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The City Council held a press conference today announcing some upcoming changes to The Dog Park. Now as you all know, dear listeners, The Dog Park has been forbidden from use by ordinary Night Vale citizens since it’s inception some years ago and despite Mayor Dana Cardinal’s attempts this has not changed. Many members of the press present at the conference speculated that perhaps the city council had finally given in to the Mayor’s demands.
After the tradition pre-conference gladiatorial battles the city council stepped up to the podium and spoke in unison, “After internal review the purpose of the Dog Park will be changed. A name change will reflect that. From now on the Dog Park shall be called the Dildo Park.”
When questioned further on the new Dildo Park and how it would effect the town; the City Council pulled a previously unnoticed lever which revealed a trap door to a bottomless pit behind the podium. The City Council, in a beautiful display of synchronised diving, jumped into the pit. The trap door shut behind them before anyone could foolishly attempt to follow. Not that they would have been able to compete, nearby officials gave the synchronised dive a 9.5 out of 10. A formidable score I think we can all agree.
After the applause for the fabulous athletic display died down a representative for the City Council stepped forward to answer any questions. By which they, of course, meant any questions that had been previously put through the rigorous testing process and been accepted for this press conference. As this was an emergency press conference and we hadn’t known about it’s content until just then I hadn’t had a chance to submit any. Leann Hart of the Night Vale Daily Journal however seemed to be more prepared and was able to ask 'What did the City Council think of the latest episode of the popular teen drama Game of Thrones?’ and ‘What did the City Council have for lunch?’ The answers were ‘they looked forward to seeing who Jon Snow would take to the prom’ and 'greek salad.’
As there were no more pre-approved questions the representative from the City Council agreed to explain a bit more about the new Dildo Park. All rules that applied to the old Dog Park still apply for the Dildo Park. That is; no dogs, no looking At, no thinking about and certainly no going into the new Dildo Park. They also informed as that as part of the change the Dildo Park would be receiving a make over to be more in line with it’s new purpose. The upgrade would include the largest dildo statue ever which will be on proud display in the centre of the Dildo Park. The representative said the City Council predicts that the monument will be visible from most parts of Night Vale.
I don’t know about you dear citizens but I look forward to this new Dildo Park. As we all know many great attractions in the USA are simply large versions of things. I’m sure the giant dildo statue will draw in plenty of tourists as a family friendly attraction suitable for all ages.