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It's been a week since they kissed. A whole week and Ava has not said one work to John. He thought they'd be able to talk about what happened right away, but Ava clearly didn't want to. John was fine giving Ava space for a day, everything was going by so fast, but now he's annoyed. Why would she kiss him then flee? Why is she hiding from him? They're a team. They can't be acting like this.
On the seventh day, John has given up trying to talk to her. It's clear that she doesn't like him anymore. Any hope of something more was gone and John did his best to keep his emotions together. He couldn't cry or get angry over a relationship that never really happened.
All he got was a glimpse of it.
John avoided the others for most of the day. He felt defeated. He did leave his room to do laundry, but clearly someone messed up the cycles again because one of his hoodies is missing. Annoyed with everything, John then spends the day working out. It's easier to punch Val's equipment than talking to someone. Then, when the kitchen was empty, he snuck in and made food.
Yesterday he made dinner for himself and put the leftovers at Ava's door. He wanted to check all day to see if she actually ate it. Ava could probably tell he made it since he can actually cook, unlike everyone else. So it's possible she threw it away.
“You were absent today.”
John's body jolts. He turns around and sees Yelena standing by the table.
“Come on Walker. I thought you were a soldier. I wasn't even trying to sneak up on you,” Yelena says.
“I was focused on the food,” John groans. He turns away from her and continues making his dinner.
“Sure.” He can now hear Yelena walk around him. “Are you going to keep being a lone wolf?”
“Aren't we all?”
“Not really. I spend plenty of time with Bob, Bucky, even my father,” Yelena says. She leans against the counter so John can see her in his field of vision. “I even used to spend time with Ava.”
“Yeah? What happened?”
“No idea. I thought I'd ask you,” Yelena says.
“Ask me?” John turns to her. “I’m not Ava.”
“Obviously.”
“So why are you bothering me?”
“Because you and Ava got all smoochy and now you two are acting weird,” Yelena says.
Shit. John knew Bob would break. He tried to convince Bob to not tell the team. John should've known better. Bob is terrible at keeping secrets. That's how he learned more information on Ava about their betting-fight.
“And what of it?” John asks, getting defensive. “It was a mistake on both of our parts and now we're distancing ourselves from everyone.”
“Was it a mistake?” Yelena asks.
“Wha-What are you going on about?”
“Walker, it's obvious that you like Ava.”
“That's not true.”
“Yes. Very true. I knew for a while now. You two were practically at each other's hip before this sucking-face mishap.” Yelena makes a vomit noise before she continues. “You are also very grumpy. There's this constant tension in your forehead whenever you're around-...well, everyone. Except for Ava.”
Yelena looks John in the eyes now. He freezes in this revelation. John really thought he was hiding it well. Maybe he was. Yelena is just frustratingly observant.
“You're burning your soup,” Yelena points out.
John shakes his head to get back to his senses. He looks down and sees the smoke.
“Shit.”
Luckily Yelena pointed out the problem as quickly as she did. John is able to save his dinner.
“You should go talk to her,” Yelena says.
“I've tried. She always flees,” John snaps at Yelena.
“I don't think she will now.”
“What makes you say that?” John asks.
“She's on the helipad. Three beers in and acting sad,” Yelena tells John.
“She's up there by herself!?” John drops the ladle.
“She's not going to jump, Walker. She told me she wasn't,” Yelena says. “I think she's waiting for a specific person to show up.”
“What makes you say that?”
“She's wearing one of your hoodies,” Yelena says. “I know it's yours because I recognize the damn school logo.”
That's where his hoodie is. Ava stole it. Why would she steal it?
“Are you sure she's wearing my hoodie?” John asks.
Yelena nods. “She's probably hungry too.” Yelena pats John on the shoulder. “Don't say I never help you.”
Yelena walks away. John watches as she exits the kitchen. He takes a deep breath, then finishes making dinner.
Yelena was right. Ava is sitting down on the helipad. John's been up here a few times. It was a nice and secluded area. Made him realize how much there was out there. How far their help can reach.
She was also right about the hoodie too. That's John's. He can't believe Ava stole it and is wearing it. She continues to confuse him.
John takes a few steps forward. He tries to be as quiet as possible.
“Yelena,” Ava slurred. “I told you, I'm fine.”
John freezes in response. Guess he wasn't being quiet enough. He looks at the plates in his hands, then back at Ava.
“I brought you some food,” John says. He feels like he's almost shouting. They're so high up and the wind brushing against his face makes it hard to hear from this distance. For him at least.
Ava turns around and meets John's gaze. He gives her a weak smile and shows off the food. Ava sighs and looks away from him. She doesn't disappear or tell him to go away. So John takes this as his sign to keep walking forward.
When he reaches Ava, John gets a clear view of four beer bottles laying beside her. There were two more in a bowl with water. John assumes it was ice that has now melted. How long has she been up here for?
“Here.” John places one plate down in front of Ava. “Can I join you?”
Ava doesn't respond. She grabs the spoon and starts eating. John sits next to her anyway. She'll leave when she wants to leave.
The breeze messes with John's hair. He tries fixing it but gives up after a few seconds. John eyes Ava. She's still eating. John takes that as a good sign so he starts eating too. This is the first time they've been close to each other and it gave John some comfort.
They sit in silence for a while. John wonders if it's been longer than ten minutes. He can only sit in silence for so long. He's too eager to say something. He just wonders what. He doesn't want Ava to leave. Talking about the kiss would be a bad opener, so he can ask her how the food is, but he made the food himself so it can be seen that he's fishing for compliments. He is curious about the hoodie. Ava will probably answer. He's just not sure if it'll be the truth.
“So…” John starts. His voice rings in the silence. “Why are you wearing my hoodie?”
Ava sighs. “I'm cold.”
“And you couldn't wear one of your clothes?” John asks.
“Mine are dirty,” Ava responds. “I went to the laundry room, saw a hoodie and took it. I didn't even know it was yours.”
“Come on Ava,” John groans. “Everyone knows it's mine. It's from my high-school and it's my favorite, so you-”
“Fine.”
Ava slams her drink onto the floor. John's shocked it didn't break.
She grabs the bottom of the hoodie and begins to take it off.
“Ava stop!” John grabs the hoodie. “You can wear it.”
“Obviously I can't because it's your favorite,” Ava says. All her words are slurred.
“Yeah, but it's fine. You can borrow it,” John says. John pulls away and grabs his food.
Ava sighs. “Good. I'm cold.”
“If you're cold, you shouldn't be up here,” John says.
“I like it up here,” Ava says. She reaches out to one of the beer bottles and hands it to John. “Want one?”
“Yeah.” John grabs it. “Thanks.”
“Don't thank me. It's Alexei's.”
“You're stealing from him?”
“He won't notice,” Ava says. She grabs her bottle and takes a drink. “Not the first time I've taken something from him.”
“Wow, you're a thief Ava. My hoodie, the beer, and other mysterious items. What crime will you commit next?” John asks.
“Unsure. I'm spontaneous.”
John chuckles. “Guess so.”
Ava continues eating. John watches her for a while and smiles. Seeing her in his hoodie gives him such a light feeling in his chest. The idea of them being together just makes everything in him feel good. He wants more for them.
“Hey Ava,” John mutters. He almost thinks Ava didn't hear him, but she turns her head in his direction. She doesn't look at him though. “Can we talk?”
“We are talking,” Ava says.
“I mean really talk.” John takes a deep breath. “It's obvious you've been avoiding me.”
“I just wanted to be alone,” Ava says. She turns her attention forward now.
“For the whole week?”
“Yes John,” Ava grumbles. “You guys are loud.”
“We're loud?”
“Yes.”
“Me though? Really?” John scoffs. “Alexei and Yelena are loud. Bob is loud when he's all excited, but me? I'm not.”
“Yes you are!” Ava huffs. She turns to look at him. “When you don't get your way you raise your voice and get all grumpy.”
“That does not happen.”
“Yes it does. You're doing it right now,” Ava says.
“No I'm not!”
Ava raises her eyebrow at him. His voice roared in the silence. He shakes his head and takes another drink.
“Sometimes I have to be loud,” John adds.
“Sure.”
“Uh, yeah! If we're all arguing with each other then I have to raise my voice so you guys will listen,” John explains.
“Maybe we don't want to listen to you,” Ava teases.
“Oh I know.” John points at Ava. “Especially you.”
A grin appears on Ava's face.
“I don't listen to any man,” Ava jokes.
John shakes his head. “Well my medals show why people should listen to me.”
“You're medals that were stripped away?” Ava asks.
“Wow. That's cruel.”
“Just stating the information we all know,” Ava says. “Your medals mean nothing now.”
“I know.”
Even though he knows she was joking, it did strike a sensitive topic for him. He got fucked over by the government. Ava wasn't trying to belittle him. He can tell by her tone that she's just teasing him. He tries not to let it get to him.
“I was joking,” Ava says. John looks at her. It's like she read his mind. “I hope you know that. You earned those things for a reason.”
John smiles at her. “Yeah, I know.”
Ava gives John a weak smile. She could've said nothing back to him. That's what he was assuming she was going to do. John gets the feeling that Ava wants to keep talking. He does too.
However, he can't beat around the bush. The jokes and bickering have been fun, but John needs to know why she left after the kiss. Why she really has been avoiding him.
“Ava, we need to talk.”
“I said it already, we are talking.”
“You know what I mean. About last week.”
“I don't want to talk about that,” Ava snaps at him.
“I want to!”
“Well then you should shut the fuck up,” Ava growls at him.
“Wow, ok. Very mature.”
“You know it.” Ava turns away from John and takes a sip from her beer.
“Ava I’m serious.”
“I am too!” Ava yells at John. “If you’re going to bother me, leave!”
“Why are you pushing me away!?” John yells. “I thought things were good between us. Prior to this outburst of yours we were spending every day with each other. What happened?”
Ava groans in annoyance. She shakes her head and stands up.
“I’m not doing this!”
“What? Ava!” John stands up and goes to grab her hand but she phases for a second, preventing him from making contact with her. “Come on!”
“Leave me alone Walker!” Ava yells as she walks away.
Walker. It was a stab in the heart healing her call him that again. It felt like he got demoted in a way. But even at this low point, John held onto hope, so he tries to tell her how he feels.
“Ava I like you!” John yells.
Ava stops. She doesn’t look at him. She just stops walking away.
A few seconds of silence go by. John’s heart races awaiting her response. She needs to say something. He hopes she says something.
“I know,” Ava finally responds. “That was obvious when you shoved your tongue in my mouth.”
“What?”
John isn’t sure how to react to that statement. Sure, he did that, but Ava was the one who kissed him. She’s the one that started it. That’s why he kept going. He thought there was something more because of her.
Ava turns around. Even with the distance she’s made, he can still see her face perfectly. He can see her eyes getting red. The way she wrinkles her nose. She’s holding back from him.
“You kissed me first,” John says when their eyes meet. “So why would you kiss me then ditch me?”
“I only did it to shut you up!”
“Why!?”
“Because you were going to confess your feelings to me and I didn’t want to hear that,” Ava explains.
“That makes no sense!”
“It makes perfect sense!”
“NO! It doesn’t!” John yells. “You kissed me to stop me from confessing my feelings for you?”
“Yes!” Ava yells.
“Why the hell would you do that? That only made me think you liked me even more!” John yells.
“Because…because I-” Ava stutters over her words. “I-...I uh…”
“You what?”
“Because I like you too!” Ava yells.
The heavy feeling in John’s chest begins to lift. This wasn’t the way he was hoping they would confess their feelings together but it’s good to hear Ava admit it. So, he gives Ava a boyish smile.
“You do?” John asks softly.
“Yes!” Ava yells. She stares at John for a few seconds. “And I wish I didn’t.”
Any good feelings John had fade away again.
“What, why?”
Ava takes a deep breath. John can see the tears building up in her eyes. She looks away from John.
“Why do you like me?” Ava asks.
“Ava, I don't-”
“Why do you like me!?” Ava yells.
He was hoping Ava would explain herself. Why she seemed upset by liking him. He doesn't understand how telling her the reasons why he likes her would help this conversation, but if it explains things then John knows to be honest.
“Because you’re you,” John answers honestly.
“Shit answer,” Ava scoffs.
“Fine, you want me to list off the reasons?”. John places his hands on his hips and takes a deep breath. “It might sound crazy but I like that you humble me. I’ve heard the others say that our bickering can be too much but I like it. You keep me levelheaded. I lost too many people by being cocky. You keep me on track.” John steps closer to Ava. “I admire your skills. If you think about it, you and Bob are really the only two with actual powers. No supersoldier shit. You can do amazing things and yeah, at first that intimidated me, but I've grown to appreciate your skills. You also threw that fight we had to make me feel better.”
“I didn’t throw that,” Ava says.
“Yes you did.” John points at Ava. “You told Bob that you threw it and he told me.”
“Bob,” Ava groans.
John takes another step closer. “Which means you wanted to spend time with me too. You knew I wanted to go out with you. So let’s add that to the list of things I like about you. It’s like you can read me so easily and that’s…kind of hot.”
Ava scoffs. “God you’re weird.”
John takes another step closer. “You’re also beautiful. Even when you’re covered in dirt and blood, you have a beauty that my dumbass could never put into words.” John takes another step closer. This time he’s right in front of Ava. “I wanted to tell you sooner, but the only reason why I kept my shit together when we were trapped was because I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. Sure, we both would’ve been crushed to death, but I couldn’t have someone else I care about die because of me.”
Ava’s eyes look up at John. They’re puffy but no tears have slipped down her face.
“You know that wouldn’t have been your fault,” Ava says. She looks away from John again. “I don’t get you John.”
“What’s not to get? Want me to keep going?” John asks.
“No, don’t. I get that,” Ava says. “It’s just…us-” Ava looks at John, “-it doesn’t make sense.”
“Nothing in this world makes sense.”
“You're not listening,” Ava sighs. This time when their eyes meet, John can see a single tear fall down her face. “I'm not Olivia.”
“I don't want you to be her!” John shouts. He grabs Ava's hands. “I like you.”
“Then why do you still wear your ring?” Ava asks.
She was right. He does still wear the wedding ring. But it hasn't been a symbol of love for a long time.
“I wear it to remember where I came from,” John tells Ava. “That there is a part of me that's just as normal as everyone else, and that whenever I'm out there, I'm saving the world not only for us, but for my son.”
“You're sentimental,” Ava says, trying to joke but her voice is shaken.
“Do you want me to throw the ring off this tower?” John asks.
“What!? No! Don't be stupid! I just thought…I thought you still liked Olivia,” Ava says.
“I care about her, yeah, but we're done. She's moved on.” John rubs his thumb in Ava's palm as they stare into each other's eyes. “I've moved on too. So please Ava, let's try this.”
Ava pulls her hands away from John. He waits for her to step away, but she doesn't. She moves closer and wraps her arms over his shoulders. Her eyes gaze into John's. He waits for her move. If she wants more, he'll follow her lead.
“I like you,” Ava says. “I think I've known for a while but I kept trying to push that feeling away. I just…” Ava brushes her right hand through John's beard. “If we're doing this, you have to promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“Stop throwing yourself into danger for me,” Ava says. “You can't protect me from everything. I can take care of myself, ok?”
John doesn't respond right away. He's not sure he can promise that. If anything happened to Ava and he didn't protect her, John knows he wouldn't forgive himself. He lost Lemar because of his actions. If Ava had the same fate -
“Promise me,” Ava snaps at John. “Or I walk away.”
John bites at his tongue. He wants this to work. He wants Ava.
“I promise.”
Ava nods. “Good.”
Like last time, Ava leans in and kisses John. With her right hand on his face she pulls him closer to her and this time her tongue slides into his mouth. The taste of alcohol spreads across his mouth. It doesn't bother him. John was just happy to do this again.
When Ava pulls away, she gives John a big smile. Probably the brightest smile he's ever seen from her.
“You're beautiful,” John says.
Ava giggles. She kisses John's cheek, then disappears. The cold quickly sinks in as John frantically looks around.
Ava sat by her plate. She pats the spot next to her as she laughs.
“You're cruel,” John says. He joins her.
“You like it,” Ava says.
Ava places her head on John's shoulder. He smiles at the feeling. So many ideas pop into John's head on what he wants to do for Ava. Date ideas, gifts he could get her, things the two could try, so many things! Each possibility fills him with even more joy.
Ava's hand slips into John's. He looks at her, her head still on his shoulder.
“You're cold,” John says.
“And you're warm,” Ava says. “Explains why you're so hot-headed.”
“That's not how that works,” John says.
“Shut it. The girlfriend is always right,” Ava snaps at him.
John pulls away and looks at Ava. Her comment catches him off guard.
“Girlfriend?”
Ava sits up. Her eyes widened.
“I thought-...were you not asking me to be your girlfriend?”
John smirks at her. “Those words did not come out of my mouth, but I like your way of thinking.”
Ava elbows John. “Don't scare me!”
“Awww, I'm sorry.” John places his hand on Ava's cheek and pulls her in for a kiss. “My girlfriend.”
“You're going to be such an annoying boyfriend,” Ava groans.
“And you'll love it,” John says. They kiss again. “Be honest with me, how long did you actually know I liked you?”
Ava giggles. “I…had a hunch for a while. Definitely since our dinner.” Ava brushes her hair back. “I was still scared to address my feelings with you until Yelena came up here earlier and told me how you were worried about me. I actually started drinking to gain the confidence to tell you...but I just ended up in getting sad. So I stayed up here by myself."
"Ava." John rubs her thigh. "I'm happy you didn't leave when I came up here...and Yelena told me to come up here. That you were probably wanting me to talk to you."
Ava laughs. “I guess she was over the way we were acting. She fixed our problem.”
“She's too nosey.” John scratches his beard.
“I should also be honest about the hoodie,” Ava says. “I stole it because it reminded me of you. Of when…we kissed.”
“It did, huh?”
Ava rolls her eyes. “Don't make it weird.”
“You're the one fantasizing about me!”
“I hate you.”
John wraps his arms around Ava and pulls her closer.
“You hate me so much,” John teases. He kisses her again.
“Oh definitely,” Ava says with a smile. She grabs his chin. “You're the worst.”
“Right back at you.”
Ava's bright smile gives John all the hope he needs. This is going to work. He smiles back at her as their lips connect again.
They stay together up here for a while. Sharing their feelings and talking about what they'll do in the future together. This was what John needed. Someone that understood him and could be at his side through all the tough journeys ahead. He was happy to find someone like Ava.
And he was going to make sure he didn't ruin this relationship.