Chapter Text
Something was off about Yoshiki. And only Hikaru seemed to notice.
Well, everyone did notice the extremely worrying behavior that he exhibited when he woke up in the hospital, sobbing and begging to reach the arms of an untimely death. The words gave merit of an aftermath to a failed suicide attempt, the only reason they thought as to why he was found up in the mountains in the first place.
Hikaru didn’t believe that was the case.
It might make sense to the eyes of a stranger, but why was Yoshiki there, on the same night, around the area that Hikaru was also traveling? That was too much of a coincidence, too painfully obvious that this was a result of a reckless decision he had made for very obvious reasons.
Guilt bubbled in his stomach. Hikaru knew he was the reason for the current predicament. His trip wasn’t supposed to be long. The trip wasn’t supposed to possibly alter his friend in a way that he only understood.
At first, it was chalked up to emotional hysteria. Anyone going through such an experience wouldn’t be in their right mind. To yell out for something to kill him? That was odd. Out of place.
Yoshiki wasn’t one to outwardly express himself either. Most thought of him as moody, and a little miserable, but his sadness was of a reserved, melancholic kind, that of a mourning widow displaced and unable to do anything about their misery. What he was doing now, choking on these emotions, almost like they were all brand new to him, it didn’t feel right.
What really got Hikaru though, was what happened after he was about to be discharged. At that point Yoshiki’s theatrics had died down, leaving him a meek, sniffling mess covered up in the sheets of the bed. Hikaru originally planned on teasing him for following him into the mountains without much thought. Given the situation now, he held his tongue back.
“So…” With hesitance, he cuts through the silence, Yoshiki’s attention snapping to the sound of his voice. “Doctors said you got lucky when you slipped…I’m glad you were, haha…”
“...Lucky…?” Yoshiki mumbles in response, hands scrunching the fabric on his lap. His head angles itself to look at Hikaru.
The gaze he holds is raw, eyes glistening for a moment when they bore into Hikaru’s own. It was so vulnerable, without its typical protective glaze, that it threw Hikaru off.
Yoshiki holds the stare for just a little longer before turning his face back down. A sigh escapes his lips, in what could only be described as shame.
“...Yeah. I’m glad I was, too.”
-
That was a few months ago.
In truth, Hikaru didn’t really take note of how Yoshiki had acted at the hospital until recently, when the instance of unfamiliarity became more common, more frequent. It wasn’t enough for anyone else to point out, but it was enough for himself to be on edge.
The winter season was running its last lap, and the pair still hung out the same as they usually did. While Yoshiki had mellowed out since the incident, there was something underlyingly somber about his performance, more so than usual. He’d slip, remnants of his previous outburst peeking out of his otherwise reclusive demeanor.
Hikaru wasn’t planning to find out what this could mean. Selfishly, he couldn’t bring himself to face the potentially frightening reveal. So as much as it lingered on the back of his mind, he decided he wasn’t going to bring it up.
“...Hikaru.”
Outside of the convenience store, snow was falling, the early evening approaching the sky with its dark blue. They decided to make a quick pitstop, the cold air had begun biting at Hikaru’s skin, who opted to look for something to warm his hands and empty stomach. He got a snack for Yoshiki too, only for the food to be untouched, wrapper crinkling as he fiddled with it. Hikaru scarfed down his own meal by now, looking at him with stuffed cheeks and a mouth covered in crumbs.
“Yeasvf?” He swallows his final bite. “What's up? Do you not like what I picked out for ya?”
Yoshiki shakes his head in an instant, clutching the food tightly. “No, no that's not - what you got for me was fine.”
His head hung low, bangs curtaining his expression from Hikaru, who was getting antsy at the silence. He tries to get the ball rolling.
“C’mon, Yoshiki, if you got something on yer mind, just spit it out!”
Slowly, Yoshiki’s posture straightens, his chest constricts, and he does as Hikaru asks him to.
“Hey…why were you heading to the mountains in the first place?”
Hikaru blinks.
“Huh? Ya that curious?”
Yoshiki frowns.
“I’m being serious. You were gone so long people thought ya went missing. What’s so important that made you travel all that way?”
A tightness envelops Hikaru’s throat, remembering the failure of his journey, the inability to finish whatever ritual his dad apparently was meant to complete.
“Ah, well, I was just trying to follow some Indou family tradition, I’m not really sure how else to explain it to ya.”
The answer doesn’t satisfy Yoshiki, not in the slightest. His expression darkens.
“And that tradition has to do with what, exactly?”
Despite the chilling winds cutting through his face, Hikaru was starting to feel unbearably hot.
“Hah- whats with the sudden interrogation Yosh - are ya under the weather or somethin’?”
His attempts to check Yoshiki's temperature are immediately swatted away.
“No, I’m not.”
“Jeez! I just wanted to make sure. But, I don’t get why you wanna know so bad. If you’re worried I’m going back up there, don’t be. I’m gonna hafta-”
The sound of Yoshiki sniffling cuts him off.
“...Yoshiki? Hey, what are you getting so worked up for???”
“...I just wanted to know…”
Despite the tears dripping down his face, Yoshiki’s voice is unwavering.
“If what happened wasn't for nothing…”
Something shifted in the air. The tension was palpable. Hikaru could only anticipate what was to come.
“If… Yoshiki didn’t die for nothing…’
…
Were Hikaru’s ears deceiving him?
Yoshiki…He was…
“You - yer not making any sense Yosh…”
His worst assumptions that he spent so long pushing down now exploded in his face, inescapable. In fact, this outcome was even worse than whatever he could have imagined himself, yet things were starting to click into place, so much that he was starting to feel sick.
His shock must have been obvious, as Yoshiki, or whatever he was talking to, immediately began to quiver, murmurs of apologies blended in with the horrifying sight of his face protruding out into tendrils of iridescent blobs.
“It’s terrible isn’t it?” He whispers. “He had to die like this, die with these feelings that he wanted to resolve, and here I am now, acting like I can fill that role. I just can’t do it…..”
The reveal was freaking them both out it seemed. In his blobby mess, ‘Yoshiki’ inches closer, hand softly gripping the sleeves of Hikaru’s gakuran. Hikaru can only be still, breathless, watching the abomination lay itself on the base of his chest, sniffling and sobbing.
“Please don’t hate me, please, please, I’m only doing what I was asked to do, I just want for the pain to go away, so please-”
Hikaru never saw Yoshiki get upset before, not to this degree, never in his life. It made something within him crack, any logical response he had to the news flying out of his head. He couldn’t bear to see the face of his friend half melted, distraught, begging for a resolution he wasn’t sure he could give. The reality of the situation can’t be changed - there was no point in crying over spilt milk. What he could only do now is to fix it.
“Man…C’mon you big baby…”
Gently, Hikaru removes ‘Yoshiki’s grip on his torso, taking his shoulders so they could sit face to face. He musters up the best smile he could, the sound of hiccups echoing into the night.
“Okay. Let's try this again.”