Chapter Text
SFW Nonshipping Quotes from Perchance Incorrect Quote Generator
SECTION: The mains
Astro: You're violent.
Dandy: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.
Astro: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter A.
Vee: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory.
Dandy: Fuck you.
Astro: Are you good?
Sprout: In what sense?
Astro: Generally.
Sprout: Oh, definitely not.
Vee: Am I a good person? No. But do I try to be better every single day? Also no.
Vee: Eat shit and die, Dandy!!!
Dandy: Eat shit and live, Vee.
Sprout: You’re kind of a pushover, aren’t you, Astro?
Astro: …I’m sorry.
Sprout: See!? That’s exactly what I’m talking about!
Astro: When's the last time you slept?
Dandy: Uh... a few days ago, I think.
Astro: A few- how many?!
Dandy: Uh... *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers...
Astro: What you need is sleep!
Dandy: I’m not being weird. Am I being weird?
Astro: Yes, and that’s coming from me.
Sprout: We are gathered here today because someone- *glares at Astro’s coffin* -couldn’t stay alive!
Shelly: What’s your favorite color?
Sprout: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature.
Shelly: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP?
Sprout: My favorite color is pink.
Dandy: What state do you live in?
Astro: Constant anxiety.
Shelly: Denial.
Vee: Perfection.
Sprout: NEW YORK!
Sprout: Why does Shelly always do the laundry so loudly?
Astro: So everyone knows that no one helps them out in the house.
Shelly, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*
Astro: Sure, you're verified on twitter, but are you verified in the eyes of god?
Shelly: What's two plus two?
Sprout: Math.
Shelly: ...I will accept that answer.
Vee: Money... Is like president trading cards.
Sprout: As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.
Sprout: The wee-woo thingy?
Dandy: THE FIRE ALARM!?
Vee: I know one person who finds me funny!
Dandy: Okay, who?... and you can't say yourself!
Vee: Okay then I'm out.
Astro: Would you rather kill Dandy, or—
Vee: Yes, kill them.
Astro: I didn’t say the other thing—
Vee: I don’t need to hear it.
Dandy: …I’m feeling a little unsafe.
Dandy: Astro won’t come out of their room!
Vee: Just tell them I said something.
Dandy: Like what?
Vee: Anything factually incorrect.
Dandy, shrugging: If you say so.
Astro, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?
Dandy: Let’s write Vee a friendly note, shall we? Dear... Incompetent... Dumbass...
Dandy: A-are you sure this is safe?!
Sprout: Oh, quit being such a baby. It’s perfectly safe! …For me!
Shelly: Hey, Vee, have you thought about having children?
Vee: ...
Vee: Does looking over you and the others not seem like I already do? Because I promise you, it sure feels like it.
Shelly: But we're not childr-
Vee, already distracted: SPROUT, PUT THE FIRE DOWN!
Dandy: Vee, I don't like you.
Vee: What did you say?
Dandy: You heard me!
Vee, internally: And it turns out I actually didn't hear what the fuck you just said.
Dandy: I wouldn’t wish that upon my worse enemy!
Dandy: Unless of course. . We’re talking about my enemy, Vee. Fuck you Vee, you know what you did!
Sprout: Hey, you wanna know a secret?
Vee: No.
Sprout: Okay.
Vee:
Vee: Do you smell smoke?
Sprout: The secret is that the house is on fire.
Sprout: Can I borrow five dollars?
Vee: If you’re only borrowing it, does that mean you’ll pay me back?
Sprout: Of course.
Sprout: Not directly, but with my love and affection.
Vee: So that’s a no.
Vee: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.
Dandy: And?
Vee: And you are.
Dandy: When I was your age-
Astro, mocking Dandy: When I was your height.
Dandy:
Dandy: Listen here you little shit-
Dandy: Can you PLEASE peer pressure me into doing my project?
Astro: Do it or you're straight.
Dandy: I said peer pressure, NOT THREATEN!
Sprout: Who wants to make fifty bucks?
Dandy: How?
Sprout: I need someone to take the fall.
Dandy: What did you do?
Sprout: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked.
Astro, from the other room: Oh my god.
Sprout: ...
Astro: OH MY GOD!
Dandy: Make it a hundred.
Sprout: Deal.
Sprout: My friends say I'm the most charismatic out of the group.
Vee: Well, you always have a smile on your face.
Sprout: Thank you.
Vee:
Vee: What drugs do you take?
Sprout: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Vee and not do the thing,
Sprout: Well there’s a clear right answer here.
Sprout: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*
Sprout, about a fight between Vee and Dandy: It scares me how many knives were involved.
Astro: There… weren’t any knives involved though?
Sprout: That’s what scares me.
Sprout: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.
*Astro and Sprout looking at a locked gate into a park*
Astro: Aw. :(
Sprout: You know what they say.
Astro: Please don’t-
Sprout: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*
Astro: Frick-
Sprout: So... what’s goin’ on?
Shelly: You want the long version or the short version?
Sprout, hesitantly: The short one, I guess?
Shelly: Shit’s fucked.
Sprout: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.
Vee: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before. I don’t know the rules.
Astro: What?
Vee: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?
Sprout: Yeah I'm LGBT.
Sprout: cuLt leader.
Sprout: God hates me personally.
Sprout: cowBoy hat.
Sprout: *sniffles* Trying my best.
Sprout: *Answers phone.* Hello?
Dandy: It's Dandy.
Sprout: What did they do this time?
Dandy: No, it's me, Sprout. It's actually me.
Sprout: What did you do this time?