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If someone had told Adam Raki that his girlfriend would, the night before departure, decide not to move to Los Angeles, California with him, he'd have had a panic attack.
Ok, he did have a panic attack. Several panic attacks. But Adam was more than just the sum of his parts, even if he himself was unable to realise that, and so he'd gone to California with an aching in his heart and a bellyful of rabid panic that made him want to curl up into a ball and wet his pants. Granted, he threw up on the plane on the way there but managed to land at the Bob Hope Airport with undergarments still dry, get himself a cab and arrive safely at his new apartment in Flintridge with all this luggage and his sanity intact.
Two years later here he is, sitting at his favourite table at his second favourite restaurant The Cosmic Cafe, happily sipping tea and thinking. Adam likes to think. He thinks about a lot of different things, generally ... the cosmos ... his job ... the intricacies of neutron stars ... but his current thoughts concern Nigel. Nigel is Adam's boyfriend. He's from Bucharest, Romania, he's a little older than Adam and he's very sexually attractive. Nigel's accent is another of Adam's favourite things, he loves the slight rasp of Nigel's voice (he smokes, but that's ok) and the way that Nigel's lips navigate the strange and unusual vowel-shapes of his native tongue and make ordinary American words sound so exotic.
Adam sometimes finds himself in a near state of trance soothed by the gentle rise and fall of his voice, beguiled by the way Nigel's mouth shapes his words, sometimes imagining those sensual lips wrapped around his cock or pursed to kiss and suckle ... other places. Nigel calms him, grounds him, makes him feel as if he's the only other person in the World. Plus, he's a goddamn demon in the sack. Adam giggles aloud then. Nigel has taught him so many new ways to say things and he finds he's not totally adverse to the odd swear word slipping into his vocabulary, especially when they're in bed.
The sudden sharp trill of his mobile phone shakes Adam from his day-dreaming and its with growing alarm that he listens to an anonymous voice on the other end telling him that his Next of Kin is currently being treated at their local hospital, having been involved in an 'incident'. He stutters his thanks, mind awash with a million different questions that he doesn't have time to ask, grabs his coat and bag and rushes off.
.....
In the grand scheme of things Nigel supposed things could have been worse. Over the space of more years than he cared to remember he'd been beaten nearly to death (more than once), ran over by a car, stabbed, shot, stabbed again, had his ribs broken, shoulder dislocated and here we were again ... stabbed. Wincing, he shuffled in the bed trying to make himself more comfortable even though he knew from bitter experience that there wasn't a hospital bed in the Free World that was even remotely comfortable. He used to think it was a punishment for people like him who came from the shadier side of life, people who got themselves shot and stabbed because ... well, they were bad people. But having spent a spell in hospital with severe pneumonia a few years back he'd found it was just as fucking uncomfortable for everyone and all the threats and intimidation he could muster would not get him an upgrade. So all he could do was lie there and wait for the shit storm that he knew was coming in the shape of Adam, because his little cosmonaut was going to freak the fuck out.
He must have dozed off, probably because of the painkillers he practically had to fuck the besotted, middle-aged nurse to get for him, because next thing he knew his hand was being squeezed tightly and he could hear Adam's breath coming fast and anxious from just beside him.
'Nigel? Are you awake? If so, please open your eyes ... I need to know you are ok.'
Nigel sighed. Shit storm imminent and there was to be no escaping it. He opened his eyes and cleared his throat.
'Hello, gorgeous.'
Adam's eyes were wide and wet with unshed tears - he was flushed and dishevelled and his bottom lip was quivering in the most adorable way, but Nigel knew how distressing this was for him. Nigel had become Adam's whole world, and truth be told, he was all Nigel had. All Nigel wanted. He couldn't bear to see him like this, especially when it was his fault.
'Hello, Nigel. I was having lunch at the Cosmic Cafe and I got a phone call from a stranger telling me you were in hospital, that you had been stabbed and I ... I don't remember a lot about how I got here because I'm afraid and upset and the taxi-driver wanted to talk about football and got upset when I told him to shut the hell up and I ...'
Nigel squeezed the younger man's hand gently.
'Ssshhh ... hush now, darling. You're here and you're safe. And I'm safe. I'm ok, it was just a little ...'
'But you're not ok, you've been stabbed! You're hurt! Someone hurt you, Nigel and I'm ... I'm very, very angry ...'
Oh holy hell, here it came. We were definitely at Defcon 1 - Nuclear-Adam imminent. Nigel sighed and gripped Adam's hand a little tighter, thumb moving over the back of Adam's knuckles in small circles in an attempt to soothe him.
'Adam ... baby ... it's ok, calm down. Everything's alright and the doctor said I can leave here just as soon as ...'
'I punched someone once, Nigel. He called me a Space Cadet. I didn't like that. Then he pushed me and ... and some people laughed and that's so rude and it made me angry and sad. I'm not stupid, Nigel ... I know people think I don't feel anything or ... or care about stuff, but I do. I probably feel it more than they do. And they think I'm soft and weak and can't defend myself, but I can and I will. And I'll defend you too, Nigel, because you're mine and I have to take responsibility for you.'
Ok, this was unexpected and Nigel had no fucking clue where Adam was going with this, so he sat there, open-mouthed, as his little cosmonaut continued breathlessly.
'I've never wanted to hurt someone before. Well, not badly. I've been angry and upset because people can be so rude and thoughtless and push you around, but Mom always told that it was wrong to hurt people and I should turn the other cheek. But ... but this isn't a cheek, its your belly and its been stabbed and I wasn't there to protect you and ... you're mine and no one is allowed to stab you and I want to know, Nigel. I want to know right now who it was that did this. I want to know and then I'm going to get your gun and I'm going to shoot him.'
Adam eyes are swimming with tears that overspill and trickle down over his cheeks and trembling lips and he needs to go to the toilet so bad, but he also needs to make sure that no one ever, ever hurts his Nigel again .. he's never been so ... so ANGRY.
And Nigel can't .. even .. speak. He feels his mouth moving, but he seems unable to make any coherent sounds. His little Cosmo is always capable of surprising him, but this? This is ... Adam, his shy little star man threatening to hurt someone ... to shoot someone, for him, for Nigel, the meanest, baddest motherfucker that Adam has ever met. The older man's throat tightens and his eyes fill with tears and he's just overwhelmed with love and joy and he can't stop the sob that somehow manages to escape from his lips, despite valiant efforts to stop it. Adam's eyes widen even more and he grips Nigel's hand tightly between both of his.
'Nigel? Are you in pain, can I ... should I get a nurse or a doctor or ...'
Nigel shakes his head.
'No! No, darling ... I'm fine, I'm ok. Listen to me now ...'
'But Nigel ...'
'Hush now. Listen to me, meu mic Cosmo ... It was an accident. No one did this, it was an accident. It was my stupid fault and I'm so sorry for making you upset and frightened.'
Adam's brow furrowed in confusion.
'But they said there was an incident ...'
'No, draga mea. An accident, not an incident. I was at home in our apartment doing some chores and I ...'
'Nigel, you don't do chores. Ever.'
'Adam ... fuck ... just let me explain, then you can talk. Anyway, I was at home in the bedroom and I was right at the top of that fucking step ladder and it wobbled and ...'
'Nigel, wait. What? Why were you on a step ladder, I don't understand. You don't decorate, I decorate. I decorated our room just last week and ... oh, you didn't like it. It's ok though, I can change the color...'
'No, I love it but that's not the point ... well it is the point ... oh fuck. It was meant to be a surprise. I was online and I saw a table lamp shaped like the moon and I knew you'd love it, so I decided to buy it and then I saw something else that I knew you'd love even more ... its the solar system, but with lights, and I just wanted to have it fitted onto the ceiling before you came home tonight, that's why I was up the ladder, but I fell and ... well, I landed on something and stabbed myself.'
Nigel could see Adam's mind working overtime, trying to guess exactly what it was that Nigel could have fallen on and ...
'The Soyuz Vostok-1 ... you fell on the Vostok-1.'
The younger man sighed and shrugged his shoulders.
'Ok Nigel, I guess it could have been worse. Whilst I enjoy the Vostok-1 its not my favorite Soyuz, so don't worry ...'
'I'm afraid it wasn't the Vostok-1. I'm so sorry, Adam. But I promise, I'll replace it as soon as I can ...'
'Oh no. Oh no, Nigel. Not the Soyuz TM-12! Please tell me that you didn't impale yourself on my Soyuz TM-12!'
Nigel winced. Of all the fucking rockets in all the fucking Universe that he had to stab himself with, it just had to be the fucking Soyuz TM-12, one of Adam's most favourite, most prized possessions. Nigel saw his future and in it, he was homeless. Adam would never forgive him for this.
'Baby ... please ... I'm so sorry ...'
Adam wailed.
'BUT NIGEL! The TM-12 is 11.5 inches long! Its heavy, hand-sculptured, kiln-dried, solid mahogany from the Philippines ...'
'I know, believe me, I know ...'
'... and it could have killed you! Oh Nigel! My rocket could have killed you!'
Adam threw himself into the older man's arms, ignoring his squeak of pain and surprise and kissed him over and over again.
'Nigel ... I love you so much, I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you. I'll move the rockets, I swear ... I'll move all the rockets and ... and other things, so as you don't hurt yourself ever again, oh I'm so sorry ...'
'Baby ... baby, look at me. Look at me, Adam.'
His boy lifted his head and regarded him mournfully, his angelic features tear-stained and flushed, lips pouting so beautifully.
'It was an accident. I was careless because I was trying to rush the job, it was my own fault. And here was I thinking you'd throw me out on the streets when you saw what happened to your rocket.'
Nigel cupped his little cosmonaut's face with his hands and kissed him gently, smiling as Adam snuffled and pressed his face against his. The younger man muttered against his neck.
'I would never do that. I love you, Nigel.'
'You're still a little bit pissed about the rocket though, aren't you?'
'Just a little.'
Nigel laughed as hard as the stitches in his wound would allow. Adam snuggled closer to him, practically sprawling across the hospital bed.
'Nigel. Will you have to be here for long? Do I have to go home alone tonight?'
'The doctor said 48 hours, just to be sure there's no infection. Will you be alright alone, draga mea - now that I'm safe and you don't need to shoot anyone?'
Adam huffed.
'I'll be ok. I'll just tidy up, get everything ready for you coming home. But I'll miss you tonight in bed. I really, really want to have sex right now - feel you inside me, showing me that you're real and you're mine. Do you want to have sex, Nigel? Apparently having a near-death experience makes people want to have sex. It's all about affirmation of life and that sort of thing.'
Nigel hugged his boy closer to him, breathing in the sweet scent of his hair and skin, feeling the slim, wiry lines of his body, luxuriating in everything that made the younger man the most precious thing in the World to him. Damned if he wasn't the luckiest fucker in the Cosmos to land a prize like Adam.
'Adam, I always want to have sex with you, near-death experience or not. And I will miss you terribly tonight - you and your beautiful pocket rocket. Its the only rocket I ever want to impale myself on again. Just ... try not to kill me with it.'
Adam laughed.
FIN