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When Dazai first met his dearest, it happened at one of those random times when he once again endeavored on a suicide attempt and he remembers quite clearly, as though the clarity of that memory bring only more fondness in mind and heart, how they had met.
Yes, he tried to kill himself at the time by eating a poisonous plant.
He can’t really remember what poisonous plant that was and definitely not worth remembering right now since its’ damn so-called poisonous effectiveness didn’t work on him at all - either that or his digestive system just wanted to toy with him and nitpick his choices for what can be a suicidal success for him.
Well, can’t really say effectiveness was all that void, it just didn’t result in a success to actually kill him. The symptoms kicked in rapidly when he bite into the raw plant, the burning pain that rushed down his throat felt excruciating - he really thought he was going to be gone in seconds.
However, luck has it mysteriously bad for him that instead of surrendering his fate into what he had thought become a successful suicide - his stomach protested against his efforts and he ended up throwing up everything. Poor plant. Poor poisonous plant indeed.
Coincidentally right then, a young lady had rushed to his side, perhaps the only person around who seem to have taken sharp notice of seeing a grown man eating some raw plant on his own, choking and rolling on the ground in grueling agony, only to later throw up all the disgusting content in the river and…well, wasted effort on his part so to say.
Of course, he never met the lady before nor the lady have ever met him. It was her kindness and panic over a complete stranger’s agony and call for medical attention that brought them together in the fateful meeting.
….But it had a different twist to begin with.
When he had explained to her that he ate the raw plant as another one of his suicide attempts, he would’ve expected her to either be someone who is too much an optimist and start lecturing him about thousand different reasons to live and that suicide is not the way to go - or someone who would just apologize in a monotone and thought they had wasted their time on someone like him - because hey, if someone really wanted to commit suicide, why interfere? Especially when it’s Dazai, who’s too enthusiastic with his goal to have a clean, cheerful suicide.
The unexpected happened when she didn’t react the way he had guessed at first - instead, she did apologize - almost very frantically to the point she even offered to find the same kind of plant for him to try again. Yes, try again. Try to kill himself again and perhaps once again, instead of having quick clean death, it’ll just be another gut-wrenching torture.
Dazai was really taken and amused by the way she reacted to his ordeals and his pretty optimistic take in regards to ‘suicide’. Everyone in the Agency can only tell him 'Congratulations’ if he had actually found a way to die (except Atsushi-kun because let’s face it the poor weretiger couldn’t count how many times he had to save him from a 'failed attempt’ already). And then there’s this….cute, complete stranger, who is probably just an ordinary office girl or a university student who came across him and tried to help but didn’t know if she really did help or had interrupted.
Either way, deep down, the more Dazai watched her, the more he felt drawn to her. Not only because she was a strange young spirit, but she took this much time to make sure he would 'achieve his goal’, it really means something to him.
The next thing he know, he found himself wanting to get to know more about her and not let her go - even if it means having to try commit suicide again and have an excuse for her to save him..again.
“I never even got your name, little lady. My name is Dazai. Dazai Osamu.” Dazai said to her with an introduction, looking at her delicate fingers soiled with dirt, her shirt caked a little with mud and her hair a little bit of a mess with some strands falling out from her ponytail hairtie.
Dazai couldn’t help but to reach out to her with a smile, holding her hands gently, catching her by surprise. Why wouldn’t she be? He was just a stranger, one she just met by a bizarre coincidence.
“I-I….Oh. I’m so sorry! I didn’t think of it since I was uhm…”
Ah. How cute. She’s blushing, so at loss for words.
But who wouldn’t be?
'I was too busy trying to find the same plant for you so that you can try to kill yourself again in front of me.’
Yeah, well, who could say that out loud.
Dazai chuckled and gently brush away some of the dirt off the skin of her hands, “Now, now. It’s alright! Well…okay maybe not. That accursed plant really did me good for a while.”
“B-But I’m so sorry! I really shouldn’t have interfered, isn’t it…”
This girl hasn’t stop apologizing since she had tried to help him and check if he was still alive and survived from throwing up so much, reeling in the painful moment of his stomach acting up on him earlier - he still find it so adorable. In some ways, he’s even thankful she even came to his aid.
“Oh no no! Really don’t apologize! Stop apologizing because you did what any normal person ought to do when seeing a dying– Well, I wish I was dying but I didn’t die so…let me correct that: Seeing a person in pain and rush to him. I am eternally grateful to you.” He said to her, his eyes showing genuine gratitude and the kind of softness that even made the girl’s heart skip a beat.
Oh he is handsome indeed. There is something more appealing and magnetizing about him but she couldn’t quite put clear justification for such sentiments. They might be fleeting, but she also didn’t mind if they aren’t fleeting feelings either.
“Rude of me. But you are my savior, I would at least like to learn the name of the beauty who had prevented me from crossing the border too soon. Or else, any sooner, I would’ve never met you.” Dazai said, his voice croon in its own charm but he meant every word. HIs hands still gently grasping hers and never intended to let go.
She blushed, at loss for words, and even as the blush deepen into her skin and the heat of embarrassment reach all the way up to her ears, she didn’t make any move to free her hands from his.
Very shyly, she gave her name to him. As though the very sound, the very punctuation and pronunciation of her name means so much to her for him to acknowledge, to remember and hopefully - it is by their names they will have to look forward to meeting again.
Dazai smiled, nodded in acknowledgement and then gently again brushed away all the dirt from her hands, “Well, my dear, what say I would like to express my gratitude even more by bringing you out for dinner? Although I would also like to suggest we get you new clothes. It is my fault that you had your dress dirty…” Dazai hummed thoughtfully as his eyes trail from bottom to top.
“Ah no no no! I-It’s okay! I was the one who wanted to find the plant for you and I shouldn’t have uhm….”
“You can say it. I don’t mind really.” Dazai said brazenly.
She gulped nervously, “….Shouldn’t have disturb your suicide attempts. But really, Dazai-san, it’s not much a matter. I’ll just have to go home and get a change of clothes. It’s getting late anyway. Besides, I’m sure you have other things to do as well even if you’re not going to attempt suicide again.”
Dazai hummed in thought for a while, then turned back to her with a shrug, “Not that I know of really.”
Wait, now that he thought about it, he can clearly imagine Kunikida right now just roaring and screaming his ears off in anger to noticing Dazai‘s disappearance and slacking off again.
….. Oh well. Another day then!
Dazai snapped out of the momentary pause and flash her a welcoming big smile, “Of course not! My lady, I am indebted to you. Besides, it’s because it’s getting late that it is only right for a gentleman such as I to see you get home safely. So….”
With a charming smirk in hopes that it’ll be more than enough to convince her that he really want to take the opportunity to show his gratitude to her, he lean a little close but not too close that it’ll be too uncomfortable. However, close enough to make her blush as his eyes bore into her.
“So…may I?”
She felt a little cornered, but at the same time she didn’t feel it would be bad, nor would it lead to anything bad. In fact, she couldn’t help but feel she should follow her gut feeling with him: She would be safe with him.
“….Okay. Thank you, Dazai-san.”
Dazai chuckled softly, never once let go of her hand as he led her away from the spot they had their first fateful meeting.
“One of these days, I hope you’ll get used to calling me just 'Dazai’.”
Indeed, that fateful meeting made him realize that he would make sure they were going to be bond even more - and formalities will cease between them.
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“Dazai….”
A distant calling of his name. Ah…where have he heard this voice? This sweet sounding voice of an angel…
Could he have already found his way to heaven’s gate already? Did his suicide attempt finally triumphed?
“….Dazai…”
He hear his name being called again, this time sounding much more stern and vaguely doesn’t sound too pleased. Is calling his name becoming such a sting to the tongue? Not a sweet sound escape from the very tip of the tongue?
“DAZAI!”
THWACK.
“OWWW!”
The hard impact of the slap flew straight to his face and sent him flying off the couch he was slacking in reminded him once again just what a harsh dreadful reminder that once again - Here he is, alive and breathing, feeling lethargic and slow on a regular Tuesday. Slow, regular Tuesday.
He could’ve sworn he thought he really did succeeded committing the perfect suicide by drinking some sort of lethal poison, but now that he recalled the little details of it and the minutes that felt as though he was losing his grip in life…. He was actually just dreaming.
Well! That was one awful torment of a dream then! It was a nightmare! How could it be a dream if he had to wake up finding out he didn’t die anyway?
“W-What on earth?! I could’ve sworn I thought I had such a good dream!” Dazai whined dramatically, only to cut short a minute to pause when he realize he was wrong. “….Nevermind. It was a horrible nightmare.”
Then he turn to find the person who had sent him flying off the couch and almost hit his poor back against the nearest wall. He got up to his feet and did a few stretches, his eyes then pinned on a cranky Kunikida.
“….Oh,” Dazai said, “It was you, Kunikida? I thought I heard the sound of a beautiful angel calling for me. You’re more like the angel of death but you’re a man so….”
“WHO ARE YOU CALLING ANGEL OF DEATH, YOU HOPELESS SLACKER?!” Kunikida yelled, and as usual, everyone else in the office had gotten used to Kunikida’s never-ending rebukes.
“And don’t be so disgusting to say such indecent things first thing you wake up. You’re not wrong about one thing. I wasn’t the only one who tried to wake you.” Kunikida added curtly, then taking a step back to reveal the young girl who really had been trying to wake him up earlier before Kunikida finally stepped in and thought that giant smack to his face was a good last resort.
Dazai’s eyes sparkled at the sight of his dearest, “My suicidal beauty queen!” He called out cheerfully, and at such a happy sprint, he leapt at her and pulled her in a tight embrace.
It took her by surprise but it didn’t take long for her to relax in his arms and chuckled, returning his hug by wrapping her own arms around his back, “You look like you had such a good sleep for you to be having a nightmare. Failed suicide again?”
“Oh it was awful! So awful!” Dazai answered in various dramatic high pitches, even adding small tears to the corners of his eyes, “I was so happy thinking I was going to die! Choking and suffocation…it was becoming beautiful but then it just didn’t happen. Not at all!”
She couldn’t help but to keep chuckling, affectionately brushing his hair aside, “There, there, Dazai. Maybe the method didn’t work.”
“And then there was that hard smack…really now, Kunikida-kun.” Dazai turned to Kunikida with a sulk, still holding his lover close.
Kunikida rolled his eyes, “You’re welcome then since I spoiled your effort. Then again, you aren’t a very good boyfriend if you had to leave her behind by killing yourself.”
Dazai flashed the happiest grin and pulled his lover closer to him, suddenly pressing his cheek to hers lovingly, “Ahhh didn’t you know~ Fate has it for us to tie our promises together! Love that conquers all!”
Catching her by surprise again but it’s almost amazing that the girl could just follow his pace no matter how spontaneous and impulsive he can get, he suddenly let go of her with one hand holding hers, he spun her around and then catch her again in his arms by hugging her from behind, smiling so widely - his personal happiness amplified by the appreciative fact of knowing they are lovers.
“I present to you….My gorgeous suicidal beauty!” Dazai announced happily. Albeit this isn’t the first time he had introduced her to the Agency anyway, but he can never get tired of showing how proud he is to be with her.
Kunikida waved his hand dismissively, but with only a very small hint of a smile, he just said to the 'weird couple’, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. You two are meant for each other. Good for you.”
Somewhere in the office, Naomi called out to the couple briskly, “Ne ne~ Dazai-san! At least make sure to treat her right and go on more cute dates before committing a double suicide together!”
Dazai chuckled, “Thank you, Naomi-chan!”
Tanizaki chuckled sheepishly, finding it a little odd that such a wish like that for a couple’s happiness can be considered 'normal’ even though true enough they all mean well when they really want Dazai and her to be happy, “I guess it’ll be some time until they can commit a double suicide together…”
Yosano shrugged, crossed her arms as she look at the couple, watching Dazai happily swing her around in his arms, nuzzling her cheek and sometimes reciting random love poetry to her, “We’ll see more of them here, I’m sure. You’ll have a lot of work to do, huh Kunikida?”
Kunikida’s only responses are grumbles and more grumbling.
“So, my darling!” Dazai piped excitedly, “Since you’re here, I guess that means I wasn’t late then? Are you still up for it today?”
“Oh!” She exclaimed in realization, taking a quick glance at the time on her wristwatch then smile back up at him, “Two more hours. Want to go grab a bite first? Nothing poisonous and no jumping off bridges, though. You told me you wanted to watch this movie today and I only got the day off today.”
Dazai smiled, cupping both her cheeks in his hands, “Oh well, that’s too bad. There’s always next time at least! As you know, I always love you the most!”
“Alright you two weirdo love birds, get out already! President’s orders! End your shift right now and go be weird together somewhere else.” Kunikida called out from far end of the office while photocopying documents.
“Don’t get into too much trouble now!” Ranpo called out as Dazai and his beloved turn to leave.
Once they had left the building and leisurely start walking to their agreed date spot, she turn to him as she remember something that would interest her suicidal maniac boyfriend greatly.
“Oh you know, Dazai, I read that they modified the new script for this film. So we get to see more methods of suicide then.” She informed him, and as she understood him well enough, Dazai’s eyes started gleaming with glee.
“You are the best girlfriend ever!”
Whether or not later in that particular day, they might ever try to attempt a double suicide together, it didn’t change the fact that the time they spent and continue spending together holds a very special place in Dazai’s heart.
Even if it meant delaying his time to commit the perfect suicide, he wouldn’t mind having all that time spent being alive just to be with her.
On the bright side, at least they’ll have more time to plan on a double suicide then, no?
- End -