Chapter Text
“What's one thing that nobody knows about you?”
“I suffer from crippling anxiety. I sometimes have panic attacks in the shower from fear of death.”
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The weight of Josh’s admission is immediate. Faces dropped across the room, clearly not expecting a confession so heartfelt or blunt. Josh’s face flushed a deeper red as the embarrassment layered on top of his already burning face. A stunned silence dragged, leaving time for Josh to quickly regret what he said and pray that it didn’t make the edit. He attempted to shrug it off, act like it meant nothing, pretend that his best-kept secret being revealed wasn’t completely terrifying to him, yet all he could do was wish for someone to say something, anything.
“I am a yellow belt in karate!” JJ announced. Josh could have kissed him right there and then, really.
Obviously, the shoot went on as expected, with nothing more than awkward glances and a perpetual concerned look from Tobi directed his way. Josh knew that look: it meant heart-to-heart chats and talking about feelings. There was truly nothing he wanted less; he hadn’t even intended to say anything in the first place. He was fine, he didn’t need anyone to worry. He just needed to get his shit together and put his head on straight, so he put all his focus on answering the subsequent questions with less damning and revealing answers, hoping he could put this past him.
“And that’s a wrap!” Josh heard from a muffled voice across the set. Internally he thanked God, and, as if on autopilot, he made a beeline for the set doors, trying to leave without any awkward encounters or pitiful attempts at comfort. Unfortunately for him, one of the Sidemen is exceptionally speedy, and it just so happened to be his best friend of over a decade. By the time he reached the doors, they had been blocked off by a small but determined Tobi Brown, who stood there with his arms crossed and a knowing look on his face.
“Nope, you’re not getting out of this one, Josh, absolutely not.” Tobi glared at him, not angry or upset but all too knowing of Josh’s tendencies to hide the messy, imperfect side of him.
Josh wasn’t pleased to be trapped. His mind moved at a million miles per hour, trying to find a way out of this. He put on his most convincing face before concocting some elaborate lie. After all, he is known for being the most meticulous Sideman.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Anyway, I promised to buy Freya some food after we wrapped up the shoot. She’s been talking about trying that new chicken shop in Central for ages, so I gotta go.”
As much as he tried to steel his facial expression, a glint of panic still shone through, and Tobi continued staring him down, not at all convinced.
“I’m sure Freya can wait a few minutes, this won’t be long. Come with me.” Tobi gently grabbed Josh by the arm and led him to one of the side rooms in the set. The room was dark and nearly empty, with just a sofa and water fountain. It was almost silent, with everyone packing up and making their ways home. Tobi sat down first, patting the sofa cushion beside him to beckon Josh over.
Josh, beginning to become visibly frustrated, reluctantly sat with a frown marking his features.
“Can we make this quick please? I’ve got so much shit to do!”
“Mate. You can’t just drop that on us and dash? Do you want to talk about it?” Josh noticed Tobi’s attempts to avoid the words anxiety and panic attacks, leaving him conflicted on what Tobi’s plan was.
“No, it’s fine. The hot wings had me saying anything, y’know?” Josh let out an airy chuckle. “It really isn’t that bad, you have nothing to worry about!”
Tobi looked unconvinced, unsurprisingly, but he clearly was unsure of how to navigate the situation. Josh couldn’t blame him, really. How does one go about getting his best friend of nearly 20 years to open up, when that sounded like Josh’s personal version of hell?
“You know you can always talk to us, right?”
“Yeah, of course man.” Josh said flippantly, his eyes met by a glaring Tobi, as if intense eye contact could bore that fact into Josh’s mind and soul. “Can I please go and get my girlfriend some food now, if that’s alright with you?”
Tobi seemed to relax a little from the light-heartedness and lack of tension in Josh’s voice. “Alright, enough with the attitude. Do what you need to do, man.”
God, that felt like an interrogation. Josh left Tobi with a warm smile before calmly leaving the room. The second he was out of Tobi’s line of sight, he picked up the pace, racing to leave in as little time as possible. The set was completely empty, bar a few camera operators gathering the last of their equipment, and there was no sight of any of the other Sidemen. Josh had made it out in one piece, with nobody keeping their eyes on him, something he had not expected to happen at all yet was extraordinarily grateful for.
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Still in the dimly lit room, Tobi pulled out his phone. Unsurprisingly, he’d received texts from a few of the other Sidemen, as well as John and Kon, all relaying some variation of concern for Josh. What was he even going to do? He knew Josh wasn’t going to elaborate or talk about his struggles, he’d be a fool to not know his best friend well enough to know that. But for Josh to lie, and use Freya’s name to do so? That was incredibly unlike him, meaning Josh is hiding something from him, whether that be the severity of his problems or a whole other thing that Tobi couldn’t even fathom.
He replied to the plethora of messages, letting everyone know he’s had a chat with Josh and will let them know if there’s anything to be worried about, and left the set. Lost in thought, he began his walk home. He needed to get to the bottom of this before it got out of hand.