Work Text:
guys, I don't think I can write this without some sort of repercussion
In the midst the Work Room of the 500 hall—was a tinny tiny room. Containing a mini fridge, some hole punchers, and two printers.
Every day and week. Every resident of the 500 and 400 halls must hassle their castle—on over to this tiny room. On one day. Geometry aligns
December 7, 2024. 1:02PM
"dude, this is MYYY printer" A 5'7 white man with a delicate manly voice appeared—blocking the path into the printer room. Students are to not enter.
"Josh oh my gosh, we been sharing this printer for over a year by now. Can't we—simply have turns having our way with it"? Now a same height, yet manly voiced and married man needed to access.
By this point, the two of them been by a daily basis—going to this one room to access the printer. And hog their food inside of a mini fridge. For over just about 2 years or so. But the stars just had to align. For the two of them to beef over printer priories.
Erik pushes him—to the side of the room. Josh doesn't reliate but just then and there—butterflies on his smotach appear. A few seconds passed by to compose himself and "Here, why argue over who gets to collect their papers between us two—and let a third party tell us?" Mr. Jones stared at him—under the impression that Mr. Waldman is attempting to overcomplicate things. As evident over how the scoring system works at state.
"Soooo, Who is this third party?"
"My buddy, Curtis—one of the coaches for the mock trial team. He may or may not have peed his pants once in your classroom. But he's a totally unbiased party—I'll call him up"
Mr. Jones reluctantly agreed to the whole spiel. And they both waited in immense patience as the ringer goes off. Josh holds up his phone between himself and Erik—closely.
Curtis picks up*
Without a peep from Waldman, Curtis exclaims he is in great danger. "Josh, I can't talk right now—unless you are an expert in furries and My Little Pony"
"Curtis, are you—" "Josh, I literally cannot, but if you can name the ship between Applejack and—Rainbow Dash. I'll give you a little bit of time." Curtis curtledly curted off Josh's curts curtedly.
"Just pick a number between 1 and 20".
An incredibly abrupt moment silence came. Unbenounced to both Josh and Erik; Curtis speaks up—"Dude, it's Ashleigh Ball—do you even know what are my likes and interests? I cannot believe you—goodbye".
Curtis hangs up*
Now, the two of them just standing between the doorframe—stared at each other. "Soooooo, will you call up another 3rd party?"
Just wait a second. I believe another guy is gonna come up soon.
Mr. Engel enters the halls through Ms. Domenic's door. With surprised eyes
"Yoooo, Alex. Can you mediate us on who gets to use the printer first?"
"Josh, what are y'all doing here—I also need to use the printer aswell, also did you drink Ms. Cherry's Waterloo?" It may or may not have occurred to Mr. Jones that the other day—he dranked some of Cherry's Waterloo. He felt guilty. A face that makes himself obvious that he committed thievery—was apparent.
"Erik, did you slime some flavored water?" Josh looked at Erik with embarrassment.
And now there was 3 history dudes. Standing between the door frame.
"Ok Alex, I need you to tell Josh to get out of the printer room. And allow ME, THE RIGHTEOUS MAN OF GETTING a 97% PASS RATE. Ignore my 2 on the AP stats Exam." Now, Alex at this point wanted to act in his own interest, and get his papers printed first. However, that was when Ms. Cherry made an appearance.
"Why are all the history dudes standing between the door frame of the printer room, Are you all trying to print some epic dudes of history? Well there's also women of history but hey—we live in a patriarchy."
There was now—3 dudes and Ms. Cherry. All with the intent to print some papers.
Then that was when Maria, the one and only with a master's degree in the English language, came along.
"Yoo, what are y'all doing—congregated between the door frame of the printer room. Also, did any of you happen to steal some Waterloo? I won't like—report you to the board or anything like that".
There was now—3 history dudes and 2 English gals. Still, with the intent to print some papers.
They all looked around and recognized its turning 5th period.
'Ok, lets decide who gets to receive their papers by who's class is way more important. I'm printing AP world stuff—let me GET MY—"
"No, Let me get my papers." Mr. Jones stood over—attempting to overpower like an absolute alpha.
Ms. Cherry was absolutely enraged. "You People—wasting their times over who gets their papers first. Don't the printers in the storage room—have separate cubbies for each teacher? Just let each other go in first. And accept you're not first!".
"Well Susan, that's exactly what we don't want—We act like it's every man for themse—" In an instant, Mr. Fahy slowly approaches behind Ms. Domenic.
"Heyyy everyone—why are we all collected between the door of the printer room?" David doesn't have papers to print—as his assigned classwork is always online.
"Well David, we are all stubborned on who gets to collect their papers! We're like absolute sluts, do any of you know My Little Pony Ships?" Now, Maria's ears were listening in—because she for somereason is a part of the MLP fandom.
"Josh, why the occasion?" "Well, before you all got here—It was Erik trying to have their way with the printer—shoving me out of the way. Then I got Curtis, an fan, to come mediate us, but he asked me to name MLP ships."
"Let me stop you right there, Is this Curtis bud—a gay dude or is he beyond gay?"
"He's straight—I'm gonna call him up again because y'all are not even helping us mediate between who gets the papers FIRST!!!!"
Josh calls Curtis once again*
"Josh, I am no longer in Great Danger!—I successfully killed—uh took care of some homeless dude. What's up."
"Curtis, Please mediate me and Erik, the APUSH teacher who doesn't call 12 year olds the r-word, on who gets their papers from the printer first"
"Oh yeah, sooooooo, Can you name the ship name for Steve and Garbage Man?" Ms. Woodson whispers into his ear "It's Broken Pickaxe"
"...... Broken Pickaxe?"
Curtis gives a second of slience. Definitely Empirically to build up suspense. "Youuuuuuu, Gotttttttt, ittttt righttttttttt". Anyways, Let me talk to this Erik Guy who doesn't call 12 years olds retarded."
Josh readily hands over the phone to him. Erik s