Work Text:
October 17th, 1985
Dear Will,
Hey! It’s me, Mike. Obviously, you already knew that since you can see the return address. I guess I didn’t really need to say who it was. Sorry. I don’t know why I did that. Maybe I should start over? Yeah, maybe I should.
...
October 17, 1985
Dear Will,
Hey! How’s it going? Wow, this is weird. I’ve never actually had a penpal before, so I’m not really sure how to do this. Dustin says that it’s easy and that he and Susie have been sending secret, coded letters back and forth to each other since the summer. Something about how her Mormon parents wouldn’t approve of their star-crossed romance or some bullshit. You know how Dustin is.
Anyways, that’s not the point of this letter. I figured we could be penpals too, now that you live in California! I don’t think we’ll need to make some secret code like Dustin and Susie… or maybe we should, just in case the government is watching? I don’t know. I don’t want them to find El or anything, so maybe it’ll be safer if we do that? Am I overthinking this? Ugh. I don’t know. What do you think?
God, this is harder than I thought it would be.
I’ve gotta be honest. This is really, really weird. The whole penpals thing, but also just… everything else. It’s weird that you don’t live in Hawkins anymore, and it’s weird not seeing you everyday in class. I keep looking for you, only to realize that you’re not there, and it sucks. I wish you were still here.
And look, I… I know things got weird between us over the summer, and I know that it was mostly my fault, and I just… I don’t even know what I’m trying to say here. I mean, I know what I’m trying to say. I’m trying to tell you that I’m sorry for what I said and for how weird things were between us. Seriously. I was a shitty best friend to you, and you didn’t deserve that at all. I’m sorry, Will. I really am.
I… I keep thinking about that fight we had. I meant to talk to you about it before you guys moved away, but I guess I just chickened out. For whatever reason, I can’t figure out how to bring it up. I don’t even know why I said those things that day, Will, and I didn’t mean any of it, I swear. And I didn’t mean to make you feel like our friendship didn’t matter anymore or anything like that either. I know I have El to worry about now, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t matter to me. Seriously. El… she’s my girlfriend, and she’s great and all… but she isn’t you.
Shit.
Shit, please don’t tell her I said that. I didn’t… I mean, I meant it, but I just don’t want to hurt her, you know? She’s been through so much already, especially with what happened to Hopper. I don’t want to hurt her even more. She needs me.
Can I be honest with you for a second though?
Sometimes, it’s just really hard to be around El. It shouldn’t be, right? I mean, she’s my girlfriend. I spent like… every day this summer with her. But I don’t know. Sometimes, it’s hard to talk to her about things. She doesn’t really understand, and she doesn’t really like the things that we do, I guess? It’s weird. Even Lucas and Max have things they both enjoy, or at least they did, before everything went to shit for Max too.
Oh yeah. Did you hear about that? Max broke up with him, like for real this time. I don’t think she’s doing too well. We have math class together, and it’s kind of awkward. But she’s my friend, and I feel bad for her too. I guess I just don’t really know how to help, other than giving her my homework to copy sometimes.
Anyways, I don’t know where I’m going with this. Sorry. I didn’t mean to dump all of this on you, especially in a letter. Maybe this would be easier to talk about on the phone. Nancy got your new phone number from Jonathan, and she’s already called him like three times. If she would stop hogging the stupid phone, maybe I could call you too. That’d probably be better than this stupid letter, right?
I really miss you, Will. I hope California is great, and I hope that you’re doing okay. I don’t know why I’m still writing the rest of this, like I’m actually gonna send it to you. Maybe I’ll try again later if I can’t steal the phone from Nancy.
Anyways. Talk to you soon, hopefully.
Love,
Mike
November 6, 1985
Dear Will,
Hey. It’s me again. Sorry that it’s taken me so long to write to you. I meant to try another letter, but I guess things just got away from me. I was thinking about you today though, and your line was busy again when I called, so… I decided I’d give it another shot!
Let’s see. I’m trying to think about what El and I normally talk about in our letters. Um, school is going alright, I guess? Lucas, Dustin, and I joined a DnD club, so that’s pretty cool. The DM, Eddie, is this super senior that Nancy says has been around since she was a freshman, but none of us care about that. He’s nice to us (most of the time!), and he’s a pretty incredible DM. That’s all that matters to me.
Hey, if you come back to Hawkins to visit, maybe I can convince Eddie to let you join a campaign! We’ve mentioned you a few times, so I’m sure he’d say yes. I think you’d really like him. Hopefully, when you come home, we can make it happen. We’ll make you an honorary Hellfire Club member.
That’s what the club’s called, by the way. My mom didn’t seem all that excited about it, but that’s just because she keeps hearing Mrs. Thompson talk on and on about satanic cults or some bullshit like that. I told her it’s nothing, but you know how my mom is.
Other than Hellfire, there’s nothing really new at school. Lucas joined the basketball team, so that sucks. And Dustin’s always hanging out with Eddie or sometimes with Steve and Robin, so that’s kinda weird. The three of us don’t see each other much outside of school, and we definitely don’t see Max either. Without you or El around, I kind of feel like the odd man out. I don’t really have anyone else, and honestly, the Party… doesn’t really feel like the Party anymore.
But I guess that’s probably my own fault.
Anyways, how are things going with you? How is school? Have you met anyone yet or made any friends? El told me that she’s made a few friends at school, so I bet you have too. I hope that you’re adjusting and stuff. California seems really cool. Maybe… maybe it’s for the best that you live there now. Not that I don’t miss you! Obviously, I do. I wish you still lived in Hawkins with us. I think high school would suck a lot less if you were around.
But I don’t know. Today’s the anniversary of when everything happened to you, and I feel like I’ve been on edge all day. I know that the Mind Flayer is gone and there’s no chance he can come back, but I can’t stop thinking about what’s happened these past few years. I didn’t sleep very well last night. I had this old nightmare I used to get back in 7th grade. It was like I was back there at the quarry by your house and seeing your body again for the first time.
I didn’t go back to bed after I woke up. Honestly, I thought about calling you, but it was like 2 AM here, so I figured that’d be stupid. But hey, at least the line wouldn’t be busy at midnight your time, right?
Um. Anyways. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I know these past few years have been really hard on you. And even with the Upside Down… I know it’s hard being around all these places and remembering this stuff. It’s hard enough for me, and I haven’t even been through half the shit you have.
I really, really miss you, but… if California is helping you finally get to move on, then I’m glad you’re here and not here. I hope that doesn’t come off the wrong way. I wish none of this had ever happened. I wish we could just go back to 7th grade, back when it was just you and me and Lucas and Dustin.
Wait, shit. I didn’t mean to leave El out. Or Max either, I guess. Ugh. Please don’t tell them I said that, especially El. You know how girls are. I don’t want to say the wrong thing and hurt her feelings again. I guess I could just scratch that part out.
Okay yeah, that’s what I’ll do. Remind me not to write this in pen next time.
Anyways. I’m running out of room on the paper now, but hopefully, I’ll talk to you soon. I hope today was okay. I hope you’re doing alright.
Miss you.
Love,
Mike
December 24, 1985
Dear Will,
Merry Christmas!
Well, almost. I don’t know if this will get to you in time for Christmas. I’m trying to write this really quick before my mom leaves for the post office. She’s running some last minute errands before Christmas, and I think she’s going crazy. You know how she can get.
I’ll try to make this quick. Sorry that I haven’t written you a whole lot… or at all, I guess. I actually did write you some letters; honestly, I did. The first one was kind of a mess though, so I ended up throwing it away. I left the second one with the rest of my stuff, and my mom threw it away when trying to clean my room. Go figure.
But hey, better late than never, right? God, that sounds like such a shitty excuse. I really am sorry that I haven’t sent you any letters. It feels like forever since we’ve talked, which sucks. I keep trying to call you, but somehow, the line is always busy. El mentioned your mom got that new telemarketer job, so she’s on the phone a lot, but… I don’t know. It kinda feels like the universe just doesn’t want us to talk or something. I know, I know, that sounds stupid. It’s whatever. I’ll try again eventually.
Anyways, I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you and El to come visit over Christmas break. I guess it makes sense since you don’t have family here anymore, but just know you’re always welcome to stay here with me! My mom doesn’t mind, so you should come visit when you can. Maybe over spring break we can figure something out?
Oh, shit.
Damn it. My mom just left. She didn’t even tell me she was leaving! Ugh. I guess I could bug Nancy to take me to the post office later, but she caught a cold from Holly, so I doubt she’ll want to. And the mailman’s already stopped by today, so…
I guess I could send this to you after Christmas. It’ll take a few days to get there, but like I said before, better late than never, right?
I don’t anymore. Maybe I should try to rewrite this now that I have the time to, since this one is kind of all over the place. I’m just kind of rambling now, and if I’m being honest, I don’t really know what I’m trying to say anymore. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t talk to someone for months, huh?
Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that like you haven’t talked to me; I meant it like, we haven’t talked in months. Why am I apologizing? I’m not even going to send this. Whatever. I’ll rewrite it later, or maybe I’ll just see if I can call so we can catch up. Your mom’s not working on Christmas Eve, right?
Well… merry Christmas, I guess. Hopefully, I’ll talk to you soon.
Love,
Mike
February 1, 1986
Dear Will,
Guess what happened today!
Also, hi, it’s Mike. You probably knew that though, but whatever! You’ll never guess what happened today. My parents finally booked the tickets for me to come visit over spring break! It took a while to convince them, but my dad finally agreed to it. I think he’s just excited to have me out of the house for the week. Not that he even notices if I’m there or not. Oh well. All that matters is that he said yes!
I’m excited to finally see you again. El told me that Lenora is cool, so it should be a pretty fun week, right? Maybe it’ll be warm enough to go to the beach. Wait, are you guys actually close to the beach? I can’t remember. I’ll probably bring my swim trunks just in case. Do people dress differently in California? No one in my family’s ever been, so I don’t really know what to expect. It’s hard to ask El since she’s never really lived anywhere except Hawkins and Lenora, and she doesn’t really know what’s “normal”, you know?
That came out wrong. You know what I mean, right? She grew up in that lab, so things are just different for her. Not in a bad way, but it’s just harder to ask her about… well, about a lot of things honestly. Maybe I can ask Max about California if I don’t hear back from you. I mean, it hasn’t been that long since she moved to Hawkins. Things can’t have changed that much.
But anyways, uh, how have you been? How are things going? It’s been so long since we’ve talked, unless you count that phone call on Christmas. I don’t know. We didn’t really get to talk that long, so I don’t really think it counts. I hope things are going alright for you.
I… I’m sorry I haven’t sent you any letters these past few months. I meant to, I really, really did, but… things just came up every time. I don’t know what happened really, but nothing ever felt right. It’s like I was saying all these things to you, and sometimes, it felt really easy and natural, but then other times, it was just… difficult. Like… like I was always writing the wrong things. And like nothing I could write was ever enough. Does that make any sense to you? It doesn’t to me.
I don’t know why it’s been like this. It’s not this way with El, but I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t compare. With El… we just talk about things that don’t matter all that much, like school assignments and the friends that she’s making. And it’s not that I don’t want to hear about all that, but I don’t know, Will! We’ve been talking for months now, but we don’t ever really talk about anything. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t even really know her that well, and I definitely don’t think she knows me that well either.
…Please don’t tell her I said that.
God, who am I even kidding? I’m not going to send this to you. I don’t even know why I’m trying at this point. I guess I just wanted to tell you the good news and pretend like things were still okay between us. But they’re not, are they?
Things… aren’t the same anymore. I’ve barely talked to you this past year. Lucas has left the rest of us behind for the basketball team. Dustin’s still around, but who knows how long that’ll last. Max is practically a ghost, and El’s… well, El’s still there too, I guess.
And then there’s us. What happened, Will? We promised each other we’d keep in touch, and things were okay when you left. I don’t understand why things are like this, or why I can’t write to you, or why you never reach out to me, or why everything had to change. Is it my fault? Did I ruin our friendship, and now you’re just avoiding me? Is that why I’m too scared to send all these letters?
I wish I knew. I wish I could talk to somebody about this, but the only person I want to talk to is you.
I just want things to go back to normal already. I don’t know. Maybe when we see each other next month, things won’t be so bad.
I’ll see you soon.
Love,
Mike
March 22, 1986
Dear Will,
I don’t even know why I’m writing this.
You know, I could just walk across the hall and talk to you. We’re literally in the same house, and for some reason, I still can’t talk to you. I can’t figure out the right things to say, and I don’t know why I feel so weird, and we fought today, and we yelled at each other, and…
This is all such a fucking mess.
This isn’t how I expected today to go. I thought things would be better in person, with you and with El, honestly. I don’t even want to think about that entire mess. I just… I feel so confused and frustrated at all of this and at myself. I don’t know why everything is a giant shitshow. I don’t know how to fix any of it.
I have your birthday gift in my bag, by the way. It’s not much, and I doubt you really want to talk to me tonight, so… I’ll just give it to you tomorrow. Maybe after we all get some sleep, things will be easier.
We probably need to talk, don’t we? And I think I owe you an apology. I didn’t mean to leave you out today, or ignore you for these past few months, or anything like that. And… and even though it doesn’t feel like it, you’re still my best friend, and I miss you so much, Will. I miss you so much, and I don’t even know how to tell you.
I’m sorry about today. I’m sorry about this whole year. Can we just… can we just go back to being us? Just you and me, like we used to be as kids. Best friends. That’s all I want, and I’m guessing that’s what you want too.
I really should just go talk to you. I’m guessing you’re asleep now though, so… tomorrow. I promise we’ll talk tomorrow.
Goodnight, Will. Talk to you soon.
Love,
Mike