Chapter Text
Seth Lowell ran his eyes uneasily across the barroom, nursing a White Russian (“heavy on the cream, please, ma’am!”) as he went. The boys back at the department had assured Seth that this was the night, that the suspect would definitely be in this bar in Failume Heights tonight, that this would be the night he finally apprehended the New Eridu Wrapper Dropper.
Seth could see it so clearly in his mind:
He takes the last sip of his drink. He takes a moment to lick up the cream that always seems to hang around on his upper lip when he drinks one of these. His tongue stops when he sees it: the wrapper of a delicious Werther’s Original dropping to the floor of the bar. He hears it crinkle as the perp carelessly steps on his litter as he starts to head to the door.
He leaps to block the scumbag’s path before he gets away. He succeeds, but he can tell the night’s not over yet. The New Eridu Wrapper Dropper stands over 7 feet tall, stretches wider than a truck, and glares down at him with a look that says “I’m a dirty litter boy and I love it, and you’re gonna have to get me behind bars if you want me to change my ways, little kitty.”
Back in reality, Seth’s brow furrowed. Why did the criminals in his mind always have to call him a kitty?? It was only one time that someone did that!!! If Zhu Yuan was here, she’d remind him that he’s no kitty, he’s a big strong cat man... only for Qingyi to interrupt her and say it’s probably something in his subconscious floating up to the top, as she recommended her therapist sister to him for the umpteenth time.
“Hey there~ Whatcha drinkin’?”
Seth jolted, officially and totally jarred out of his thoughts, back to the bar. Leaning on the other side of the table was a woman he’d seen tossing darts just a few minutes ago. They’d locked eyes for just a moment, totally on accident. She’d waved at him in a manner that Seth was just now realizing was probably flirtatious. He’d given her a quick wave and a forced smile in exchange, which he was just now realizing probably looked like he was nervously flirting back.
“Oh uh.” Seth coughed. “White Russian.”
“Ooo, don’t see that one often,” the woman said.
Seth smiled tersely. He never knew how to handle it when civilians got in the way of a mission. On one hand, he could hardly be mad at her for this: she didn’t know he was about to bust the New Eridu Wrapper Dropper. On the other, if he couldn’t shake her off soon, he wouldn’t be able to bust the New Eridu Wrapper Dropper!
“Haha, is that so?” Seth decided he’d try to take some unsolicited advice he’d been given by Harumasa during their school days.
“Phew!” Harumasa wiped his brow, having finally shaken off one of his many suitors. “Seth,” he said, wrapping an arm around his junior, “in the unlikely event that you ever find a girl’s hitting on you, and you wish that she wouldn’t, just keep smiling, and keep your answers short, and eventually she’ll take the hint.” Then he shrugged, starting to walk away, and added, “Unless she doesn’t! Sometimes they’re persistent. Good luck!”
“It is so,” the woman said. “I’m at this bar a lot, and I see a White Russian, oh, I don’t know, maybe once a month? But with you here, that makes two this week~” She ran a finger around the rim of his drink. Seth’s forced smile dipped a little lower on his face – guess he wouldn’t be finishing that.
“Y’know,” the woman continued, “I’m at this bar a lot.”
“You mentioned,” Seth said. Great, she must be intoxicated.
“I’m at this bar a lot, I mean, and I think. Youuu. Must be from out of town. Because I have never seen you before, and I would remember if I saw a boy as cute as you are.”
Seth blushed. Harumasa had apologized later that day for his comment about how unlikely it was that a woman would ever hit on him, and Seth had forgiven him, but they both knew he’d only ever said it because it was true: girls didn’t talk to Seth much. To most people, this drunk stranger’s comment would’ve flown right past her target, just like the darts she’d been lazily tossing earlier. But Seth was one big bullseye when it came to incoming flirts.
“Oh! Uh, t-thanks, ma’am, I. I appreciate that.”
She laughed at him. “Ma’am? Oh my god, that’s adorable. We’re drunk at a bar at midnight, and you’re calling me ma’am? Well, cutie, that settles it. You’re just going to have to come with me so I can buy you a drink. We’ll get those fancy words out of you by the end of the night, promise~”
“Ah! Th-that won’t be necessary, ma’am, I um. I actually, uh. I, I’m sorry, y-you’re just not really my type, and uh-”
The woman laughed at him again. “Oh, I’m not your type? As if, I’m everyone’s type.” She laughed a little more. “But OK, if it’s not me, I’ve gotta know, what’s your type then?”
“Yeah, Seth,” a sultry voice said to Seth’s right, “what is your type?”
Seth’s eyes shot wide open. He’d know that voice anywhere.
The woman scoffed. “Who the hell are you?”
“I,” Jane Doe said, wrapping her arms around his neck, “am Seth’s girlfriend. And you should move along, sweetheart. You’re not his type, after all~”
“Ugh! Whatever.” She took a moment to glare at Seth. “Why the hell would you waste my time if- Ugh!” Whether she was too drunk or too mad to finish that sentence, Seth couldn’t say. Either way, she was finally walking away, and he could finally let out a sigh of relief.
Not that his relief lasted especially long, because soon he felt his chin gently pushed to look his... savior? Time would tell how Seth felt about Jane tonight, but he’d have to figure that out later, because right now he couldn’t think about much of anything besides her beautiful gray eyes.
“You OK, boyfriend~” Jane’s grin looked especially devilish to Seth as she said that.
He was blushing deeper than ever as he tried to respond. “J-Jane! What are you doing here? Don’t tell me... you’re also here trying to catch the suspect?”
For half a second, Seth thought she looked confused, but before he could process that she’d taken his hand in hers and was dragging him out of the bar.
“H-hey! Jane! Stop it, I, I have business here!”
“Oh c’mon Seth, can’t you spare a little time for your beautiful girlfriend? At least take a quick break for some fresh air. Besides,” – Jane gestured to the open sky, now that they’d properly exited the bar – “there’s a full moon out tonight. Isn’t it lovely?”
Under the light of the moon, Seth forgot for a moment why he’d come to Failume Heights in the first place. Jane was right: the moon shone almost as beautifully as her eyes had in that bar. Between a genuine preference for morning shifts and consistently volunteering for jobs that kept him indoors, Seth didn’t get out at night much. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen a full moon, and he was certain he’d never seen one shine so bright before.
It was only when the moon fell behind a building that Seth realized he and Jane had been walking down the street. He looked back to where he thought the bar should be, but they’d gone so far he couldn’t see it anymore. He turned to Jane to complain, but his words died in his throat when he saw she’d already been staring at him.
“You know, Seth,” Jane said, her smile kind (but no less devilish), “you should ditch the uniform more often. You’re quite the catch in this outfit you’ve got on right now.”
“Jane!!” Seth hated when she did this. ...Which was every time they spoke, he realized. Ugh.
Jane put a hand over her mouth as she chuckled. “What? Can’t a girl pay you a compliment? You aren’t allergic, are you?”
“T-that isn’t the point, Jane! We have to go back to that bar! I was so close, tonight was going to be the night! I was finally going to bring the New Eridu Wrapper Dropper to justice!!”
Jane’s face turned rather angry. Seth hated when she did that too, but only because it looked so wrong on her. She liked to play with her food, not beat it up.
“The New- Dammit, I thought I’d told them to knock that off. I thought I’d been clear with them that... ugh. Seth, I’m sorry.” Jane’s anger gave way to an apologetic frown. “They don’t exist.”
Seth was dumbfounded. “Huh? Jane, what are you saying right now?”
“The boys at the station made him up, Seth. There is no New Eridu Wrapper Dropper. Those jackasses decided months ago that they’d make up a fake criminal to distract you with, because they thought you’d fall for it, no matter how absurd the premise, since you’re so committed to your work. I found out about it last week, and I thought I had made clear to them that there would be consequences if they did this to you again, but... I guess I didn’t make my point clearly enough.”
He couldn’t say where, or how, but Seth could’ve sworn he saw one of Jane’s knives spin as she finished that last sentence. He gulped. Guess if he knew where she kept them, or how she’d just done that, she wouldn’t be so good at what she did.
“J-Jane, please, don’t hurt them, they were just... Just trying to bond! Probably.”
Jane smiled at him. Seth smiled back. He’d missed that on her. “Maybe, Seth,” she said. “Maybe that’s what it was. I’ll still have a chat with them, and I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again, but I’ll go easy on them. I could hardly turn down a request from my boyfriend, after all~”
“You don’t have to make fun of me just because I don’t have a real girlfriend, Jane! I-it isn’t funny, just. Just drop the act already.”
Grinning ear to ear, Jane lifted her right hand, which had held onto Seth’s all this time. “You could let go at any time, you know. And you were too busy gawking at the moon to notice, but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t responsible for this~” Jane wiggled her fingers as she said that, revealing that Seth’s were laced between them. Seth didn’t remember putting them there, but Jane was right that she hadn’t done that when she took his hand in the bar, so...
“Hmph!” Seth pouted, but he didn’t stop holding Jane’s hand. She smiled the way she did when she laughed, but she didn’t. She wasn’t even laughing with her eyes, Seth noticed. She was just... happy, it seemed.
“Oh look, we’re here,” Jane said a moment later. Seth realized the moon was beaming down on them again. They’d reached some sort of observation platform.
“Why are we here, Jane?”
“Well,” Jane said, “I asked you for some time outside, didn’t I? On a night like this, where could be better than here? Nothing’s in the way of the moon, which means I get two great views at once.”
“Two? What’s the other?” Seth started looking around, confused, until Jane grabbed his face and kissed him on the lips. For just a second, he was so taken aback that he tried to escape, but then Seth decided he’d try to take some unsolicited advice he’d been given by Harumasa during their school days.
“Phew!” Harumasa wiped his brow, having finally finished kissing one of his many suitors. “Seth,” he said, wrapping an arm around his junior, “in the unlikely event that you ever find a girl’s kissing you...” He turned and grinned at Seth. “Just kiss her, Seth! And by the way...” Harumasa gave him a playful punch on the arm as he unwrapped himself from Seth. “‘The unlikely event’ was a joke. You’ll get there someday! I know I’m an ass to you about girls, but if you’d just spend a little less time training, you might hear the same whispers I hear about how much of a catch you are in that outfit of yours.” He started walking away, but he shouted one last thought over his shoulder as he went. “Or maybe not. Good luck out there!”
Oh, if Harumasa could see him now. Seth grabbed Jane right back. He was tired of pretending she wasn’t exactly his type. When he started kissing her in turn, she seemed almost as taken aback as he’d been at the start of this, but Seth could feel her grin as her tongue welcomed itself to the party. He was totally new at this, but he did his best, and when he finally pulled himself away so he could breathe properly, the look on Jane’s face told him he must’ve done an OK job.
“Hey Jane,” Seth said. “Wanna head back to that bar for a little bit?”
“No,” Jane said. “I don’t wanna run into that woman from earlier. I hear she’s at that bar a lot.”
They both laughed. Seth actually didn’t remember ever laughing with Jane before. Usually she was laughing... not exactly at him, but definitely in his general direction. It felt so nice to have an inside joke with her like this.
“Besides,” Jane continued, “they charge too much only to forget to actually mix half the drinks they sell. C’mon, I know plenty of better places. How fancy are you feeling tonight?”
Seth smiled. “Surprise me, Jane.”
She smiled back. They both knew that she would. It was her specialty, after all.
Seth took Jane’s hand back into his. She laced her fingers in between his. As she led him away to her favorite bar in town, a towering figure walked out from the shadows. He stood over 7 feet tall, stretched wider than a truck, and smirked at the lovebirds with a look that says “I’m a dirty litter boy and I love it, and if you two weren’t so busy playing tonsil hockey, you might’ve made me change my ways tonight.”
The wrapper of a delicious Werther’s Original dropped to the moonlit ground. An owl perched on the rooftop above heard it crinkle as the criminal carelessly stepped on his litter as he returned to the shadows.
The New Eridu Wrapper Dropper struck again.