Archive of Our Own ^beta

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niko ikki pov

Why couldn’t he write anything? He was an writer he wasn’t supposed to bleed blood he had to bleed words he had to what is he without writings?

Just a student with a empty notebook

Yeah that was he nothing more nothing less

No matter how much he bled how many times he cried how many times he suffered it is all meaningless if he couldn’t write

He wouldn’t have a future he wouldn’t win he wouldn’t show them all

The yellow pages would stay empty

All he would be was trash who didn’t know when a hobby should stay hobby to the point that his grades where failing  even though he was „gifted“

Gifted my ass all he was was a useless kid he couldn’t do anything the moment he stepped into middle school now he was just like the others

The other useless people who had no ounce of creativity

He hated them always calling his writings unnecessary and childish that he should grow up before he lands on the streets because he couldn’t make it as an author

And now its starting to look like they are right he couldn’t write he couldn’t put his pain into words and now he just bled

A thought came to him he never thought he would ever have

He should quit

He is tired, his hands hurts and he is hungry he should quit

For tonight

Chapter Text

charles pov

He spilled one of his paints again it was teal charles liked teal so maybe it was a sign to us it

So he took his paint brush

And drew a teal primrose he didnt know why but it felt right maybe he should research the meaning but for now he just wanted to paint

Until he got called

Char-char!!! Mom is not home again you need to cook!!!

Fuck

Why did his mom had to get drunk again

why tonight?

He just recently got out of his art block and now he couldn’t even draw

Coming!! Could you look if we still have stuff in the frezzer?

After some rummaging through the freezer he heard the NO!!
From his brother

He fucking hates this now they had to eat soup for the third time this week

Well Charles didn’t hate soup he actually really liked it but his siblings would complain again and that sucked when he just wanted to draw

so he made some canned soup for his siblings now that he was the oldest in the house he had to it was his responsibility just like every older sibling did before him who moved out immediately after they turned 18 abandoning their family just like all of his moms boyfriends after they got her pregnant again

Here is your soup now don’t bother me

Now he didn’t want to draw anymore

maybe tomorrow

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Another day another empty notebook even i class he couldn't write at least now was french class in which he actively had to participate

The student loki who was basically their teacher came into the classroom with a light blonde haired boy

Hello students this is charles your new classmate he used to be in the parallel class but they decided that i can control him better

Charles please sit next to niko since its the only free seat

Fuck!

Now his precious seat alone got stolen by some trouble maker which obviously means that he would talk during class which makes him unable to concentrate on his writing

Judging from the paints on his sleeveshe was an artist

Niko thinks artists are messy and to unorganised

he hates artists

Loki introduced him to his new classmates

Apparently seeting his book on fire wasn't the best idea but french was just so boring when he already knew everything

But know he was here so he couldn't afford to cause trouble

And now he had to sit next to this boy who looked like a boring NPC at least that what he thought until he saw the empty Notebook on his desk

He loved writers

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Now that he had a new seat mate he couldn’t catch a break he couldn’t even write which was already difficult

I like your handwriting its pretty but you still can read it easily

Oh yeah he had this handwriting because he uncounciosly wrote to pretty which then took way to much time so he ended up failing an essay they had to write in class because he didnt have enough time to finish so he made sure to write a bit quicker but still readable and pretty enough because he hates ugly handwriting all mean people he met either had a terrible handwriting or like one of the clean girl ones he didn’t know which one was worse

And juding by charles handwriting the only good thing that looks good are the numbers of the date which he would describe as cursive numbers if he would care enough

As an artist niko thought he would have a prettier handwriting than this shit

Thanks

Do you take calligraphy?
I still have issues writing Japanese since im from France so if you need help with anything in this class im your guy!

No i just dislike messy handwriting its difficult to read and just looks ugly

You’re cool you’re my friend now

Fuck he was friends with this weirdo now he bets his writing block gets worse every minute he spents with this fucking guy

Lets eat lunch together after class

N-

NO NO NO YOU DONT GET TO SAY IT THAT WORD IS BANNED NOW

Hypocrite

What was that ah..doesn’t matter you’re getting lunch with me

He is so fucking anoying niko just wants to blow his brains out he wanted to eat with his friends-basically parents sendou and aiku but he also didn’t want to listen to them act like fucking fags

(Niko should probably not be allowed to use it rn because he doesn’t realise he is one himself but aiku gave him a pass because niko loves hating on everything and everyone no he isn’t any phobic he just hates on every living being the same in his head not out loud)

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Charles masterplan for getting friends:

Step 1: Talk with a introverted guy

Step 2: adopt him

Step 3: don’t anoy him to much or else he will leave

He probably already failed step 3 but who cares right now he talks with this cute writer while eating lunch

Usually i eat with shidou but right now he is with his boyfriend the head of the student council?

Yes

Do you think the food is tasty today?

Yes

What do you like more soda or lemonade?

Yes

Okay he isn’t listening now he can ask

I have art club today wanna come with me? i can show you my paintings

Yes

Great come with me after class i can show you our club room

Niko seems to finally listen to the conversation

Wait what?

You agreed too come to the art club with me and there is no getting out of it now

Charles could see it one nikos face that he just wanted to bang his head against the wall

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So now they were at the art club and niko was questioning all his life choices

LOOK THIS iS MY LATES PAINTING!! I drew the letters from harry potter because i wanted to practice drawing paper!!

At first he tried to ignore charles and the painting but the moment he saw the canvas thousand of writing ideas flooded into his head

I-its…beautiful

The shading was done great and it looked like he could reach out and feel the papers and the wax seals

You really think so?!

Niko could already tell charles was absolutely flabbergasted seeing niko actually like his paintings

Please show me more it gave me so much writing ideas omg i need my notebook where have i left it?!?!

As he rummages trough his bag he finally finds his notebook immediately writing down all his ideas filling the yellow pages not caring about the ink smeared on his hands because he writes way to fast not even caring about handwriting just pure writing

He finally found what hes searching for, the missing piece the thing that gives his writing reason he didn‘t know what it was but he just needed to look at the painting to get it

The painting may not be perfect the edges aren’t clean the paints are a bit smeared but in nikos eyes it was a masterpiece

Charles its perfect is it already dry can i maybe have it?

Now he didn’t care about being impolite he just needed that piece or else his writings wouldn’t matter

Here they were standing in the art room charles felt a bit guilty about dragging niko here but he said yes so its his own fault not listening to him

But he could at lest entertain him a bit showing him his latest painting

LOOK THIS iS MY LATES PAINTING!! I drew the letters from harry potter because i wanted to practice drawing paper!!

Niko adverted at first his eyes trying to ignore it until it caught in his vision and suddenly he lights up like he just saw something out of this world

I-its…beautiful

He really through so? He was absolutely flabbergasted

Niko got his notebook at a lighting speed not even caring about being organized anymore or that his bangs dont cover his eyes anymore

The moment charles saw nikos eyes he understood what niko felt the moment he saw his art

They where to bright to look away and they shine while he is focused on writing

Nikos eyes were art in themselves

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When charles came home he was the first time happy after school and being home

MOM!!! I MADE A FRIEND!!!

CHARLES I FUCKING SWEAR TO THE LORD IF YOU MADE FRIENDS WITH THESE TROUBLE MAKERS AGAIN WHO ARE THREE YEARS OLDER THAN YOU I SWEAR IM GONNA TAKE YOU TO CHURCH WITH ME AGAIN AND TAKE AWAY YOUR ART SUPPLIES!!

mom please calm don’t. Dont worry he is the same age as me maybe some months older but he is a quiet guy and he likes literature he even writes himself

Good you better stop misbehaving i really don’t wanna punish you again you are my son i only want the best for you after all i spend all this money raising you it would just be a waste of money and time if you don’t become something good you better don’t become like your siblings id be a shame
Now do you have any homework? If you don’t please go to the store for me i forgot to buy groceries and im to drunk to drive right now and can barley walk straight

Of course….

You’re so mature for your age

No im not

So sad that you refuse to go to church now

Could you give me some money im not paying for groceries with my allowance

Fine just get me purse and take whatever you need out of there

Maybe he should some blades when he is at the shop his mom wont notice she never does because she just had a way of ruining his mood that no one could top
So he takes the money and goes to the store

Goodbye see you later

Dont get into any fucking problems

So charles went grocery shopping again he already done that more times than his mom ever did his fucking irresponsible mom who cant stop getting drunk at fucking noon
At least he got to buy blades again

So whole shopping trip was exhausting he doesnt even want to go into detail

So now he was back home in his room all alone and he got blades

So obviously hes gonna fucking cut himself who is he kidding acting like hes afraid to do it he feels like fucking shit

He looked the door and freed his thighs taking the blade making small cuts on his leg

The pain doesn’t help but he continues until his thighs are covered in them

He took some leftover fabric from where he tried to make a binder himself (don’t do that you will lay on the floor at three am with a destroyed back unable to stand regretting your life choices) and wrapped it around his legs making sure he doesnt bleed through his pants because thats fucking anoying maybe he should just fucking slit his wrist and bleed out already but he finally made a friend maybe he could hold on a little longer

Maybe he could meet with niko soon even though he only likes the art he makes