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"What´s in your mind, Caro Mio?"
Jamil looked up from his notes, finding Azul standing in front of him.
The merman was already on his pijamas, which gave him a soft kind of look: long-sleeved shirt, baggy pants, a stripe pattern to the smooth, dark purple fabric, barefoot on the carpet and tousled hair. The vision was such a contrast to how he presented himself to the world, sharp and calculated and pristine, that he almost looked like a totally different person.
They were at Azul´s room in Octavinelle, as they were partners on a potionology presentation Crewel assigned their class and it was easier to just make a sort of slumber party together to review their parts before sleep and during breakfast, since they- well, they were dating for over four months now.
The familiarity of the scene hit the boy like a train, it´s intimacy melting the tight knot in his stomach a bit with a kaleidoscope of butterflies. He sighed, massaging his temples as he skimmed on his notes once more.
"Nothing. Just- reviewing what I´ll gotta say tomorrow."
Azul hummed, gently tucking the other´s hair behing his ear, fingers lightly following the lines of his jaw to his chin.
"We´ll do great. I know it, Gioia."
Jamil rolled his eyes. The gesture, however, had some foundness to it, some playfulness. (A whole lot of love, too.)
"Because we are together?"
"Why, of course!" He giggled, smiling wide and cheerful as he cupped his boyfriend´s face on his hands. "I have told you to absolute exhaustion, haven´t I? We´ll take over the whole world together as long as we are together!"
The boy raised his brows, smug.
"And I have told you to exhaustion that those are pretty bold things to promise someone, Habibi."
"Please", that was Azul´s turn to roll his eyes, caressing the coper colored skin as if it was delicate porcelain, reverent. "I am not one to leave things to luck or chance. You should know that, right? I´ll make sure we have a very possible and very effective plan."
Jamil tilted his head a bit, covering one of the paler hands with his own and leaving a chaste kiss on it´s palm, gazing at his (flushing bright blue) boyfriend under his fluttering lashes.
"I feel like there´s plenty of things that´ll go out of our plans. What then? We´ll play by ear?"
"That´s- well." He cleared his throat, looking at a 18th century Shaftalands gold coin hanging by the like it was the most interesting thing. "It´s inevitable, yes. And I do think we- we´re smart and capable enough to get past anything."
The kaleidoscope of butterflies got fussier, making him feel sickeningly giddy. He swallowed the feeling in order to raise his brows with a smug grin.
"Wow. You are so obsessed with me …"
The merman yelped, snaping his head back to the boy. He was the color of a blueberry, now.
"Wha- I´m not!"
"Hm, ´m not sure ´bout that …" He taunted, caressing the paler hand that still was on his face. "Weren´t you the one to persue me incessantly? Telling me we make a great duo and asking me to join Octavinelle, trying to strike a deal with me …"
Azul groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Well- you agreed to be my boyfriend, in the end."
Jamil turned his boyfriends hand so it´s back was up. The merman wasn´t wearing gloves, showing many, many biting scars, some nastier than others. There was even a fresh one, still covered on coagulated blood. The boy brought it to his lips, gingerly kissing each one of them. He snorted against the pale, scared skin and turned the stormy sky of his eyes to the deep ocean of his boyfriend´s.
"I did, didn´t I?"
Azul dumply nodded, whithout even blinking.
"Thank Seven you did."
Jamil fully cackled, then, pulling his octopus by the hand so they could hug. Strong, familiar arms wrapped around his, grounding him.
Jamil never considered himself a touchy person. In the past, he often felt overwhelmed by how much Kalim demanded physical contact from him at all times. He thought that, if he ever were to date someone, they would be distant and ever so mindfull of each other´s personal space.
That notion flew out of the window in the span of a single day into his relationship with Azul.
(Maybe the knoledge that, even if the merman was found of constant physical contact, he would never force him to have it made a great difference. The awareness of a choice, a clear boundary that won´t ever be disrespected.)
Azul probbed his head on his, tracing the patterns of braids with his fingers. The feeling was pleasent, soothing.
"I love you, Gioia."
(Jamil remembered the first time the petname sliped in Jade and Floyd's vicinity. He remembered the way they turned to them like sharks smelling blood on water, the way horror washed through Azul´s face when he realized his misstep. He remembered the twins´ jokes and prods, repeating "gioia" like it was the funniest thing on Twisted Wonderland. He remembered how they revealed, between the cecaelia´s embarrassed protests and their own lagher, that it means "happiness". He rememberd the fucking whiplash of understanding that someone was calling him his happiness.)
Jamil left a chaste kiss on his boyfriend´s shoulderblade, flusterring like he always did when receiving such a confession.
"I- I know, Rouhi."
(Jamil remembers when Kalim caught him calling Azul that. The way he practicaly exploded from sheer excitement, yapping about how he was happy for them and that they should make a huge party to celebrate their love and start to plan their wedding. He remembers how fucking close he was to killing that dumbass. He remembers how his boyfriend turned into the cutest blueberry when Kalim shouted that the petname meant "my soul".)
"Go take a hot shower. It´ll help you relax, Love." The merman kissed his forehead, tucking another lock of hair behind his ears. "I´ll be waiting for you in bed, ok?"
That was- … a great idea, actually.
"… Ok. Won´t take long."
Azul took a step back so Jamil could get up and go grab some pijamas.
(He had his own shelf on the merman´s wardrope, now, full of spare hoodies and pijama sets. There were specific hair oils the boy liked to use on the desk, the brand of shampoo and conditioner he used on the bathroom cabinet. It was possible to find his hairties scattered around the room if you looked for it. And there were his boyfriend´s things everywhere at his own room back at Scarabia, too.)
He didn´t even lock the door as he entered the attached bathroom, sighing. He looked at his reflection on the mirror, taking in how red in the face he was.
So. Out of the two, Azul was the first one to say "I love you". It was somewhere near their two-month mark. They were talking on the phone, and they were biding goodbye when the words slipped from his lips. The call was over before the boy could even register it.
(Jamil was up all that night, thinking about it.)
It was awkward when they met the next day, neither part having the courage to adress the elephant in the room.
It was only when they were together at Scarabia´s kitchen at night, lights dimly lit, when they acknoledged what happened.
I meant it, Azul had said, fidgeting with his fingers and fixing his glasses. You don´t have to say it back, but I love you a whole lot.
And Jamil indeed never said "I love you" back. Like a fucking coward.
It´s just- it´s a serious confession to make lightly! He wasn´t the one to say big words to begin with, more found of showing his affection through actions. Verbal affirmations were more of a Azul thing in their relationship, and have always been — long before there was a relationship in the first place.
But. He did. Love Azul. (A whole fucking lot.) Or something like that.
And it was so frustrating to not be capable of speaking his mind on the matter.
As much as he tried to make his feelings clear to his boyfriend … having loud and clear verbal confirmation was important to Azul. He was always so insecure about having people´s affections, doubting and stressing and biting his hands until they scar over whether he would be bullied and alone again.
Jamil would have to get over his "not saying I love you" problem. And fast.
But first things first: he got into the shower, taking a quick bath so he could join his beloved octopuss in bed and cuddle with him until they fall asleep.
…
The chatter died down as Crewel entered the classroom. His sharp gaze hovered the students as he lightly tapped his hand with his leather wip.
"I expect you pups to be prepared for the presentation."
Dead, heavy silence. Jamil felt as Azul grabbed his hand, and he took the opportunity to draw slow, soothing circles on the gloved surfice. The teacher snorted.
"There´s no reason to fear if you were good pups and folloowed my instructions." He put the wip down, leaning on the desk. "I´ll refresh your memory on the ground rules to this presentation, so pay carefull attention."
The couple locked eyes for a second before looking back, breaking into cold sweat.
This wasn´t a good sign.
"You had to work in pairs to research a potion of your choice and make a presentation to the class", Crewel repeated for what could be the gazillionth time since the first one. "You need to cover it´s history, brewing process and effects. I´ll call each group in a random order, and you´ll have at most twenty minuts to present. Use less than fifteen minutes and you´ll fail instantly, but for every extra minute you spend on top of those twenty, a whole point is taken from your final grade."
The students swallowed hard in union. The teacher gave them a grin that could only be described as sadistic.
"Let´s begin, shall we?"
With a roll of his magic pen, a full on roullet appeared from thin air, every and each of the groups on them. Crewel rolled it, and they looked as it moved in slow motion. It eventually came to a halt, pin pointing at it´s first victims.
Ashengotto and Viper.
"Come here to the board, pups!"
The couple locked eyes once more, gave a last squeeze on each other´s hand and got to work.
Azul wrote "mer transformation potion" with neat handwriting on the board while Jamil organized the glowing flasks and bottles on the desk. Crewel sat by the other students, showing a hourglass with green sand inside.
"The sand here will turn red as soon as your twenty minuts are up."
The couple swallowed. The teacher widened his smile.
"Starting in one, two, three-"
He turned the hourglass. The sand — and their time limit — began to run. Azul put on his polished smile and made a long gesture to their classmates.
"Good morning! Me and Jamil elected the mer transformation potion as our subject of choice for this project. As many of you may know, I am originally a cecaelia, an octopuss merman, and am studying here on land, so I´m particularly found of the effects of this concoction myself."
He explained how it was an ancient invention, dating around six centuries back. He explained how it is credited as the Sea Witch´s invention, one of her many masterpieces. He explained how the Mermaid Princes was the first one to use it and follow her dreams to live as a humam being on land, going as far as falling in love with a prince and getting married to him.
(Jamil wondered if Azul would keep taking the potion to be with him on land. He would take the inverse potion to go with his boyfriend to Coral Sea, he was sure of it, but …)
Jamil took a step foward, facing his classmates, and made a wide gesture to the flasks and bottles sitting at the desk.
"The original recipe is way more complex than the version we usually have at hand. The ingredient list is never ending and difficult to come by, and the process in not only longer, but ridiculously meticulous, too."
(He would go through that process if Azul wanted him to, or if he deemed it necessary. Just so they could still be side by side.)
Crewel raised his brows, interested.
He explained how the original recipe would give the mer person to take it the ability to transform themselves to and from humam form as they wished, until their death. He explained how the currently offered potions, like the ones presented on the desk, had a shorter transformation deadline, making it necessary that one would go back to it´s original form every ten days and wait at least half an hour to take the next dose.
(He made plenty of yapping, actually. It fucking sucked.)
The hourglass ran almost half of it´s green sand. Azul fixed his glasses, clearing his throat.
(Jamil felt himself tense up, knowing how the subject made his boyfriend unconfortable.)
"The side effects will vary for each mer person to take the potion. For exemple: most of them already have an internal calcium skeleton, but some don´t, so the potion makes the mer people who don´t have it grow one to compensate for the lacking structure."
(Jamil remembered what Azul told him about the transformation process. How it is extremely painful, how much the feeling of bones growing inside him was pure agony, how being down to four limbs instead of ten made his spacial awareness and balance a mess, how on-land gravity takes a tool on him.)
Five minutes left. They only needed to make the final considerations and the presentation would be over. Jamil breathed in.
"The transformation potion is not exactly essential. Mer people have lived in their underwater societies since the begining of time, separated from all land species. However-"
That was when he heard it. The buzz of little, nasty wings being used. Getting close.
His head snapped to the side, eyes wide.
A fucking cockroach came from the window, flying directly to the board. The motherfucker landed on the "transformation" written there.
Jamil jumped to the side, shivering violently.
Crewel snorted, amused.
The hourglass was still working.
Panic seeped through his body. He locked eyes with Azul. He stared at the damn bug, every and each muscle painfully tense.
The merman grabbed his handkerchief from his blazer. The boy swollowed.
"Uh, well- mer society has interacted with land and- uh, contributed-"
Azul tried to hit the bug with the white fabric. It flew to the other side of the board. Jamil´s voiced cracked as he ran, getting behind the desk.
"-Contributed to cientific findings regarding the sea and potionmaking-"
Another hit. The cockroach flew a full circle before landing exactly were it was, making Jamil duck and go to the opposite side of the board. He glanced to the hourglass.
Three more minutes. Panic rose even more.
"It is now- uh, a simpler version of the recipe is now used so both sides can visit each other´s spaces, learn with each other-"
The bug crawled in his direction. He almost triped, as Azul followed the motherfucker, still set on killing it, and they bumped. He groaned, face getting hotter and hotter.
"-And share both culture and resourses. The transformation process is at least, uh, unconfortable, and at most extremely painful-"
Jamil ducked once more as the cockroach flew at his direction. He hit his head on the desk, flasks and bottles clattering as the surfice shook. He got behind it, head spining, and gripped at it hard. He had goosebumps all over.
Two minutes left.
Azul got his magic pen, using magic to control the handkerchief. He smashed the fabric on the board repeatedly, somehow missing the target every time.
"The mass and height of the user changes proportinally to each, uh, mer species´ size conventions-"
The bug crawled in circles, smudging the written words on the black surfice. Jamil´s body was impossibly tense, every and each of his instincts telling him to get the fuck out of there, no matter the grade he would get out of it.
But he couldn´t do it with Azul.
He breathed in and out between his clenched teeth.
"There´s no solid information on how skintone equivalence works, but haircolor usually stays the same-"
The motherfucker flew one last time.
Straight to Jamil´s face.
There was only one minute left.
His life flashed through his eyes.
He ran into Azul, using him as a flesh shield as his patience and courage ran out completely.
"-And now human and mer society are almost merged thanks to this potion- THE END! SOMEONE PLEASE KILL THIS SHIT RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"
The cockroach made a full circle in the air. Azul blasted a tiny, certain fireball that cremated the cursed thing. Jamil watched, eyes wide and grip tight on his boyfriends shoulder, as it burnt and died, agonizing in the floor. In a second, there were only ashes and Jamil´s panic to tell the story.
There was a moment of deep silence in the classroom.
Azul turned to him, beads of sweat on his temples, face scrunched up in worry. Jamil could only look at him in awe, like a damsel in distress would gaze at her knight in shining armor. He felt as his body relaxed and a gloved hand touched his cheek.
"Are you ok? You hit your-"
"I fucking love you."
There was a collective gasp. It was worth of a Scalding Sands´ drama series.
Jamil looked at the shocked class, suddenly remembering that they had an audience. He let go of his boyfriend as if he got eletrocuted, flushing beet red as he pulled his hood up, succesfully hiding his face. Poor Azul was no different — except for the fact that, well, he gets blue when blushing and had no hood —, jaw on the floor.
"I- I beg your pardon?"
Crewel snickered, stopping the hourglass before clapping slowly, pretty amused.
"What a presentation, pups! I´m throughly impressed. You finished in time, even with … adversities going against you."
The class tried to smother a laugh. Jamil considered the pros and cons of using Snake Whisper on everyone there so they would forget all about this humiliating ordeal. The teacher took some notes and made a gesture.
"You can sit now. I´ll choose the next group."
The couple grabbed the flasks, bottles and what little dignity they had left and sat down in their places.
…
The sounds of the Mostro Lounge were muffled by the magical barrier of the VIP session. A pity, really, that Jamil would like loud noises to distract him from the awkward silence between him and Azul while they ate.
We should get lunch at Mostro Lounge to celebrate the end of the project, the merman had said. We´ll go to the VIP session, everything on the house.
The boy stared as his boyfriend played with his karaage, a frown on his face and pursing his mouth. He swallowed, playing with his own curry.
"You not hungry?"
He saw as Azul swallowed, too, and fixed his glasses.
"What you said after I killed the cockroach", he muttered, shy and careful. "Is it … true?"
It felt like he just got out of an oven. His fingers tingled to pull on his hood more, disapearing. He had the urge to deny everything, pretend that he has said nothing at that moment.
However, Jamil felt like he owed it to his boyfriend. Those … things were meant to be said to each other. Affirmations of love shouldn´t be locked up inside his chest and have the key thrown away, hoping his partner would pick up on confusing clues about it.
So, the boy breathed in and out once, twice, fifteen times before turning his stormy sky to the deep ocean.
"It is, Azul", he confessed, voice cracking a bit. "I- I do. Love you. A lot, actually."
The merman blinked once, twice, fourty times. He turned more and more blue by the second, so much as to give a ripe blueberry a run for it´s money. He pointed at himself, flabbergasted.
"You love me!?"
Ok, that was too much. Jamil pulled his hood strings, successfully disapearing inside it, and groaned loudly.
"You heard me!"
"You can´t- how can you simply say that without warning me!"
He could picture his boyfriend biting his hands out of nervousness at that moment. The thought alone made him get enough courage to at least peek from his hood. And, indeed, the merman was munching on his gloved hand. He reached for him, leaning on the table, grabbing him by the wrist.
"Don´t do that-"
"Sorry", he chocked. "Sorry- it´s just-"
Azul was crying, numerous, fat tears soaking his beautiful face. With his free hand, Jamil caressed a wet cheek, trembling from panic.
"Is- me saying 'I love you' a bad thing?"
The merman shook his head harshly, lower lip trembling. He freed his hand so he could grab the other´s, interlacing their fingers. The boy raised a brow — even though it could not be seen through the hood.
"What is it? Are those happy or sad tears?
Azul chocked up a laugh, shooking his head once more.
"Happy, Gioia. Very happy."
He sighed in relief, the petname waking up the butterflies in his belly.
"That´s good", he nodded, grining smuggly. "You were the first one to say it, after all, so-"
The merman groaned, using his free hand to push his (still hidden inside the hood) boyfriend´s face away.
(Their hands were still clasped together, though.)
"Oh, shut up!"
The boy snorted, leaning on the a table by the elbow.
"Oh, yeah? Make me."
Azul´s eye had a nervous tic. He let go of their joined hands — a crime, really — as he got up, walking around their table and climbing on the couch his boyfriend was currently sitting. Jamil´s heartbeat picked up the pace.
"Uh, Habibi-"
The merman stared him at the eye, finding the stormy sky hidden inside the soft hideout. The intensity was enough to make the boy shiver. A gloved hand reached for the hem of the hood.
"May I?"
Because, as much as Azul was stubborn and greedy, he would never cross the boundaries of the ones he loved.
And love Jamil Azul did.
The boy nodded, hesitant, almost like a scared child. The gloved hand, slowly but surely, lowered the barrier made out of fabric, revealing a flustered face. The merman smiled and tilted his head.
"There you are, Gioia."
There you are, Happiness.
Jamil took the gloved hand on his, touch firm but gentle. Ever so careful, he took off the white garment, revealing the scared skin. There was a fresh biting mark there from five minutes ago, not deep enough to scar but enough to still hurt and leave the redened lines of teeth. He lifted the hand to his lips, peppering tender, lingering kisses there.
He looked to his boyfriend from underneath his lashes, reveling on how his octopus looked at him in awe.
(Like Jamil was the one to hang the moon and stars in the sky.)
"Here I am, Rouhi."
Here I am, my Soul.
Azul cuped Jamil´s face with his free, gloved hand and leaned to kiss his lips. The boy ended up losing his balance and falling backwards on the couch, which only made them stare at each other for a second, surprised, before bursting out laughing and going back at smooching.
Because they indeed could get past anything — as long as they had each other.