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She's sitting up in bed when he comes in, knees drawn to her chest, arms wrapped as tightly around herself as the IV allows. His own had been disconnected earlier for some reason or other. Ian doesn't really understand it, but he is sure the doctors were doing their best for all of them. Rachel and Toby. And Allison. Who like him hadn't gotten any pre-exposure drugs and is now suffering all the worse for it. Not that he is feeling all that awful at the moment. The worst must have already passed.
Allison looks tiny in the hospital bed, even smaller than she usually does. Her eyes are red from crying, lips dry and cracked. She's still now, just sitting there and shaking. Ian isn't sure she's even noticed him coming in. But she must have because now she's speaking.
"They call them walking ghosts, you know." It's almost too silent to make out.
"They call who what now?" He has no idea what Allison is talking about now. Usually, even when the women get out their science words, he can understand the essential bits. But maybe it's been too long a day.
"People exposed to high rates of radiation. Us, Ian. We're ghosts."
"But we're doing better already! We'll be out of here in no time, just you wait."
The terrible haunting creeping into her eyes at those words he would never be able to erase from his mind. Such dark certainty, utter hopelessness.
"It's not over. It doesn't just destroy your cells Ian. It destroys the cells making your cells. You just can't feel it yet." She's staring at him now, as if she's trying to commit every detail to memory, trying to soak in every second in his presence. "Nausea, vomiting, fever, that's just the first wave. A week, maybe two. That's when -" A sob breaks the insistent words, shaking her whole body.
"Allison -" He swallows heavily, not sure what to say, what words there are, but he knows he cannot take the girl on the bed crying. There needs to be something, anything, he can do. Because if this how she - how she dies, an invisible danger getting through anything, not a bullet he can throw himself in front, an explosion he can shield her from, then he's failed. There's no way he can keep her safe from her own body shutting down, irreparably damaged.
Clearing his throat, he says, "Don't you worry, Allison. We might have some hardships to go through but you're tough. Tougher than anyone sees. It'll be over in no time."
He pats her shoulder somewhat awkwardly, not letting the cold feeling inside him show. Doom and gloom would not serve them now.
"But you can't know that! There's no way to tell! You might already be dead or you might catch an infection and even if you survive it might have poisoned your cells anyways and kill you in two years or five and it's all my fault and either way it's just a matter of time before I break you!"
"I -" He opens his mouth. Closes it. Tries to find any words to ease the utter misery sitting in front of him. Shivering in the flimsy hospital gown, eyes red and swollen, skin burnt red from the sun. No, not the sun, the realization feels heavy in his stomach and he almost thinks he'll trow up again. Radiation. Those are radiation burns. Mild, nothing like the images he's seen in classified reports but they are one of the many things destroyed by that single, fatal decision.
The sobs make her whole body tremor, almost convulsing as she tries to push them down. It's all flowing freely from her mouth now, interrupted only by her crying, no chance for him to say anything even if he could find the words.
"You said I shouldn't open it but I just couldn't help myself! Just another stupid thing silly Allison did except this time it's going to kill us and it's all my fault! And there's nothing I can do to make it better! And I should have left when Rachel joined because she doesn't make mistakes like that but I couldn't give up on that silly idea that you might actually care about me and now I've gone and messed it up in the worst possible way and I keep killing people! I killed my fiancé, for God's sake!"
Her eyes stare at him, wildly, terrified and as haunted as any soldier's. Red, traces of mascara still around. "Allison -" he starts again, but she interrupts him. Her voice is so quiet now on her cracked lips, he has to strain to hear it.
"Just please don't die, Ian. I couldn't take it. Please, please don't leave me."
Finally giving up on words, he just wraps her in his arms, awkwardly reaching around her IV. She folds into them, smaller than she should be, holding onto him as tightly as she can.