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They agreed to meet at their usual spot, that café around the corner of this quiet neighborhood.
The café had a comfortable, contemporary design. Black interior paint, derelict brick wall, pendant lightings hovering over coffee tables surrounded by cream sofas, white floor-to-ceiling bookshelves filled with highly diverse literature, and achromatic wall frames of various sizes. The place was an organized chaos and Namjoon found solace in it. Not to mention, he knew the owner/barista, which allowed him occasional private access to the place. Just like today.
It must have been a month since he last saw the actor, well, in person since the guy was all over the billboards and television stations. Their schedules never matched, but with all honesty, Namjoon would drop any scheduled appointment he had without a second thought to meet up if the actor would not get mad at him for it.
The actor enjoyed having peaceful days-off, so Namjoon hooked him up to his very own favorite place when they first met – that was two years ago.
Namjoon was driving down a country road during his time off when he saw a car parked on the side of the road beneath the roof of crowded trees. Normally, he would ignore that kind of situation, considering it dangerous to stop for a stranger in the middle of nowhere. But Namjoon had plenty of time to spare, and the long, straight drive was making him drowsy, so he stopped. He was more than confident with his car’s capabilities, seeing how his modified ride can run in under 13 seconds and can easily gap the stranger in no time. Zero risk.
He pulled over next to the stranger’s car – a red Ferrari 365 GTB/4. He was expecting to see a retired old man behind the wheel, and his jaw dropped at the sight of the driver. Namjoon may not watch too many television shows, but he still recognized the young man who looked like a porcelain doll.
The man was leaning back on the driver’s seat, his eyes closed. His window was down, his tousled, red wine hair dancing along the gentle breeze. Long lashes slowly opened, revealing a pair of peaceful, brown eyes who stared back at Namjoon. A smile tugged at the corners of the man’s lips.
“Hello,” began the man after a few moments of silence. Namjoon must have been staring for too long without uttering a word. “Ah, yeah. Well, I was just checking on you to see if you need help. You’re not gonna get any out here unless you already called someone. I mean, if your signal even works in this area which is pretty impressive.” The man explained how he simply ran out of fuel, that the trip was completely unplanned, and that no, he had not bothered to call for help, since the weather was too nice and the view too pretty, anyway.
Namjoon offered to take a look at the car to see if it had any other damage, “Only if you trust me, which I prefer you don’t do so easily,” he added. The beautiful man simply chuckled and stepped out of the car. Namjoon scratched the back of his neck and pulled his car over to the side of the road. He carefully inspected the expensive car, whistling at the sight of its engine.
“Not mine,” the paler man interrupted when he noticed Namjoon eye the classic vehicle. “Someone allowed me to take it for a ride.” He ran his fingers on the roof of the car. “She’s a beauty, isn’t she? I wouldn’t mind keeping her. But I probably shouldn’t say that.” “Why not?” Namjoon asked without looking up. “Because they will actually let me keep her.” “And that’s a problem?” The man only hummed in response.
Other than an empty tank, nothing else was wrong with the vehicle. The nearest gas station was another forty miles down the road. Namjoon offered to tow the classic car behind his own modified one which the man gladly accepted, taking the passenger’s seat of Namjoon’s car.
Namjoon absentmindedly flipped through the book on his hands before deciding to close it. He ran a finger on its binder, deep in thought.
“Hobi-hyung made me swear not to tell this, but I HAVE to at least tell someone or else I’ll go mad!” Taehyung suspiciously whispered in Namjoon’s ear a few weeks ago, although it barley passed as a whisper since anybody within a meter radius from the delinquent could hear him. Luckily, nobody else was around.
“Anything from that dealer should be kept confidential, and no, I don’t wanna get involved,” Namjoon retorted, pushing the kid’s face away from him. Taehyung simply slapped away Namjoon’s hand and continued to whisper, his warm breath fogging the older’s glasses. “That bigtime actor Kim Seokjin,” he clutched his chest and squeezed his eyes shut, “Uurghh the things I would do to him.”
“THE FUCK-“
“Anyway, seems like he’s going out with the Min Yoongi.”
“KIM NAMJOON!” the barista’s loud voice brought Namjoon’s mind back to the café. “I said your friend is here.” Completely startled, Namjoon blinked at the barista. “Oh. Thanks, Jackson.” Jackson went back to his post, shaking his head, and welcomed his favorite customer with his best smile. He made the actor’s usual drink, making it especially slow to prolong their conversation. Look at him, Namjoon thought while glaring at the barista, he’s never THAT nice to me, that asswipe.
Namjoon studied the actor from his seat. He studied how his friend chatted casually at the barista, studied the way the actor repeatedly covered his mouth whenever he laughed at Jackson’s lame jokes, studied how the older’s previously raven black hair turned silky blond.
When the actor noticed Namjoon staring, he stared back and smiled, the kind of smile that would make people misunderstand. He bowed slightly at Jackson and walked towards Namjoon.
“I got you the usual. I hope you’re not too full to oblige,” he began, handing Namjoon a plate of warm spinach quiche.
“Jinnie, it’s been a while.” Namjoon chuckled, revealing a pair of dimples, his eyes never leaving Seokjin’s. He placed the book down from his hands and carefully accepted the plate only to set it down on the table. He quickly got up and pulled the older into a hug, wrapping his arms over Seokjin’s broad shoulders. The actor wrapped his arms around Namjoon’s waist, eliminating the space between them.
“Mmm… You’ve been here for a while. Your shirt already smells like coffee,” hummed Seokjin as he looked up to Namjoon. The younger met the actor’s gaze, nodded in response, and ran his hand through Seokjin’s hair. “And your hair is blond,” the younger replied, earning a burst of giggles from the other who also nodded in response.
“Sorry for the wait, hyung,” interrupted Jackson who approached the two with a glass of iced coffee and a wide grin on his face. Seokjin released his arms from Namjoon’s waist and happily accepted his drink, while Namjoon shot daggers at Jackson with his glare above the actor’s head.
“I can’t believe you actually got a day off,” said Namjoon as he reclaimed his seat on a wingback chair. “I practically have to threaten Sejin to give me a day off. Told him I’ll dye my hair pastel pink if he didn’t.” Seokjin took the cream couch next to Namjoon, removing his shoes as he laid back comfortably.
They picked up their conversation from a month ago as if there had been no interruption. Neither had offered to communicate any other way other than to set up a time to meet. It’s safer this way, Namjoon convinced himself over and over.
Time would always be crueler to Namjoon whenever he was with Seokjin. The sky’s hue had already turned a mixture of warm pastels. Jackson had already left after experimenting with new flavors to add to his menu, left a spare key, and told Namjoon to lock up.
The younger man was lost in his reverie when he heard a giggle. He felt a hand brushed lightly next to his lips. “You eat like a kid.” Seokjin was smiling at him, his face radiating eternal youth, and Namjoon pressed down the urge to tease him back. Instead, he held Jinnie’s hand with his, pressing the warm palm on the side of his face.
“You’re going out with Min Yoongi.” Namjoon watched as Jinnie’s lively smile turned into a sad one. “You didn’t want me to know.”
“I didn’t want you to get involve.” Jinnie’s voice was gentle, just like the man himself.
Namjoon had thought about asking Seokjin out. Many, many times. To the point that he would frequently lose his libido in the middle of one-night stands with women who flirted with him at random racing garages. But uncertainty would always get the best of him. Uncertainty over his ability to make Seokjin happy, his resolve to stay away from women, his strength to be able to protect him at all cost. He knew Min Yoongi’s reputation, and the mere thought of Jinnie dating the head of black market made his entire body feel numb. Namjoon was by no means living the most honest lifestyle, either. He had his own share of enemies and people trying to get back at him. He may not be confident about many things, but if Jinnie belonged to him, he sure as hell would try.
“Jinnie, are you happy?” He asked as he pressed Jinnie’s knuckles over his own lips. “Please tell me you’re happy.” He watched his own reflection in the actor’s eyes who stared at him with such warmth.
“I am, Namjoon. I really am.” Seokjin may be an elite actor, but he never hid his raw emotions to Namjoon. The younger felt his heart ache at the sight of Jinnie’s face filled with love towards a man other than him. “And besides, my circumstances don’t matter. At the end of the day, I still have this face, so how can I not be happy?”
Jinnie was at the restroom when his phone vibrated. There was a call from “Genius” and Namjoon scoffed in annoyance. He allowed the phone to vibrate a few more times before picking up the call.
“If Jimin asks you if he could come along, say no. I already told him it’s just you and I-“
“Hey.” Namjoon heard the anger in his own voice and listened at the sharp change in the other person’s tone.
“Who the FUCK is this.”
“I’m only gonna say this once, so listen well.”
“Where’s Jin.”
“If you ever hurt him, I will kill you.” He ended the call before the other could respond and turned Jinnie’s phone off. The older reappeared from behind the wall and greeted Namjoon with the sweetest smile. The two cleaned up behind them and locked the café before heading out to the parking lot. Namjoon walked Jinnie to his car, making the older to promise a much sooner meeting. He watched as the other’s car disappeared into the horizon.
Namjoon hated to admit it, but he was relieved to hear the unimaginable gentleness in Min Yoongi’s voice that he used for Jinnie. He wondered just how much the cursed druglord knew Seokjin. How the near-perfect being loved the color pink, how easily he laughed at the simplest things, how innocently childish he could be, how he adored Super Mario, and how Namjoon had given him a pair of wireless noise-cancelling headphones with the star symbol to constantly remind Jinnie that he can do anything regardless of what the world said.
He wondered if Min Yoongi knew how beautiful Jinnie’s honest smiles were, how he liked to read and eat lying down, how he pouted when things refused to go his way and how easily he forgave anyway, how Jinnie loved the countryside surrounded by tranquility and away from the polluted crowd.
Namjoon wondered if Min Yoongi was aware of how much he loved Jinnie. How he wanted to go back in time and tell himself that he should have found his resolve sooner, how this insufferable pain would have been unnecessary had he been braver, how he would not be wondering like this had he not faltered.
He was a fool to let Jinnie go. Even though the other saw him as nothing more than his most important friend, Namjoon knew that Jinnie’s kind soul would eventually learn to love him. But now, Namjoon did not even have that option anymore, and he will spend the rest of his life regretting the chance he foolishly allowed to slip by. He let out a desperate cry to the heavens.
Min Yoongi has no fucking clue. The bastard doesn’t know.