Chapter Text
Night had fallen on Old Sharlayan, and the shimmering starlight danced across the waters of Scholar’s Harbor. Alphinaud thought it ironic, that not long ago those stars were the cause of such fear and devastation, yet here and now he could look at them and feel mostly at peace.
Even now, from the view off the cliff outside of the Studium, he could see astrologians standing in the bay, using that aetheric telescope that turned the harbor into a giant viewing glass to the stars. He wondered what else was out there, outside of that cursed land of Ultima Thule. Perhaps these scholars would discover that themselves, someday.
“Now, here’s someone I did not expect to find loitering around by the cliffs.” The voice was familiar, and was in fact just the person that Alphinaud had been waiting for. He turned to see Y’shtola approaching, to stand next to him in conversation.
He was genuinely impressed with the way she moved, but it concerned him just as much. She was blind, yet she still walked with confidence as though she could see clearly. He wondered just how much her aetheric sight could see… And how much it was actually draining her.
“I was actually hoping to talk with you. Simply a coincidence we happened to run into each other here.” He let out a laugh to try and diffuse his own feelings, only partially successful as he continued to look at her, that soft smile of amusement on her face as it always seemed to be.
“Shall we head over to the rotunda then?” She motioned over to the sitting area closer to the Studium. “Tis better than just standing near a ledge after all.”
“And here I thought that you would want to walk around.” Alphinaud laughed. “After spending hours in the Studium consulting with those who would help your studies into other worlds such as The First.”
“Much of that time is still spent on my feet, getting dragged around from experiment to experiment to lecture…” Y’shtola’s words carried a flicker of annoyance. “Not that I’m lacking gratitude of course. It simply means I would prefer to sit down for longer than five minutes at a time.”
“Then I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you.” Alphinaud motioned towards the path. “Let’s take a rest then while we talk.”
The two made their way down the path in a comfortable silence, broken only by the gentle sea wind and the clicking of their shoes against the stones. Alphinad watched Y’shtola as she stepped into the rotunda, took a moment to smooth the skirt of her dress, and sat down on the bench, facing out towards the sea. Alphinaud took the seat next to her… And yet the silence continued.
“You were the one who said you wished to speak with me, no?” Y’shtola said after a few minutes had passed. “It’s not polite to keep a lady waiting when you call on her.”
“My apologies.” Alphinaud coughed, managing to avoid stuttering in nervousness. “Part of me just now was wondering what you see. You seem to be enjoying looking out at the ocean.”
“And the impropriety continues, Alphinaud. I thought better of you.”
“I-I’m sorry, but I do wonder–”
“I merely tease.” Y’shtola shook her head before she looked back at the sea. “To be honest, ever since we managed to stop the Final Days, the stars have shown brighter. I need to put less effort into seeing the aether to have them glittering in my vision. It truly gives me hope that we have done well in our work.”
“I feel the same way, seeing the stars.” Alphinaud commented. “To have gone to the edge of the universe and seen despair, only to push it away… Those stars are now a sign of hope to me, and I believe to others around the star.”
“Not to simplify our emotions, but I think our friend The Captain would say ‘We did good.’ A simple phrase but no less true.” Y'shtola let out a giggle before the silence took them again, a moment for Alphinaud to gather his courage.
“What I have truly been thinking about is how strange my formative years were. I have merely just turned into an adult by Elezen standards, yet I have been part of those who saved our existence. I was but a boy of sixteen when I was forming an army and drawing diplomatic lines, albeit ones that failed and were twisted.”
“Aye, a feeling I once shared in my own way.” Y’shtola smiled. “I was not much older than you when Louisoix created the Circle of Knowing, and that discounts the weight of the Leveilleur name and your own precociousness.”
“I do suppose the average child would never have a chance to attempt such things…” For a moment, Alphinaud felt ashamed of his privilege, a feeling he shoved down to focus on his objective. “But, it still felt strange seeing the children of other lands learn about themselves in more natural ways than I, even in times of war.”
“You make it sound like us Scions were not fit company for you.”
“The fact you are my intellectual peers when Thancred and the late Papalymo were old enough to be my father should have been a sign, to be fair.” Alphinaud countered, and the two briefly laughed before he continued.
“But to see the children of the world grow, take on responsibilities, to discover true trust and first love among their peers while I spent those same years of my life with my nose in books and debating philosophy with young adults… I realize what I missed.”
“It is not so simple. Lest you forget these are children of war, after all.” Y’shtola said, her voice soft, not accusatory. “Even as they find their childlike joy, they do so under the specter of past atrocities and hatred.”
“I am not entirely ignorant of that. Farren told me of the children of Ala Mhigo, dealing with Fordola.” Alphinaud looked away as he thought of those memories, “I don’t wish to discount their feelings. I just… Wish I had a more natural way of exploring mine. I grew up too fast, both because of and in spite of my family.”
“Alphinaud…” Y’shtola said, soft, concerned, caring, a hand reaching out to briefly touch the Elezen’s.
“I remember, I was naught but ten when I had injured myself in some childish manner; tripping climbing the stairs in the rush if I remember correctly. My mother comforted me as she worked with a chirurgeon to help fix my wounds. As she held me, she told me to be strong.”
“That is probably the most normal thing about your childhood. How many young boys have been told to man up by their parents?” Her words were both a joke, and an attempt at comfort. Alphinaud let out a chuckle again.
“Perhaps, but it was not her asking me to be strong as a man. It was asking me to be strong as a Leveilleur.” He explained, and despite the heaviness of his words he continued to smile at his companion. “I was to be a representative of the family, one that people look up to. If I was to be a leader I needed to smile through the pain.”
“...The next time I let myself be vulnerable like that was in Ishgard…” Finally the pain poked through Alphinaud’s voice. “Losing it all, and it being my fault… You and the others could have been dead, and all I had was Tataru and Farren…” He let out a sad sigh as he looked down at his own lap, his hands awkwardly folded on them.
“I had nightmares for a bit. I pushed on during the day with those two and Haurchefant by my side, but at night… One night Farren ran in from his neighboring room to check on me when I woke up gasping… Once he put the axe down he ran to my side and… Comforted me much in the same way my mother did when I was young…”
“Albeit with a hundred ponze more muscle and the body hair of a sailor who doesn’t get much time for grooming.” Y’shtola said, earning another soft laugh from Alphinaud.
“True, the body of a marauder is nothing like the gentle bosom of a loving mother, but I will not say that our dear Captain wasn’t as caring as my own blood. It was moments like that where I started to gain the perspective of just how much a child I was.”
“And here you are, finally an adult.” Y’shtola added, a small, gentle smile on her face. “What do you plan on doing with a world no longer under siege from darkness? Do you plan on trying to find that missing childhood?”
“I don’t wish to regress, no, but… I plan on finding my path in a way that is more mature, hopefully.” He shrugged, “It may be difficult, given the age of my peers, but I have found lifelong friends and made brothers in arms.”
“I suppose then the only thing you are missing is the budding romance that many find in their youth. Since you did mention those concerns earlier.” Y’shtole tapped her chin in thought. “And though I understand going to one of the women in your life to find answers, I do not think I am the best matchmaker.”
“You are right that romance was on my mind, though I wasn’t expecting matchmaking services from you.” Alphinaud explained as he turned in his seat to look at Y’shtola. She may not have perceived it, but he wanted to look her in the eye as he said this.
“...Oh? Then why come to me?”
It was that pause, the brief one just before she spoke. That was the silence of the pieces being put together. This was not the question of someone oblivious. This was a challenge.
That pause almost shoved all the courage back down into Alphinaud’s stomach.
“Because of all the people I have encountered… You are brilliant, beautiful, caring… Because we have been through so much. The only people who have been through more are those I hid in Ishgard with.” Even as he spoke he looked down.
“Perhaps I am asking too much, but… I cannot see myself in a life without the Scions by my side… And when I think of who makes my heart race like those romance stories of eld, I think of you. I think of whose loss would hurt so much…”
“I think you may overestimate my place in your life, Alphinaud.” Y’shtola’s tone was serious, not a hint of any joke or tease, “While you dealt with the Heaven’s Ward you assumed me dead, and I was injured during your time in Doma.”
“And yet it is not the same way I feel for Tataru or Farren, nor any of the others…” He sighed and looked back up at the miqo’te. “I’ll admit that my understanding of my feelings is limited, but there is something more there. More than the bond of the battlefield, more than the fear of death.”
“Feelings for a companion more than five years your elder. A companion whose life has been given a time limit as they burn their aether away. Perhaps it would be best if you took stock of what you are truly asking for.” Y’shtola crossed her legs as she talked, her body language closed off now.
“You think so lowly of me that you assume I hadn’t thought of that?” Alphinaud spoke, his voice starting to shake slightly. “I’m known for my logistical ability, yet you thought I wouldn’t think about all the concerns and pains our relationship would have if I was to pursue it?”
“No, but I have had my own foibles of youth, and have been around men whose passions overwrote their logic. Rushing in like a fool can lead to worse than just heartbreak.”
“And yet the stories and legends we have become a part of all say it’s worth it. So I am willing to try.”
Silence took the rotunda again. The sea winds and waves were a roar to anyone walking past, but all Alphinaud could hear was the pounding of his own heart in his ears.
He watched as Y’shtola uncrossed her legs and climbed to her feet. His eyes went back to his lap, and out of his periphery he watched Y’shtola pass by towards the path.
It hurt, but he couldn’t have stayed silent. It was worth the heartbreak to not hide these feelings… He’d just have to put himself into his studies for a bit until he got over–
“Well?” Y’shtola asked.
Alphinaud’s glance shot up to her, face scrunched in confusion.
“...Well?”
“Whether you and I are destined to be together, or whether our feelings end up nothing more than that of comrades, I would like to use our time together wisely.” She explained as she leaned against one of the pillars. “Even if it all ends in heartbreak, you should leave my side knowing how to properly treat the one you love. Your first lesson begins now.”
“Lesson?” Alphinaud still felt confusion as he stood up, but he could feel the warmth and excitement spreading from his heart yet again. “You make it sound like I’m a schoolchild.”
“And yet I thought you were an adult.” Y’shtola said, the confident teasing returning again.
“What is my first lesson then?” Alphinaud walked to her side, the smile growing on his face.
“That the simple things matter, like walking your partner back to their home.” Y’shtola turned to face the path. “Now, if you would be so kind as to escort me back to the Annex?”
“As you wish, Y’shtola.” Alphinaud gave a small bow of politeness, and slowly the two made their way off down the path, enjoying the romantic walk under the starlight.