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Jin set down his pen for the fifth fucking time that night. As a reasonable adult who dressed Mario figurines in pink dresses in his spare time, he needed some peace and quiet when doing his taxes at 4:20 AM. Unfortunately for him, his roommate Yoongi made it his mission to bring over his boyfriend every other night to give him the succ. Unfortunately tonight was one of those nights. Funnily enough Yoongi's succ buddy's name was Hoseok. Ho seok. He seok. He succ. Jin was funny.
Jin laughed dryly at his own joke before the sounds coming from the other bedroom brought him back to reality. This was the third time this week and he made sure to make a note to himself to confront Yoongi about it. The problem was that Yoongi would not make any changes about his filthy choices to sin in their shared apartment. Jin remembered Yoongi’s own words, "Well too bad," when he told his mint haired roommate how uncomfortable the whole situation made him feel. With an annoyed sigh he decided he needed to set down the rules and he was going to teach Yoongi a lesson.
Seokjin (better known by his street name Succ Jin) couldn't just go into his room mate's sin room right now. So he decided to rub his temples and chant quietly. "I will not kill Min Yoongi I will not kill Min Yoongi I will not kill Min Yoongi." After about three repetitions of this, he got up and brushed his teeth. He might as well try to get some shut eye.
Five minutes later, he was in bed, breathing loudly. No, not because he was snoring. He was seething in rage. Rage jin.
The sounds of the succ made it impossible for him to sleep. "How much longer will Yoongi give the succ?," Succ Jin pondered aloud to an empty room.
After five more minutes of unsuccessfully trying to rest and forget about the sins occurring on the other side of the wall, Jin rolled off the bed.
A bar at 4:30 AM doesn't sound too bad. At least there won't be the succ there.
Fortunately for him there was a bar 10 minutes from their apartment and guess what? It was open 24 hours! It was one of their favourite hang out places before Yoongi got a bf and spent more time in "their cafe". Yeah right. They didn't own the fucking thing. It was so annoying they talked about it like it was their possession when it was just their favourite place or whatever. Jin was not jealous or lonely. Not at all.
Walking into the bar he noticed it was rather full for four in the morning. He wondered if the other customers also had roommates that gave the really loud succ. He decided to let go of the thought when he saw a familiar face sitting by the bartender with his head hanging beside his arms. "Jiminie? what are you doing here?" he asked taking a seat beside the younger male. "Hyung?" came a slightly tipsy reply. Jimin looked like he didn’t get any sleep for days. It made him wonder what was wrong.
When the older of the pair voiced this thought, all he got was a traumatized looking Jimin croaking out the phrase, "The succ," and promptly dropping his head onto the table. Jin would have been worried about exactly how alive and conscious Jimin was had it not been for the low whine of frustration that Jimin decided to let out for a solid two minutes.
Once the whining stopped, Jin opened his mouth to ask Jimin to clarify his previous statement. Was he up all night because he was giving the succ? Was he on the receiving end of the succ? Or perhaps was he, by some unfortunate coincidence, unable to fall asleep due to his room mate's endeavors to give the succ at an alarming frequency?
However, before Jin could get a sound out, another loud whine escaped the younger. Jin sighed before shaking the younger from his reverie. Jimin looked up and he honestly looked like he was about to burst into tears any second.
Worried about his dongsaeng, Jin decided to ask jimin what he had been pondering about this whole time. "The succ? Who?" he asked, concern prominent in his voice. Silence ensued as Jimin continued to stare deep into Jin's eyes for a minute with the same grim expression on his face. It felt like eternity before he groaned a reply. "The two little shits in my apartment. The succ won’t stop hyung..... he keep succing...". Empathy washed over Jin's face as he held Jimin by his shoulders. "bRo...." he started. "I know the feel bro." Jimin gave a shocked expression at Jin's confession before hugging Jin and whining. "WHY DO THEY GOTTA DO THIS!" he sobbed into Jin's shoulder as the older patted him on the back. "There, there, young'one," Jin replied solemnly.
Jin understood the struggles of living with repeat offenders of the succ. He feels you, Jimin bro. So that night they decide to get a hotel room together to get away from their respective succ giving housing partners. No succ happened in their hotel room because no homo.
-*Spongebob Squarepants narrator voice* 8 hours later-
The wayward succ escapists woke up after a beautiful succless night.
Jimin woke up feeling blissful, content and most importantly, with a good night's sleep! Amazing! Why hadn't he thought of this before? The hotel room had 2 separate beds so they didn't have to awkwardly share one and get even less sleep than they already do. However, they couldn't live in the hotel forever and so they decided to stay here for the day and hatch the ultimate anti-succ plan. Their respective roommates hadn’t even called to find out where they had gone, probably still succing their partner. But the problem was, what could they do about the situation exactly?
After a good tim™ of scheming over breakfast pancakes from the hotel's room service, they came up with a plan. It was flawless. Jimin had calculated the probability of it working and his calculations were almost always wrong. After all he was a dance major. Leave the boy alone.
Anyways. Flawless. Don't even worry about it.
Considering their substantial amount of suffering, they were quite angry with their roommates. Jin wanted to end Yoongi's ass. But of course, Jimin, the sweetheart that he is had other plans. After a short discussion that ended with Jimin reminding Jin about him making up an alibi for Jin's last criminal offence (Jin doesn't like to talk about it), the older of the pair reluctantly agreed with the younger's less violent -- and way less satisfying -- solution. They planned on holding... a succ intervention!!
They would gather their room mates and calmly discuss their problems and differences and try to settle them. Much to Jin's dismay, they lock in their answer and hurry out of the hotel.
The plan would be carried out in during a simple get together. They would invite their room mates and their bfs in to a nice get together at Jin's apartment where he would cook a homemade meal to lure in their victims. Nobody could say no to Jin's casserole. NOBODY. Anyone who denies his food will be eliminated - this may or may not have anything to do with jin's previous criminal offence. Anyway they decided to have the get together right that evening as they texted their roommates the time and location. To their surprise - and also joy - their roommates did not suspect a thing! “All according to keikaku,” thought Jin. When he went back home no one was there. Not a soul. No succ noises and he was happy to be there. He missed this so much and he would conduct any sort of evil if he could get this back. Without further ado he texted Jimin he was ready to start phase 1: cooking the food. This meant Jimin could start phase 2: coming up with the most awkward and exposing succ intervention questions he could. He might be a sweetheart but he had suffered enough to do anything to fry Taehyung and Jungkook's asses.
Jin began phase 1. He threw some things together probably and the casserole was great. The author doesn't need to explain in detail because Jin's casserole would turn out perfect anyways.
Succ Jin texted JimJim to let him know that *hacker voice* he was in.
And that was Jimmy's cue. He rapidly started scribbling on his succ note. Whoever's name was written in this notebook would forget how to give the succ. Kidding! It wasn't as easy to get rid of this succ disease. Jimothy still scribbled at a godly speed writing questions such as 'So...how was the succ?' 'Do you guys have magical succ powers' 'Please rate ur partner's succ abilities' and so on. He was sure he'd become an A grade movie script writer because not only did he write questions but exactly how the plan would be executed with stage instructions. Lucky for him, Jin was a film major with currently the best role in their universities play.
If all went to keikaku (translator’s note: keikaku means plan), Jimbles and JinJin (Succ Jin was still unaware of Astro's debut and failed to realize he was being a copycat binch) would flawlessly execute these questions and completely throw their roommates under the bus.
Jimin made a mental note to be prepared to stop Jin from actually throwing them under a bus.
He picked up the Succ Note and laughed maliciously. Actually he was giggling because his name wasn't Park "Sunshine" Jimbles for nothing. Actually that wasn't even his name. His name is Park Jimin? What the fuck, author?
The small boy dropped the pencil and it rolled under the desk. Jimbles Neutrobonnie couldn't care less because he was already rushing to put on his shoes.
Running towards the elevator, he shot Jin a quick text about the status of Phase 2.
To: Jin
It's lit
From: Jin
wow r u alread done lighting ur ass on fire
To: Jin
U know me I'm always ready to light my ass
Distracted by his own meme ass, he trips over his own feet when he tries to step into the elevator that arrives in the midst of his conversation. He would have fallen face first onto the dirty floor had it not been for his trusty Succ Note. Oh Succ.
Collecting himself Jimin safely exited the elevator and headed towards Jinny Boy's apartment. On the other hand SuccJin was busy decorating his apartment with the final touches. After he finished cooking in less than 0.8 seconds - he isn’t called Perfect Jin for nothing - he decided to add some extra… elements of surprise to his shared apartment. He hung large pieces of white paper over the walls, beautifully staining them with words such as Good Tim, Succ, Fucc and various drawings of diccs. He beamed at his masterpiece as he waited for his guests to arrive.
According to the plan, Jimbubbles was supposed to get there first before the 2 couples and they would greet their prey together with evil and low key suspicious smiles. As soon as Jimin entered the apartment he was in awe. A single tear rolled down his cheek as he looked at SuccJin, who had the proudest grin on his face. "Bro….. you're a genius," Jimin managed to say. "I know right!?" Jin replied looking at his walls gleefully for the 102731937th time.
The couples arrived after approximately 2 minutes and 23 seconds following Jimin's arrival . During this span of time Jin managed to admire his work another 55663 times.
The first couple through the door were the younger pair. Jungkook and Taehyung were absorbed too deeply in each other's eyes, silently signalling to each other that the succ would once again ensue that night, to notice the decorations.
Even after the older couple walked in, Taetaetaetaetae and Cooking Mama were too preoccupied to take in their surroundings. This was very impressive considering Hoseok was screaming at the top of his lungs.
After five minutes more of Jin being completely baffled by the lack of attention Tae and Jungkook were paying to his work, he walked over to them and shrieked. "He succ," he said. "HE SUCC!!!"
This finally broke the youngsters from their trance. Those hooligans.
The room went silent at Jin's shout. Even Hoseok stopped screaming for a moment. All attention was on Jinchan. He took this opportunity to walk by the "Wall of Succ" - as he liked to call his handiwork- while Cookie Jar and TinTin's eyes still followed him from the shock. Soon the two succ birds noticed the giant wall filled with sin. "Oh my god," whispered JungCocc as he dropped the spoon from his hands. Taengo, on the other hand, fell to his knees. A low "What the fuck" could be heard coming from Yoongis general direction as Hoesucc continued his screams that were on hold for far too long. SuccJin smiled. All according to keikaku. Well at least that's what he thought when he looked at Yoongo shrink in his seat and Cocc hold his head in his hands. But the other half of the couples weren't reacting exactly as planned. "This is beautiful....." TinTin whispered, still kneeling. "I feel like I should be worshipping this," he continued. By this time Hoesucc, still screaming, had joined TimTam on his knees. As overjoyed as Jin was from the compliment, they weren’t supposed to like this. He noticed Jimbee was also a little tense at this.
Jin realized he had to quickly put a stop to this before HeSucc and Teahyung created the Church of Succ. After little debate, he came to the conclusion that throwing them under a bus was the best solution indeed. He made his way over to the pair of succ giver and succ receiver. Luckily, our heroes were rescued and the day was saved by Captain Jimerica, who had anticipated that Jinson Ackles would have no chill. Before Jin could pick up the screaming beam of light and his box pal, Jimin appeared beside him. Wow how he do dat. He gently placed his left hand on Jinisin's right shoulder while the other hand moved to Jin's right hand as a restrictive bind. Jin wondered how many jars of jam Jimin ate to get this strong. He stoong. However, there were more precious matters to tend to other than smol Jimin's big muscles. Jin slowly turned his head to Jimin only to find Jimin solemnly shaking his head in slow motion, almost as if he's trying to make him say, "No (everybody say no! Andwae!)," in some say no to drugs commercial.
Jin was glad Jimin stopped him. He really didn't need murder on his criminal record. "Oh, Jimbles!"
After his exclamation, Jin collapsed on Jimin and the smaller one gently rubbed soothing patterns on the really broad shoulders belonging to the body currently enveloping him.
"Jinico nico nii, you don't have to resort to murder. I'm here 4 u," Jimbles whispered. Jin only nodded before letting go. Ah another day another murder prevented. Thank you Super Human (Jimin).
During this scene, HeSucc and Teabags already got bored with the prospect of the Church of Succ. This is why they are filthy sinners; they only succ, they keep succing. That's not to say that they did not appreciate the Wall of Succ anymore. Because they appreciated a lot. It was beautiful.
Anyways, the couples were now clearly aware of the situation at hand. Like proper victims of The Intervention, they sat on the sofa beside their partners, waiting for Jinin and Jim to get the fuck on with it.
Neither of the couples knew exactly what was going on but they understood this was some sort of interrogation. A variety of facial expressions and body language was on display in Jin’s living room couch starting from YoonYang on the very left and Chunkcook on the very right. The green haired man looked to be in distress and sweating from what was about to happen as if he already knew what Jim JimmyJam from the Jimsdale Jimadome was going to ask him. Jhoe was still screaming but now with occasional hiccups indicating that he was also nervous while TingTing was sitting cluelessly and staring at the Succ Wall with an expression that looked uncannily like :0. Jungkokoro on the other hand looked like he was about to burst - literally explode - as he sat stiffly next to his oblivious bf. “So…” Jinace said with a cold voice. “Who shall be the first victim?” he inquired with an evil expression, Yoongi swore he saw the devil himself in Jin’s eyes. Jin turned to Yoongo at which the green haired male quickly turned away his eyes, looking at the floor and fidgeting with his t-shirt.
Hope Comma Angel turned his attention to Yoongs who sat quietly, playing with the hem of his t-shirt nervously. Hoseok took Yoongi’s hands in his and held a silent conversation with his boyfriend’s eyes. Yoongi seemed slightly less tense now and they kept their interlaced fingers between them. Notice he’s only slightly less tense, which is understandable given the Mom™ glare that Jin was giving both couples with his Wall of Succ backdrop.
Jimin watched Yoonseok hold hands and momentarily forgot about his current mission. “They are so cute :),” Jimin thought.
Jimmy shook his head three times in quick succession, as if the rapid motion would shake off the dangerous thoughts lurking outside the door to his mind. (Door to his mind? What is co author 1 talking about? 90% of the time 1 has no idea what 1 is talking about.) But then again, they weren't really dangerous thoughts to begin with. He was just dangerously close to looking at the succ perpetrators fondly when he should be glaring at them. Jim JimmyJam of the Jimsdale Jimadome was just too soft on his sinful friends. Perhaps SuccJin's thirst for blood would radiate off said predator and seep into Jimbubbles so they could finally get on with the intervention, yeah? Jin was starting to get mad at co author 1. He couldn't believe the incredible talent co author 1 seemed to have for dragging shit out.
Janice cleared his throat and broke the scream master and his bf from their trance. They looked up hesitantly, Hoseok wincing at the look of utter resentment plastered on the oldest male's face. His partner's facial expression wasn't much better for wear either, looking sheepish and avoiding Jin's gaze as his mind conjured up the possible reasons for being summoned. (Yu-Gi-Oh confirmed?). Although Yoongi had been confronted by his roommate several times, he deemed this particular meeting to be slightly more deserving of his attention...? And respect? He held a lot of doubt about the whole thing as well, considering the incredibly well put together Wall of Succ, which, after getting past the initial shock, was silly to say the least.
Now with four pairs of eyes looking at them in different mixtures of anxiousness and confusion, the bubble duo had to take a moment to collect their thoughts before proceeding with the succterrogation (succ interrogation).
“So… do you understand why you have been summoned here?” Jin said evilly to Yango. Yoongi’s expression turned grim but he was not about to show weakness to his roommate just like that. “This is stupid what are you even doing? Stop making that ugly ass face,” he said looking up at Janice with his boldest face. However, Jin being the devil he is, spotted the fear in Yoong’s eyes. “You know exactly why we’re here, YoongYang. Now it’s time for me to ask the questions!” Jinipples shouted. “Tell me… how much do you enjoy giving the succ?”. Yoongi froze in his seat before his face grew beet red as he shrank into the couch. Hosucc who was holding his hand had stopped screaming. Only for a second though, and after that question was released into the room his screams seemed to have intensified ten fold. Jim of course predicted this and already had earplugs in his ears before helping Jin put on some. “Cookie, is mom mad?” TingTang whispered into Cooking mama’s ears. To which Chunckook just reacted rather violently realizing the situation and trying to take control. Suddenly his hand was on Teabag’s shoulder as he whispered as quietly as possible. “Tango… please escape… we can’t survive this… you must escape witho-” unfortunately before he could finish he was interrupted with a heavy hand on his own shoulder. “Jeon Cena…” Jimin mumbled slowly. Chucky gulped rather loudly and his hand from Tea’s shoulder fell as he looked up to JimJams.
Tete looked over to his fucc friend. Well they were more than fucc friends now. More than friends with succ benefits. He could remember the day like it was yesterday. It probably was yesterday honestly. The day that they had both confessed their romantic feelings to each other. They had both grown quite fond of each other after their many sessions of fucc and succ and all that followed after. One time they went to iHop and ordered some -
Titties stopped his reminiscing when he saw Yoongi’s nervous fidgeting - the one where he pulls his sleeves over his hands and tugs at them - from the corner of his eyes. He remembered where he was and the mortal danger he faced currently. Hoseok was… screaming????? Oh ya Seokin and Jimbees asked him a question. What was it again...?
“Tell me… how much do you enjoy the succ?” repeated Jim helpfully.
“Can he read minds?” thought Tit quietly.
“Yes,” Jimin supplied.
“ 0: ,” thought Te.
Jimin went d:^3c. But actually he couldn't read minds. Jim just wanted an answer so he repeated his question. And the reason that he said the word of affirmation was to select Hoseok, who had raised his hand to answer the question. Although his endless screaming did not cease until after Jimbubbles had picked him.
Yoongs turned to his bf. “Seok seok ah…” he said with a pitiful look. What kind of answer did he prepare?
“On a scale of 1 to 10, I would give the succ a 13,” stated Hopepe nonchalantly, as if he was mentioning the nice weather offhand and hadn't just been screaming at the top of his lungs.
Yoongi could not believe his ears. °ㅇ°
진 (Author 1’s note: 진 means keikaku - I mean Jin) was kind of outraged. What kind of answer is that? Did his efforts to corner his so called friends mean nothing? Did the Wall of Succ mean nothing? Was it all… meaningless?
Jinkies broke into song. “The sky is so clear. The sun is so bright. So you can see my tears.”
Jimin had to put a stop to this. He clamped a hand over Jinnipple’s mouth to silence him. “Bro, I think you forgot the lyrics to your own song.”
Jin was surprised. “I own a song?” he asked to the room of confused onlookers, who involuntarily got dragged into a musical.
“Apparently,” said everyone in unison.
Jin was about to 0: when the diccs on the wall caught his attention and he clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Stop going off topic! We're here to talk! About! This! Succ! Problem!” he exclaimed × 6.
Following his boyfriend, Yoongs regained the confidence he had the last time Jin tried to talk to him about his succ habits. He stood up, placed his arms on his hips, and loudly proclaimed, “I enjoy the succ! You can fucc off with your noise problems. I will continue to partake in succ and fucc related activities.”
Jimbles and Jin just absolutely could not believe the situation. Does this mean the Yoonseok couple could not be convinced to stop sinning in Jin’s vicinity? This was reaffirmed in the way Hoseok stood up to stand beside Yoongi and link their arms together.
Seokjin sighed. “There goes that I guess,” he thought.
Jimin was still not sure all hope was lost on the Yoonseok couple, but their focus could be directed towards the younger couple for now.
Perhaps the Taekook pairing’s succ habits could still be compromised?
Speaking of the little devils, just as JimJams was thinking about focusing on them both Tete and Cooking mama stood up simultaneously linking arms as well. Jungkoko had gained back a lot of the confidence he had lost and Tit must have followed even though he probably still didn’t know what was going on. “That’s right! We too stand by our love for the succ! Don’t you worry, Titty Hyung. I will succ you no matter how many people try to drive us apart” announced Chunk Cook at which Tete gasped. “Koko! You shouldn’t say that word out loud!” he said putting his hands on his ears. Chunky Cocopops seemed to be confused at Tete’s reaction but nobody was going to fool Jimmy JimJams. He knew very well Tit was trying to get out of the situation by acting innocent in front of his mama hyung but Jimjams knew. He knew the horrors of walking in on leashes and hearing weird ass animal noises coming from the room next to his while his two meme friends got jiggy and he was not about to let Titty foil their plans.
As soon as Tete started his childish act, Mama Jin’s mommy senses tingled just as he had planned. Secretly giving Jimmy his infamous mischievous look he continued to act scared while going down on his knees saying he didn’t know what was going on. At that very moment Jinipples forgot about his questioning, forgot about the sleepless nights and the noises, his child needed him. He rushed to Tete’s side giving him the chance to give JunKok a wink which was his cue to lead the screaming Hosock and the sweating Yingyang out of the house. “HYUNG!” came the sudden falsetto from Jim. “He’s acting! Don’t be fooled hyung only the devil knows the word succ better than him!” he continued as he blocked Yoonseok and Cocopop’s path. This seemed to shake Mama Jin out of the trance as he realized what was going on making him glare at Titty. “Tits!” he shouted as Tete made a face at Jimmy. “Let me ask YOU! How does it feel to be the succ giver? :)”.
Taehyung gave the eldest a confused look. He was utterly baffled at this point. Bamboozled. Befuddled. Perplexed. Puzzled. Bewildered. Mystified. Dumbfounded. He put down the thesaurus and looked back up to the questioning look he was receiving from Seokjin. Taehyung’s facial expression hadn’t changed and mirrored the gaze directed at him by the man standing before him.
This out of the blue staring contest continued for several minutes - perhaps eons - and it was evident that at one point they had forgotten what they were confused about to begin with. Thus a new confusion began and there arose no need to escape the muddled trance.
Even though the two caught in the daze saw no reason to put an end to their sudden but lengthy scrutiny wrapped in an enigma, their friends understood what was happening just moments before. It was clear that this piece of writing would never end if not for the intervention of either Coauthor 2 or the characters in this fictional world. Unfortunately, the former was not online to put an end to this giant block of text useless to the progression of the story. Fortunately, our genius Min Suga~ was here to save the day. Surprisingly.
Yoongi coughed into his hand but it proved futile as the two were still consumed by uncertainty. He cleared his throat. He received no reaction from the targets. He coughed again and failed to garner the desired attention from the pair in question. Yoongbean was -_-
Jimin observed this interaction - or rather lack of it - and decided that physical force was needed at the scene. He made his way over to his partner in justice to shake him awake.
“Look at me, Jin hyung!” There was a dramatic music. Imagine a song that might play when something intense happens between the good guys in a cop show.
Jin looked down at him as he was told. He blinked, took in his surroundings, and let out a quiet gasp.
“Jiminie hyung is so small,” commented Jungkook unnecessarily.
“Yah!,” exclaimed Jimin as it was necessary.
Jungkook giggled. Everyone in the room felt reborn again if they were to be honest. But they wouldn’t be honest.
Yoongi tried to bring even an ounce of control back into the room. “Aren’t you forgetting something?,” he asked, eyeing Momjin and Jimom.
The intervention organizers quickly collected themselves from their initial shock of hearing Yoongi, a target of their plans to deter succing habits, remind them about their mission. Jin opened his mouth to ask another question but he realized he had done just that a few moments or eons ago. He rounded on Tae, expecting an answer to his succ related questioning.
Taehyung snapped his fingers beside his face and exclaimed, “I remembered what I was confused about. Hyung I have one question for you… What the fuck?”
Jin scratched his head in doubt. “What do you mean?”
“I mean what’s the point. Your plan clearly lacks strength and any semblance of complexity. I’m not even sure you had a plan to begin with.” Taehyung got up to slowly walk around the room to the Wall of Succ. He pointed to the scribbles. “What is this hyung? Did you really think it would work?” He turned to Jimbles. “Jiminie? You couldn’t come up with anything better?” He scoffed.
Silence followed Taehyung’s sinister speech.
Jungkook reached out to soothingly rub Taehyung’s shoulder down to his wrist. With a soft look on his face, he raised his boyfriend’s hand and intertwined their fingers. Kook fought his urge to laugh at Tae’s antics and instead asked, “What was that babe?” Taehyung shrugged. Jungkook turned to the room full of blank faces and shrugged as well with a what-can-you-do look. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It finally dawned on Jimin and Jin that their plan clearly lacked… something. They huddled together to formulate a new plan but Yoongi placed a hand on their shoulders. Genius Min Suga~ shook his head. The interveners gulped and looked around the room. Was it hopeless after all?
While this train of confusion continued down it's tracks, no one noticed Joseph quietly making his way to the door. No one really notices him when he's quiet, not even Author 1. That's why he used this tactic to finally escape this hell hole. Min suga jjang jjang man bong bong explained the plan precisely to him in the mere moments - or eons - that Taehyung used to confuse Jin hyung. He was to get to the front door and try to escape and get help as soon as possible and so far he was doing marvelously. He only has to turn the corner and-
There it was. Just standing there right in front of the main entrance as if guarding its own child. A fucking tarantula. Hoseok couldn't hold in the screech of his vocal chords. His limbs went stiff and then the adrenaline kicked in, making him run straight back to Yoongi’s side, screaming as if he was going to die right then and there.
The violent shrieking startled the others as Hoseok came back running and Youngi mentally face palmed himself. Or was it physically? He didn't know he might have even accidentally face palmed Jungkook’s face instead of his own but that's not the point. “What's wrong??” Jin inquired quite scared now that he heard Hoseok’s Emergency Screams. The whole time he was doing his Usual™ shrieking but this was different. “No hyung! We mustn’t let them distract us any longer! We need to get over with this intervention! Think about all the readers that are bored to death by now with no real answer to any of our questions!” Jimin said as he desperately tried to keep this fanfic’s plot together.
There was a dramatic pause as Jin looked into the general direction of a metaphorical camera angled somewhere in the corner like in kdramas. “You’re right… We must get aggressive!” he suddenly shouted, giving Yoongi an intense gaze before going closer. He strategically used his height to quickly corner yoongi back to the couch with one hand on his shoulder. He looked into the younger’s eyes with an intense stare and said “Tell us truthfully, Yoongi. What does it feel like receiving such succ that it makes you squirm to the point where I can hear the bedsprings all the way from the kitchen?”.
The sudden cornering had yoongi in a daze but he quickly came to his senses and listened to the question with keen ears. He thought for a moment with a blank look on his face - “Stop stealing my trademark face hyung or at least give me credits,” Taehyung said from behind the metaphorical camera - before answering… “IT FEELS GREAT!”. The sudden outburst had everyone’s attention, especially Jin’s, who looked more offended than shocked. “It feels great. There you have my answer can we go now? We literally wasted like four hours or eons or whatever doing this shit we have lives outside of the succ you know,” he blurted out. “Yeah hyung’s right. Your plan was too obvious, I mean?” Taehyung said, pointing to the Wall of Succ banner. “It was fun acting though!” he said rather enthusiastically.
Jimin on the other hand was completely shocked unlike Jin. He never imagined their hard work to be demolished so easily and so quickly. There was no hope anymore. “I’m right here,” hoseok said between his screams as if reading Jimin’s mind. But he ignored it and focused on his job. He had to take down Taehyung or Yoongi. “I-” before Tatas could finish his sentence a small chubby finger made its way up to his lips. “Shush him,” Jimin said quietly looking up at Taeh with a determined expression.
Despite his initial determination in shushing Tea, it was clear in the seconds that followed that Jim had no idea how to approach this turn of events. It was as if this moment of utter befuddlement was written across the stars. Or across Jimin’s face. No one in the room, which includes Tae, could quite place what was going through TaeTae’s mind when he used permanent markers to write the words ‘utter befuddlement’ across Jimin’s forehead and curling down to his plump cheeks, but no one bothered to stop him either.
At that moment, the door burst open. All six friends turned their heads towards the door at the same time, wondering who could be joining them and how, seeing as the owners of the two keys to the unit were inside the room already.
A man stood at the door, one hand still on the doorknob and the other on his keys yet to be taken out of the lock. The bag at his feet fell over, the otherwise quiet noise relatively loud in the silence of the onlookers and owner, startling him out of his shell shocked expression. He opened and closed his mouth several times. He looked to his side, where the apartment number was nailed to the door, as if to confirm something. He turned back to the six friends. His hand dropped to his sides. He began to reach for his pant pockets with one hand while he raised the others to point to the squad. “Who are you people? What are you doing in my home?”
The six bumbling buffoons slowly turned towards each other and began to bumble some more. Jimin wished he was a bumble bee.
“Isn’t this Jin hyung’s home? I thought this was Jin hyung’s home,” thought Jimin.
“That’s what I thought too,” responded Tae.
“Not now Tae. Now isn’t the time for your telepathic powers,” intruded Yoongi.
The man at the door slowly took in the state of his apartment. Through the mess, one abnormality stood out the most and this was the wall decorated with drawings of dicks. Unbelievable?
“Who are you?” screamed Hoseok.
The man clutched his chest both in shock and to ask if Hoseok was indeed talking to - or screaming at - him. He introduced himself after a nod from Hoseok. “I’m Kim Namjoon,” said Kim Namjoon.
The squad was in an uproar. What was going on? How had they not recognized that they were not even in the right home?
The man called the police.
“Woah woah,” said Jinnie as the man took out his phone to call authorities. “Bow wow wow,” replied Tea. “Ew I didn’t know you guys had pet play kinks,” added Jiminie, to which Jin made dismissive expression. “No, hold on don’t call the police yet,” he said. “I have to confirm something”. He turned on his heel to walk over to the corner of the kitchen where there sat a candle camouflaged by a small army of bear figures that Namjoon owned. “I saw this earlier,” his tone was gruff from forcing it to sound two octaves lower than usual. “What is the meaning of this?” he asked, looking directly in Namjoon’s eyes.
A sudden scream erupted from Hosucc’s mouth startling the other six in the group. Realization dawned on Namjoon’s face as he remembered his activities from the previous day. “We don’t have time to cue flashback so I’ll just tell you-” Namjoon, said his voice full of regret. “Oh no need,” Jin cut him off, waving his hand. “And no need to continue this intervention either. Now that you confirmed you know about this candle I know exactly what it is. Thanks for screaming Ho(seok) I know you’re in on it too. Everyone”, he paused for a dramatic effect, “we’re all high,” he finished.
“The fuck Jin hyung I thought I could trust you” Jimin said after a confusing few moments passed. “I have a good explanation for this don’t you worry Jiminie. You see Joon here, along with our Hoseok, bought weed incense without my permission… again.”
“So you’re saying we’ve been high since like yesterday and that’s why you guys planned the intervention because your fume filled brains decided to do so and we complied because we were just as high?” Kook suddenly asked. “......Yeah” came jin’s sheepish reply. “Oh well… that changes everything!” Tae suddenly jumped. He proceeded to take out two blunts from his pocket, handing one to Jungkook as he sat down to smoke on the couch. Hoseok and Yoongi shrugged while they followed suit and were joined by the others. Finally they smoked happily ever after.
“Hold one a second!” Jimin interrupted the ending of this fic. “How did we not know there was weed incense?”.
“Because,”, jin said matter of factly, “weed incense looks like a regular candle and has no smell and is the complete figment of the writer’s imagination to end this fic with all of us being high,” he explained.
“Okay!” jimin said marking the final ending of this fic holy shit.
