Work Text:
It’s as quiet as it can be for a moving train when Katniss wanders over to the bar for a drink. It’s another night since the tour began that she just can’t fall asleep.
The bartender must’ve gone to bed already, since the counter is empty. So, she just grabs a bottle of wine and settles at one of the tables.
A few minutes later, Peeta shows up, looking like he had the same idea, and steps into the bar car only to find her there.
“You never sleep, Mellark?” she calls out. He startles slightly before realizing who it is.
“I could ask you the same thing,” he says, walking over to sit across from her.
“Just too tired to sleep. Want some?” She offers him the bottle, and he takes it with a bit of hesitation.
“I didn’t know you were drinking again. Thought you made a promise to Prim.”
“Tough times. My sister will understand.”
They fall into an unpleasant silence. Peeta looks guilty, and she knows exactly what’s on his mind right now — the kiss they shared a few days ago.
“Katniss, I—”
“Look, I don’t want to hear your speech again. I got it. It was just a kiss and it shouldn’t have happened.”
“Right.”
“But you could stop avoiding me.”
“I wasn’t avoiding you. Not consciously, I think.”
They go quiet again, and Katniss turns to the window, watching the night blur past.
“If you knew things would get weird between us, why did you kiss me?”
Peeta sighs, leaning back in his chair. His gaze drifts to the window, mirroring her earlier posture.
“It wasn’t exactly planned. I just wanted to… and then I did. I’m sorry for that.”
She sets the bottle back on the table, taking in his words as her stomach twists uncomfortably.
“Do you regret it?”
“No, no.” He says it quickly, turning toward her. “That’s not what I meant. I just think I might’ve been too impulsive.”
“Why?”
“Because there are people depending on us — on this band. And we can’t risk all of that.”
Katniss thinks of their bandmates, all sleeping peacefully in their cars right now.
“Us being together would be a bad thing?”
“Finnick thinks so.”
“You asked Finnick for relationship advice. Good idea.” she laughs sarcastically.
“There was no one else to talk to about it.”
“You could’ve talked to me.”
“That wouldn’t have helped much.” He runs a hand through his hair, brushing away the strands that fall over his face.
It’s only then that Katniss notices the exhaustion in his voice. He probably hasn’t been sleeping much either.
“And what did Finnick tell you exactly?”
“Just that if we didn’t work out, the band could get hurt. And that I should think carefully before trying to take things further.”
“He sounds awfully sure we wouldn’t last.”
“Well, there’s no way to know. And… I kind of agree with him.”
“So that’s it?”
His constant hesitation to answer frustrates her. He’s usually so talkative.
“You know, after what happened, I thought I’d be the one who got scared and ran away. But in the end, it was you.”
“I’m not scared. I just don’t want to hurt you and mess up the band in the process.”
“Guess what? You’re already hurting me, Peeta. Your indecision is already hurting the band. Don’t you see that?”
“Katniss…”
She can’t bear to hear him say anything else. So she gets up and walks back to her room before she starts crying in front of him.
The room is dark when she throws herself onto the bed, not even bothering to lock the door.
And finally, she allows herself to cry — really cry — all the weight of the past weeks crashing down on her at once. She feels tired and alone. They’ve been on this tour for months, traveling endlessly from place to place. All she wants is to feel at home again.
She left her hometown as a teenager, chasing a dream she thought would fulfill every desire she had. But the years had shown her something different. She’s never felt so empty and lonely.
Peeta was the only thing that still tied her to that old world. A childhood friend. A familiar face. Someone she could call home.
And when he kissed her the other night, his hands cupping her cheeks so sweetly, so tenderly, her walls crumbled. She’d let herself feel that warmth again.
She should’ve known it wouldn’t last. He chose to walk away without giving her a chance to try. It would’ve been better if he’d just left her wondering — because now she knows how good they could’ve been together.
She doesn’t know how long it’s been when she hears a soft knock on her door. She doesn’t need to guess who it is, because the handle turns soon after and Peeta steps inside.
He walks slowly and sits beside her on the bed, as if asking permission to stay. Katniss leans back against the headboard, hugging her knees.
“I’m sorry.” She hears him say, and the tears flow freely down her face now. Let him see how his words affect her.
He moves closer, wrapping his arms around her. She gives in, hiding her face against his clean shirt.
“I’m a cowardly idiot. I’m so sorry.” His lips find her hair, kissing it gently. “I waited so long for you, and when I finally have you, I ruin it with my fears.”
They stay like that for a few minutes, until Katniss’s sobs begin to quiet. She lifts her face from his chest, meeting his eyes — red and glassy. That’s all the invitation he needs to kiss her softly, unhurriedly.
Her arms clutch his shoulders, and she leans back on the mattress, pulling him with her. When their mouths part, Peeta speaks again.
“There’s no way to know if we’ll last forever. Maybe Finnick’s right. But I want to see where this goes — if you still want to.”
“Okay.”
He kisses her again, sealing the promise.
“Don’t go. Stay with me tonight,” Katniss murmurs, feeling sleep tug at her.
“Always,” he whispers.
They fall asleep together, not knowing how it will all end. And Katniss hopes they’ll never have to find out.