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They kept replaying it, on every fucking screen, everywhere Nico turned. Everywhere he looked, there it was again. Vivid green flying into the wall, no wheels on the ground, no control, carrying a twenty-year-old with so much fucking talent.
Nico’s worst nightmare.
“Did you feel turn ten was better or worse than qualifying?”
No part of Nico was listening, eyes fixed on the screen to his left, of the images of Gabi getting out of the car. He’d been taken to the medical centre twenty minutes ago. The whole garage was holding it’s breath. He seemed to get out the car okay, if a little shaky, if a little like a baby deer taking it’s first steps. But he was bundled into the medial car and whisked away before Nico could even really react.
Because he hadn’t seen it, the cameras hadn’t showed it. Not until the replay. Not until Gabi was well on his way to the medical centre. He didn’t know if that was better or worse. Maybe better. Maybe it was better to know he was out of the car and on his way to being checked out before seeing the level of impact the crash actually was.
Either way, he hadn’t stopped feeling sick.
Steve was placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, giving him a knowing, reassuring smile, trying to keep him distracted. But until Gabi was back in front of him again, he couldn’t settle, couldn’t concentrate.
When Gabi did return to the pits, to the garage, Nico couldn’t help his shocked expression. The kid had fucking /ran/ in. He’d /ran/. Hit a wall at 57G and then ran back in to your team like nothing happened. He supposed that was youth did for you. There would be no way Nico himself would’ve walked out of a crash like that with as much spring in his step.
The mechanics surrounded him, gentle claps on the back, squeezes of the shoulder, murmured check ins to the roars of the crowds outside in the stands. Nico watched Gabi grimaced at his ruined car, and immediately he was in an intense conversation with his side of the garage about the possibility of rebuild before qualifying.
Nico could understand. But fuck that. He needed to check in.
He hovered, right on the line between their sides of the garage. It wasn’t like he wasn’t allowed to cross, of course he was. But he knew Gabi would’ve been focussed on the technical. It was his home race after all, the concept of starting dead last because he could qualify would’ve been heart breaking. And his team were reassuring him they were going to do everything in their power to get him in the car in two and half hours of time.
Looking at the wreckage, Nico was sure many of them were finding it hard to have optimism.
Still, Gabi was then drawing his gaze up, eyes landing on Nico, stood staring, expectant, waiting for his younger teammate to notice the way he was stood with his entire body absolutely thrumming with the need to be close to him, to check on him. Even in front of everything.
Their not-so-casual relationship was no secret to the team. There were no press in the garage. The screens were across the front, blocking them from the outside world. There was no need for Nico to hold back.
As Gabi stepped up to him, Nico was carefully, /very/ carefully, wrapping his arms around him, pulling him close, burying his face in his wild curls. “Any injuries?” Get that out of the way first. Then Nico could tumble into the overprotective, worried, older teammate and not-quite-boyfriend persona.
“No. Well bruises. Lots of bruises. Some muscle straining. Nothing that makes me not fit to race.” His words were slightly muffled against Nico’s shoulder, but then it didn’t matter. Because the words were just for them, entwined together stood right in the middle of the garage, the team moving around them. Mechanics talked, spanners were passed and dropped, drills whirred, tape was pulled, swear words were muttered. But there they stood, the world spinning around them.
And if Nico thought his arms tightened around Gabi as he confirmed there were no injuries, the way Gabi was clinging on to Nico in return was ten times as hard.
“Should you race?” Nico pushed gently, though he of course knew the answer.
“Not missing this for anything.”
No, he suspected he wouldn’t. Of course he respected that, of course. So he pressed a kiss to the dark curls and pulled back, hands still on the tops of Gabi’s arms, eyes raking over him like he could check his body through his fireproofs and the race suit that sat at his hips.
“Did it hurt?”
“Yeah, it hurt.”
Nico’s expression softened, and he leant in to press a gentle kiss to Gabi’s forehead. He could see in his periphery Gabi’s trainer hovering, probably wanting to take him away to check over himself, maybe put into a warm bath to soothe the muscles, get him doing some stretches to stop his body seizing. He knew the deal, they both did. This interaction couldn’t be much longer. They always promised it wouldn’t affect their races, wouldn’t get in the way.
“I’m room 224,” Nico said softly, raising his hand and brushing his thumb over Gabi’s cheek. “If you want…?”
“Yeah,” Gabi replied without missing a beat. “I’ll see you there, after quali.”
Gabi never made it out to quali, of course. The team had made a valiant effort. So much so everyone thought they were going to do it. Gabi was in the car, ready to go. But their tireless work hadn’t been enough. Nico’s side of the garage had even chipped in, where possible, but unfortunately the damage was just too extreme. That crowd, the team, other teams, had cheered the effort, but Gabi had to climb out of the car disappointed.
All Nico could think was ‘rather the car than him’. Because in the end, that was what it came down to. Fifteen years ago, he wouldn’t have been able to walk away from that crash like that. So Nico would take a destroyed car beyond the repair of a few rushed hours, over the thought that if Gabi had been racing at the time Nico had been starting his career, this evening could’ve been very different.
Nico was only just out of the shower when there was a knock on his hotel room door. Gabi had come quicker than he expected. He wasn’t sure what to make of that. Still, tugging on his t-shirt, he moved to the door, pulling it open to find the despondent Brazilian stood there, dressed in sweatpants and an oversized team hoodie, hood up over damp curls, hands shoved into his pockets, shoulders hunched, eyes a little glassy and distant.
Knowing there were no correct words, Nico just silently held out a hand, which Gabi willingly took, stepping into the room past Nico and letting him close the door behind them. Nico dropped his hand to move over to the kettle, clicking it back on from where he had boiled it before, it taking no time at all to be done so he could pour the water over a herbal tea bag he had sat in a mug. When he turned and handed it to Gabi, there was a flicker of confusion on the younger’s face.
“Your favourite one, right?” Nico ventured, a little unsure, watching nimble, long fingers pick up the tag where it hung against the side of the mug to read.
“Yeah… how did you…?”
“Stole them from hospitality,” Nico replied with a grin, gesturing towards the sofa by the window. “Sit.”
Gabi moved without really thinking about it, pushing his hood down and sinking into the sofa, a flicker on his expression that made Nico wonder if it was a wince, or if he was seeing things. Settling himself next to his teammate, own mug in his hand, Nico let the silence hold, waiting for Gabi to speak first. It went on for longer than he expected, Gabi sipping his tea, playing with the label, winding his finger around the damp string of the tea bag. Nico’s eyes followed his fingers, occasionally darting to his face to try and read his expression, which remained contorted in distant worry. He understood the time Gabi needed. This was his first big crash in F1. Nico knew, better than many on the grid, it was a lot to process.
He still wasn’t prepared for Gabi’s words when he did speak.
“That was fucking scary.”
Nico felt his heart seize, the nausea that he’d felt from the moment he realised Gabi had crashed that hard creeping back to his stomach, his fingers twitching around his mug, holding back from immediately enveloping the younger into his arms and holding on forever.
“I know,” was all he could reply. Because he did. Some drivers talked about crashes like they were fleeting, like the speed of them meant you had no time to actually think about what was happening to you. Nico never found that. Time always slowed for him, his consciousness filling with all the things he hadn’t done, and all the things he could lose, if he was about to hit the wall just a little wrong. If a safety mechanism was about to fail. If another car wasn’t able to stop in time.
It seemed like Gabi had the same experience.
“I’m a fucking idiot…”
“No.” Quickly, Nico was placing his mug down on the coffee table, shifting closer, still not touching Gabi, but close enough that he very easily could. “There was nothing you could’ve done. It was track conditions. You didn’t hit Isack, you didn’t make a bad move. The pass was complete. It wasn’t your driving.”
“I shouldn’t have done a pass there, gone on to the wet line.”
“Gabi…” Nico’s voice was commanding enough to draw Gabi’s eyes up from his mug, meet the German’s blue gaze, and Nico watched some tension leave his body as their eyes locked. “We’re in Brazil, it would be far too cheesy for me to quote Aryton to you right now.”
The smile that pulled across the Brazilian’s perfect lips made Nico’s heart sing, and he was laughing softly, if a little wetly against the glimmer of tears that had formed in his eyes. He nodded slowly, looking down at the mug resting in his lap again.
“Right, if you no longer go for a gap…”
“Exactly.” Nico risked raising his hand then, brushing a curl off Gabi’s forehead, then tucking his fingers under his chin and lifting his head gently. “You did nothing wrong. Nothing. I’m just so glad you’re okay.” So much emotion tumbled out of the sentence that he watched Gabi’s expression soften yet again, and he was unwrapping one warmed hand from his tea, reaching up and placing it over Nico’s where he was was now cupping his cheek, thumb gently caressing back and forth. Nico held back all the other things he wanted to say, like ‘you scared the shit out of me’ and ‘please don’t ever do that to me again’ and ‘I really don’t think you should race tomorrow, you looked exhausted’, and instead he was reaching out, plucking the empty mug from the younger’s hands and standing. “Come to bed.” It wasn’t very often Nico initiated contact, intimacy, like this. Whatever this was between them, this chemistry, this energy, this need, it had gone unsaid for months. And Nico was more than aware of taking his cue from the younger man, consistently afraid of overstepping, of pushing. Not that Gabi had ever expressed such a thing, but a seventeen year age gap wasn’t small and Nico was always considering it, with every move he made.
But when he did initiate, especially like this, Gabi always seemed to willing to listen.
He stood, slipping his hand into Nico’s, following him over to the bed. Nico flicked off the bigger lights, leaving the soft glow of the laps beside the bed instead, pulling back the covers and arranging the pillows. He knew neither of them ever slept in any more clothes than just underwear, but he didn’t want Gabi getting the wrong impression, or feel pressured. He hadn’t invited Gabi to bed for anything other than some much needed cuddling, and Gabi seemed to be more than aware of this. Still, to make it clear that was his only intention, he left all clothes on as he climbed into bed, opening up his arms in invitation.
There was no hesitation as Gabi followed, climbing onto the mattress and this time Nico definitely saw a wince cross his face as he made his abused muscles move in an unnatural way. He was going to ache in the morning…
The older driver quickly enveloped Gabriel into his arms, sinking them down under the covers and tucking them in, allowing Gabi to curl up against him, head rested on his chest, body curled into Nico, tangling their legs and pressing as close as possible.
Nico pressed kiss after kiss to Gabi’s now dried curls, hand caressing up and down his back, over his spine, making sure his tight and protective grip wasn’t to the point of pressing on the spots on Gabi’s body he knew would’ve been bruised from the impact.
It took no time at all for the younger driver to fall asleep in Nico’s arms, exhausted from the adrenaline, body in desperate need of rest to repair and be at it’s best for tomorrow. He woke once, before Nico had fallen asleep, grumbled groans falling from him, mutters about being too hot as he stripped himself of the hoodie and his sweatpants, unceremoniously dumping them on the floor and making Nico smile. He consciously chose to not inspect his skin in that moment, to hold back from trying to look for any damage. Instead, he took the opportunity himself to strip down to underwear too, turn out the rest of the lights, and envelop Gabi into his arms once more.
When he woke again, in the middle of the night, the clock displaying 2.08am, Nico found himself taking a moment to just watch him breathe, splayed out across his chest, the gentle rise and fall of his body, the way he had his fingers intertwined with Nico’s, rested on his chest. Nico had no memory of doing that at all, but he must’ve in his sleep when Gabi had shifted. He began tracing gentle patterns on his back again, pleased to now feel skin instead, smiling as the younger groaned softly and shifted closer, face pressed against his neck, body plastering closer against Nico’s, chasing the warmth and comfort.
Nico knew he couldn’t protect Gabi from everything. That was the risk of all this. The risk of driving each of them faced every single time they got in the car, coupled with the fact that this, whatever this was, just made that risk even harder to swallow, for the both of them.
But then there was this. These moments. These moments that were born from the risk and presented to them like a reward for the jeopardy they threw themselves in to on a regular basis.
It made it slightly easier to accept, slightly, that yes, it was a risk, but the safety these days was pretty flawless. And then, not only did he get to see Gabi walk away mostly unscathed, he then got him have him asleep in his arms, gentle snores, small shifts and movements through his dreams, fingers tangled and locked together like it was meant to be.
He wouldn’t have Gabi without driving. One wouldn’t come without the other. So he supposed, for moments like this, it was worth the risk