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“Guard?” said Harry. “We have to go to King’s Cross with a guard?”
“You have to go to King’s Cross with a guard,” Hermione corrected him.
“Why?” said Harry irritably. “I thought Voldemort was supposed to be lying low, or are you telling me he’s going to jump out from behind a dustbin to try and do me in?”
“I don’t know, it’s just what Mad-Eye says,” said Hermione distractedly, looking at her watch. “But if we don’t leave soon we’re definitely going to miss the train. . . .”
- Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Harry reached Platform 9 ¾ quarters with no major events, such as Voldemort jumping out from behind a dustbin and trying to do him in.
“I’ll be back in a bit,” he told the others. “I just need to check something.” He walked a little way off to open his trunk and make sure that he hadn’t forgotten his potions book. Interestingly, there was a dustbin nearby.
“BOO!” yelled someone, jumping out from behind a dustbin.
Harry looked up. It was Voldemort. Or at least he looked like Voldemort. But..that wasn’t possible. Why on Earth would Voldemort jump out from behind a dustbin and try to do him in at a crowded train station full of Aurors and Order members? He relaxed, and laughed a bit. The twins, probably, had heard his comment earlier and decided to have some fun with it.
“Fred, or George, or whichever one you are, that’s not funny,” said Harry. “Great costume, though,” he added on an afterthought.
“What costume?” said the Voldy-looking-person. “It is I. The Dark Lord. Come to defeat you at last.”
“Very funny,” said Harry exasperatedly. “But whoever you are, you did hit the ugliness on the - well - not nose,” Harry snorted.
“Ugliness?” said the Voldemort impersonator, looking hurt, for some reason.
“He does have a point,” muttered Lucius Malfoy while peeling a banana, from where he was keeping watch behind the pillar.
“Hey!” said Voldemort indignantly.
“And the accent, too..” said Harry thoughtfully. “Hang on a second..” Could it be? Nah, it couldn't possibly.
“FRED! GEORGE!” he hollered.
“Yes, Harry?” asked Fred perkily.
“What is it?” asked George.
“Wait…” said Fred.
“Is that -” started George.
“You-Know-Who?” finished Fred, drawing his wand.
“So you two have nothing to do with this?” asked Harry, truly confused now.
“We solemnly swear that we have nothing to do with this,” said Fred and George in unison They kept their eyes on Voldemort, though.
Just then, another Voldemort popped up from behind a pillar. “Oh man! Am I late for the party?” he said. He stumbled on his own robes and crashed onto the floor. Looking up, he saw the other Voldemort. Quickly, he drew his wand. “Who are you?”
“Who are you?” asked the other Voldemort rudely.
“Voldemort, of course,” said Voldemort Number 2.
“No, I’m Voldemort! And Lucy, stop eating all my bananas!”
“You are not! I am! And who’s Lucy?”
They continued bickering in this stream for a while. Until Molly Weasley marched up to them both. “Alright, that’s ENOUGH! Nymphadora, you can change back now!”
“Oh all right,” grumbled the second Voldemort. Suddenly, he grew shoulder-length bubblegum-pink hair and his face morphed into Nymphadora Tonks’ face. She tapped her robes to turn back into the outfit she’d been wearing earlier.
“Now you,” said Mrs. Weasley, pointing at the other Voldemort. “Stop with the joke. Who are you?”
“But I AM Voldemort!” said Voldemort.
“As if that's something to joke about! Honestly, people these days…” Mrs. Weasley shook her head disapprovingly.
With a small smile, Harry realized that Hermione was recording everything with a muggle videocamera and felt intensely grateful to his best friend. He had no idea what was going on but he was rather enjoying it.
“What do I have to do to prove to you that I am who I claim to be?” grumbled Voldemort.
Mad-Eye Moody walked up. “What’s happening? Is that the Dark Lord? CONSTANT VIGILANCE!” he barked.
“Finally! Someone believes me!” said Voldemort.
“Hang on,” said Harry. “So it is him?” he paled. “Expelliarmus!”
Caught unawares, Voldemort’s wand flew out of his hand. He groaned. Meanwhile, Moody was talking to Dumbledore. “Yes, yes, we’ve caught him. It was young Potter by the way; just an Expelliarmus, can you believe it?”
A muffled, “Please repeat that, Alastor,” issued out of a small pocket mirror that Moody was using to converse with Dumbledore.
In the meanwhile, Voldemort, who’d taken a minute to concentrate his power, burnt up the ropes that Tonks had tied him up with.
“Incarcerous!”
“AAAAAH! Incendio!”
“Incarcerous!”
“ACCIO!” he tried to summon his wand. But Harry had a tight grip (Quidditch reflexes, after all), and the force of Voldemort’s spell pulled him forward along with Voldemort’s wand. And then…
Harry fell on Tonks, who tripped backwards trying to catch him and fell on Hermione, who dropped her videocramera with a resounding 'crack! and fell forward onto Mrs. Weasley, who fell on Fred, who was clutching George's arm, and they both fell on Lucius Malfoy, who tripped up Mad-Eye Moody, who fell on Voldemort. This gathered quite a large audience.
Ron sniggered.
“Ronald!” said Mrs. Weasley angrily, picking herself up from the ground.
Dumbledore suddenly apparated into the midst of it all. “Hello, Tommy. You’ve caused quite a disturbance,” he said calmly to Voldemort.
“Dumbledore!” Voldemort hissed.
He ignored the very annoyed Dark Lord and conjured up a large golden net, put Lucius Malfoy and Voldemort into it and banished it to Azkaban, with a note to the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge.
The last thing they heard was, “You useless pile of hair gel Lucius, I’m never going with ANY of your terrible plans EVER AGAIN!”
Dumbledore dusted his hands off. “That was easy. Who knew?”