Chapter Text
It's been weeks since the last time he's seen Hakon. He's been quite busy, jumping from one place to another, and happily so, cause it helped distract him from thinking about the other man. Every time he did, he couldn't help but feel rage building up in him all over again, and rage is an easy way to get yourself killed. So, he tried to remind himself of that, whenever he'd slice a zombie's head off and involuntarily imagine it was that of Hakon's instead.
It wasn't that he'd never been betrayed before, or disappointed by somebody. It was just the fact that it was the first person in that God forsaken city that he thought of as a friend.
Hakon took care of him. When Aiden stumbled onto that street, scared the crap out of a whole bunch of people, Hakon was the only one who didn’t fear him. Aiden would’ve been dead within minutes, if it wasn’t for the other man. He defended him against his own friends – when Aiden was scared, confused, vulnerable – things he wouldn’t allow himself to be around other people in any other circumstances, as the infection spread through his body, Hakon comforted him. He was so sweet, so understanding. Aiden remembered thinking that, perhaps, he could finally have somebody that would have his back - something he could never really count on in his time outside the walls. A friend. Hell, Hakon even promised to help him find his sister - another thing he never trusted anyone with before, not even Spike.
But after what happened with Lawan at that apartment... He remembered the exact moment he saw the wound, so obviously inflected by the Lazarus. How his concern quickly turned into confusion, turned into betrayal. And then the look in Hakon's eyes, unlike any he'd even seen on the older man's face. His gaze was no longer warm or empathetic. He was scared, desperate and cold. And his words felt like knives sinking deeper and deeper into Aiden's body with every second.
Hakon never cared about him or Mia in the first place. He only saw him as a bargaining chip, a puppet to use for his own gain. Every word that ever left his mouth was a lie, a manipulation that he, so naively, fell into. And Hakon didn't even try to pretend otherwise.
So yes, he was angry, infuriated even, and he believed he had every right to be. On top of all that, he never really got an apology from the other man. Never even got an 'I'm sorry, I fucked up' from the bastard.
Sometimes, as he layed in bed with nothing to distract him from his own thoughts, he wondered whether he could find it within himself to forgive Hakon, if he had apologized to him - GENUINELY apologized that is (assuming that's something he was even capable of). But he never quite reached any conclusion. If anything it made him even angrier, as he'd think back to the beginning of their friendship, or rather what he thought was friendship at that time. And he missed it. He missed the sense of security he felt around the older man. He missed hearing his voice on the radio and the way his own face would lit up every time he did. He missed the way they'd flirt with each other - a little joke of theirs, though Aiden sometimes wondered if, someday, it could be more than just that.
But he wasn't sure that, even if he had forgiven Hakon, they could ever go back to how they once were. Just pick up where they've left off. Would it ever feel as easy, as effortless as it was before Hakon had to go and fuck everything up?
*
Well, despite of Aiden's... mixed feeling towards the other man, the Universe already had its own plans.
One night, Aiden found himself out on the rooftop of some random building. He's been going through the place for the past few hours and frankly entirely lost track of time. So once he finally scrambled out the building, it was already pitch black. He looked around to make sure there were no volatiles in sight, before sitting on the edge of the rooftop, his legs dangling below him.
He sighed, exhausted and watched his own breath turn into a cloud of white steam as it collided with the cold, November air. He looked ahead where just a few buildings away, the vibrant lights of the Fish Eye Canteen illuminated the sky. He calculated his odds of making it to a different hideout - one preferably less crowded, but they didn't seem to be in his favor that night - to be honest, they hardly ever were.
He pushed himself up and rose to his feet as a loud growl from below the building reached his ears. He followed the edge of the roof until he saw a zip line that he knew should take him just a stone's throw from the Fish Eye.
Soon enough, he was stepping into the UV lights, just below the Canteen, and a staircase away from a warm bed and his well deserved sleep. He dreaded coming up, as frankly the last thing he wanted was to get involved in a conversation of some sorts - and that usually happened given how popular of a character he's become in the city. But with not much choice left, he lingered around the entrance for just a few more minutes, before finally dragging his feet up the stairs.
To his surprise the place was mostly empty. There were a few people here and there, but they didn't seem to notice him - judging by the bottles scattered around them, they were probably just too drunk to care. And thank God for that.
As for the rest, they must've been inside the canteen, cause Aiden could hear music blasting through the walls, as well as the cacophony of voices singing along to its words. He smiled. Even though he's gotten himself in more trouble since entering the city, than he's found clues concerning Mia's whereabouts, he admired it. The determination it must've required, to build something this beautiful out of nothing at all. A beacon of hope, a safe haven. A place where life is almost normal, even though the world around keeps burning. It was yet another thing he never quite experienced outside the walls, but he was happy to be a part of it now.
He passed the bar, a smile still lingering on his lips, and he took a turn, his eyes set on the building just a few meters away. The thought of a soft mattress and the thick, woolen blanket (that he'd nicked from someone's place a while back) waiting for him inside, made him quicken his pace.
Suddenly, he crashed into somebody, clearly as much in a hurry as Aiden himself, and he stumbled backwards. He caught his balance swiftly and looked up, right into a pair of dark, brown eyes, staring back at him in horror. "Hakon?" the name left his mouth in a barely audible whisper, as his mind processed the situation. Meanwhile, the other man stood frozen, as if awaiting Aiden's reaction - ready to make a run for it if he needed to.
Soon enough, Aiden regained his composure. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he raised his voice, a frown making its way to his face. His mind quickly became filled with the worst scenarios. Did Waltz send him, and if so, what for? Was Hakon alone or were there Renegades somewhere, waiting for his signal to attack the Canteen? He reached his hand slowly to his holster and wrapped his fingers around his machete. He didn't know what he was going to do with it just yet, but he had to be ready. He always had to be ready.
Before Hakon could answer, the door to the Canteen swung open with a loud bang and a few raised voices, sluring every so often (undoubtedly due to alcohol) filled the air. They both froze. The group seemed to be having a passionate discussion about something, though Aiden couldn't really make out much of what they were saying. Their voices grew closer and Aiden was just about to say something, when he felt Hakon's hand grab him by the shoulder, and the other one close tightly on his mouth. His eyes were even wider now - something Aiden was sure to be impossible just a few seconds earlier.
He broke free from the man's grip and send him an angered look, but said nothing as they waited for the voices to fade. When they did, Hakon finally allowed himself to curse under his breath, and exhaled deeply - as if he's been holding his breath the entire time they were standing there (well, maybe he was. How was Aiden to know?). He then turned to face Aiden. "You can't let them know that I'm here" his voice was unsteady, panicked.
Aiden battled with his thoughts - a part of him knew he should turn the man in, call Frank or Lawan, call anybody for that matter. But then there was the other, stupider one - the one that couldn't help but look in the eyes of the man who betrayed him and still try to find a sign of the friend he once thought him to be.
Being so close to Hakon again made his realize that despite his anger and his fury, despite every night when he'd fall asleep cursing the other man’s name, that feeling of need never lessened. Not even for a moment. The need to be next to him, to look at him, to talk to him. He cursed his own stupid thoughts and his foolish, naive heart.
The wind picked up and the bushes rustled around them. "Damn you Hakon" he muttered, sending him yet another infuriated look. He peaked around the corner to make sure no one was looking, before nodding his head at the other man. "Come on" he passed Hakon and began to walk to his room, trying not to think about what was going to follow. Hakon hurried behind him.
**
They shut the door behind them and Hakon sighed with relief. Aiden leaned against the armrest of his couch and fixed his eyes on the older man. He hoped his expression showed something between anticipation and discontent, as he waited patiently for Hakon to turn and face him.
The voices outside the building grew closer, almost as if on purpose, just to screw with Hakon, and his expression tightened. He backed away from the door and began walking back and forth across the length of the room instead. Aiden stayed silent, frankly wondering himself, how he was managing it so well, after all the weeks of letting anger build up in him. Perhaps it was the fear of what would come out of his mouth, once he did open it. He wasn't sure he trusted himself around the other man at the moment.
It wasn't until Hakon gave him a quick glance, his face grew pale as he did, that Aiden finally spoke up. "Now do you wanna tell me what you're doing here?". Hakon sighed heavily and Aiden felt his face twitch. He forced himself to stay calm. "I was looking for something of mine. Thought I may have left it here" he admitted, as he finally came to a stop and situated himself in from of the other man. Aiden raised his brow. "You were looking for 'something'... That's not very specific".
Hakon threw his hands up in resignation. "It's the truth" he said simply. "The same way you being on my side was the truth?" Aiden snapped back suddenly, before he could so much as think about it. His own tongue's cruel sabotage. Hakon flinched, blinking rapidly in surprise. "I..."
"When you told me you were going to help me against Waltz, was that also the truth?" Aiden continued. There was a voice at the back of his head, urging him to stop talking, before it'd be too late to turn back, but he couldn't. The words just kept spilling out of his mouth, spiteful and cruel - and he could only watch the chaos as it unfolded right in front of him.
"Listen, I..." Hakon spoke up again, but this time it was Aiden that cut him off. "No, YOU listen to me" he rose to his feet and pointed his finger at the other man's chest. "You lied to me. You knew what that bastard did to me, and you still chose to work for him". They stood so close now, that Aiden could smell the mixture of winter air and smoke on Hakon's clothes, as well as, what he guessed was beer, on his lips.
"Tell me, did you ever even like me?". A question so personal, so straightforward. Once again he wondered if he was making a mistake, bearing himself open in from of a man, who had already betrayed him once. But he deserved an answer, didn't he? "All those times you were helping me and I thought it was because you cared about me, because we were friends" he laughed bitterly at that last part. "What were YOU thinking? Were you laughing at me behind my back? 'Oh, poor, naive little Aiden'." he said in a mocking voice, imitating Hakon. "No, I..." Hakon protested loudly, but Aiden didn't let him speak. "I'll have him all wrapped around my finger in no time. He'll believe anything I say." Hakon opened his mouth again, but Aiden kept going. "Or was I just boring, irritating, a burden you couldn't wait to get rid of?".
This time Hakon chose a different approach, reaching his hands out to Aiden and grabbing him by his shoulders. There was hurt and desperation in his eyes, Aiden could see even through his anger. He wondered if Hakon could see it was hurting him too. "Just stop, I..." the moment his hands landed on Aiden's shoulders though, Aiden took a swing and punched him in the face, with maybe just a bit too much strength.
Hakon stumbled and fell to the floor, holding his hand on his cheek, where Aiden's fist had landed. "Fair enough, I deserved that" he muttered while scrambling to his feet. His lip was bleeding and his right hand was scraped from when he caught himself right before hitting the ground. He rubbed the blood off of his mouth, only for it to seep out of the cut and down his chin again, making his face even more of a mess.
"You deserve so much worse than that" Aiden snarled. He meant it, but if he was being honest with himself, he didn't enjoy it half as much as he thought he would. He wanted Hakon to feel bad - the same way Aiden felt bad when he found about his betrayal. But now, looking at the other man, he mostly just felt regret.
Hakon brushed off the dust from his clothes, avoiding Aiden's gaze again as he did so. His expression resembled that of a dog, who had just been scolded for biting the furniture yet again.
Aiden felt a sounded surge of exhaustion washing over him. He sat back down and clasped together his hands - that he now noticed were shaking. It hit him that this was probably the first, serious argument he's had with anybody - cause it was the first time he allowed himself to get this close to another person (and also, because said person just happened to be an absolutele asshole).
He leaned his head against the backrest of the couch and glued his eyes to the ceiling. There was a moment of silence - so quiet that Aiden thought Hakon might've simply left. He wondered if he'd prefer him to.
"Aiden..." Hakon's voice was soft and quiet. Aiden didn't move, not even to show he was listening. He let Hakon decide what to make of it. Partially because he himself had no idea. "I... I never thought of you as boring, annoying or naive. Not for a moment. Quite the opposite, I..." he hesitated again. Maybe unsure if his next words wouldn't just set Aiden off once more. "I adored you... Still do" he said eventually. Aiden's brows twitched in surprise, against his best efforts to remain neutral. 'He adored him? What does that even mean?'
"That day we met for the first time, you... fascinated me. You were so stubborn, so relentless... When you talked about your sister, I didn't doubt for a second that you were going to find her, with or without my help... I knew, from the look on your face alone, that if you couldn't run to her, you'd walk, and if you couldn't do that, you'd crawl - but you would find her." Aiden closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. Fucking Hakon. "I admired that about you, so much. And I hated myself for even thinking about betraying you, but... I had no choice. They were going to hurt her. Lawan. They were going to kill her if I didn't... I'm so fucking sorry, Aiden" he ended, his voice breaking, his tone pleading.
Aiden leaned forward again and rubbed his eyes with his fingers, trying to collect his thoughts.
IF he was telling the truth, could Aiden really blame him? Be mad at him - sure. But could he blame him for wanting to protect someone he loved? In fact, out of all people he should understand it very well. Hell, who's to say he would do the same for Mia if he was in Hakon's shoes?
The voices outside have long gone silent, and Hakon could've just left - but he didn't. Instead, there he stood - along with a chance, an opportunity for a new beginning. Aiden wasn't sure exactly what that meant and probably neither did Hakon, but Jesus, he wanted to give it a shot. He wanted to give them a shot.
"Hakon..." he raised his head and slowly met the other man's gaze. Hakon's eyes were filled with anticipation. He licked his lips nervously. "I... Really want to forgive you, to go back to how we used to be... But I'm gonna need to know I can trust you." he said slowly, choosing his words carefully as he did. Hakon's head jerked up. "You can. I'll prove it to you, just tell me what to do".
Aiden felt the corners of his lips twitch, though he tried his best to hide the smile behind his hand. Hakon had that glint in his eyes again - the same one Aiden fell in love with when they first met. Like the one he had when they talked about leaving the city together, finding a place near the sea, settling. The look of hopefulness and excitement. He could stare into those eyes for hours.
He got up. "Let's start by getting you out of here before Lawan finds and kills your dumb ass though, or you won't get to prove anything to anyone". Hakon's expression shifted as Aiden's words fully registered. His lips parted slightly and shut back up again. Eventually, he reached out his hand. "I won't fuck this up again. I swear" Aiden looked at his hand, but didn't take it. Instead, he reached out and pulled the other man into a hug. Hakon almost lost his balance as Aiden's body crashed into his. He only hesitated for a second before wrapping his hands tightly around the smaller man.
"You better not, cause I missed you" Aiden said softly, the words leaving his mouth so effortlessly, letting himself enjoy the feeling he was deprived of for so long. Being in Hakon's arms after all this time felt so right. It felt like home. Hakon hugged him even tighter and closed his eyes, his warm breath tickling the back of Aiden's neck. "I missed you too"