Chapter Text
When Seungkwan invited him for a dinner — a dinner date, the older one repeated for emphasis with that annoyingly teasing tone of his — Chan thought:
1. Seungkwan is very, very out of it.
2. Seungkwan is losing his mind, or Chan is. Everyone knew how Seungkwan despised being around Chan's. Jeonghan sometimes gets surprised by the remarks Seungkwan would throw whenever Chan is in his line of sight.
3. Seungkwan is fucking with him. No explanation needed. Chan believes he is taking advantage of the effects of alcohol on his mind that's why he's acting like this.
4. Seungkwan had mistaken him for someone else. Chan swears the older meant to invite Hansol or Jeonghan. Maybe Seokmin. Joshua too. Everyone else in the group will probably be invited, but Seungkwan's last resort is Chan. He'll probably choose not to go out if it meant he won't be forced to
hang out with Chan.
"Come again?" Chan narrows his eyes at his hyung, who is now snuggling against his back. He refuses to acknowledge the burning in his ears, blaming it on the alcohol they're drinking.
Maybe he already had too much alcohol for tonight. Seungkwan too. Maybe they should stop drinking. And go home. So Chan can bury himself under his sheets and overthink how Seungkwan is practically trying to merge their skins together.
"You heard me. Go on a dinner with me," Seungkwan mumbles into his nape again. It's the fourth time he said that tonight. Not that Chan is counting.
It sends shivers crawling down Chan's spine, and he almost curses under his breath (almost because Seungkwan would smack him in the head and accuse him of being a disrespectful dongsaeng if he tries to curse out loudly). Of all the times for his Seungkwan-hyung to get clingy, it had to be now when his heart is already doing somersaults from too much soju.
Yes. It's because of soju. No way Seugkwan is the reason for it. Is he insane?
"I already made a reservation," the older one continues, his words slightly slurred. He hiccups then presses his forehead against Chan's nape, his breath warm against the younger's skin. "You should— Chan-ah, you should dress nicely tomorrow, okay? I will pick you up after—after practice. Ow! My head hurts. Hyung's head hurts, Chan-ah"
They're all drunk, some are tipsy. Chan swore he saw Soonyoung trip over an invisible force on his way to the kitchen. Seokmin is already attempting to kiss Myungho. Jeonghan and Joshua are somehow flirting in a corner, obviously drunk—but that wasn't the point.
Point is, Seungkwan is definitely wasted—to the point of mixing up his words and accidentally inviting Chan to a dinner instead of someone else in their group.
Weird, Chan can't help but think. Seungkwan is usually responsible in his alcohol intake. He knows what is too much and when to stop drinking. He's always responsible about his health. But tonight, Chan witnessed the side of Seungkwan that looks like he wants to drown in alcohol.
Seungkwan's been on a bad mood since morning, snapping more at Chan and frequently rolling his eyes at every word that comes out of Chan's lips. Chan even wondered what he did wrong for Seungkwan to act like he's his greatest nemesis (which is true by the way but his attitude today is really confusing.)
Now this.
What happened to Seungkwan and why is he doing this to me?
"Hyung," Chan huffs out a quiet laugh, squirming to escape the headlock Seungkwan had thrown around him. He convinces himself it is a headlock and not a hug—thought it is suspiciously comforting, clingy even. "Get off! You are drunk!"
"I am not drunk!" Seungkwan protested, tightening his hug around the younger one's frame.
"You're spitting nonsense for ten minutes now. And, you want me to believe you're not drunk?"
The warmth of their bodies combined with the effects of alcohol — curse Seungcheol-hyung for picking something so strong — is enough for Chan's vision to swim and his heart to pound in his ribcage. The hug, which often feels like home on normal days was suffocating now that his mind is in a mess, trying to make sense of why his hyung is suddenly acting like this.
No way Seungkwan is suddenly asking him out on a dinner date. Do you know how many times Seungkwan had said he detested Chan's existence? Playfully, of course.
"Chan-ah. Look at hyung. Come on" Seungkwan called again, the lilt in his voice obvious. A soft whiny tone he got whenever he is way too drunk or when he wanted to be clingy to others. The latter, of course, only happens to Chan on extremely rare occasion.
Seungkwan and Chan's relationship lean heavily on teasing and banter. Playful arguments that rarely ever turned into real fights are a norm. Of course, they didn't physically fight but their frequent arguments between them is enough to make everyone wonder whether they were still joking or an actual fight had already started. Nobody understands their friendship better than they do. Nobody treasures it like Chan does.
So, Chan — given how he literally starts a fight with Seungkwan on a daily basis — doesn't know how to process this sudden... clinginess. This sudden affection.
He can only witness this kind of affection with Seungkwan and Junhui, or Seungkwan and Wonwoo. Seungkwan and Hansol. It does happen to Chan but he avoids this as much as he can. Brushes it off as Seungkwan just trying to annoy him, because if he don't, his heart wouldn't stop jumping in pure joy.
"Why don't you look at me? I missed—" Seungkwan mumbles something incoherent on his skin, obviously drunk. He snuggles closer to Chan, his hug almost consuming him, and gently tilts the younger's chin so he's forced to meet his hyung's gaze. His lovely hyung (annoyingly). His wasted Seungkwan-hyung. "Go on a date with hyung. It's my treat. Don't you want that, Chan-ah?"
A date.
A date.
Chan couldn't help but stare at Seungkwan for a moment, the softness in his eyes making something in his chest throb. If only Seungkwan knew how his heart aches every time he looks into those eyes, how would he even react?
Would he tease him even more? Is he going to hate him for feeling this way? For feeling something more to his hyung? Chan's stomach twists at the mere thought.
"You've been saying that for ten times already~" he looks away, playfully swatting Seungkwan's arm, and still trying to escape the hug. The hug that's been suffocating his heart for almost ten minutes now.
If Seungkwan doesn't let him go right now, Chan will die. And if he dies, he'll haunt Seungkwan for the rest of his life. He will scare him everyday just to get back at him.
A huff from Seungkwan, almost sulky escaped him. If Chan didn't know any better, he would've thought Seungkwan is about to start sulking now.
"Yet, you didn't even answer me. Don't waste my efforts in reserving a table for us, brat!"
"I didn't ask you to do that!" Chan answers back. Because that's how he should answer. Stubborn. In denial. That's how Seungkwan address him most of the time.
"You've been going on about how I am too cheap for not treating you," Seungkwan huffs, giving Chan a smack on his shoulder. Chan hisses at it, elbowing Seungkwan in retaliation—because of course he would. He will never let Seungkwan have the last hit.
"You're inviting the wrong person," Chan awkwardly laughs when Seungkwan tries to pull at his hair in defense. "Are you that wasted to confuse me for someone? Hansol-hyung is literally beside me!"
Chan's usually loud HA HA HA laughter had been reduced to a soft, breathless chuckle. Even Seungkwan notices it given how he tries to look at his face but Chan only shrinks under his hyung's gaze.
Can you blame him? Seungkwan is acting weird tonight. Really weird!
Seungkwan finally let him go, releasing Chan from his hug. Thank heavens.
"What do you mean?" he asked, his voice soft but edged with the stubborn insistence he always had when Chan resists him. Whenever he needs to beat the stubbornness out of Chan. Whenever he wants to beat some sense into Chan's little brain.
And, as much as Seungkwan likes to preach about being smarter than him, Chan knows Seungkwan's thought process slows down whenever he's drunk. Not to mention, Chan is wearing the same colored sweater Hansol has tonight so it's only logical for him to think that Seungkwan is probably confused.
Tonight's monthly dinner has the three youngest coincidentally sitting together. Chan is stuck between them, whether he likes it or not. Seungkwan forced him to sit in the middle and Hansol doesn't look like he has a problem with it so.. ultimately, Chan fails to choose a seat away from Seungkwan. Normally, Chan enjoys the attention from his hyungs — indulges in it — because who wouldn't? He has the loveliest hyungs in the whole wide world, everyone would wish to be in his position.
Normally, Chan likes this attention. But not tonight. Not Seungkwan's attention. Not the type of attention that teethers over the unfamiliar territory of fondness. Unfamiliar because Chan refuses to believe Seungkwan feels any bit of fondness for him.
He's not Junhui-hyung. Or Wonwoo-hyung who are both so easy to love, to adore.
Chan is just.. Chan.
With a sigh, he points at the empty seat beside him watching how confusion crosses Seungkwan's flushed face. "If you meant to invite Hansol-hyung, he left earlier" he says, correcting Seungkwan. "I don't know where he went just wait for him to come back. Now, stop bothering me"
Where is Hansol-hyung, anyway? Jihoon-hyung is also gone?
A frown creases the older's face as he looks at the younger, clearly confused. "No?" he shakes his head, then he winces before focusing on back Chan. "Why would I invite him?"
"Uh, because you always eat out with him?"
"Can I not have a dinner with you?"
Chan's heart aches at the soft, confused look his hyung was giving him. His drunk hyung looks unbearably adorable right now (he would never admit that to Seungkwan's face but you get the point). If only Seungkwan weren't spouting some nonsense right now, Chan might've reached up to playfully pinch his cheeks. Just to annoy him.
But right now, it was Chan who is getting annoyed.
"Of course, you can hyung. But isn't that weird?" Chan tries to ignore the urge to stand up and leave.
"How come? You don't want to? Is that what you're implying? You don't want to go out with me?"
"No—no, hyung. Of course—" of course I'd love to go out with you. Do you know how I dream about this sane exact moment every night? Do you know how desperate I am to receive your attention? Do you know how fast my heart beats when you're being like this—"I just—I just thought you're confused . I thought you meant to invite Hansol-hyung"
Seungkwan's mouth opens then closes again. Like he's searching for word that's suddenly too difficult to form, especially when Chan looks like he's on the brink of a full-blown breakdown.
Chan needs to go home. Right this moment. One more question from Seungkwan with that confused, earnest tone that screams he still doesn't understand what Chan really wants but still looks at him like that — like he's someone worth the world — Chan is going to break.
And he doesn't want to fall apart in the open. Not in front of everyone. Especially in front of him.
"Channie," the nickname grated against Chan's mind, clawing its way past the walls guarding his troubled heart. "It's you I'm inviting. Why would— I would've asked Sollie myse—"
"Hyung, please," Chan interrupted, raising two fingers in front of Seungkwan's face. "How many fingers do you see?
"Huh? Uh—" Seungkwan blinks a few times, obviously taken aback. "Three?"
"See? You're wasted!" Chan sighs dramatically which earned him another smack from Seungkwan. He ignores it like how he ignores the ache that is slowly consuming his whole being.
Seungkwan's obviously confusing him for someone else. There's no way he was actually inviting Chan out, let alone a... date. Chan would bet Seungkwan would rather buy a cheap ramen from a convenience store than sit across from him at a restaurant—
"I am drunk, but I know who is who," Seungkwan slowly says as if doing it will help Chan to understand his words.
Chan wants to be offended at the motion but he doesn't have the time for that. He's too busy calming his rapid heartbeat.
"You can't just ask me out, hyung" he feels drunk. Drunk from all the attention Seungkwan is giving him. "And don't word it like that!" like it's a date. "You're being weird"
"Word it like what? Like a date? I'm being serious"
Chan ignored him. Again, Seungkwan gets a little dumb and confused whenever the alcohol muddled his thoughts. Chan reminded that to himself over and over again, trying to make sense of the impossible situation.
It didn't work on the older, though. With Seungkwan suddenly sitting up straight, Chan knows he's fucked.
"Chan," Seungkwan's voice sharpens, his eyes burning holes at the younger's back.
So, Chan does what he is best at doing. Deflecting.
"Yeah?" he laughs again, reaching for the glass of soju that's been sitting in front of him for a while now. Chan tilts his head back and drinks, the sharp taste burning its way down his throat before settling heavy in his stomach. "If you really mean that, say it to me again when you're sober, hyung"
"I am sober" Seungkwan insists, an offended look crossing his face.
"You answered wrong earlier"
"That's not the point"
When Chan finally looks at Seungkwan again, disbelief was written all over his face. As if Chan had offended his entire lineage, as if he had said something that cut through Seungkwan's kind heart.
Chan hated that. He hated how it affected him too, how it left him confused about what Seungkwan's true intentions really were.
"Why are you inviting me?" Of all people.
"Why not?" Seungkwan snarls, teeth bared at him. "I can't have a date with our maknae?"
A date? Fuck Seungkwan and his words.
"You're making it sound weird," Chan complains, thanking the orange lights above them for covering Chan's heated cheeks. Stupid, words. Stupid, heart.
"You could've just said no instead of accusing me of being drunk," Seungkwan snaps, a mix of offense and disbelief in his voice.
"Hyung—"
"Chan," Seungkwan cuts him off, voice firm but still carrying that tipsy lilt. He grabs Chan's wrist gently, forcing him to meet his eyes. "Why are you not taking me seriously? It's just a dinner."
Yeah, a dinner date you said, Chan thinks bitterly.
The churning feeling in his stomach is impossible to ignore. He wants to tease Seungkwan, bring back that old comfortable teasing and banter dynamic they had. But how can he when Seungkwan's gaze pins him so completely, as if he's the only person in this room?
Chan quickly looks away, refusing to meet Seungkwan's gaze. His chest tightens at the way his hyung's eyes linger on him, soft and unwavering. He wants to pretend he's okay, wants to tease Seungkwan, rile him up until both of them forgets.. whatever this is.
But the lump in Chan's throat refuses to be ignored, pressing against his chest like a quiet ache. As if every unspoken word he wishes he can tell Seungkwan wants to come out, desperate to be heard. Still, Chan swallows it down in one sharp gulp of the bitter soju. It didn't help, only made his heart burn even more.
If Seungkwan is just teasing—If Seungkwan is just fucking with Chan's drunk, muddled brain, then... what is he supposed to do with all of this?
Chan is still convinced Seungkwan is too out of it and confuses him for someone else. Someone he likes. Someone who is not Chan.
Chan wants to drink that one bottle of soju in one go. To forget the all consuming ache in his chest.
"Then, hyung" Chan begins, his voice uncertain. Fuck it. Seungkwan —if Seungkwan really meant to ask Chan out then—
"If you're really honest about that then.." Chan wants to cry at the fond look Seungkwan is giving him.
There's no way Seungkwan likes him the way Chan feels for him.
Chan's going to pass out from all of this.
"..ask me again tomorrow, when both of us are sober enough. Then I'll go out with you"