Chapter Text
It didn’t take a genius to see that they’re falling apart, had been for a while now. Glenn and Maggie barely able to stay in the same room with each other, Daryl gone with his dick of a brother, Rick screaming and raving as he chased off ghosts and the only chance at help they’d had in some time. If they kept going like this, they wouldn’t last long in the prison or anywhere else.
They watched as the newcomers flee, Hershel cursed his crutches, wanting to go after them as soon as they’d left, but damn those stairs. Carol’s fingers itched even as she held onto Carl’s small, shaking shoulders. She had seen children frightened by their fathers far too many times. As Rick finally drew quiet, eyes wide, fearful, she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to hold him or hit him.
“Dad…” Carl’s voice was soft, too young, so different from the way he had begun to grow.
Seeming not to notice, Rick staggered back a few steps, gaze on something above them no one else could see. He shook his head frantically once, twice more before turning on his heel and practically sprinting into the depths of the prison, ignoring the looks following him and the way more than a few hands reached out to him, wanting to pull him back.
As the clang of the door behind him faded, lost eyes looked at each other. Silence hung heavy in the air around them. Turning slightly, Carol met Hershel’s eyes, the old man shrugging a little helplessly. This was not the time for the rest of them to fall apart. Steeling herself, she gave Carl’s shoulders a slight squeeze. “Sweetie, how ‘bout you stay with Beth and your sister a while, alright?” she asked, voice still soft, not quite ready to break the quiet completely.
A beat passed as Carl stared after his father, but he managed to give Carol a firm nod. Ducking a bit, she pressed a kiss to his cheek, hand lingering a little on his back even as she gave him a slight push to get going. She glanced at Glenn, the young man still posed awkwardly at the door where he had ushered the strangers out. He looked about as shaken as she felt. Besides Carl, they had known Rick the longest, to see him lose it so completely like he had…
Not letting the thoughts linger another moment, she moved to Hershel’s side. Eyes flicking back to the door, she bit at her lip. “Should we stop them?”
The old man let out a breath. “Not sure they’d come back after that… I’ll have Axel get them some supplies, try and catch them before they’re gone,” he said with a slight nod. His eyes traveled to her face, lingering there for a moment before he spoke again. “And Rick?”
Crossing her arms over her chest to hug herself, Carol glanced the way their leader had run. She remembered hearing Maggie and Glenn talk about how crazed Rick had been when the latter went after him before. Still, he would need someone, now more than ever. “I’ll go. There shouldn’t be too many the way he went…” He had seen to that the last time.
She could tell by the look on Hershel’s face that he didn’t like the idea, but he simply gave her a grudging nod. “If you’re gone too long, I’ll send Maggie along to check up on you.” It was a fact rather than an offer, so she let her eyes crinkle a little with her smile as she nodded.
Hershel gave her another long look before turning away and hobbling towards the ex-con. Maybe he’d be able to get Tyreese’s group to pause long enough to get a word in. Carol decided to leave it to him. Turning on her heel, she paused only to grab a handgun and make sure it was loaded before heading off down the dark, forbidding hallway.
They had managed to get a few lights on here and there, and there was the slightest bit of daylight flooding in from high, small windows, but the corridors seemed far too fond of their shadows. The small flashlight at her hip called out to her, but she knew the batteries would only last for so long. Better to save them for when she would need them most. Carol moved quietly, straining her ears for Rick, or the shuffling steps of anything else. Both fortunately and unfortunately, she heard neither. In the time they had been there, the group had scouted out the nearby parts of the prison thoroughly, almost trying to map it out.
Not for the first time, she wished Daryl was there. Though she had picked up a thing or two, Carol’s tracking skills were nothing compared to his. He should be the one here to pull Rick out of… whatever it was he was going through. They had become close over the long winter months, possibly closer than Rick had been with Shane. Carol tried to shift those thoughts away with a slight shake of her head. Daryl had his reasons for leaving, it was up to the rest of them to fill his shoes as he had done before.
A soft noise made her freeze, one hand tense on her knife, the other pressed to the wall, for once glad of the shadows she could lurk in. Letting her eyes slide shut, Carol listened intently. Whatever it was, it was close. Carol took a breath and opened her eyes, scanning the area again before she started moving, careful to keep her own steps as quiet as possible. Rounding a corner, the noise seemed to grow slightly louder. Footsteps, it sounded like just the one pair, though she still couldn’t tell who they belonged to. If it was a walker, it seemed to be just one scattered from the pack they had still yet to thin out, shouldn’t be too hard to handle. If it was Rick… well that was another matter entirely.
The gun felt heavy at her hip as she pressed on, fingers itching for something with more punch than her knife. Of course, more walkers was the last thing any of them needed right now and hearing gun shots would make the rest of them panic.
Suddenly, the footsteps seemed to stop dead, prompting Carol to do so as well. Damn, they were so close too. Come on, something, anything. Her silent wish was answered when an all too familiar voice started speaking. Carol couldn’t pick out the words, but the tone made her start off again, faster this time, she could practically hear the hysteria building.
Rick’s voice was nearly shouting by the time she reached the door to the boiler room. Letting out a breath, Carol’s hand hovered over the doorknob, steeling herself for a moment before turning it as quietly as possible, glancing up and down the hallway. If she had followed Rick’s voice it didn’t take a genius to figure out other things could too. She pushed the door open, more than a little relieved to find it wasn’t blocked.
Pausing just inside, she debated calling out to him, not sure he would even hear over his ranting and raving. Carol shut the door behind her and, with a bit of hesitation, sheathed her knife. Didn’t need him thinking she was about to attack. At this point, she didn’t even want to take a chance on anything that might set him off. Slowly, she drew closer, rounding the small corner to peer around at him. Rick seemed to be yelling at the bloated body of a walker. He kept taking shaky steps towards it then away again, hands raking through his hair. She couldn’t tell if he was closer to screaming or sobbing. Maybe both.
“Rick?” Her voice was softer than she’d meant it to be. Okay, so maybe she was a little unsettled, but she was doing her best damn it.
The former Sheriff grew silent, but that was the only sign he had heard her, his back still towards the door, eyes locked on something she couldn’t see. Letting out another slow breath, Carol cautiously approached, stopping about a foot away, one hand in the air, not quite sure if she should reach out to him or not.
“Rick, can you hear me?”
He gave no indication that he could, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides as he stared at the empty space above the walker. Carol inched closer, slowly resting her hand on his arm. She opened her mouth to speak, but he beat her to it.
“You don’t see her, do you?” Rick’s voice was soft, shaky, the slight rasp to it making his shouting before even more evident.
It took her less than a second to guess who he meant. Carol glanced towards the blood covered body; it was the only other thing in the room. He didn’t wait for her to respond. “Why… why is she here? This shouldn’t… I don’t.” Slowly he turned to look at her. “She’s gone… she shouldn’t, it shouldn’t have been—should’ve been me.”
Carol could actually feel her heart break for him. Stepping closer, she reached up, resting a hand on his cheek as she wrapped her other arm around his waist, trying to offer what little comfort she could. She wanted to deny it, say he was wrong, but she knew better than anyone that simple words couldn’t change how he felt. He didn’t return the embrace, arms remaining limp at his sides, but he leant into her touch, eyes slipping shut.
“She wouldn’t want this, Rick,” Carol said softly. “Wouldn’t want you punishing yourself. There was nothing anyone could’ve done.” She wanted to tell him it was alright, but it wasn’t, it would never be. What Rick was going through, there weren’t easy fixes, there didn’t seem to be anything that was easy anymore.
At her words Rick seemed to crumble. He slumped letting his head fall to rest on her shoulder, hands moving up to curl into the fabric of her shirt. Carol didn’t think he was crying, but there was a slight shake to his shoulders. Saying nothing more, she wrapped her skinny arms more tightly around him, running one hand gently up and down his back. After a moment, she found her voice. “Is she still there?”
She felt Rick nod shakily against her shoulder. Pulling back a little, Carol reached up to cup his face again. “Then how about you and me get out of here? Give her some space?”
Rick met her eyes for a moment before glancing beyond her. After a pause that seemed to stretch on forever, he nodded. With a breath of relief, Carol took his hand and gently tugged him from the room with soft, kind words to move him along.
With all that had happened, she couldn’t blame him for any bit of it. Still, someone had to start picking up the pieces.