Work Text:
The leaden atmosphere within the cafeteria weighed on them all, wrapping itself around each and every one of them. Iron chains of reality dragged them deeper and deeper. Even as the night dragged on, no one had the energy or the will to speak up further. Suffocating silence muffled even the choked sobs that crawled from their throats.
A fitting environment for a bunch of walking corpses, Darumi thought to herself.
Ninety-nine days. For ninety-nine days, they fought and survived. They bickered and bonded. They overcame every obstacle thrown in their way, all just to stumble at the finish line. The escape pod had been corroded beyond repair. The missiles were charged and ready to fire. They couldn’t even escape to another timeline without throwing away the lives of their alternate selves… and even if they did, they’d also have to sacrifice Eva and Shion both…
Reality had always been cruel… it had been foolish of her to think that would ever change.
That’s just how things always had been for her. The happier she got, the worse it would be when reality finally retaliated. She couldn’t deny a growing feeling of nonsensical responsibility. If it wasn’t for her, maybe they’d all get to survive… if she hadn’t allowed herself to have fun… if she didn’t make friends… if she hadn’t…
The silence broke as Kurara shakily stood from her chair, muttering something about using the bathroom, before hobbling out of the cafeteria. Darumi was transfixed, her eyes locked on Kurara’s every movement as she left the room.
Even now, Kurara seemed so incredibly strong to her. Darumi couldn’t find the will to speak a single word, yet Kurara found hers. Darumi hardly had the strength to lift a finger, yet Kurara had the strength to not only stand, but walk. Darumi couldn’t hide the despair etched in her heart, but Kurara held hers in long enough to make it out of the room.
If any of Darumi’s sins had killed them… it would have been Kurara. That Darumi had allowed herself to think that someone like her could love, and be loved in return. Allowing herself to smile and laugh in the arms of another was surely her most heinous crime of all. If Darumi had only pulled away, kept Kurara at a distance… would they all have lived to see another day?
The feeling of a hand on her shoulder halted Darumi’s descent. She blinked. Had she been staring at the door this whole time? Slowly, she turned, eventually meeting the weary gaze of Nozomi. Despite her red and swollen eyes, she gave a wordless, gentle smile to Darumi.
Darumi unconsciously placed a hand on top of Nozomi’s. What was she saying with that smile? “It’s alright”? “I forgive you”? No… there’s no way Nozomi knew the horrid, selfish spiral that had been building within Darumi. What she meant had to be something much more simple, much more clear.
Permission to leave. A request. “Go to her. Please take care of my friend.” How exceptionally kind of her… to still worry over others while time marched them into the inevitable.
Darumi gave a slight nod before silently rising. Though her legs planted roots into the ground with each step, she made her way to the doorway. Though her arms were solid concrete, she placed her hand on the door and pulled it open. Though her will had shriveled, she entered the hallway.
What propelled her forward, Darumi didn’t understand. She just knew where to go… and that she had to go there. The part of her that yet lived wouldn’t leave Kurara’s side… and that part drove her away from the bathroom. She instead headed towards the metal shop.
There, she found the door already open. Inside, she found Kurara, crumpled on the ground in front of a dented metal cabinet, cradling her hand. Her mask lay some distance from her, blankly staring at the ceiling. Darumi knelt at her side.
“D-Darumi…” Kurara sputtered. Even without looking, she knew who came for her.
Darumi swallowed a pang of guilt. Kurara had expected her… Kurara, who had collapsed under the weight of despair, had thought “Darumi will come for me”. But… if Nozomi hadn’t urged Darumi forward… would she have stood from her chair? Would she have made it out of the cafeteria?
Darumi didn’t deserve to be here. She didn’t deserve the comfort of another, nor did she deserve the privilege of providing comfort. If she wasn’t so selfish, she’d be awaiting the end alone in her bedroom. If she had gotten what she really deserved… she never would have come back after Murvrum crushed her in his claw.
But… Kurara was different. It wasn’t right for Kurara to suffer on her own. Kurara had worked so hard… Kurara had done so much for them… To face an end like this after all of her hardship was beyond cruel. To get so close, just to be denied the chance to ever live as herself…
If it was for Kurara’s sake, Darumi would again indulge in the sin of loving another.
Darumi reached forward, wrapping her arms around Kurara’s shoulders. Kurara leaned into Darumi’s chest, burying herself into Darumi’s sweater. Darumi could feel Kurara’s shoulders heave as Kurara’s muffled sobs echoed throughout her chest.
“I-It’s not fair…” She muttered.
It wasn’t, Darumi agreed. Kurara had her entire life stolen from her, every moment she lived planned out in advance. She had been denied companionship… hobbies… every aspect of her personality had been rejected by her family. Hollowed out to become a vessel for the prestige of the Oosuzuki. Used up and thrown away as a sacrifice.
“It’s too cruel…” Kurara continued.
It truly was, Darumi thought as she gently ran her fingers through Kurara’s hair again and again. Kurara had finally found a place to belong. Friends who care about her… someone–Darumi admitted with some guilt–who loves her for who she really is. The freedom to explore herself, to understand her own desires, to pull true self from the rubble of what the Oosuzuki tried to crush… The ambition to envision the future she wanted for herself, and the confidence to take the steps to make it a reality.
All stolen from her. For the glory of the Oosuzuki. For the sake of humanity.
“Y-You…” Kurara choked. “You had to suffer… s-so much…! Just for this…!”
Darumi blinked, her body stiffening. W… What…?
“Y-You were finally smiling again…” Kurara gripped at Darumi’s back, hugging her tighter. “After all t-the loneliness… y-you made fr-friends… You opened up…”
Darumi’s throat closed tight. Kurara… Kurara wasn’t crying for herself…?
“W-We finally got to see who you really are… I-I lo… we all love you so much…!” Kurara’s voice cracked and shook. She gripped Darumi so tightly that her nails might have broken skin if not for Darumi’s sweater. “Y-You deserve so much… so much more than this…!”
Kurara was crying… for her? For Darumi…?
“We were s-supposed to go back together…!” Kurara wailed. “Friends who cared about you… s-someone who loves you…!” She coughed and sputtered. “W-We were supposed to live together…!”
For… for her…?
“It’s not fair!” Kurara repeated. “Y-You… you d-deserve… a chance to be happy! H-How…? How could they take that from you?!”
Darumi heard a voice that wasn’t Kurara’s. Kurara pressed against her so tight that it felt like she would break. The room became unbearably hot. Her face itched.
It took her several moments to realize. The voice she heard was her own. She was the one holding Kurara so tightly. The heat was from her own face. The itch was from her own tears streaming down her face.
It wasn’t fair. Darumi had given everything she had and more for the sake of others who never cared about her. The humiliation, the torment, the abuse… she endured and endured and endured without ever knowing why. What was it all for? What was the point? Reality took and took and took and took and took and only now, after a glimmer of happiness, did it finally come for her life.
It was too cruel. Darumi thought she could never trust again, never make friends again… Never love, never be loved. For her whole life, she had only been an object to be used and thrown away. Yet, here… she trusted. She made friends. She loved, and was loved. Bit by bit, she had let her real self show, and she wasn’t denied. She had begun to think that life could be different. She had, for the first time, looked forward to tomorrow and tomorrow.
What sin had she committed for a fate so cruel? Why did she, for such a brief time, have to know the feelings of love and joy? Ninety-nine days ago, she stumbled from the Revive-O-Matic with relief and regret mixing in her heart… now she would do anything if it meant that they could all survive for even just a few minutes more.
It wasn’t fair. It was too cruel. They had stolen Kurara’s happiness. They had stolen Mistress Hiruko’s happiness… Nozomi’s, Takumi’s, Moko’s, Yugamu’s, Takemaru’s… all of them.
They, too, had stolen Darumi’s happiness… almost, but not yet entirely.
She mourned for her love, her friends, and herself, yet, mixed in that sorrow, a faint happiness burned. After everything she had suffered, everything she had endured… someone finally, finally wept for her. Proof that there was someone that loved her soaked through her sweater and saturated her skin. Proof that it was all too unfair, too cruel. Proof that Darumi, too, had deserved better.
Perhaps the most cruel thing of all was that Darumi could only experience this happiness mere hours from the end. That even this happiness that she had sought for so long had to be tinged in crushing despair.
The two held each other tightly, choking and wailing until their throats were raw. When the tears finally abated, they held each other in silence. The minutes crawled by.
“We should head back soon…” Kurara eventually croaked out.
“Yeah…” Darumi agreed, making no effort to move.
Kurara remained just as still. “I’m… too scared to move…”
Darumi swallowed. “Me too.”
“W-When it happens…” Kurara buried herself deeper in Darumi’s chest. “Will you… be with me?”
“Of course.” Darumi’s arms tightened around her. “I-I don’t wanna be anywhere else.”
Kurara nodded.
It took some time, but the two eventually found the strength to stand again, returning to the cafeteria hand in hand. Though they said nothing, they both had realized the same thing.
They had both spent their whole lives hiding who they really were. For a brief, shining moment, they were offered the chance to live openly, and took it. They had let themselves show.
They would die not as they lived.
They would die surrounded by those who knew them for who they really were.
They would die loved.