Work Text:
November 5th, 2020
Men of Letters Bunker, 11:19 PM
Dean POV
It really happened.
Son of a bitch.
It really happened.
Death was knocking at the door.
Dong.
Slow. Heavy.
She knew damn well we couldn’t fight her.
I was bleeding.
The air stank of blood and ozone, thick and sharp.
We’d sealed the room in a hurry, but it wouldn’t hold.
We were screwed.
I knew it.
Cas knew it too.
Dong.
I tried to keep it together.
Tried to say we’d find a way, like always, right?
But even I didn’t believe that crap anymore.
This was the end.
«She’ll kill you, then she’ll kill me!»
My voice broke into a growl.
«I know.»
Cas’s voice was calm. Too calm.
I looked around like an idiot, desperate.
There had to be something. Anything!
Dong.
Then I noticed — Cas wasn’t talking.
He was standing still, just looking at me.
Just... looking.
Not that lost-puppy look.
Not the soldier face.
Something else.
Resignation.
Acceptance.
It made my skin crawl.
Don’t you dare give up on me, Cas.
Dong.
Then he spoke — and God, I wish he hadn’t.
He told me about a deal. A deal with the Empty. To save Jack. A deal I didn’t know a damn thing about.
My heart was hammering as he talked about happiness. Happiness.
I was scared shitless and couldn’t even tell why. Or maybe I could. The tears on Cas’s face hit harder than anything I’d ever seen in my miserable life. Nothing — nothing — had ever hurt like that.
And then came his speech. That goddamn speech that broke me in half.
«I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You’re destructive, and you’re angry, and you’re broken. You think that hatred and anger... that’s what drives you, that’s who you are. It’s not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you’ve done, the good and the bad, you’ve done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world... for love. That is who you are. You’re the most caring man on Earth. You’re the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.»
He was smiling through the tears. And I was breaking apart trying to understand, trying to stop something I couldn’t stop. Cas’s words were louder than the sound of Death herself.
«Since we met, since I pulled you out of Hell... knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you.»
And while I fell apart, he smiled — that damn soft, beautiful smile — the one that said I’m at peace and I’m running out of time. His cheeks were wet, his eyes the bluest they’d ever been.
«You changed me, Dean.»
I don’t even know where I found the strength to talk. To say what my heart already knew. I wasn’t ready.
«Why does this sound like goodbye?»
It came out like a prayer — a question no one would answer.
«Because it is.» He said it quietly. Broken. And happy.
«I love you.»
He smiled through despair, a joy I couldn’t accept, couldn’t buy, couldn’t deserve.
«Don’t do this, Cas...»
It came out of me, rough and useless, lungs refusing to work, heart splintering, eyes burning.
He just looked at me — and smiled through the tears. A smile that was both mercy and punishment.
No more dong. That’s when the door opened.
And not just the door. The wall cracked open, black and writhing. The Empty.
«Cas...»
I begged, cornered, heart already breaking at what I knew was coming.
He stepped toward me, laid a hand on my shoulder — just like the day he pulled me out of Hell.
But this wasn’t the same Cas. This was the one who’d learned free will. The one who’d learned to live. To love.
My Cas.
«Goodbye, Dean.»
«C-Cas, wait—!»
He just looked at me — and before I could move, he shoved me back. Out of danger. Away from him.
I saw it all. His eyes full of tears, but happy. The Empty’s black arms taking Billie — not even Death could escape.
Then Cas. He sighed — a sound like peace — as those tendrils of darkness closed around him.
No! Cas! NO!
It all happened so fast. I didn’t even have time to speak. Just to watch him vanish.
He was peaceful, smiling through tears of goodbye and joy, until the end.
Then it was over. The Empty took its prey and fell silent again.
I’m alone. Still shaking. Still trying to breathe.
Room 7B — the safe room, the one with all the sigils — is a tomb now.
The stage of an angel’s last smile. Castiel’s last stand. The Angel of Thursday.
Cas. My Cas.
He said he loved me. God damn it, he meant it.
I don’t understand.
My phone’s ringing, I think. I ignore it. I can’t move. I can’t think.
That moment — that impossible, perfect moment — I’d dreamed of it for years. Turns out he did too.
Stupid, stupid Cas. Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why didn’t I?
Why did it have to end like this? Everything turning into pain and silence.
I curl up on the floor, hands in my hair, sobbing like I haven’t in years.
It’s over. I know I can’t bring him back.
Did it really happen?
Castiel, the angel who loved me. He said it. He loved me.
He, a creature of Heaven — and me, a broken man too afraid to see it. Too damn scared to call love by its name.
It really happened.
And now he’s gone.
It really happened.
This is the end.