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“Ya, Newbie. Take me home with you.”
Sieun stood there, eyes piercing a sharp gaze at a boy with crimson uniform who was squatting in front of the convenience store. After what he did, the unexpected meeting at the public restroom, the rooftop fight after he beat Hyuntak black and blue—who do you think you are?
(Him saving Juntae the other day from some Union thugs didn’t make it any better. Sieun refused to see it as the good side of him.)
“Fuck off,” he muttered under his breath.
“Don’t be so cold, Princess.” Even his voice managed to boil his blood. “I just need a roof for tonight.”
“Find someone else.”
“There’s no one else.”
He didn’t care. He walked past the taller boy, not giving a single damn about him. Seongje might just blurt it out to annoy him, he might try to kill him—it wasn’t his problem.
He tried hard not to throw a punch or two when he heard footsteps tailing him. Inhaled. Exhaled. Calm down.
“Where are you going?”
Why did Geum Seongje make it impossible to ignore?
“What do you want?”
“I’ve told you. Take me home with you. Look, you’ve bought snacks… it’s like you’ve known I’ll be coming over. Isn’t it perfect?”
“These aren’t for you.” Sieun heaved a long, exasperated breath. “Juntae asked me to tutor him. You can’t come.”
“I don’t mind having Nerd Boy join us.”
Why did Geum Seongje make it sound wrong?
“I do mind having you join us.”
“Cruel.”
“Not my problem.”
He paced up his steps. The apartment where he lived in was just at the end of the road, not far from the convenience store where he bought snacks for both Juntae and him. He just really needed to arrive as soon as he could, so he could get rid of the pest pestering him.
But, Geum Seongje wasn’t someone you could get rid of.
“Newbie.”
The footsteps echoing behind him killed the silence in the most painful way. As though they wanted to tell Sieun that Seongje was still there, insisting on being there.
“Ya, Newbie.”
He almost made it to his apartment complex. Maybe he should run, so that Seongje couldn’t catch up with him. Maybe he should tell the guards not to let Seongje come inside the building. Maybe—
“Wait up, Princess.” He was jolted when Seongje grabbed his wrist, followed by a gentle yank.
“What?” he finally snapped; annoyance had reached the top of his head.
“Why are you so mean!” Are you sulking? “Just think of me as a cute little kitty you want to keep warm.”
Sieun stared at him, judging. Geum Seongje was nothing like a small kitten. If anything, Geum Seongje was a wolf, a merciless one who would gladly tear one’s throat to death. Sieun pulled his arm back roughly.
“I don’t feel like being nice to you.”
“Ugh, cold. Is your heart made of ice? Did someone carved a tip of an iceberg and shoved it into your chest? It’s been cold these days, Newbie—at least let me feel your warmth.”
“Why would I?”
“For the sake of hospitality. Or a compensation for giving me a tetanus shot.” Sieun’s deadpan was met with an irritating grin. “C’mon, Princess. Just for tonight. I’ll vanish before you know it tomorrow morning.”
In the end, he was forced to give in. Half-heartedly, he sent a short text to Juntae, saying they should cancel their meeting and he would make it up to him later.
The footsteps were louder when he walked back along the dim corridor of his apartment building, Seongje trailing behind like a shadowy ghost, whistling cheerful tones he had never heard before. He put the pin numbers when they reached his unit, a beep piercing through his hearing when the door was unlocked. Sieun pushed it open.
“Nice place.” Seongje walked in and made a beeline to the comfy couch in the living room. Slumping down, he didn’t even need Sieun’s permission to make it feel like home. “Less lonely than mine. Nice.”
Sieun snorted. What did Seongje know about loneliness? This place was as lonely as the loneliest planet. There was only him and his mother who was never home, and the biggest presence was the remorse he carried on his shoulders. The guilt coiled whenever the night came, simmering when he was alone in his room.
It was terribly lonely.
He was about to say something when his phone rang. He fished the slim device out of his pants pocket; the name Seo Juntae flashed on the bright screen. He quickly pressed the green button, answering the incoming call.
“Hello.”
“Sieun? Are you okay?” Juntae sounded worried. Maybe because he cancelled their plan at the last minute.
“Yeah. I’m sorry I can’t make it tonight, Juntae.”
“No, no! It’s fine. I was just wondering if you were alright.” He then added carefully, “Did something happen with Suho? Are you visiting him?”
It always warmed his heart, the way his friends worried about Suho. It began with them being friends, close, and talking about Suho was getting easier with them. It began with them checking on him, and they started checking on Suho, too. Getting worried when his condition was unstable. Asking about his progress, if there was any sign of him waking up. It always warmed his heart knowing they treated Suho like he was also their friend, like they had known him for long.
It always warmed his heart when he knew he wasn’t waiting alone anymore.
“No, Suho’s fine. I just… I don’t feel really good tonight.”
“What? Are you catching a cold? It’s getting colder these days. It seems the winter is coming. Make sure to keep yourself warm, Sieun-ah! Do you have any meds? Supplements? If you want, I can…”
Juntae was still talking on the other side of the phone and Sieun almost forgot he wasn’t alone in that room. Seongje was staring at him, a newly lit cigarette dangling on the corner of his lips. White smoke soon filled the air, making Sieun frown at the strong scent.
“Juntae,” he interjected before Juntae finished explaining about these supplements his mother made him drink every morning, “I gotta go. Sorry.”
“Oh! Yeah. I’m sorry. You need to rest. Get better, Sieun! I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah. See you tomorrow, Juntae.” When the call ended, he trotted towards Seongje, snatching the stick from his lips. “Don’t smoke here, it stinks.”
Seongje didn’t say anything when Sieun dropped the cig on the sink and turned on the tap, letting water soak it completely. The tall boy only exhaled quietly, eyes locking on the ceiling. “Was that your friend?” he asked.
“What?”
“Was that your friend? Nerd Boy? The one who called.”
“Why do you want to know?”
“It’s just a yes or no question, you don’t have to make it so hard to answer.”
Sieun took a seat next to Seongje, face visibly irked. “It’s none of your business.”
Seongje scoffed. He turned his head to Sieun; the way he looked made him uncomfortable.
Not because it annoyed him. Not because it scared him.
There was something he couldn’t read. Something that had softened his cold, demeaning stare, something that Sieun didn’t know what. Was it sadness? Disappointment? Longing for something? He couldn’t help but stare back at him while his mind trying to find the missing piece of the answer.
“You have such good friends.”
It wasn’t a mockery. It wasn’t the tone Seongje used to ridicule someone. It was low, small voice—weak. Fragile.
“They are,” Sieun replied gingerly.
“Lucky you.” Seongje sounded oddly melancholic, something Sieun had never expected he would hear for someone like him. “Wish I could have one like them.”
“You have the whole Union by your side.” The thoughts of Seongje roaming around the street with his loyal lackeys who would gladly do whatever they were ordered got to him. “You have Na Baekjin by your side.”
“Baekjin is not a friend, Newbie. Not even close to a colleague. We’re just on the same team, but we don’t have each other’s backs.” It sounded hurt—Seongje sounded hurt. “Baekjin wouldn’t run to me even if Baku broke my neck. He’s not Nerd Boy who’d rather get beaten black and blue than betraying you, or Baku and Gotak who would kill to save him. Or you. He’s nothing like you.”
Seongje’s hand that took Sieun’s into a weak hold was rough. It was a hand that was always bruised and bloodied, knuckles blistered red and raw. It was an unforgiving hand that brought pain to the ones Sieun treasured most.
But, it was also a warm hand. Sieun had never thought of it before.
Of how warm Seongje’s hand could be.
“I saw how you treat your friends.” Seongje’s voice was no more than a whisper. “Saw how you care and it drove me a little crazy, y’know…” His chuckle was dry, humorless. “It got me wondering… how would it feel to be you? To be Baku and Gotak. To be Nerd Boy… fuck, even your coma boyfriend is on the receiving end of your affection!”
“... Suho isn’t my boyfriend.”
“Doesn’t matter. You still willingly put your life on the line for him.”
The hold tightened, but at the same time, trembled.
“I just…” It was like he was choked by his own words. “It’s getting tiring. Fucking exhausting.”
Those two eyes were also warm. Worn. Pained. Sieun’s heart clenched.
It wasn’t his pain. It wasn’t his sorrow. But, those eyes drilled a hole into his chest, leaving a pang that achingly pulsated along with his heart, suffocating him.
He palmed Seongje’s cheek.
He let Seongje fall into his arms.
Seongje was warm.
“Is this a pity, Yeon Sieun?”
Sieun buried his nose into Seongje’s shoulder. He breathed the scent in slowly, deeply. The first thing that greeted him was the strong scent of smoke. But, underneath it, he noticed something else, something pleasant. A musky fragrance, as warm as the spring.
He didn’t understand. How could someone like Geum Seongje be this warm?
“Are you pitying me?”
Seongje pulled away, not too far, just enough for him to lock a gaze on Sieun. Face close, Sieun could feel his breath on his skin.
“... Maybe.”
It was quiet for a few heavy seconds.
Seongje went back to Sieun’s embrace, face hiding on the crook of his neck.
“It’s fine.”
The tint of loneliness in his voice said otherwise.
“Are you crying?” Sieun asked softly.
Seongje shook his head. “‘M not.”
“Let me see.” Once again, they let go of the shared warmth. Sieun cupped both of Seongje’s cheeks, eyes meeting each other, diving into the depth of their stares. “Hmm. You’re not.”
Seongje just hummed.
He gasped softly when Seongje placed a small kiss on his palm. Red crept on his cheeks, heart thundering inside its cage.
But, he didn’t pull away.
When the kiss trailed to his wrist, he didn’t pull away.
When it found his cheek, he didn’t pull away.
When their lips met in a hesitant, quivering peck, he didn’t pull away.
“You should’ve pushed me away.”
Seongje’s palms were burning on his cheeks. Seongje’s kiss was bringing fire to his lips. The weight pressed against his body; he let Seongje crawl on top of him as they deepened the kiss, tongue lapping on his lower lip, and he opened his mouth.
He let Seongje in.
He didn’t pull away.
“Sieun? Were you still sleeping?”
“No… I just woke up.”
“Oh. Okay. Just wanted to check if you’re okay…”
“Yeah, I’m okay, Juntae.”
“Then… are we meeting up today? Baku and Gotak want to join, too. Baku said he’ll bring chicken.”
Sieun’s gaze dropped to the sleeping Seongje, head on his chest, arm draping loosely around his waist. He was so serene, so peaceful, snoring softly under the gentle touch of the morning sun that had been filtered through the curtains of Sieun’s bedroom.
“I don’t think I can today, Juntae.” He held his breath—held the fact that he would lie again to his friends for Seongje. “I’m still not feeling well.”
“Oh… is it bad?”
“It’s not. I just want to rest some more.”
“Do you need something? Want me to come over?”
“No.” The answer came too quickly. “No. It’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”
“Okay, then…”
A low hum caught his attention. Seongje stirred awake.
“I should go now, Juntae.”
“Alright. See you tomorrow—”
He didn’t even bother to reply. The call was dead.
“Who was it…?” The voice was hoarse, thick with last night’s dreams.
“No one.” Sieun ran his fingers through Seongje’s hair, smoothing the wild, sleepy strands. “It’s still early. Go back to sleep.”
Seongje shifted slightly only to get a better position to curl comfortably against Sieun’s body, in Sieun’s arms.
Like a cute little kitty I want to keep warm.
He scoffed at the thought.
Or a wolf.
He tightened his embrace.