew deep down that things were just awkward now. He knew that he'd been robbed of any real chance to fix the rift from their last fight. They'd ended on better terms, sure, but it was still the last time they'd really talked without their lives being in imminent danger or anything. And because of that, Will couldn't stop the guilt either. Maybe if he'd kept his mouth shut and let Mike be upset or whatever that was…
Or maybe he was overthinking it. He did that a lot. Maybe it was no big deal and he was just assuming it was. Maybe Mike would get here and they'd hug and Will could give him the painting and everything would be okay.
But right now it didn't feel the same anymore and that was terrifying. He'd never missed Mike this much in his life. He'd never gone this long with so little words and never seeing him at all. It was like grieving for someone that wasn't even gone. And it hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. And Will didn't know what to do. He didn't have anything to do.
Anything but wait.