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Jaehyun hyung has a secret alt account on Tw*tter that not even the five of us knows. Well, now I know, but my point still stands: he has an account that he kept secret from us, and the staff. (It was given, we also have locked private accounts that are only for following each other; but Jaehyun hyung’s alt account is in a different category.) What makes it so different, you may ask?
Well… The account’s username has something to do with me.
@babyangelwh_1129
That was the username. I swear It’s not my intention to snoop around, I came across the username purely out of coincidence. You see, we’ve been cutting down our time checking SNS (except weverse) because, firstly; work, and to avoid unnecessary hate buzz that doesn’t really mean anything yet still hurtful. It’s not something that I really care about, rather than minding someone’s opinion on Tw*tter dot com, I have a pile of work to go through … also, I’m more worried about Jaehyun hyung than myself. Onedoors are my concern, but Jaehyun hyung is more of a bigger concern to me. My hyung, who’s so bright and full of love, is also someone who shoulders a lot of responsibilities and burdens.
He takes care of everyone. He takes care of me. Aside from my sinful feelings about him, in my core I just want to repay back the care and love he had given me. So … It just started with me reminding my hyung to not open SNS that much. I know sometimes he went a rabbit hole deeper than he should, and required someone to lift him back up. These days, hyung is glued to his phone; writing something that’s not even like song lyrics. I thought he was writing a diary, but that doesn’t seem like that either. It was something else entirely; it’s hard to explain. But there’s just this worry swirling at the pit of my stomach while watching him fidget with his phone these days.
It was just a light nudge. A small tug on his sleeve to remind him what’s really matter right now. True, I did push him a little bit, asking if he was really checking too much about posts about our band, maybe posts about him, reactions to his schedules and MC jobs? or what is it, really, that he’s doing all this time? Of course Jaehyun hyung deflected all of it, reassuring me that he’s not reading hate posts and what not. Even going so far to show me his search bar and timeline … But that was where he slipped up. Because the moment he let me peek on his screen, I saw a new notification coming from that account: babyangelwh_1129. If it was just a random Kak*otalk notification, I would’ve ignored it. However, this is a Tw*tter notification and the username is just too hard to gloss over.
I was frozen in place. Back then, it didn’t seem like Jaehyun hyung realized what I had seen. But he did seem to notice there’s new notification the moment he returned his phone back to him. Strangely, maybe not so strangely—he ended our conversation fast. For what, I assume because he wanted to see that notification as soon as possible. Since then, I couldn’t stop thinking about that account and the interesting username.
For some reason, I don’t have much courage to actually open the profile. I went so far to type it on my search bar, yes, just to check if the account really existed. And sure enough, it exists. What stared back at me from my phone is proof that I wasn’t seeing things back then. From the little thumbnail on my search bar, the icon of that account is a R*llakkuma. There’s no real name in its display name, just a bear emoticon. Everyone knows the fandom associated me with either bear or snowman. But this choice of bear really lined up with the Jaehyun hyung that I know. He keeps saying how I resemble a bear after all…
“Haa…” What should I do with this? The account is not even locked. It’s a public account, and from a glance it just seems like another fan account with me as the user’s bias. Maybe this isn’t Jaehyun hyung’s, after all? But then, why does he have the notifications turned on…? And, it’s not like this is a bad finding. My heart is actually swollen with something strange since I found out about it. Though there’s so much inside of me that I’d rather not admit, I couldn’t help feeling happy that Jaehyun hyung had this account with a username dedicated to me. Though it’s still babying me, still … It wasn’t Riwoo hyung or Sungho hyung. But me. Kim Woonhak. If this account fell to the fan account category, then that means …
There’s a possibility that Jaehyun hyung sees me as a man, right?
I mean! We flirted a lot with our fans, tapping into their fantasy of having us as their companion… Some saw us like their kids (I have a lot of fans like this), some saw us like boyfriends… but commonly, they saw us as someone to love dearly like a boyfriend, right?! That’s why we flirted a lot as our fan service, no?! So, if Jaehyun hyung has a fan account dedicated to me—
He definitely wants to have me as his boyfriend, right? At least to some degree? The ‘baby’ is a point of interest, for sure. But come on now, a lot of my fans are also babying me but still crying everyday wanting to be my girlfriend. We can’t really rule out the possibility that Jaehyun hyung is also like that. Instead, the possibility is actually supposed to be kinda high, right?
“—Hey, stop being so glued into your phone.” Taesan hyung threw something at me, destroying my line of thought that’s starting to spiral into somewhere else. What was thrown at me was a paper turned into a ball that 90% chance had our scrapped lyrics written into it. All I did was lift my head up, then glared at him because what the hell. He has no business bothering me like that. Our work time had already finished long ago (for today), I’m just hanging out here. A little screentime shouldn’t raise his judgement. “I want to tell you that I have to go out, so I’ll leave first if you still want to stay here.”
“Yeah, go on with me, hyung.” Hovering around the thumbnail of Jaehyun hyung’s alt account, I wonder why I couldn’t muster up the courage to actually click the account’s profile. “Where are you going?” What is it that I’m afraid of?
Taesan hyung is standing somewhere across from me. I heard him dragging his bag’s strap to his shoulder. Definitely getting ready to leave. “Han river.” Without looking at him, my eyebrows were raised. “With sungho hyung.” I raised my eyebrows even higher. “Just the two of you?”
A second of silence. That was enough to get me the answer I wanted. “Why do you care…” Taesan hyung is hanging by the door frame, hand on the doorknob. Lingering because he couldn’t just let go of my curiosity. I tried my best to stifle my chuckle. “Nah, just asking. Congrats.” It’s funny how both of us act like this is something that doesn’t really matter, just hang out between guys that have nothing between them. We both ignored countless nights of conversations shared between the two of us that couldn’t be unearthed at all, forbidden conversations that definitely had something to do with certain members of our band. At least, Taesan hyung will appreciate my half teasing, half happy for him—congratulatory. Both of us are kinda in the same boat. He insisted that my boat was sinking worse than his, though.
Taesan hyung scoffed, finally opening the studio room’s door. “What’s there to congratulate? Dummy,” That’s what he said, but I saw his smile peeking from his cheeks. “Thanks.”
“Oh, wait, hyung.” Argh. I said that but I didn’t know what I actually wanted to say. Taesan hyung already stopped himself from leaving, though. He gave me a stare that demanded me to continue. “What if… Sungho hyung had an alt acc that’s like, favoriting you as a member? Like, those fan accounts with a bias? What would you do?”
“Sungho hyung wouldn’t create that kind of account.”
A click of my tongue. “Hypothetical! It’s a hypothetical question! Just answer it already.”
“Well, I will be happy for sure? I don’t know. I can’t picture Sungho hyung having a fan account for his own members.”
“Right?” I don’t think it’s best to reveal my discovery. So I stayed vague. Now it was Taesan hyung who had this amused expression on his face. He didn’t push for more though. Despite how he can be really blunt sometimes, Taesan hyung understood to tip toe the line for things like this. “But, will you think… Because of that account, you’d have a better chance with him?” Admitting that idea sounded so stupid. But perhaps it was because hope is a frightening thing. It made you foolish enough to latch on things like this so desperately. Both hope and love are two frightening and cruel things.
Taesan hyung opened the door of our studio room. His back is facing me, but before he stepped out to leave me—hyung looked back at me. “I don’t need that kind of thing. Even if I don’t have any chance, I would still fight for a chance myself.” Ah… Hyung is that kind of man. Even hopeless, he’s so brave in his quiet love. Though he made it sound like he’s always trying to make a bigger chance, when in reality he often freezes and did childish foolish pranks to Sungho hyung; I couldn’t help but admire Taesan hyung’s resolve. He’s not scared towards the hope dangling in front him, or precisely—he doesn’t care if it's hopeless. Even if I cherish Jaehyun hyung deeply, my fears were still clawing at my heart.
“I don’t know what you found out, but just get on with it.” He stuck out his tongue at me, taunting me with such childish behavior. The only thing I managed to let out was a laugh. “Whatever. I’m going. Don’t lock yourself up in the studio for too long.” Hyung looked a bit disappointed when I didn’t give him the reaction he wanted, at least that pushed him to finally get out of my sight.
Sighing, I waved at his back. “Yeah, yeah. Have fun.”
Returning to the matter at hand (I wanted to say it was a problem instead, but it isn’t exactly one), in the end I found a surge of courage to finally click on the profile. The page was entirely loaded in less than two seconds; what I’m seeing right now is an account with a normal layout—apparently Jaehyun hyung (alleged) didn’t bother to put on a header… But at least he wrote something in the bio.
[ only wh ] …
That was just it!!! Even my name was shortened!! If I’m not wrong, then that means he’s just posting about me in this account, right?! I saw this kind of thing on other onedoor accounts!! I’m not that stupid to not understand this, at least… Ugh. Now my heart is beating so fucking loud for no reason. Even sweat started to gather under my thumb, especially when I flicked my gaze to the account’s recent tweets.
Oh, what is this—It seems to be a thread.
Getting mad your younger boyfriend kwh because he did something you just don’t want him to do
Me?! What is this tweet…?!
you’ve been dating for a month now. Kwh is a really cute kid but also a frustrating one. He acts too nonchalant and sometimes doesn’t want to do things you want because he said ‘you’re too spoiled~!’ but usually he would always do it! He’s the stable boyfriend to your ‘too much’, wh knows how to handle you and spoil you at the same time. However, suddenly he just started to push you away… You’re lovers, so of course this is very alarming to you. Why suddenly he avoided you after one month and more into dating each other?! There’s no way his love wilted after just one month, right? If that was the case, then isn’t he just a total jerk?
Fanfiction?!?! About me—Kim Woonhak x you … then, the reader?!? Romance fanfiction for my fans to consume?! This is what Jaehyun hyung was so busy with?! Why x Reader though, hyung?! If it was our member x member, I would have somewhat understood… But x reader? What does this mean for our relationship?! And the subject is me! Your account also has ‘only wh’ on your bio! No one else! Are you projecting yourself to the fanfiction you write…? Is that it? Shit, I’m going to keep reading first.
We did our kisses, yes! We even kissed! Well, mainly cheeks though… wh is still a baby who’s at the cusp of being 20. Kissing him on the lips is still too much for me, you know? We’re dating, yes, but wh is still the same baby you watched grow up.
Oh, now it's the reader’s thoughts…
We've been so clingy for years. I love snuggling into him and he would always have his hand on my back, or waist. We’re practically inseparable. Yet why did dating each other create some distance between us?
You sulked for days, hiding behind your covers while weeping silently about your boyfriend that is growing distant and stopped doing what you wanted.
No, but really, why am I such a jerk here? There’s no way I would avoid Jaehyun hyung after we started dating. We’re already in it for one month and more, why would I avoid you, hyung? What is my hyung thinking?
Before the third day of your sulking and ignoring your boyfriend’s calls, kwh appeared at your doorstep. Unfortunately, he knew the combination of your apartment’s password. So he barged in and forced you to come out of your hiding.
‘Wah…!’
‘Noona! What are you thinking, not responding to my messages and calls?! I’m your boyfriend, am I not?!’
‘Ugh…! How dare you say you’re my boyfriend after all you’ve done?!?’ You grabbed the plushes your younger boyfriend won for you from arcades, hitting him with various bear and puppy plushies.
Wow, Jaehyun hyung did that to me once. He attacked me with plushies and pillows after I said ‘I love you’ to a sunbaenim… Not even Leehan hyung wanted to help me back then.
‘It was your fault…! You started to avoid me and my touches! I hate you, wh-ah! Just tell me if you don’t love me anymore! I know first love can’t never work…! Ugh.. uu… sobs.’
This is really something that Jaehyun hyung wrote….
It has a different tone unlike his diary or his poem, but his personality bleeds through the words he’s writing. I think my hyung is having fun writing this too, I can feel how he’s letting something out just by reading the tweets he omitted. Perhaps Sungho hyung would say that I still need to question everything twice, but sometimes you just know it. After years working alongside Jaehyun hyung, spending most of my time with him, I can spot him just fine in a sea of people; even when he’s undercover with a fan account. This is Jaehyun hyung, no doubt. There’s warmth in finding that.
‘N-noona…’
‘I’m sorry, my stupidity hurt you terribly, huh…’
‘Yeah… kwh you’re an idiot…’
‘I’m sorry, Noona. Of course I still love you. Ugh, I’m going to sound uncool, so don’t laugh.’
‘You’re mostly uncool, wh-ah. Don’t worry…’
Honestly, this is kind of scaring me. Reading this is just like watching a conversation I would have with Jaehyun hyung. If hyung told me this happened but I forgot about it, I could be convinced easily.
‘Fine, insult me as much as you want.’ Suddenly, kwh brought you to his embrace. ‘The reason why I avoided you, noon, because I’m a stupid horndog….’
‘I love your touches so much, and you demand more of it than you’ve asked before. It was too much for me, not because I hate it because—’
‘Because I like you so much, I might end up doing something dirty to you…’ You feel your shoulder is heavy with your younger boyfriend’s head. His grasp on your body tightened. ‘I have to restrain myself. So I unconsciously avoided you, but that ended up hurting you a lot. I’m sorry…’
Jaehyun hyung, is this how you see me? I can’t believe this is actually hitting real close to home! This fantasy… It is eerily something that I really would do! Even not dating each other I already struggled with this kind of thing…!!!! Was Jaehyun hyung actually capable of reading minds? Fuck, am I such an open book?
‘wh-ah…’
‘I’m sorry, noona. I want to do a lot of things with you, but please… wait a little bit longer, okay?’
‘I will grow up soon. I’m going to be a man that will treat you even kinder from now on. I promise it.’
‘I love you, noona…’
END.
W-Wow, that’s very dramatic. It’s like reading a shoujo manga my sister likes to read… I can’t like that my heart is actually fluttering reading this fanfiction twitter thread. It’s actually amassed quite the likes… The thread reached 1K likes! That's crazy numbers. So our fans enjoyed this kind of thing too, huh.
Scrolling even deeper to hyung’s account, there’s even more threads or just one tweet talking about … Basically fantasy of dating me.
Jaehyun hyung wrote so much, really. His twitter threads were also doing well too. The things J stumbles upon are something like, [The younger guy who pines after you and tries to hide it, but it was really obvious] that really would kill me if the real Jaehyun hyung also thinks so in real life. [The same younger guy who has a crush on you is acting too much like your boyfriend now] I think I did this unconsciously in real life… [trying to stop yourself from falling in love with the younger guy—all attempts were a failure?!] I chuckled at this one. That’s good, the ‘you’ really shouldn’t succeed in not falling in love with me. [Realizing I have been in love with kwh longer than I remember]
…
He used ‘I’. So it wasn’t ‘you’ anymore. He didn’t even address me with ‘younger guy’, just straight up my name. And this thread… It was less recent than the one I read, but it wasn't a long time ago either. It was—2 months ago? Fuck! That was when I started to give up on my love and avoided him a little bit! What the hell!
Before I could click on the thread, my timeline refreshed; kicking me to the top of its page. I wanted to curse this damned site, but I saw a new tweet had popped up.
[ Ah, maybe I should change my bias to rw-ssi……. It’s all so hopeless…. ]
Replies came quickly.
[ Bear-ssi, what happened?!?! ]
[ Bear? Are you okay? ㅠㅠ don’t give up on our love yet…!! ]
[ Honestly, you should just date them all. More is better, bear-ssi. ]
[ Ah, but rw-ssi is really a good choice, isn’t he~? He’s a good boyfriend material. I love him! ♡ ]
NO!!!! WHY’S SO SUDDENLY??? DON’T DO THAT!!!!!
What are these last replies talking about! Date them all?! I can’t argue that Riwoo hyung is a great boyfriend candidate but still!! NO!!!! Jaehyun hyung likes me and myself only! Why did he even tweet something like that…? Fuck. Fuck. Time is running out. There’s no time to be afraid. ‘hopeless’, he said. That word is something I kept telling myself over and over again, I didn’t even know Jaehyun hyung would feel the same as me.
I didn’t realize my hyung likes me back too.
It makes sense why Taesan hyung always looked so irritated everytime I dumped my woes to him…
Whatever! Now it’s not the time to think about trivial things! Grabbing my bag, I ran towards where my hyung is, leaving the studio room unoccupied. The last time I checked, Jaehyun hyung was still in the practice room.
I bolted there.
“Jaehyun hyung!”
“Wha—huh?!”
Cornering him to the black painted walls of our practice room, remembering one of the scenes he wrote, I trapped him in something called kabedon. Basically I’m caging him with my body and hand. Jaehyun hyun, who’s in the middle of something, looked at me bewildered. He didn’t know where to put his hand, or where to look. He kept looking somewhere else but my eyes, so I continued staring him down. The red growing on his ears are really cute. I love him.
“Don’t change your bias to Riwoo hyung!! I know he’s a great guy and the best guy to date, but don’t!! Please don’t change your bias from me to him!!”
“Wha—What?! Hold on a minute! How can you say that when you have Leehanie as your favorite hyung, huh?! A-also, I’m biasing everyone in our team! Don’t throw some ridiculous stuff around!”
I pulled up my phone. “I know your secret alt fan account.”
“GAAHHH!!!” Jaehyun hyung tried to snatch my phone, but I dodged flawlessly. Did I feel bad? Just a little bit. “How did you know about that!! What the heck, Kim Woonhak! Don’t read anything in that account!!! Ah, seriously, you’re dead meat now—!!!” Oh shit, Jaehyun hyung is starting to cry.
“Kim Woonhak, you bastard! Jerk! Creepy stalker pervert!”
“W-wa-wa-wait, there’s more I want to say—ouch!” Now he has resorted to violence, hitting me with all of his might with his fists. “Hyung! What I want to say is that your love isn’t hopeless!”
I caught one of his wrists, sacrificing my phone to the ground. Everything slowed down with a thump of my phone falling from my hand. “You wrote that you want to change your bias because you feel hopeless… I’m here to finally tell you that it isn’t hopeless at all!”
“Because I’m in love with you, hyung! I’ve been in love with you since our first meeting! I’ve said this on camera! I mean it, truly!”
Jaehyun hyung finally met my gaze. His doe eyes are glistening with what seem to be tears. It hasn’t fallen to his cheeks, though. Still held up by his eyelashes. “Wh-what…? If this is a joke, it’s not funny at all, Woonhak-ah.”
“Look at me, hyung.” He tried to turn his head. So I gave him a light shake. Forcing him to keep his gaze on me. “Do I look like I’m joking right now?”
What followed next was silence. His limps trembled in something that smelled like doubt. His eyes were fixated on me, bouncing everywhere to find any uncertainties in my face. But I could see he’s failing to find any, for I am really, really serious about this. “Hyung, I’m telling you that I love you. The one who thought it was all hopeless was me. I thought you only saw me as your dongsaeng, but you…”
“The things you wrote… It was written kinda vague, but one thread caught my eyes. It was a peek into your real feelings, was it not? You have realized that you’ve fallen for me two months ago.”
“... That’s so unfair…” Blush crept up to Jaehyun hyung’s cheeks, painting a rosy red to his tender cheeks and his ears. “That’s so, so, unfair. The confession scene between me and you isn’t like what I imagined…”
“Hehe. I’m sorry, it was too uncool, huh? I panicked when you tweeted that.”
Jaehyun hyung, who had his head hung in defeat, lifted his face up to meet me once again. There’s one tear hanging down his eye, and his cheeks are seriously so red; making my heart skip a few beats. I thought I would die in this spot. But Jaehyun breathed a new life into me by going in for my lips—kissing me in the way Kim Woonhak and ‘you’ couldn’t in his fanfic.
“Hyung…” Unlike the Kim Woonhak in the fanfic Jaehyun hyung wrote, I actually have more guts than him. Why? Because I’m driven with this unstoppable love. I cradled my hyung’s warm cheeks, knocking our foreheads together softly. “I love you, really. Let’s do everything you have fantasized about me being your younger boyfriend.”
“God, hearing it from your mouth is so embarrassing…” Jaehyun hyung kissed me once again. In return, I deepened our kiss that ended shortly after. “Mmnn. I love you too, dummy… Why didn’t you say anything earlier?! You got me moping and being miserable until I have to open that account, just to let out my feelings.” A pout formed on my hyung’s lips, unfortunately all I could do was giggling like a fool. “Why did I have to fall in love with a troublesome younger guy? Take responsibility for the rest of your life or I will chase you down to the ends of the earth!”
My laugh ended when I kissed my hyung’s pout. “Your troublesome younger boyfriend. I love you, hyung.”
“You know, you still have to explain to me why you found that account.” Shit. “No amount of aegyo will save you. Explain before I lay out your punishment, Kim Woonhak!”
Aside from my punishment that I couldn’t avoid no matter how sound my reasoning is, my love life at least ended with a happy end … ★ []