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“That’s it, brokenhead. Keep goin’.” Kevin drew another small line into his wrist with the blade, watching the blood fill and then pour out, all while his imaginary friend Allen The Magic Goose egged him on. Kevin didn’t know what he was expecting, the goose did this every time he didn’t get his nicotine. He could’ve just asked Timmy to get more smokes when he was at the store, but…a part of him didn’t want to. Maybe he was feeling oddly touched by Timmy providing for him and paying rent, or maybe he just didn’t want to ask too much of the first person who treated him with human decency, lest he be cast aside again and thrown back to rot with his parents. Either way, he had run out of cigarettes last night, and his imaginary friend was not happy.
Kevin dashed one more shallow cut before putting the blade back on the nightstand, rolling up his sleeves. Allen had gone quiet, he’d done enough for now. Kevin didn’t want to wash them. It was just a hassle, anyways. It wasn’t important.
“This is what happens when you don’t get the bird his smokes, boy! Now, when that Timmy kid comes back, you’s gonna ask him for another pack, okay?” Allen said with a slight condescension in his tone, sitting on the edge of the bed while Kevin kneeled in the centre of it. Kevin just nodded, not looking at Allen. He was worried about what Timmy’s reaction might be. He got some of his blood on his mattress, after all.
About ten minutes later, Timmy came home from school, sighing tiredly.
“Spencer! You there?” He called out, hoping he was so he could vent to him about how stupid his teachers were. Kevin came out of their shared room, crossing his arms across his chest in a way he usually didn’t. Weird.
“Ms. Alfonso was soooo annoying today. She never just shuts up and lets us do our work, she makes every lecture, like, ten times longer than it needs to be,” Said the boy, crossing his arms as well but for a different reason, “Your face looks pretty pale, Spencer. Well, more so than usual. Are you okay?”
Kevin replied that he was fine, he just had to go the washroom, and then he left before Timmy could say another word.
Sitting on the edge of the tub, he rolled up his sleeves again to properly look at his arms. The blood had soaked through part of his sweater. Shit. He tried to put his knees to his chest but fell backwards into the tub due to his lack of coordination, making a loud crash as his head hit the back wall and knocked over some shampoo and conditioner bottles.
“Spencer? Seriously, are you alright?” Called Timmy through the door, hesitating before adding. “I’m coming in.” He was a little nervous, but his concern outweighed his fear of possibly walking in on Kevin while he was indecent. He slowly opened the door, seeing Kevin lying face up in the bathtub with his legs over the side, his arms spread out with the sleeves rolled up to reveal what he had done.
‘Well,’ thought Kevin, ‘there’s no use hiding it now,’ and he sat back up on the side of the tub, studying the grout in between the tiles so he didn’t have to look up at his roommates face.
“S-spence-… Jesus…” the blonde whispered, not sure what he was supposed to say in this situation. He stared at the cuts for a few more seconds before rifling through the washroom cabinets, pulling out some sterile alcohol wipes and bandaids.
“Here, this is gonna feel a bit cold, okay?” Kevin said gently, taking Kevin’s thin calloused hand in his own and wiping the alcohol wipe against the cuts on his wrist. It stung just a bit. No more than getting them in the first place. Kevin didn’t react, at least not outwardly.
They weren’t very deep. They didn’t need any more than a couple bandaids and some disinfectant, really. Kevin just hated being this vulnerable in front of Timmy. He doesn’t think he’s been exposed with anyone since his first time showering in prison. It made Kevin feel something he didn’t know how to name, and even though he was used to not understanding things, it felt different when it was with himself, because even though his emotions were limited he was usually able to at least know what they were.
“There we go…all done..” Timmy said as he smoothed on the last bandaid. He was moving slowly, like Kevin was a skittish animal, as to not upset him. Kevin wasn’t the type to get upset easily under normal circumstances, but Timmy wasn’t sure if this was different. “Do you need anything?”
Kevin hesitated before remembering what Allen had said, and asking his roommate for a pack of smokes. Timmy thought it was a little funny that that was all he was focused on, but responded sincerely, since it didn’t seem like the time for a joke answer.
“Sure. I was going to head to the store today anyway, I’ll get you some smokes when I’m there, okay?”
Kevin nodded, the smallest of smiles curling at the corner of his lips. It betrayed a lot more, though, since he rarely made facial expressions aside from his normal blank look, and Timmy was happy he was able to cheer him up.