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"Arthur? Arthur, wake up!!"
John's voice cut through the silence, a rude awakening from Arthur Lester's nonconsensual sleepy time.
"Uff...what..? Where..."
"You were unconscious, Arthur."
"I- gee, thanks. I hadn't noticed. Where are we..? It feels like...dirt. Sand, maybe."
"We seem to be in a large pit. It's quite a ways to the top— oh, Arthur. I believe we are trapped."
He let out a breath, composing himself.
"John. I don't suppose there's much food down here? Nothing, I don't know, even remotely edible?" He sounded a little nervous, the prospect of starvation now increasingly apparent. He couldn't die yet. He had places to go, things to see... Maybe not see. Nevertheless.
"No, Arthur. It's almost entirely empty. The pit looks about five metres deep."
"So, realistically... We could get out?"
"I suppose we could try."
"John. John, I know what we've got to do." His voice was filled with newfound hope, now that an escape was in sight.
"What? What idea have you got, Arthur?"
"I think we can-"
The second things start looking up, the ground begins to shake, like an earthquake perfectly timed to mess everything up and crush Arthur's hopes for the plot. Sand and dirt start falling into the pit, raining down on the two.
"Fuck- John, what's going on?! John, I'm going to be buried alive! John!! Help me!"
"Arthur! It's a horribly-timed earthquake! We're being buried in sand!"
"What do I do?? I can't see, John!"
"Arthur, you need to eat the sand!!"
"What?"
"Eat the sand, Arthur!!"
Arthur finally shuts up and starts shovelling the sand into his mouth, eating it faster than the sand was falling.
"Arthur, yes! We're doing it!"
He starts eating sand faster, filled with newfound determination at the Entity's encouraging words. After a second, the shaking stops, and our silly little protagonists Arthur and John find themselves out of the pit, back on high ground.
"...did we do it?"
"Oh, yes, Arthur. We're out of the hole!"
"I feel sort of sick."
"You did just eat a lot of sand."
"I should probably go see a doctor about this."
And they lived another day, for now. If you heated Arthur Lester to a high temperature, would the sand in him turn into glass and make a smaller, glass Arthur within him? Or would his measly flesh burn like a marshmallow in a barbecue? We'll get back to you. :)